Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to JK Rowling etc etc.
What If?
Déjà vu
There was a flash of green light and pain like nothing she'd ever known before.
Lily Evans woke with a scream.
"Lily, are you up yet? You don't want to miss the train on your first day!"
Lily looked around the room of the London hotel. It was the same hotel she and her family had stayed in every year the night before she returned to Hogwarts. She hadn't been back in years. What was she doing here now?
"Mum says to hurry up," Petunia said as she poked her head round the door.
"Mum?" Lily asked as she looked at her sister in shock.
What was happening?
He'd found them. Despite all their plans Voldemort had tracked them down in Godric's Hollow.
He'd been after Harry.
James hadn't been able to stop him. She hadn't been able to stop him.
She'd died and her year old son had been left to the mercy of Lord Voldemort…a man…no, a monster…who had no mercy within him at all.
"Come on sleepy head, up an' at 'em."
Lily crawled from the bed as her father called through the door. She stumbled across the room to the dresser and gazed into the cracked mirror.
It wasn't possible!
Except her eyes were telling her that the impossible had indeed happened.
The face staring back at her in the mirror was one she hadn't seen in ten years. She was eleven years old again and about to travel to Hogwarts for the very first time. She'd meet James again for the first time in just a couple of hours.
None of it had happened yet.
She didn't question why the unbelievable had happened. There would be time to figure it out later. She just had to make sure that there was a later.
She had another chance…only this time she knew who it was who'd betrayed them.
Peter wouldn't sell them to Voldemort this time…she'd make sure of that.
Don't change too much, don't change too much, don't change too much.
It had become a mantra over the years.
Lily had watched events unfold as they had done the first time around, first with a sense of shock and later with an eerie feeling of Déjà vu.She and Severus were best friends again. They had been sorted into separate houses again. She'd found new friends in Gryffindor; he'd idolised the Death Eaters from his position in the house of Slytherin.
Classes were easier and she found her marks were much improved on the previous time around. She also found she was mastering spells and charms quicker than anyone else in her year much to the delight of the Professors.
But it wasn't always easy and sometimes the temptation to change things had been almost unbearable.
Perhaps she should have warned Severus about Remus's condition? He'd guessed correctly but had still gone into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. Maybe if he'd known for sure he would have stayed away. Then, just maybe the incident after their DADA OWLs might not have taken place.
She wondered too, if she should have forgiven Severus for what he'd called her during that scene. With the benefit of a few extra years of wisdom she realised that he'd been genuinely sorry and this time around she regretted losing his friendship even more than she had the first time.
It was only her resolve to keep her life on much the same track as before had kept her from altering things even more.
As much as she might have wished otherwise, she needed James to trust her judgement more than Sirius's when the time came to decide who should be their Secret Keeper. If she remained friends with Severus, James wouldn't trust her judgement. He didn't like or trust Severus and she knew instinctively that he wouldn't trust her opinion if she didn't relinquish the friendship.
She avoided Severus almost constantly through their last two years at Hogwarts and tried to ignore the hurt in his eyes. It had been so much easier to ignore that same wounded look the last time.
She told herself that when it was all over she'd look him up, try to explain and maybe win back his friendship. But it didn't make her decision any easier.
People's lives were at stake…if she, James and Harry were to survive then sacrifices had to be made and her friendship with Severus was the biggest one.
The one thing she had tried to do was to try and convince James and the others of Peter's perfidy whilst they were still in school. Unfortunately she'd had virtually no success in her endeavours.
She and James had never been close during their first few years at school and this time around had been no different, despite her best efforts to change that.
She'd discovered that whilst she might remember that they were meant to be together, James remembered nothing at all of their life after Hogwarts…or if he did he was maintaining the same silence as she was.
He had acted in very much the same way as he had before and nothing she said or did seemed to make any difference to him.
And so it was that by the time she and James went on their first date, this time early in their sixth year, Peter was well in with the group, liked, trusted and poised to betray them once more.
It was the moment she'd been waiting for.
"We bluff them," Sirius declared from his seat near the fireplace in the cosy living room. "Let everyone think I'm the Secret Keeper and I'll draw them off. Meanwhile Peter will be the Secret Keeper and can go into hiding himself."
"No!"
"Why not?" James asked. "It's perfect. No one will ever suspect we'd use Peter."
"He's a Death Eater," said Lily in what she hoped was a calm but firm tone.
"Don't be silly," James replied with a knowing smirk at Sirius.
Lily glared at them both. "It's not a joke."
"You've never liked Peter," Sirius pointed out. "You just don't want to think Remus would betray you."
"Why are you two so sure to think that Remus would?" Lily countered. "He's one of your best friends."
"Voldemort's recruiting werewolves," said James in a sad voice. "Someone's betraying our movements to him and Remus is the most likely suspect."
"But you're wrong," Lily cried. "Peter's a Death Eater."
She jumped to her feet and shot glares at James and Sirius as they exchanged knowing smirks.
"Sounds like hormones talking," Sirius said. "You're sure that Harry isn't going to be getting a little brother or sister some time next year?"
James grinned widely but didn't deny the teasing accusation.
"I'm not pregnant," Lily hissed. "And I'm not hysterical. You have to listen to me…Peter. Is. A. Death. Eater."
"That time of the month?" Sirius asked with a wicked grin that earned him a swift, sharp kick to the leg.
She'd hoped to avoid telling anyone how she knew that it was Peter who would betray them. Although she'd considered it many times over the last decade she had always decided against it. After all, who would believe her?
With little more than a week left she knew she had no choice. It was time to tell them what had happened and hope that somehow she could convince them it was the truth.
"I'm reliving my life," she began. "Everything from my first day at Hogwarts onwards I'm doing all over again but with the memory of what happened before. Last time we used Peter as Secret Keeper and he sold us out to Voldemort. On Halloween night his master will track us down here and kill us all."
"Lily…" James stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, easing her back down onto the sofa. He sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. "You can't be reliving your life. It's just not possible."
"James is right," Sirius agreed as he moved across to take a seat next to her. "If it were possible then wizards would have managed it long before now."
With the two of them on either side of her, reassuring her with their presence and their words, she could almost believe it were true.
"Even if you don't believe me, why risk it?" she finally asked. "I think it's Peter, you think it's Remus. Why risk it being either of them by calling a bluff?"
"It's the best plan we've got," James replied. "You just have to trust us."
"You do trust us, don't you?" asked Sirius in a concerned voice. "We'd never risk your life or Harry's if we weren't sure."
"But don't you see that you are?" Lily asked with a sob.
"It'll be all right," James assured her and she knew she hadn't done enough.
By showing how much she distrusted Peter all these years she'd ruined her only chance of saving them all. James and Sirius simply thought that it was her own prejudices talking and try as she might, she couldn't see a way to steer events off of the disastrous course they were taking.
Over the next few hours she tried to convince them she was telling the truth, but they wouldn't listen.
They knew best.
They trusted Peter.
It'd be all right.
Except it wouldn't be all right.
Only when the Fidelius Charm was in place did Lily stop arguing her case.
It was too late.
Halloween night arrived and Lily sat watching the clock tick away the remaining seconds of their lives.
"Keep you wand with you," she reminded James repeatedly. She could at least make sure that this time they were prepared.
"We're safe," James replied. "If Peter was going to betray us then he'd have done so by now."
"He has betrayed us," answered Lily in a resigned tone. "It's only a matter of time before He arrives."
The crash of the door bursting open came right on time.
It was too late.
She'd failed.
James was gone.
