Disclaimer: If I owned the shows or books would I be overworked, underpaid, and sick with the flu?

Warning: Some disturbing content. If you dislike the thought of Voldemort almost molesting a young Harry then go away. There's also some lickage.

A/N: Yeah, I know. It's been forever. Me and my cousin had a conversation about this. It went like this.

Sarah: Why haven't you been updating your stories?

Me: …. -.- What stories?

Sarah: ….T.T So cruel.

So I decided to update.

P.S. The review replies were from back in June. I was a bit pissed at the time.

P.P.S. The ending sucks. Get over it. I got lazy.

P.P.P.S. Work really sucks. Anyone know a rich guy I could marry since my boyfriends a bum?

P.P.P.S. Not beta'd.

P.P.P.P.S. Why are you still reading these?

Review replies

Kame: Sorry honey, it doesn't work that way. You get what I write, not what you want to see next. Are you confused about their ages? In the flashbacks I usually add Arashi's rank or age, and my timeline in Obscure Facts does actually state his exact ages for a lot of the scenes. Just cross reference.

Calimora: .:Squee!:. Ah reviewers like you and Shadowed Tigress are good for the writers soul! You'll never realize just how happy you made me by actually reading the whole story through and thinking about it before reviewing! You'd be surprised how many readers want everything laid out up front and can't go for more than one chapter before saying that I'm not explaining everything. Then I get upset and moody because I really am explaining things, but I'm not going as fast as they seem to want. You totally made my day with your review, thank you so much!

Shadowed Tigress: I'm glad you liked it. May I add that reading your reviews always cheer me up. I do like my title, I just don't want to offend anyone unintentionally. Genma/Harry is really growing on me too, the perv just seems to write himself. Thanks for your support regarding Taliath, but his review, while annoying, wasn't the one that offended me. .:Sheepish grin:. I had to rant at the one that did offend me, and it's a long one(I was having a really bad day and Sarah couldn't stop laughing at it so I didn't edit it like I normally would. I'm afraid I come off as a total bitch in it.) To tell you the truth the only thing that came to mind when my cousin told me about Taliath's review was that he could go lick a frozen flagpole for all I cared. Your support gives me the warm fuzzies though, I feel loved! Do you have any of those mini-coloured marshmallows on you?

Utena-Puchiko-nyu: …I think you've got me confused now. I believe we have a language barrier to overcome…shame I only speak English fluently.

From what I remember ANBU isn't an official rank like genin, Chunin, Tokubetsu Jounin, or Jounin are. It's more of a position, like couriers. Especially because for all intents and purposes ANBU aren't supposed to exist.

Taliath: It is mostly in English dipshit…and somehow you managed to make if all the way to the end regardless. Give the man a prize… .:Frown:. What'dya mean we don't have any Uchiha sized butt plugs left Sarah? I told you to stock up after the last batch of flamers…Anyways, at least I never claimed that my Japanese was the be all end all of Japanese. I'm well aware there are mistakes but somehow the world is still turning and you're still breathing…shame isn't it?

Dreamwind: Guess what dollface. You're the straw that broke the camel's back. Don't get me wrong, I didn't consider your review a flame. However I was extremely offended, if only for the fact that your review showed you did nothing more than skim the first chapter before deciding to speak your piece. The summary clearly marks the story as an AU. It has since I first posted it. I'm more than aware that Namikaze Minato is the Yondaime's cannon identity. If you're trying to argue that there are those that are unaware of the Yondaime's true identity than I worry for your brain cells. It's been what, a year or so since the name was released? How hard can it be to do this in your mind: MinatoYondaime, ArashiHarry. Especially since not only half way down the page I explain the name. Wherever does it say in my story that the Kyuubi doesn't attack? Did I claim that? Hell, I even refer to Naruto as a Jinchuuriki in the first chapter. The third chapter itself addresses why Naruto is with Arashi as well as the fact that he holds the Kyuubi. I can maybe understand where there might be confusion over whether Minato is alive or dead. However, had you kept reading the story you would have seen that italics for the most part indicate flashbacks, or scenes that happened in the past.

