Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: "You end when you're beginning… Maybe the end is the beginning."
Rating: PG
Author's Note: This was a bit of therapeutic writing for me. I have no intentions or desires to continue it… It was written as a way of negotiating my feelings regarding a recent tragedy… One of my high school classmates was strangled and killed by her husband in front of their two year old daughter a week and a half ago… And three years before, almost to the day, we had lost another of our classmates. She passed away the day before the third anniversary of his death…
Also, just so you know, this is in no way a plea for sympathy. I'm telling you all of this as an explanation for what may be a bit of incoherency within the story. I honestly don't know if it will make sense to anyone but me, since this was written simply as a way of trying to put to rest the helplessness and anger I've been feeling for over a week now… And it's helped. A lot. And to clear up the rest of those unresolved feelings, I'm getting a tattoo in her memory on Thursday (I did the same 3 years ago, as well) and I'm going to Virginia on Friday to visit my best friend from home… Hopefully, it will all help to get me back to some kind of stability…
In the story, I've left a lot of details up to you. You are completely welcome to draw your own conclusions, and I hope you do so, because I have no answers for you… What is here is what came out of me when I put on the song and just let myself write… Hopefully it all makes some kind of sense…
And, just on a side note, I know the name I chose here was a bit unusual, but it holds a lot of significance to the story for me, and that significance reaches far beyond the song… I hope maybe some of you pick up on it, but I'm not necessarily expecting it… Frankly, I'm not even sure I'm expecting this to make sense…
And, finally, the lyrics are from "Maybe" by Darren Hayes… It's a beautiful song, and there is a wonderful emotional intensity to it… I highly recommend it… It has also been a great help to me in the last two weeks…
Maybe:
Maybe you're gone.
You had to get out of here.
It's easy to get lost in fear.
But maybe now the weight has lifted you're sailing through the air.
Her fingers trace over the little girl's curls, the child's pretty little eyes lifting to her own as she smiles brightly, fingers reaching out as she beckons for the woman who has become so much like a mother to her, to come closer. And Brennan can do little more than reach for her as well, lifting the little girl from the blanket on which she had been resting and settling her comfortably in her arms.
And in that moment, only one, fleeting thought crosses her mind; tears welling, unbeckoned, in her translucent eyes, and slipping freely over her cheeks, a tiny smile of her own gracing her lips as she watches the little girl in her arms, no matter how sad that gentle tipping of her lips may be. The thought?
Maybe it could all be okay again. Maybe she could take this little girl and raise her as her own. Maybe she could hold her in her arms, and tell her every story she knew of her mother, while never actually distinguishing that woman from herself. Maybe she could do right by her; heal all the pain this little girl had no idea she would one day feel.
Maybe.
Maybe the end is the beginning.
The game is no fun when you're winning.
The pool is empty unless you're swimming and trying to keep afloat.
Maybe you stayed just a little while.
The party was over but you realised that memory makes you immortalised.
You end when you're beginning.
And when her eyes meet with his, she can no longer contain the sobs that overtake her, and when they begin, she feels him immediately at her side, settling himself beside her, as his arm stretches around her shoulder to pull her close. She turns her face into him, burying her eyes against the soft fabric that covers his chest as he holds her to him, her arms still wrapped protectively around the little girl in her lap…
And as she cries, that same little girl looks to him, her own eyes shining with sorrowful confusion. She does not comprehend what has happened, but she knows that this woman who has kept her so safe, even in the absence of her own mother's arms, is hurting and the sadness that Tempe is feeling transfers to those big blue eyes. Booth smiles sadly down at her, unable to bring himself to remove his arms from the woman who so needs his support, but unwilling to let this beautiful little girl go on with no reassurance.
Upon seeing that little smile, she seems satisfied enough that she has done nothing wrong, and in an attempt at helping, she reaches out with her little arms, and hugs Tempe as tight as she can, and she repeats the word "okay" in a soothing tone over and over again, occasionally peppering in phrases like "it okay" and "be okay" in the most stunning combination of soothing and optimistic tones… She pats Tempe's back gently as she tries to reassure her, and Booth feels the little smile that breaks over her lips, only to slip into a trembling chin, before again turning to heart wrenching sobs that she knows she should be trying to contain for the sake of the little girl she has sworn always to protect and to love.
Maybe you're gone maybe you're lost somewhere.
Floating in outer space.
A radio wave tuning into some secret place I've never been.
Leaving your heart beating in fragile hands.
And nobody understands.
Maybe you're gone.
Maybe you are finally coming home.
"All I can think of is that she has to grow up without a mother." Her words are whispered against his neck as she tries to find some way to control herself. "And it's all because he took her away… How can I possibly ever negotiate that?"
"You can't." He whispers back, just as softly, his breath stirring the hairs at her temple and tickling her forehead as she slowly raises her eyes to meet with his. "This isn't something that'll ever go away, Temperance, but we have to do our best to work through it."
"But how? How can I possibly get through all this if I can never negotiate it in my head? That's how I work… I need that closure. Booth, if I don't have it, I don't know how I can even function…"
She sounds so desperate, and it encourages him to wipe away a few of the tears that are still escaping just before his eyes fall to that beautiful little girl who is still sitting, perched in Tempe's lap, her little head tilting curiously as she watches the exchange, never quite comprehending.
After a moment, he urges her to lift her head and gently and turns her so that her eyes fall to that pretty little girl, who final lets a big smile cross her lips as she sits up a little straighter, in both happiness to finally be the center of attention once more, and an attempt at pulling the same from the woman who looks so broken that she knows she must do something to cheer her up… And a smile certainly couldn't hurt, could it?
Booth indicates her gently with a slight nod of his chin before tipping his head to watch Temperance, her eyes locked on that little girl as a tiny smile touches her own lips. "You think of her. You think of Maybe, and of everything you're going to give her… Temperance, she may have lost her biological mother, but it was you that Angela entrusted with her… She's going to grow up with two mothers; the memory of the wonderful woman who gave her life, and you, the woman who's going to give her the world."
A few silent tears slip down her cheeks as she looks at Maybe, her eyes wide with fear and an innocence he has never before noticed in her. "But I don't know how to be a mother…"
He smiles gently, pressing a kiss to her cheek before wrapping his arms around her as she reaches out to pull Maybe into her own arms when the child reaches for her; Maybe's bright blue eyes offering up all the hope and love and innocence that they can possibly hold as she settles herself against Tempe, a smile stretching over her lips before she plants her thumb in her mouth and cuddles up to the woman she would one day learn to call mommy.
Maybe you had to get out of here.
Maybe you lost your way down here.
Maybe you've found a shinier star.
A shinier star.
Leaving your heart beating in fragile hands.
And nobody understands.
Maybe you're gone.
Maybe you are finally coming home.
"It looks like you're doing just fine to me…" She smiles softly at his words, her fingers gently smoothing the hair on the child's head, a few stubborn tears still slipping. "And I'll always be here to help you."
And as she watched this little girl, her eyes drifting shut at the now settling environment, Temperance suddenly felt a small sense of belonging. This was what it must feel like to have a family… It was a feeling she had forgotten long ago…
But here, with Maybe resting against her, and the strong arms of her partner enveloping her, she feels that maybe, just maybe, everything could be alright again…
All the lights shine above you they become a part of you.
All the earth seems so tiny in your hands.
All the stars move inside you.
All the pain, well that's behind you.
All secrets will blind you.
Understand?
Maybe the end is the beginning.