She held her wand aloft, ready for the moment He came through the door to the nursery.
She'd go down fighting this time.
Pain came once more and the green light filled her eyes as she died for a second time.
Lily Evans woke with a scream once more.
Third Time Lucky?
Lily was back in the hotel room again.
She leapt from the bed and sprinted to the mirror. The green eyes stared back at her from the eleven year old face.
She had another chance…only this time she'd try things differently.
James and Sirius hadn't believed her because of all the times she'd tried to convince them of Peter's duplicity when they'd been at school. So this time she'd not try that method.
She knew it would be no use in leaving Peter to go the same way as he had before without warning the others…that would just end in the same result as the first time around.
But perhaps there was another way…
Just maybe she could keep him from ever joining Voldemort.
"Lily, are you up yet? You don't want to miss the train on your first day!"
"I'm up," Lily called back absentmindedly as she busied herself with gathering her belongings whilst simultaneously considering how best to go about her plans for Peter.
"Mum says to hurry up," Petunia said as she put her head round the door a few minutes later.
"I'll be right there," Lily replied with a grin. Maybe this time she'd be able to salvage her relationship with Petunia as well.
The shock and disbelief she'd felt for the first few days the last time were not present and she hoped she had the presence of mind to save their friendship this time.
For the next few years Lily spent more time with Peter than she had in the last two lives combined.
Even before she was friends with James, Sirius and Remus, Lily was friends with Peter.
She spent almost as much time with him as she did with Severus, though she was careful to keep the two boys from becoming too friendly. She didn't want Peter to be any closer to the admirers of the Death Eaters than she could help.
She wondered if she could try to keep Severus from them as well but just like before, he'd been sorted into Slytherin and was far nearer the bad influences than Peter was.
Besides which, she reflected, she didn't even know whether Severus had joined the Death Eaters. She had believed him to be heading down that path but once they'd left Hogwarts she'd heard nothing further about him…not in either of her lives.
She could have been wrong in her judgement of Severus, just as she'd once been wrong in her judgement of Peter. For all she knew Severus may have lived a quiet, secluded and Death Eater free life.
He may have had the sort of life that she and James had only dreamed of.
She told herself that this was third time lucky and somehow she'd find a way to keep Peter loyal to his friends.
She wasn't so lucky with her efforts regarding Petunia. Her sister's jealousy seemed to have been sealed from the moment she'd received her Hogwarts letter. Lily suspected that unless she refused to go to Hogwarts at all then there was nothing that she could do that would entirely repair their relationship.
But the problems with Petunia took a back seat to the ones with Peter as Lily devoted more and more of her time and energy to keeping him from joining Voldemort.
Her main problem was recognising the signs in Peter that would show which side he was actually on. They'd never suspected before and she had no way of knowing if her plan was working now.
Lily was enjoying the last months of freedom before Dumbledore told her and James about the prophecy.
She remembered the exact date he'd come to her; at the time he hadn't even know if it was about her son or Alice Longbottom's. He'd not wanted to make any move until Voldemort had made his but with the knowledge of what was to come Lily was anxious to ensure the safety of her family as soon as the word came.
In the meantime she'd returned to the childhood playground where she'd once played with Petunia and where she'd first met Severus Snape.
They'd grown apart once more…Severus had never understood her decision to start dating James. Even though this time around she had forgiven him after his late night apology following the incident after the DADA OWL, his jealousy of James had driven a wedge between them and he'd not spoken to her since the day that he'd found out that she was seeing James.
She wondered whether he'd returned to Spinners End or whether he'd left the place forever as he'd longed to do.
Before she'd even had time to consider what she was doing her feet were carrying her in the direction of Severus's old home and she was banging on the door.
"Lily!" There was an expression of complete and utter shock on Severus's face when he opened the door. He made no move to invite her in and looked as though he wasn't sure whether to believe she was even there.
"Aren't you going to invite an old friend in?" Lily asked with a hesitant smile. He didn't return her smile but he did step back to allow her entry.
She walked past him and into the familiar living room. The furnishings were shabbier than she remembered, time had taken its toll on the house as surely as it had taken its toll on Severus.
The young man looked paler than he'd ever been and she could see his hands were shaking slightly as he closed the door and gestured to one of the seats. He sat down opposite her, stiff-backed and frowning. He didn't speak.
"So how have you been?" Lily asked, the silence unbearable.
Severus shrugged but didn't answer her question. "Why are you here?" he asked instead. The frostiness in his voice was to be expected; it had been there since the moment he'd found out she was seeing James.
Why was she here?
To visit an old friend?
To catch up on news and gossip?
"Did you become a Death Eater?" she finally blurted out, cursing her impulsive tongue even as she saw the familiar expression of guilt on the face of the man before her.
"Is Peter one?" she asked, even as she resisted the urge to bolt for the front door. She was sitting in the house of a Death Eater. She should be afraid for her life but it was Severus…he'd been her friend…he was her friend…wasn't he?
"Peter?" Severus asked, confusion on his face.
"Peter Pettigrew, from school?" Lily asked.
"I don't know," Severus replied with a shake of his head. "I don't…we don't…there are many I've never met."
"Is there any way of finding out for sure?" Lily asked, shifting in her seat as her unborn son moved inside her.
"No," replied Severus curtly. He seemed to look at her then and realised her slight discomfort. "Are you unwell?"
"No," Lily replied with a smile. "He's moving about, that's all."
"He? You're having a baby?" Severus's jaw dropped momentarily before he regained his composure.
"He's due in July," Lily said as she undid the ties of her coat and settled back. She looked up and smiled at Severus before realising that what little colour he had in his face had gone entirely. "Severus? What is it?"
"You're expecting a baby boy in July?" he whispered.
"Yes," Lily replied and her confusion started to clear. "I see you've heard about the prophecy."
"I was the one who reported the prophecy to the Dark Lord," Severus whispered, dawning horror in his eyes.
Lily felt the room begin to sway beneath her as the implications of his words registered in her mind.
She felt the cold dampness against her cheeks as she came round after her faint. Severus was leaning over her with the wet cloth, concern on his face. She couldn't help herself; she recoiled from his touch. She ignored the hurt in his eyes as she pushed him away and staggered to her feet.
"Did you know it was my son when you told your master the prophecy?" Lily hissed as she glared at the increasingly distressed young man.
"Lily…" he faltered. "Please…I didn't mean…I didn't know…Lily?"
"All this time I blamed Peter for betraying us to Voldemort when it was you who gave him the reason to kill us," Lily shouted.
"It might not be you," Severus pointed out desperately. "You don't know…you're talking like it already happened."
"It has already happened!" Lily yelled. "Your Dark Lord has already murdered me and my husband twice leaving my one year old son to face him! Leaving my son to die!"
"Lily, you're not making sense," Severus said as he slowly and cautiously edged his way around the room to block her exit. He wasn't quite quick enough though and Lily rushed for the door.
She hurried down the road as fast as she could, stopping only when Harry reminded her that her exertions were not good for either of them.
It was some time before all that she'd learned sank in.
Severus was the reason her family had been targeted.
Severus was the reason her family had died.
All she could do was hope that this time Peter was not in the pay of Voldemort.
Lily never spoke to anyone about her conversation with Severus. She was ashamed that she'd misjudged him so badly and that James and Sirius had been right all along. Until she'd seen the confirmation with her own eyes, a small tiny part of her had always held onto the hope that he'd not followed the rest of his friends into the ranks of the Death Eaters.
