Sequence

On missions, when Kakashi is resting and Naruto is snoring and Sakura thinks Sasuke is asleep – on missions like those, Sasuke lies awake remembering.

He remembers things that hurt, like Itachi standing over their father's body, like their mother's scream, like a shuriken flying straight towards him. He remembers his own scream, the tears he shed that night.

He remembers things that he doesn't ever want to let go of – will never let go of – like Sakura's smile and Naruto's impotent threats, and Kakashi's chronic tardiness, and the looks people give him in the streets because they know him or seem to think they do.

He remembers his first day at the academy, his hand inside his mother's, a sheepish grin on Iruka-sensei's face.

Sasuke remembers because he knows nothing is permanent, and because someday, someday soon, it will all be ripped to pieces by Itachi's hands.

Sasuke remembers because this is what he has to do to make himself hate, to make himself strong enough, finally.

His path is pre-determined.

-

When Sasuke leaves the village it is because he's been planning it for months. He doesn't leave on impulse.

He leaves because the mirror has been taunting him for ages, because whenever he looks all he can see is the shadow of his brother. All he can see is the red in his eyes, his fury darker than Naruto's but not as powerful. Naruto harnesses power no man should be allowed to wield. Power Itachi is after.

He leaves because Sakura's smiles have been a little too comfortable lately, leaves because she doesn't know true loss, and because grief sharpens the weak.

Sasuke leaves because Kakashi tries to understand him, because most of the time Kakashi actually does. Kakashi is a man who reads porn with only one eye, a man who hides the other one because it is like Sasuke's, like Itachi's.

Because his parents' graves are cracked and because the Third Hokage is dead.

Because Itachi is still out there, somewhere.

(Because he is sworn to find him.)

Sasuke's trust in his path never wavers.

-

After Orochimaru has fallen and Sasuke stands tall…afterwards, Sasuke feels incredibly foolish.

He tucks himself away on the hillside and thinks long and hard.

Sasuke thinks about Kakashi, who had been crippled by friends lost, and about Sakura and the sour look she'd worn when they parted paths, and about Iruka-sensei, who was a crap teacher trying to save children beyond saving.

But mostly…mostly, Sasuke thinks about Naruto.

He thinks about how he and Naruto were always trying to catch up to eachother, competing in a way that Sasuke had only ever fought for attention with against his brother.

He thinks about the careful insults he'd always mumbled just loud enough Naruto could hear, and about the battles they had where nobody honestly won.

To Sakura, he had always been unreachable. (They had always been unreachable.) Often she sat and watched as he and Naruto trained, and other times she stood and listened while he and Naruto argued.

To Sakura, the world ended the night he left Konoha. To Kakashi, the world became a little lonelier that night, the days that followed, lonelier as well.

And to Naruto…to Naruto, his departure was just more incentive to keep fighting, keep growing.

-

Sasuke remembers and thinks and fights, and when he allows himself the luxury of sleep, he dreams about returning to Konoha.

Sasuke always wakes with something wet at the corners of his eyes, the far edges of his world blurred by intentions he will never carry out.

And sometimes, sometimes when he lies awake in the morning, his world is just blurry enough that he can't find the path he once walked.

Mornings like those are best.

Fin.