To close I'll offer you the same kind of empty platitudes you left me. Sorry if I sound rude. I don't mean to be. I just think it's insulting that someone who reviews anonymously, without even reading the first chapter fully, expects me to make changes to my story just because you couldn't take more than the pitiful minute you did, to try to think about the story. Imagine, actually reading what an author or authoress has posted rather than giving up and whining that you don't understand what's going on.

Can anyone tell I'm just a wee bit stressed?

Arashi banged his head against the wall, hoping beyond hope that the little black haired brat would drop dead.

Naruto sweatdropped as he watched his sensei have his little break down. "Ano…Sensei?"

"Nani?" Arashi grunted as he continued.

"Why're you doing that?" Naruto asked quietly as he tried to pull the man away from the wall.

Arashi groaned as he allowed his student to lead him to the kitchen table and push him into a chair, leaning forwards so the short blond could rub his tense shoulders. "The gaki."

Naruto chuckled as he shot a look towards Sasuke's closed door. "What'd he do this time?"

The green eyed man narrowed his eyes and pulled his lips back in a snarl. "Apparently since I'm the unacknowledged bastard I should be made to fulfill his every wish. He stopped me on the street in front of a rather large group of Jounin and ANBU and declared that I was to teach him the skills he needed to defeat his brother and Orochimaru."

Naruto was so shocked he fell from his perch on the back of his sensei's chair. "What! He didn't!"

"He did," Arashi said dryly. "And it gets worse."

"How much worse?"

"Hatake was there."

Naruto winced before patting his sensei on the back sympathetically. "What'd you do to him?"

Arashi let out a smirk that the blonde hadn't seen since he had made him run laps with Gai-sensei as punishment for an afternoon. "I pulled down his pants, put him over my knee and gave him a spanking that he'll never forget. While still in front of the aforementioned Jounins and ANBU. Not to mention the civilians passing by. I think some of his fan girls where there as well, now that I think of it."

Naruto let out a snort, which quickly turned into full blown laughter. He was laughing so hard that tears were falling from his eyes. "W-what happened then?"

Arashi sighed and rolled his shoulders in frustration. "The little brat burst into tears before giving me a hug and saying he was sorry."

The little blonde winced. "Ouch. So I'm guessing you feel like crap now?"

"Language."

"Sorry."

Naruto watched Arashi brood for a moment before moving to set the table for dinner. "Is he joining us for dinner? Or is he confined to his room for the night?"

Arashi gave his student a disbelieving look. "He's not a prisoner Naruto."

"You wouldn't think it by the way he acts sometimes," Naruto muttered quietly.

"Well then tell him to shut his trap," Arashi said as he rolled his eyes. "You've got seniority on him, plus you're a genin, don't tell me you can't take on the little academy student, either way don't set a place for me, I've got a meeting with Hokage-sama in a few minutes."

"Again? Are you going to have to leave for a mission again sensei?"

Arashi sighed tiredly as he rubbed his eyes before motioning for his student to sit back down. "Not quite. You know that things are going to change now, right Naruto?"

"Yes," the blond said with a frown. "I can't say I'm happy about it… but it was only a matter of time before Sandaime-sama pulled you from the ANBU."

Arashi grimaced in distaste. "It's not just that. My position… is in dispute at the moment. I was told to investigate the massacre further. While I can't tell you much, I can tell you that the next few months or so will be busy. I can't guarantee I'll be in the village in person very often. Thankfully Hiashi has agreed to watch the two of you for the most part, and that way I can leave a fortified Kage Bunshin at the Hyuuga estate to supervise your training. You'll also be able to dispel it if you need to alert me of a problem."

"That would be nice," Naruto agreed as he sat at the table and rested his head on his crossed arms. "It'll give me a chance to work with Hinata-chan again. We haven't been able to train together much since Sasuke moved in with us."

"Hai, and I know Neji will appreciate having a friend spending so much time there as well." Both looked to the window as a masked ANBU appeared to kneel on the sill.

"Arashi-sama, Hokage-sama wishes to see you now," he said politely.

"Arigato, please tell him I'll be there momentarily," Arashi said as he got up to leave. Ruffling Naruto's hair he gave a soft smile. "Dinner's in the oven, stay safe and don't stay up too late."

"Hai sensei!"