When the time came for the Fidelius Charm to be performed and the Secret Keeper to be chosen Peter seemed less confident than he had been previously. She hoped that his lack of eagerness might be an indication that he was not Death Eater.
To be on the safe side she still expressed some doubts to James and Sirius when they announced their plan. They took even less notice of her than they had done before, pointing out that of all of them it was she, Lily, who'd been most friendly with Peter all along.
He'd still betrayed them.
Lily felt the pain of the killing curse, saw the flash of green light.
She woke with a scream.
If At First…
Lily sat on the Hogwarts Express waiting for Severus to appear. She knew he would, he did every time. He'd be searching for her, just like he had before.
Sure enough they'd barely left King's Cross Station when he arrived as predicted and sat down in the seat opposite her.
She couldn't bear to look at him, not now she knew what he'd done to her and her family.
"You'd better be in Slytherin," he said, prompting James to speak up from the other side of the compartment.
Lily let the argument ensue. Her cue to leave the compartment with Severus came and went. She remained in her seat and the arguments between the boys continued as they had never done before.
"All the Dark Wizards were in Slytherin," James sneered. "Who'd want to be in that house?"
"I agree." Lily finally spoke up. "Sounds like the worst house of the lot."
She heard Severus's gasp of shock at her words. She watched as he jumped up and pushed his way out of the compartment. She didn't follow after him.
He'd chosen his path and she had to do what was best for her family.
Let Severus go join his friends in Slytherin. Let him join the Death Eaters and his precious Dark Lord.
She pushed away thoughts of why she wasn't trying to save him like she'd tried to save Peter. She'd had over a year to think about what she would do if her latest attempt failed and she found herself reliving her life once more. Unfortunately the pain of Severus's betrayal clouded her judgement and she could no longer bear to look at her former friend.
She wondered why his betrayal hurt so much more than Peter's ever had but pushed the worrisome thoughts aside.
"What did I do wrong?" Lily looked up from where she was laying stretched out in the late autumn sun. Severus was standing over her with an unreadable expression on his face. He seemed genuinely curious and looked nervous. She wondered how long he'd wanted to approach her and how much courage it had taken him.
They'd barely spoken two words to each other in the last two months, only when forced to work together in class had Lily broken the silence she'd maintained in his presence. Even then she'd been curt and hurtful, sneering at the Slytherins with the rest of the Gryffindors.
She sat up on her elbows as Severus sank to the grass at the side of her, waiting for her response.
What could she say to him? How could she explain that she'd pushed away his friendship because of things he hadn't even done yet? How could she justify judging the eleven year old boy on the actions of the man he'd become?
The bottom line was that she couldn't explain herself.
"Just stay away from me Severus," she replied. She stood up, brushed the dead leaves from her robes, then turned and walked away. Severus didn't follow her and she didn't look back.
"Don't you want to help defeat Him?" asked James in surprise. "You're so against dark wizards, I thought you'd be all for it."
He knew her as well as he ever had, Lily mused. She'd never before questioned his resolve that the two of them join the Order of the Phoenix. But now it was the only way she could see out of the mess they were in.
If they hadn't defied Voldemort three times then their son would never be targeted.
It was plain and simple and she hadn't imagined that James would still want to join the Order if she expressed doubts.
"I do want Him defeated, but I want our family to be safe. I want our children to grow up without having to fear for their lives."
"If He isn't stopped then no one will be safe," James pointed out. "You're muggle-born, you could be targeted anyway."
"There are lots of muggle-borns out there…He can't kill all of us," Lily replied.
Lily ducked her head as James looked at her in shock. She'd known it was a long shot and James was right. She did want to help defeat Voldemort, she just wished that she knew that he had been stopped. But as far as she was aware he'd killed her son immediately after killing her and his reign of terror had continued just as before.
James insisted on choosing Peter as Secret Keeper again. Lily argued. Sirius and James overruled her.
She argued some more but to no avail. They trusted Peter and she had no idea how to prove he was a Death Eater.
There was no point telling them the truth, they hadn't believed her before and she saw no reason why they would this time around.
As Halloween approached she found herself thinking more and more of Severus and his decision to join the monster who was planning to murder her. She had no doubt that he had joined him each and every time he'd been given the chance and for the first time she was regretting her decision not to try to help him as she'd done Peter.
She'd finally accepted that she'd not tried to help him because she'd been so afraid of failing him as she had done Peter. When her anger had finally subsided she had accepted that by not even trying to help him at all, she had failed him anyway.
She faced Voldemort much as she had done before. She waited for him to offer her the chance to step aside but it never came.
He killed her instantly, just as he had James.
She wouldn't have taken the chance to live. Each and every time the offer had been made she'd turned it down, it had never occurred to her to save herself. But as she woke up in the hotel room she couldn't help but wonder why he'd not made her the offer this last time.
…You Don't Succeed
This time she'd do it right, she resolved as she scanned platform nine and three quarters for Severus's familiar face. She saw him arrive and ran from her parents to greet him.
"Severus," she greeted him with a smile. "Come and let us find some seats on the train."
He smiled back and she tugged on his arm to pull him towards where her parents were standing with her trunk.
This time she wouldn't give up on him.
She was nagging again, she knew she was, but somehow she couldn't stop herself.
Severus was still hanging out with the same detestable friends he had always had in Slytherin and she still couldn't make him see what a bad influence they were.
"Severus, would you just listen for once!" Lily exclaimed. "I don't know why you even bother with them."
He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off instantly. She knew what he was going to say…she'd heard it all before…he was going to complain about James and the others, which was totally beside the point.
"They're trouble and they're dragging you right into it." Lily sighed. She could see that her words were like water off a duck's back to her best friend. Every time it seemed that she'd made some progress with him, he'd disappear back into the Slytherin quarters and she'd be right back to square one.
Her efforts with Peter weren't much more successful but after her previous attempts to keep him on the straight and narrow she was resigned to the fact that she could no more change him than she could talk James into using Sirius as their Secret Keeper.
This time she was dividing her attention between the two of them and it was even harder than when she'd been focusing on Peter alone.
"Why are you even speaking to him?" James asked with frustration. "You heard what he called you last year!"
"He didn't mean it," answered Lily with a sigh of frustration of her own. It was an old argument and one she was heartily sick of.
Ironically it was one she also had with Severus on a very regular basis. Neither of the two boys could understand why she even bothered with the other.
She feared her friendship with Severus wouldn't survive much longer. He'd be furious when she and James started dating. She'd seen it happen already and nothing seemed to be changing.
"You're going out with him?" Severus hissed with rage.
"It doesn't mean I'm not still friends with you," Lily pointed out. "You're my best friend…"
"But him?!" Severus snarled.
"Please don't make me choose between the two of you," Lily begged. "I love you both and I don't want to lose your friendship."
Severus scowled and paced the floor his temper silently simmering as she pleaded her case.
Eventually it seemed that she'd found the right words to keep his friendship, she only hoped it would be enough.
"Please don't join them," Lily begged. She was almost entirely convinced that both he and Peter were still on course to become Death Eaters.
"Who says I'm going to?" Severus countered. Lily had never managed to convince him to openly admit his intentions with regard to joining Voldemort. Until she did she wondered whether she'd ever have any chance of persuading him to the contrary.
"Is it true?" Severus shouted as he burst into the room.
"I see you've heard," Lily replied. It had been foolish to hope that she could keep it a secret until she had some sort of confirmation from him that he wasn't joining Voldemort. She supposed it had been a small miracle that she'd managed to keep her engagement from him for as long as she had.
"Why can't you see what he is?" Severus shouted. "He hasn't changed…he'll never change…he's the same bullying git he always was."
