Warning: Slash. RemusXSirius. Very bad, crude humour.
I do not own Harry Potter and never will (much to my disappointment)
"That's it!" Lily was seething. "THAT IS IT!" She stood up. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
"Enough of what?" James looked up at his seething girlfriend and just had to admire her temper when not directed a him.
"Those two! All the subtle flirting! The secret glances! The lingering touches! The sexual tension could be cut with a knife!" her eyes were flashing dangerously and James gulped, still confused.
"Of who?" James had a feeling that he was not going to like the answer.
"Of those two!" she jabbed her finger in the direction of Sirius and Remus.
"Moony and Padfoot?" he didn't stop laughing till Lily shot him a look. "Seriously? Both gay?"
She nodded and sighed, her mind ticking. "I've had enough of it! If they don't get together soon . . . I swear. . ." James just let her rant darkly.
One Week Later.
"POTTER! JAMES HAROLD POTTER GET YOUR BACKSIDE DOWN HERE NOW!" Lily was raging and James quickly left his dorm, not wanting to infuriate his girlfriend further.
"Yes?" he asked meekly, he had a feeling he knew what this was about.
"Go get Black and Lupin and meet me in the Charms classroom in ten minutes, curse them if you have to, I aren't fussed." Yes his assumption had been correct.
He raced up to the dorm and flung himself in.
"Padfoot, Moony follow me quick!"
"Why James?"
"Snively. . ."
Sirius sprang from his bed and dragged Remus with him, they followed James at top speed from the room, not noticing his enormous smirk.
Lily watched as three boys burst into the room and in one swift moment, James locked the door and got his friends wands.
"What the…?" Remus and Sirius spoke at the same time and Lily stepped forward.
"I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU TWO FOR WEEKS AND IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!" She let out a scream of frustration and the three boys were startled.
"YOU TWO EITHER KISS NOW OR I'LL JINX YOU TOGETHER!" She pointed her wand threateningly at Sirius and Remus, deep breathing and looking as though was about to explode, James half expected steam to start shooting from her ears.
"KISS!" They didn't. "NOW! THIS VERY SECOND OR I SWEAR -"
"Lily calm down!" Remus knew it was pointless when she prodded her wand into his chest.
"No. For weeks, WEEKS, you two have kept glancing at each other when you think no-ones looking, using ANY EXCUSE TO TOUCH EACHOTHER AND YOU BOTH BLUSH WHEN EVER ANYONE MENTIONS THE OTHERS NAME! SO YOU TWO EITHER KISS NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL JINX YOU SO BADLY YOU WILL BE NOTHING MORE THAN TWO BLOBS ON THE FLOOR!" She bellowed and James nervously took a step back.
"I mean it you two!"
"What are you on about Lily?" Sirius tried smirking but his chest was heaving, did Remus really like him?
Lily screamed again. "You two. Flirting. Touching. Glances." too angry now to even speak properly, her teeth gritted together.
"Kiss. Now!"
"Lily -"
A huge bang filled the classroom and two boys found themselves stuck together, their mouths centimetres apart.
Lily started laughing. Not her normal laugh, oh no, this laugh was more a cackle, an evil, triumphant laugh.
James laughed nervously as he watched his two best friends try to move.
"Lily unstick us now!" Remus used his prefect voice and Lily laughed harder.
She shook her head and beckoned James towards her.
"This is what you have to do." with that said she kissed James passionately whilst Sirius made barfing noises and Remus groaned in annoyance.
Lily and James broke apart, James dazed and Lily serious. "Now you two!"
Sirius looked at Remus and gulped. Did Remus really like him?
Remus looked at Sirius and sighed. How he wished Sirius would like him back.
James looked at the pair of them and suddenly burst out laughing.
"What?" Lily snapped at him and he grinned at her.
"Well, half of the Marauder's are gay." he laughed some-more but no-one joined in.
Sirius glared at him saying. "Point being?"
Whilst Remus said "Actually three quarters of The Marauder's are gay."
James shook his head. "I aren't gay, ask Lily!"
"Not you, you idiot! Peter!" Remus rolled his eyes.
"How do you know Peter's gay?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"He - he told me." but even as he spoke a blush tinged the werewolf's cheeks.
"YOU KISSED HIM!" Sirius roared and everyone could tell he was angry.
"Told you so!" Lily muttered and everyone looked at her. "Well…! Sirius wouldn't care if he didn't fancy Remus!"
A thoughtful look crossed James' face. "Yeah, I'm on your side now Lily, I see what you mean." Sirius and Remus both glared at their traitor of a friend.
"Why did you kiss that rat anyway?" Sirius shot at Remus and everyone listened intently as the latter turned beetroot.
Remus muttered something.
"Didn't catch that Moony, speak a bit louder!" James said cheerfully.
"I was peed off at Sirius."
"You were peed off at me so you kissed Peter!?" Sirius sounded strangled.
"No! Let me finish. I was peed off at you because well, because you'd just brought a girl up to the dorm" Remus broke off as he turned, if possible, even redder. "I was jealous of her." he finally admitted and Lily beamed.
"You disappeared onto your bed and Peter asked if I was okay and well, I dunno, the next thing I knew we were kissing - he's a really bad kisser though" he added hastily at the look on Sirius' face, whom growled.
"So Remus, why were you jealous of Sirius' girl?" Lily asked innocently and Remus glared at her. "You do like Sirius don't you?"
Remus shook his head defiantly. "No I don't." Sirius' heart dropped. "No, I love you." He spoke directly to Sirius and James and Lily were suddenly forgotten.
"I- I love you too" Sirius' voice was barely a whisper but everyone heard him.
The two boys gazed at each other.
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JUST BLOODY KISS ALREADY!" Lily had made her voice magically louder and everyone jumped. For the first time that night, the two boys did as they were told.
Lily and James both awwwed at the new couple and Lily set off fireworks with her wand to celebrate.
"What in the heavens is going on in here Miss Evans?" McGonagall's sharp voice spoke and Lily and James jumped as the door magically flung open.
Professor McGonagall entered the room and noticed the kissing boys.
"About bloody time!"