- - -

'Damn Potter,' Harry thought to himself as he watched Quirrell talk to himself. 'This has got to be the stupidest situation you've ever gotten yourself into.'

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Not even half way through his first year at Hogwarts and he was facing a deranged Professor. For all his, Ron's and Hermione's curiosity of the Philosopher's stone and Nicholas Flamel, he had never once actually thought of pursuing it. Unfortunately it would seem that his Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor was thinking along a different tangent than his student.

'The man has balls, I'll give him that,' the green eyed boy thought to himself, trying not to draw the man's attention to himself. He attempted to loosen the ropes binding his ankles and wrists in vain. 'All this time we thought it was Snape. He was right I suppose. No one would ever suspect the stuttering DADA Professor who seemed afraid of his own shadow. And to do it right under Dumbledore's nose too.'

It had been the last class of the day when Quirrell had asked Harry to stay behind to talk about his last homework assignment. Harry had waved his friends on ahead, telling them that he'd catch up. 'And I would have,' the boy thought viciously. 'If only this bastard hadn't kidnapped me and brought me down to this fucked up chamber. That just happened to contain the Mirror of Erised. If this isn't one of Dumbledore's little ploys I'll eat my invisibility cloak. How could he bring something like the Philosopher's stone into a school full of children and not expect one of them to get curious or for someone to break in and steal it.'

"What does the mirror do? How does it work? Help me, Master!" Quirrell shouted.

"Use the boy, use him to find the stone…," a disembodied voice called out, echoing in the large chamber.

Quirrell clapped his hands, undoing the ropes and quickly grabbing the boy by the back of his robes before he could run off. Yanking the boy towards him, he moved so they were both standing in front of the mirror.

"Tell me what you see boy! What does the mirror show you?"

"My reflection dumbass!" Harry sneered, struggling in the older man's grip. 'Nice going Potter. Piss off the deranged psycho even more. Maybe he'll kill you quickly.'

"What do you see boy!" Quirrell hissed in displeasure, forcing Harry's head to look straight in the mirror.

Harry tried to yank free of the man's grasp, gasping as Quirrell tightened his hold on his hair. "I- I see my parent's," he breathed watching as his real vision winked at him while placing the stone in his pocket. "They're telling me they're proud of me. I've just been given the title of Head Boy-"

"Lies," the voice whispered. "He's lying. Let me face him."

Quirrell shoved Harry away from him and the mirror quickly. He watched in fascination from the ground as the man's eye's widened almost comically. "But- M-master! You're not strong enough to-"

"Enough!"

Harry watched on curiously as the man started unwinding the atrocious purple turban he never went without, revealing the grotesque growth on the back of his head.

"Do you see Potter?" The thing with glowing red eyes hissed. "Do you see what you have reduced me to boy? A mere shade of what I was."

"Am I supposed to be scared?" Harry sneered as he squashed down his fear, struggling back to his feet. "All I see is an animal clinging to life, resorting to scaring a child into submission. Pathetic," he spat as he made a break for the exit.

"Fool!" The shade hissed. "Stop him!"

The green eyed boy fell to the floor, his left side numb where the curse had grazed him. Dazed, he looked back to where Quirrell had been only to find the spot empty.

"Did you think you could escape Potter?" The man scowled. "My Master is far greater than you will ever be. Especially since you're about to die."

The wizard paused thoughtfully, as though listening to the shade's silent suggestions. "In fact I believe I'll take a more hands on approach," he breathed out lightly as he dropped down to his knees before the prone child.

"Bas..tard," Harry choked out as Quirrell crawled over his body, attempting to push him off as he caught a flash of red in the possessed man's eyes. "Get…off me!"

"I think not," Quirrell purred, his eyes still tinted red. "Did you think I'd make this quick child? After what you did to my Master?" He asked as he lowered himself flush against the struggling boy. "No I do believe we'll do this slowly. My Master will wish to savour the memories once you're gone. Perhaps we'll share them with Severus if he's good."

"Sick," the boy hissed at him as he struggled prettily. "You're sick!"

Quirrell chuckled as he licked him from his chin to the corner of his left eye, pressing an oddly chaste kiss there. "Oh Harry you have no idea. Fight back for me? It will make it so much more enjoyable."