"He has changed," said Lily, even though she could tell that Severus wasn't listening.
"No he hasn't!"
"Sev, please," Lily pleaded. "You're my best friend."
"Was!" Severus snapped. "It's me or him."
"You don't mean that." Lily grabbed at his arm as he made to leave but he pulled away from her.
"You've made your choice," Severus said in a far colder, yet much calmer voice than he'd used so far.
With that he turned to leave and Lily could do nothing but watch him go.
As determined as he'd been, Lily had no intention of letting Severus forget her entirely. She wrote to him regularly by owl post telling him all her news and tried not to feel disheartened when he never replied. She even went so far as to invite him to the wedding though was not surprised when he didn't attend.
"I don't know why you're bothered about him?" James commented over breakfast one morning when he'd watched her smile disappear at another owl delivery that didn't contain any missive from Severus.
"He's my friend," Lily replied sadly. Or at least he was, she added to herself.
She wondered for the thousandth time if he had joined the Death Eaters or not.
"I'm going out, I'll be back later," she announced, her mind made up. Whether he wanted to see her or not, she wanted to see him. She wondered if it was her hormones that James and Sirius so frequently liked to joke about. Whatever the reason she needed to see her oldest friend and find out for sure whether this time around he had become a Death Eater.
Spinners End looked much as it had the time she'd visited when she'd discovered for sure he was a Death Eater. It was with a start of surprise that she realised she was there on the exact same date now.
"You didn't reply to my letters," Lily said once he'd let her into the house.
"I've been busy," Severus replied curtly.
"Did you really join them?" Lily asked. "The Death Eaters?"
She watched him closely as his right hand moved to grip his left arm. He hadn't noticed her watching his movements and as she waited for his answer she realised that once again she'd failed.
"Why?" she asked in a quiet voice. "Why did you join a group of wizards who kill people like me?"
Severus remained silent, his head bowed, in the face of her questions.
"Does my friendship mean so little to you?" she asked, her voice breaking slightly.
Severus looked up at that and she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes.
"Sev?" she dropped to her knees at the foot of his chair and took his hands in hers.
"I just…I wanted…I thought…"
"What?" Lily whispered, squeezing his hands in reassurance.
He pulled one of his hands free from her grasp and pushed a stray lock of hair back from her eyes. His hand lingered a moment or two on her cheek and as she looked into his eyes, his tears started to fall in earnest.
She wondered how it was she hadn't known. How in spite of everything she'd never realised. He'd never said anything but Sev had never been articulate and even now she knew he'd never say the words.
But was too late. She'd chosen James's love over Severus's friendship, never realising that her best friend felt so much more for her.
His lips touched hers before she'd even entirely gathered her thoughts.
Soft, tender and unskilled, the kiss was slightly salty from his tears and for a moment or two Lily couldn't help but kiss him back.
"I can't," Lily said as she pulled back. "I'm married to James. I love him, we're going to have a baby."
"You chose him long ago," Severus said sadly. "You should leave."
"Maybe I should," Lily replied, but she didn't move from her place on the floor for several minutes.
Finally she stood up, kissed him lightly on his still damp cheek and turned to leave.
She paused at the door and turned back. Severus hadn't moved from his seat though he had turned to watch her go.
"I forgive you, Sev," Lily said quietly. "For everything. Please don't ever blame yourself."
"What do you mean?" he asked, equally quietly.
"For telling Voldemort about the prophecy."
"How do you know about that?" Severus asked, jumping up from his seat.
"It doesn't matter," Lily replied. "I forgive you anyway and I don't blame you."
Severus looked confused for a few moments until understanding dawned on his face.
"Your baby…when…?"
"He's due at the end of July," Lily answered, watching as understanding gave way to horror.
"I didn't know." Severus's tears began to fall again and he turned away to hide them. "I swear, I didn't know. I'd never…"
"I know." Lily crossed the room once more in order to look Severus in the eye. "I forgive you."
"Go!" Severus cried. "Leave me!"
There was nothing more she could do. Lily turned to leave once more. She knew what it was like to wrestle with a guilty conscience. It was a battle he had to face alone.
Suddenly she knew why it was that Lord Voldemort had always given her the chance to live, and why he hadn't the last time.
It was because Severus had asked for her life.
He'd always loved her. It hadn't mattered to him that she'd pushed him away, he loved her anyway. He'd asked for her life to be spared and his master had offered her the chance to live.
The last time she'd pushed him away so soon he'd never fallen in love with her, or at least his feelings had not been strong enough for him to ask for her life to be spared.
She'd always known he was jealous of James, she'd just been too blind to see the real reason behind it.
Lily returned home that evening and breathed a sigh of relief that James had gone out. She made sure that she was presentable and that no trace of her earlier tears were on display before he returned.
When he came home from the Order's meeting she greeted him with a bright smile that she hoped would not betray her inner turmoil.
"So where did you disappear to today?" James asked as he helped Lily to clear away the dinner pots with a wave of his wand.
"I went to see Sev," Lily replied after a moment of hesitation.
"Why do you bother with the greasy little git?" James asked with a scowl. "He obviously doesn't care anything for you any more. If he did, he'd reply to your letters."
Lily ignored his inaccurate assessment of Severus's feelings and instead turned to her husband with a frown. "Why do you do that?" she asked quietly.
"Do what?"
"You continue to call Severus names that you know I don't like."
"Do I?" James looked a little surprised at her accusation. "Habit I guess."
"Well could you try and break the habit?" Lily snapped. "You know it upsets me."
"I'll try," James promised.
"Good," Lily replied with a firm nod. "You managed to stop hexing him and bullying him during the last year at school, so I'm sure you can manage to stop the name-calling now."
James remained silent at her words and she looked at him curiously.
"You did stop hexing Severus, didn't you?" she asked when it was clear that James wasn't going to break the silence any time soon.
"It's not like he stopped hexing me and Sirius," James pointed out with a scowl.
"You told me you'd stopped!" Lily accused with a glare. "You promised me you'd leave him alone."
James shrugged but didn't look at all contrite and Lily shot him a look of disgust before storming out of the room.
Lily shut herself in their bedroom and was thankful that James had the sense to give her the space she needed to think things through.
She briefly wondered how many other lies he might have told her over the years before pushing the disturbing thought aside.
Severus had been right after all. James hadn't really changed. He'd merely told her that he had and she'd believed him.
For the first time she wondered if she'd made the right choice when she'd chosen James and she wondered if she would make that same choice again if she were given another chance.
Instinctively she knew that there would be another chance for her. Voldemort knew about the prophecy. Peter was almost certainly still poised to betray them and she was still set on the path that would lead to her death on Halloween night of the following year.
Lily faced Voldemort and refused his offer to live. This time she knew why he'd given her that choice and she felt a small surge of gratitude towards Severus.
She thought of seeing him again in a few short hours as the killing curse lit up the room with eerie green light and she felt the now familiar pain of her life ending.
She woke up with a scream.
Another Path
Lily looked at Severus as they sat together on the train. He'd just finished telling her about the different school houses. She'd chosen a compartment far away from James and Sirius and the journey had so far been much pleasanter than the previous ones.
"So why do you want to be in Slytherin?" Lily asked with a frown. "It sounds to me like Ravenclaw would be better for you. If all the really smart kids go in that house then that's probably where you'll end up."
"Ravenclaw's all right," Severus replied. "But Slytherin's better. Slytherin house really helps people make something of their lives."