Harry snarled as he brought his right hand up to claw at the man's face. "I'm going to kill you, you sick monster!" He spat. "You're going to die and I'm going to be the one to send you straight to hell!"

The possessed man hissed lightly as the boy's hand on his face caused a burning sensation. "Oh little one, I do believe I'll keep you alive. You're far too spirited to waste on death."

"You wish!" Harry yelled as he forced his left arm to move as he attempted to gouge out his eyes.

Quirrell shrieked as raw power started flowing through the child's hands, burning his skin before he yanked himself off the boy. "Master!" He howled in agony as he clawed at his face and rolled on the floor, only to writhe violently as the cause of his pain suddenly sat on his back, pinning him to the floor.

Harry locked eyes with the spirit possessing Quirrell before bringing his hands down to rest on his head and digging his nails in sharply enough to draw blood. "I told you I'd be the one to kill you."

"So you did," the shade rasped.

"You got sloppy."

"I did. I won't make that mistake next time. I'll be back," he vowed.

"You can try."

"You'll be mine."

Harry narrowed his eyes before drawing his nails down his head, leaving bright red trails of blood. "Never."

- - -

Arashi smirked wickedly at the Head of the Hyuuga clan as he sipped his green tea.

Hiashi scowled at the smug young man before shifting his eyes to look at the two silent eight year old boys sitting across from him to either side of their guardian. "For how long?"

"Not too long."

Hiashi frowned. "Arashi?"

"I shouldn't be gone longer than two weeks," the twenty-one year old reassured him.

"Why isn't Naruto accompanying you?"

Arashi's eyes narrowed. "Too dangerous. I need to know he's somewhere safe. Your clan has been cleared."

Hiashi's eyes narrowed. "Does this have anything to do with the passing of Hyuuga Aino?"

Arashi merely hummed, the corners of his lips flicking upwards slightly as he looked up at his old friend from underneath his lowered eyelashes. "I was under the impression that Aino-san died of natural causes," he stated mater of factly as his charges watched the two man in confusion.

"She did."

"Well, there you have it."

Hiashi met his gaze evenly. "She was an interfering old biddy anyways. Maybe she'll be more useful in death."

Had Arashi not finished his tea before hand he would have choked at Hiashi's blunt assessment. "Ah."

The Hyuuga sighed. "I take the next few months will be… troublesome?"

Arashi's lips quirked. "Someone's been hanging out with Shikaku again."

"Is that the only answer I'm going to get from you?"

"What was the question again?"

Both men looked up as the faint sound of running feet reached their ears.

"Arashi-sama!" Three voices called out in unison, two female, one male.

Arashi and Hiashi both smothered their laughter as Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi burst into the room simultaneously while trying to pull themselves together once they caught sight of Hiashi.

"I was unaware that the no running in the halls rule had been rescinded," Hiashi scolded the three children lightly although all could see the amusement in his eyes.

"Moushiwake arimasen deshita Hiashi-sama," Neji apologized as he bowed.

"Sumimasen deshita, Otou-sama," Hinata and Hanabi chimed together.

Hiashi bit back a chuckle as he saw Arashi roll his eyes at the extreme politeness his children and nephew showed. "Join us please. What is so exciting that you had to come tearing into the room?"

"Arashi-sama's here!" Neji said quickly before blushing. "Ah, that is I wished to speak with Arashi-sama about the technique he mentioned last time."

Arashi ignored the glare sent by Sasuke expertly at the mention of techniques unknown to him before addressing the children in general. "As enjoyable as that would be I have to leave for a mission, however your uncle has agreed to house both Sasuke and Naruto while I'm away. I'm sure Naruto would be more than capable to aid you in your training and when I return I'll spend the day helping you refine your technique. Alright?"

Neji brightened at the thought of his friend staying with him. "Hai!"

The man smiled while ruffling his hair before stretching and raising languidly from his spot on the floor. "So then, you guys behave for Hiashi and I'll see you all in a couple weeks," he said as he walked to the door after giving Naruto a hug and Sasuke a pat on the head.

Moushiwake arimasen deshita: Very formal way of apologizing to superiors.

Sumimasen deshita: A common way of apologizing for something that has been done.