"I still think you're more likely to be in Ravenclaw," Lily suggested. "You're so smart and clever. Look at all the stuff you already know about magic and spells."
Severus flushed at her words and she smiled at his embarrassment. For a brief moment she wondered if her flattering had been overdone but then she realised that she was simply telling the truth. Severus really was one of the most intelligent people she'd ever known. Now she thought about it she had to wonder why he hadn't been sorted in Ravenclaw in the first place.
She recalled all the times she'd sat on the stool waiting to be sorted. The first time she'd been sorted the Hat had called out 'Gryffindor' almost at once. However each year subsequently it had seemed less and less decisive, presumably because of her increasing knowledge and what appeared to be her early mastering of so many forms of magic. The previous year it had been torn between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw and it had only been at her prompting for Gryffindor that she had been placed in that house.
It was that memory that had given her the idea that perhaps the Hat took the child's preference into account. Severus wanted to be in Slytherin house. He'd always wanted to be in Slytherin house and she hoped that maybe he'd asked to be placed there just as she had asked to be in Gryffindor at the last sorting.
With this idea in mind Lily carefully and skilfully flattered Severus through the rest of the journey, securely planting the idea in his mind that Ravenclaw was the house he was most suited for.
Lily sat on the stool with the Sorting Hat hanging down around her ears. She listened to its commentary as it decided where best to place her.
A sharp mind that has already learned much. Brave too but I sense a thirst for knowledge.
Lily crossed her fingers as she chanted Ravenclaw in her mind over and over. Finally the Hall called out 'Ravenclaw' and Lily jumped down from the stool with a smile.
She caught Severus's eye as she made her way to the Ravenclaw table and hoped that he would be placed with her.
She watched as Remus, James and Peter joined Sirius at the Gryffindor table. Finally Severus took his place on the stool.
She saw him looking in her direction and she willed the Hat to sense in him what she already knew was there. She hoped he wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be in Slytherin.
It seemed like forever before the Hat finally called out 'Ravenclaw' and Severus hurried to join her. She jumped to her feet and clapped louder and harder than anyone else in the room. She moved aside to make space for him on the bench beside her and squeezed his hand in congratulations.
It was the first of what she hoped would be many changes.
At first it seemed strange to be in a different house to the one that she had known for so long. Many times she found herself wandering up the wrong staircase towards the Gryffindor Tower that had been her home for so many years.
"Lily, where are you going?" Severus asked with a grin.
Lily stopped in her tracks as she realised that once again she was heading to the Transfiguration class with the Gryffindors when instead she should be going with the Ravenclaws to Potions.
"Old habits," she muttered under her breath as she shook her head at her herself.
"What?" asked Severus, causing her to flush as she realised that he'd heard her.
"Nothing," she replied. "Come on or we'll be late."
"You could get away with being late any time," Severus pointed out. "You're Slughorn's favourite student with the way you're successfully brewing every potion he sets on the first attempt."
Lily smiled to herself as she mentally counted just how many times she'd made each of the potions the class was asked to brew.
Lily was curled up with a book in the corner of the Ravenclaw common room when Severus came into the room and sank onto the sofa beside her.
"Have you heard?" he asked breathlessly.
Lily looked up from her book and smiled at her friend's excited face. It seemed strange to see him like this after so many years of watching him grow into the hard and bitter young man she had known.
She was delighted to find that away from the influences of the Slytherins Severus was a far more amenable person. He was still the smartest person she knew but now he was also one of the nicest.
The only time he'd ever spoken about the Death Eaters was with worry for the safety of those who were targeted; he worried for her more than himself.
She tried not to dwell on thoughts of Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Her life had altered course so drastically this time she felt that maybe, just maybe, she'd survive.
"Aren't you excited?" Severus asked as Lily realised that she'd been lost in her thoughts and had completely missed what he was telling her.
"Sorry Sev, I was miles away," she admitted with a rueful smile.
"Obviously," Severus replied with a familiar smirk. "Knut for them?"
"They aren't worth that much," Lily replied with a laugh. "So what were you saying?"
"I just heard from Slughorn that this year the school is throwing a Yule Ball. It means I'll have an excuse to stay here during the holidays."
"You really don't like going home do you?" Lily asked sadly, knowing the answer already. Severus spent more time at her home during the holidays than he did at his own and she had soon realised that the older her friend had got, the worse his home life had become.
"At least this Christmas I don't have to," he pointed out with a grin. "You are staying for the ball aren't you?"
Lily nodded. She'd stayed for the ball every year though she couldn't say that she'd always enjoyed it.
In her first life she'd gone with one of the Ravenclaw boys who she suspected was going to ask her again this time around. She'd had a fairly enjoyable time at first but he'd disappeared after someone (she suspected James) had hexed him near the buffet table.
James had asked her to the ball every year but it was only the fourth time that she'd accepted his offer. The second time she'd been determined not to change too much and the third time Peter had asked her before James and she'd not had the heart to turn him down.
"So has anyone asked you yet?" Severus asked.
"It hasn't even been officially announced yet," Lily pointed out. "There are probably less than a dozen students who even know about it."
"Potter knows about it," Severus replied. "I heard him telling Black that his dress robes had arrived this morning. You know nothing stays a secret for long in this place."
"You're right about that," replied Lily, though privately she was thankful that this time around Severus hadn't discovered one particular secret. He had no idea that Remus Lupin was a werewolf and had never ventured into the Shrieking Shack.
Severus and James still loathed each other and hexed each other at every opportunity but somehow things weren't so bad this time around. Lily knew this was because Severus had changed and it was never more obvious than during the incident after the DADA OWL.
Severus had still been attacked when he'd made his way towards her after he'd finished analysing his exam paper. But for the first time when she stepped in he'd almost welcomed her interference and had actually laughed out loud when she'd deflected one of James's spells with a powerful bat-bogie hex that had caused the entire year to burst into spontaneous applause for her.
"Earth to Lily," Severus was saying and she realised she'd drifted off again.
"Sorry," she muttered again. "I was just remembering that bat-bogie hex last year."
Severus grinned as he too recalled the moment. "Served him right," he said. "Though you really didn't need to step in. I could have handled them on my own."
"That's what best friends are for," Lily replied.
"Anyway, you didn't answer my question," Severus pointed out. "Has anyone asked you to the ball yet?"
"Not yet."
"Good…I mean…I mean I don't…"
Lily smiled as Severus stumbled over his words in an endearingly familiar manner. Although he was getting more articulate than she'd ever known him, she found that whenever he was angry or nervous he still seemed to lose the ability to form a coherent sentence.
Finally she took pity on him and didn't make him struggle to find the words he was so desperately searching for. "I thought we could go together," she said and watched his face light up at her suggestion.
She wondered yet again how she could have been so blind not to have seen his love for her before.
"Potter at ten o'clock," Severus whispered into her ear as she handed him a cup of fruit punch.
"It's only just after nine." Lily looked blankly at Severus, who rolled his eyes at her reaction.
"I mean, he's over there and heading this way."
Lily looked across to where Severus had nodded.
"He's been watching you all evening," Severus continued with a scowl.
"Let him watch," Lily muttered. "Just ignore him."
"It's a bit difficult to do that when he keeps making a beeline for you," Severus pointed out.
"Let's go outside for some air," Lily suggested. "He won't follow us into the grounds."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Severus muttered as he followed Lily into the Entrance Hall.
The grounds were cool on the winter's night and were far quieter than inside the Great Hall.
"Let's go sit in the courtyard," Severus suggested.
Lily shook her head, recalling that the previous year she'd gone with James to that very same spot on the night of the ball. "I'd rather walk down to the lake," she suggested.
Severus didn't argue with her and instead turned in the direction of the lake.
Lily sat down on the grass that was already showing the first signs of frost and shivered slightly in the cold.
"Do you want me to go back to the Tower and get your cloak?" Severus asked with concern.
Lily shook her head and patted the ground beside her. Severus sat down in the spot she indicated and she could see that he was shivering too.
"I didn't realise it was this cold out here," said Lily apologetically.
"I'm not cold," Severus replied. "Though if we stay out here too long, I think you'll turn blue."
"You're shivering," Lily pointed out.
"I'm not…it's not…" Severus began to stumble over his words and even by the dim light of the moon Lily could see that he was flushed with embarrassment.
"It's kind of romantic out here, isn't it?" she asked with a wicked grin, wondering how long it would take before he made a move on her.
"I guess," Severus muttered as he looked out over the water.
"There's no one around down here at all," Lily pointed out. "We're all alone."
"There's probably some stuffy Professor patrolling the grounds," Severus replied. "Waiting to pounce on any students they find out here."
"I can't see anyone." Lily edged a little closer to him and turned so that she was facing him. "You know what would make this night really perfect?" she asked.
"What?" Severus asked suspiciously.
"This," Lily whispered as she leaned forward to kiss him.
She forcibly tried to push from her mind all thoughts of James in order to concentrate on the young man next sitting next to her. She knew it was no good comparing the two of them, just as there was no use in her feeling guilty for choosing Severus over James.
After a moment or two she pulled back and looked at him with a half smile. "You're supposed to kiss me back," she whispered and her smile became a grin.
"Erm…" Severus looked back at her with a somewhat stunned expression on his face.
"Do you want to try again?" Lily asked as she moved towards him once more. Severus smiled in response and this time he met her part way. When his tongue met her own the last lingering thoughts of James flew from her head.
She'd made her choice.
"Congratulations, you have a fine healthy girl," the nurse said with a bright smile.
"A girl?" Lily asked in surprise.
"I guess you were wrong," Severus said with a smile. "I still don't see why you were so sure it was going to be a boy."
"A girl?" Lily repeated before breaking into a smile of her own. "That means it's over. It's really over."
She flung her arms around Severus's neck and hugged him tightly.
"What's over?" he asked.
"It doesn't matter." Lily grinned as the nurse passed the new born baby into her waiting arms. "We need to think of a name for her," she said.
"Lily," Severus said quietly.
"Hmm?"
"I meant for the name," Severus clarified.
Lily smiled back at him as she realised her family was finally safe.
Lily watched as Severus lay sprawled across the floor reading from one of the muggle children's books as their daughter pointed happily at the pictures.
It was Halloween and Lily breathed a sigh of relief that this time she and her family would live to see tomorrow.
Severus looked up at the knock on the door. "Who can that be? Are we expecting anyone?"
Lily shook her head. "I'll go and see."
"May I come in?" Dumbledore asked a stunned looking Lily.
"Of course," she replied as she waved him into the living room.
"I'm sorry to call so late in the evening," Dumbledore said as he took the offered seat.
"Is there something wrong?" Severus asked.
"Unfortunately, yes," Dumbledore replied. "I presume you both know of the man who calls himself Lord Voldemort?"
Lily and Severus nodded.
"Well there's a strong possibility that he is coming here tonight. In fact it's almost a certainty."
Lily collapsed into the armchair as she looked at the Headmaster. She and Severus weren't in the Order of the Phoenix; they hadn't defied Voldemort; they hadn't got a son. She shook her head dumbly. This couldn't be happening.
"Why?" Severus asked as he held his daughter protectively.
"There was a prophecy made," Dumbledore explained. "I'd have been here sooner but you weren't easy to trace. Finally I located you through the records of the muggle hospital where your daughter was born."
"It was the nearest one," Severus explained. "Our Lily was a little early and eager to meet us…weren't you?"
Lily sat quietly as Dumbledore heaped compliments on her daughter. It was several minutes before she found her voice.
"Sev, would you take Lily upstairs?" she asked. Severus nodded and took their daughter from the room. Only when she was sure he was out of earshot did she turn back to Dumbledore.
"The prophecy can't be about us," she began. "We don't have a son, we have a daughter. She wasn't born at the end of July either; she was born at the end of May. Nor have we defied Voldemort…ever."
Dumbledore looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face. "I haven't told you the prophecy yet," he finally said.
"I know the prophecy," Lily replied, her voice rising slightly as she rattled it off for the older man.
"That's…erm…interesting," Dumbledore commented after she'd finished. "But whoever told you that prophecy has made some errors in their recitation. The prophecy concerns a girl born in May, not a boy born in July, and there is nothing in it about the parents of the child having defied the Dark Lord. The prophecy says the parents of the child are a muggle-born and a half-blood."
"No," Lily shook her head in denial. "It's not true. It can't be!"
"Please don't upset yourself," Dumbledore advised. "He isn't here yet and there's still time for me to get you all to safety."
"But how does he even know about the prophecy?" Lily asked. "He can't know about it because Sev never heard it. He never went to you for a job and he never joined the Death Eaters."
"I'm a little confused," Dumbledore said.
"That makes two of us," Severus said from the doorway. "Why would you think I'd ever join the Death Eaters?"
Lily looked from one man to the other and back again before finally throwing her hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm reliving my life…" she began before explaining everything.
"You're saying your living your life all over again for the fifth time?" Severus asked when she finally finished.
"Sixth time, including the first one," Lily corrected. "And no matter what I do I can't seem to change anything."
"I've never heard of anything like this happening before," Severus commented. "I'd have said it was impossible."
"You believe me?" Lily asked in surprise.
"Just because James didn't believe you, it doesn't mean I'd react the same way," Severus replied sternly. "James is an idiot. I've always said so. Though I don't know why you didn't tell me sooner."
"I didn't think I'd have to tell you at all," Lily pointed out. "Everything's so different this time I thought…"
"You thought I might be jealous of James?" Severus suggested.
"Aren't you?" Lily asked curiously.
Severus looked at her quietly for a few minutes before he replied. "Not any more," he said with a shake of his head. "So how did He find out about the prophecy without my assistance?" he asked Dumbledore.
"The Death Eater he'd sent to ask for the teaching post, and to spy on me of course, overheard the prophecy. I imagine that when you asked for the post it was also on Voldemort's orders. There were several children the prophecy could have related to, but thankfully I have my own spies amongst the Death Eaters and eventually word reached me of His plans. I've spent all my time since then tracking you down and finally found you this evening. I'm just grateful that I won this race to find you and that Voldemort didn't beat me here."
"What do you plan to do?" Lily asked quietly.
"I believe the Fidelius Charm is our best option," Dumbledore advised. "I assume I don't need to explain it to you."
"Will you be Secret Keeper?" Lily asked.
"Of course," Dumbledore assured her. "Shall we begin?" he asked as he rose to his feet.
"Avada Kedavra," a voice said from the doorway.
Lily turned in horror as she saw Voldemort standing in the hallway. Dumbledore was dead at her feet, hit from behind before they'd even seen the murderer appear.
"No," she whispered as she shook her head. Her baby was upstairs and the man who haunted her every nightmare was blocking her way.
Severus went down fighting but he was no match for the other wizard.
Lily gripped her wand in her hand as she faced Voldemort. There was no offer of a chance to live, the man who'd asked for her life had not been in a position to do so this time.
The killing curse hit her once more and she woke up with a scream.
The Best Laid Plans
Lily rushed around the hotel room, gathering her things as she tried to think of the best plan of action.
They'd believed her.
She could hardly believe it, but it was true. Both Severus and Dumbledore had listened to her and believed her when she'd told them what had been happening to her.
This time she'd tell Severus sooner, she decided. Not right away, she told herself, he was still too young to understand. She would however speak to Dumbledore at the first opportunity.
"Ah Miss Evans," Dumbledore greeted her. "Professor Flitwick said you wished to speak with me. Please take a seat."
Lily sat down in the chair Dumbledore pointed her too as she struggled to think where to start.
"So what can I do for you?" Dumbledore prompted her gently.
"I'm not sure where to start," Lily said with a frown.
"Well how about at the beginning," Dumbledore suggested kindly. "I find that's always a good place to begin.
Lily nodded and took a deep breath to steady her nerves.
"It's like this Professor," she began. "I'm reliving my life over and over again."
She hesitated at the sound of a snort coming from one of the portraits on the wall.
"Now, now Phineas," Dumbledore chided. "Let's give Miss Evans a chance to explain."
He nodded encouragingly and Lily continued her story, this time without interruption.
Dumbledore leaned back in his chair with a thoughtful expression on his face as Lily finished her explanation.
"Professor?" she asked, worried that he wasn't going to say anything at all.
"Preposterous story!" Phineas said with a sneer. "Never heard the like. Wasting the Headmaster's time with such a convoluted and ridiculous fabrication."
"I'm not making it up," Lily replied.
"I must admit to being curious about a couple of things," Dumbledore said.
Lily frowned as she tried to recall what it was that Dumbledore might be referring to.
Almost as if he was reading her thoughts he enlightened her. "You referred to my teaching you how to communicate through use of the Patronus Charm."
Lily nodded. "So? That is how you communicate isn't it?"
"No," Dumbledore replied. "It is nevertheless an intriguing idea. One I will certainly be considering in the future."
"It was your idea," Lily said. "I guess you just haven't quite thought of it yet."
"Perhaps."
"What else were you wondering about?" she asked.
"Your speech patterns," Dumbledore explained. "You don't talk like an eleven year old girl would normally speak to the Headmaster of a school."
"You can't say you believe her because she's impertinent!" Phineas demanded from his portrait. "I still say she's making it all up."
"Well if you're so smart, how about you try to think of a way for me to prove what I'm saying is true?" Lily snapped.
Phineas glared down at her for a moment before a sneer came over his face and he spoke again. "Very well. What is the form of your patronus?" he asked. "If you're telling the truth then you should know what it is and be able to produce it for us right now."
"It's a doe," Lily replied without hesitation. "It's always a doe."
"Care to demonstrate?" Phineas goaded.
"May I?" Lily asked Dumbledore who nodded in agreement.
"Expecto Patronum!" she called out and she watched as the silvery doe sprang from her wand.
Gasps came from the portraits that lined the walls of the room.
"I'd never have believed it."
"Astonishing."
"No wonder she's in Ravenclaw."
"An eleven year old producing a fully formed patronus."
"Amazing."
Lily looked at Phineas. His eyes were practically bugging out of his head in shock. She turned to Dumbledore and saw that even he looked surprised at her accomplishment.
She sat back down in her seat and looked at the Headmaster calmly.
"Well Miss Evans," he finally said. "If you don't mind my asking, which of your two young men are you planning on marrying this time around?"
"Severus," she replied without hesitation.
"Because you love him, or because he believed you?" Dumbledore asked.
"Both," Lily replied.
"Good, good," Dumbledore said. "Now for the moment I think you should be heading back to your classmates. I imagine young Severus is waiting for you in the Ravenclaw common room and wondering where you are."
"Do you know why this is happening to me?" Lily asked as she let herself be guided to the door.
"I've never heard of such a thing," Dumbledore admitted.
"That's what Severus said," Lily sighed.
"You've told him already?" Dumbledore asked in surprise.
"I meant last time," Lily clarified.
"Ah," Dumbledore nodded. "Well I'll look into all forms of magic that involve time travel and I'll let you know what I can find out. We'll get to the bottom of this little mystery together."
"Thank you," Lily replied before returning down the staircase and making her way to the Ravenclaw quarters.
"Why does Professor Dumbledore keep summoning you to his office?" Severus asked. "You're not in trouble are you?"
Severus was sitting across from her in the Three Broomsticks and Lily looked at him in surprise at the unexpected question. She'd only been called to see Dumbledore three times since her initial meeting with him and she hadn't realised that Severus had noticed.
"It's complicated," Lily replied. "A long story."
"We've got all day," Severus pointed out. "And it's not like you need to get back to study for your NEWTs, you know it all already."
Lily smiled at his comment. She wondered what he would say if she told him she knew a lot more than that, including what was going to be asked by the examiners.
"What are you smiling about?" Severus asked.
"Nothing," Lily grinned as she leaned across the table to kiss him.
"You're not going to distract me that easily," Severus told her after she'd pulled back.
"Apparently not," Lily replied. "Maybe I should tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"I always thought I'd wait until after we'd left school."
"What are you talking about Lily?" Severus asked, with the first sign of impatience creeping into his voice.
"What the heck," Lily said. "You believed me last time so there's no reason why you wouldn't this time around."
"Believe what?"
Lily looked around the room and once she was sure that no one was listening to them she quietly explained everything once again.
"I knew Potter fancied you," Severus muttered in disgust. "You're not going to marry him again are you?"
"Of course not," Lily assured him. "I'm going to marry you, next summer. We're going to elope."
"We are?" Severus asked. "What makes you think that?"
"Because that's what we did last time," Lily pointed out with a roll of her eyes.
"So how about we do it properly this time?" Severus suggested.
"I'll see," Lily replied as she finished her butterbeer. "I still can't believe you believe me."
"You said I believed you last time."
"I could hardly believe it then either."
"And Potter really didn't believe you?" Severus asked in astonishment as they began the long walk back to Hogwarts.
"No."
"His loss," Severus said as he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
"We should join the Order," Severus said as he paced Dumbledore's office.
Lily sat in one of the chairs across from Dumbledore.
"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked. "You'll be placing yourself and your family in danger."
"Like we aren't already," Lily commented with a snort.
"Still impertinent, I see," Phineas mumbled from his portrait.
"Miss Evans…I'm sorry, Mrs Snape, you're quite right," Dumbledore said. "Your previous experiences would certainly indicate that whether you join the Order or not, you are still targeted."
"I think we should do what we can for the Order," Lily said. "But when the time comes we'll be hidden by means of the Fidelius Charm and you will be our Secret Keeper."
Dumbledore nodded gravely.
"Perhaps it won't come to that," Severus said as he sat back down in his chair and took hold of her hand. She squeezed his hand and smiled sadly at him. It would come to that…she knew it as surely as she knew that she was already carrying their child.
"Wearing a groove in the carpet won't help," Lily pointed out. "Believe me, I know."
Severus looked down at her and sighed.
It was Halloween night and they'd both been on edge all evening.
They knew they were under the Fidelius Charm and they knew that Dumbledore wouldn't betray them. But it didn't stop them from worrying that something else was going to go wrong. Something they hadn't taken into account…something unexpected and disastrous.
"Lily, wake up," Severus whispered. "Look."
Lily groaned and rubbed at the pain in her neck, caused no doubt by the position she'd been sleeping in.
"What is it?" she asked sleepily as Severus provided his own ministrations to her neck.
"It's morning," Severus whispered. "November the first."
Lily stood up and walked from the sofa to the window. It was pouring with rain and the sky was overcast as far as the eye could see.
"Looks like it's going to be a miserable day," Severus said as he joined her.
"It's glorious," Lily said with a bright smile. "It's November and we're still alive."
"He's getting more powerful, isn't he?" Lily asked as she poured Dumbledore a drink.
"Frighteningly so," Dumbledore replied grimly. "His Death Eaters are picking off members of the Order nearly every week. Our ranks are dwindling whilst his own are swelling as more and more people flock to his cause."
"Why does he hate half bloods and muggle borns so much?" Lily asked sadly.
"The irony is that Lord Voldemort, despite all his pretensions is a half blood himself."
"He is?" Lily asked in astonishment.
"Oh yes, indeed," Dumbledore nodded. "I know far more about Lord Voldemort than probably even he knows and he is as much a half blood as your husband is."
"He'll find us eventually, won't he?" Lily asked as she looked at the copy of the Daily Prophet that Dumbledore had brought with him.
"I will never reveal your presence," Dumbledore assured her. "But it is only a matter of time before Voldemort decides to face me himself. He dislikes the suggestion that some people have made about his being afraid of me. He'll want to rectify that idea with a duel."
"Do you really think he'd defeat you?" Lily asked.
"I can't defeat him," Dumbledore answered. "But you still haven't asked me why I'm here?"
"I'm sorry," Lily said. "What does bring you here?"
"I've been doing research into what has been happening to you," Dumbledore explained. "I think I've found out why this is happening."
"You have?"
"I found mention of a similar occurrence nearly five hundred years ago. The details were sketchy but it seemed like the wizard experienced the same phenomena as yourself."
"Did he find out how to stop it?" Lily asked.
"I believe that it finally ended when he lived a far longer life than he had before," Dumbledore confirmed.
"Well that's good."
"Unfortunately it took him many, many lives before it was finally over. He was almost insane from what he called the curse of his existence. Each life would start to blend into the others and he became more and more confused over the years."
"Not so good," Lily muttered. "I sometimes find myself getting confused already."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate.
"Sometimes I'll forget to tell Sev something because I remember telling him before. I used to walk to the Gryffindor quarters so many times I still did it after I was sorted into Ravenclaw." Lily shrugged. "I'm just waiting for the day I accidentally call him James without thinking."
"It's becoming more difficult for you, isn't it?" Dumbledore asked her kindly.
"It seems like no matter what I do, I'm condemned to watch as my family are murdered."
"There's one more thing," Dumbledore said.
"Yes?"
"The wizard in question had noted a comment of his wife when he told her about his experience. He wrote that she believed that he was reliving his life because he wanted to, because there was something he wanted to change. She had thought that because he was expecting his life to start over, it did."
"But I didn't even know it was possible when it first happened," Lily pointed out.
"Did you wish you'd done something differently?" Dumbledore asked.
"Wouldn't you?"
"Of course. I'll continue my research," Dumbledore promised.
The phoenix patronus flew in the window. "He has found me. Time is short. Prepare yourselves."
"What is it?" young Lily asked her mother as the phoenix faded out of sight.
"You remember what we told you," Lily said as Severus immediately began to reinforce the protective spells that surrounded their house.
Lily nodded and hurried upstairs to check on her younger brother.
"This is it, isn't it?" Severus asked as Lily wrapped her arms around him. "Do you think you'll get to try again?"
"Probably."
"Will you choose me again?" he asked hesitantly.
"I love you Sev," she whispered.
"I love you too," he replied as he hugged her back.
If All Else Fails
Lily woke up in the hotel room once more.
Her family had been destroyed yet again and she sobbed into her pillow for several minutes before the sound of the voices in the next room forced her to rise and face her first day at Hogwarts for what she hoped would be the final time.
"You want me to what?" Dumbledore asked in astonishment.
The eleven year old Lily sat across from him in his office and after revealing finishing her story she'd made her request.
"You promised," Lily reminded him. "You said if it was in your power, you'd do what I asked."
"But…"
"You promised," Lily repeated.
"Yes, I did, didn't I?" Dumbledore said.
"It's not as if I like the solution," Lily said. "But it's the only way out I can see. The only other alternative is to continually relive my life over and over, watching Voldemort rise to power again and again. And worst of all, watching my family die repeatedly."
"You realise it may not work," Dumbledore pointed out. "You could find that you still harbour regrets on the night you face Voldemort and it starts all over again."
"I have to take that chance," Lily replied.
"What about Severus?"
Lily hung her head at his questioning gaze as the tears started to fall. She couldn't form the words she needed and simply shook her head as Dumbledore repeated his question.
"Very well. But first we need to get you back to your parents before they realise you're missing."
"I think they'll already have noticed," Lily said. "But I had to apparate here right away. I couldn't risk changing things on the way here like I have done before. The temptation will be too great."
"I don't doubt it." Dumbledore nodded understandingly. "We'll apparate back to the hotel and then I'll use this little time turner to get you back to when you should be."
"Aren't they really hard to get hold of?" Lily asked.
"We have a third student this year who has a rather full timetable and will be needing it. It was delivered by a Ministry Official this morning. Every few years we have a student who for some inexplicable reason insists on taking up every subject we have on offer."
He smiled at Lily who grinned back in response knowing that one year she'd been tempted to do the exact same thing.
Lily jumped as Petunia poked her head round the hotel room door. "Mum says to hurry up."
Her sister disappeared a moment later and Lily looked at Dumbledore in astonishment. "She didn't see you."
"No, I thought it might be best not to have to explain to your parents what I'm doing here. I'll make sure you can't see me as soon as I've performed the spell."
"I'm ready," Lily said.
"You're absolutely sure about this?" Dumbledore asked.
Lily nodded and the Headmaster pulled out his wand and pointed it at her.
"Obliviate!"
"What's that you have there?" James asked as Lily opened the parcel on the morning of Halloween.
"It's from Dumbledore," Lily replied. "It looks like a potion."
"What does it do?"
"It doesn't say. Just says I'm to drink it today."
"No time like the present," James suggested.
Lily opened the vial and after a brief moment of hesitation she drank the contents in one swallow.
"Well?" James asked.
Lily shrugged. "I don't feel any different or anything."
"There's nothing else in the note?" he asked and Lily passed it to him to read for himself. "Maybe you should write back and ask him about it?"
"Maybe when things are safer," Lily suggested.
"I'm sorry things are so difficult at the moment," James said. "Once He's defeated things will be better. I promise."
"I know," Lily replied. "I should go check on Harry."
"Do you ever regret the way things have turned out?" James asked.
Lily hesitated in the doorway. Yesterday she'd been wondering that exact thing, contemplating whether she'd made the right choices in her life. Now she felt a strange sense of peace. She looked at the vial, still resting on the table and smiled.
"None at all," she replied as she smiled at her husband.
Lily stood her ground as she faced Voldemort later that night. She refused his offer to live and the last thing she saw was the flash of green light as the killing curse hit her.
The memories of all her lives came flooding back to her as she opened her eyes.
This time there was no familiar hotel room, no sounds of her family calling out to hurry her along for her first day of school.
She didn't know where she was but she felt a sense of peace.
Harry was alive. She didn't know how she knew it, but she knew it with a certainty that surprised her.
"He's going to be all right," she said to herself, knowing that it was true.
She didn't know how exactly, but she knew that Harry was going to live to fulfil the prophecy that had dominated her life for so long. He was going to survive and she knew that one day she'd see him again.
A/N: If you liked, please review.