This is the only disclaimer you are getting. It will compensate for every chapter of this story, got it? Disclaimer: I do not, and probably never will, own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I do come to own FMA, you will immediately be told of a new series coming out, in which Ed and Roy get together.
I am pre-apologizing for the OOC-ness in this and upcoming chapters.

This is basically a little story I made about a parental complex with Ed and Roy's relationship. While they are lovers, sometimes Roy does certain things that make Edward feel like a kid and as if Roy is his guardian. Most of these are subtle, and you may notice them (such as Roy cleaning Ed's cheek in Chapter 1); others may be forced down your throat (such as if Ed were to yell "You're not my dad!").

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Roy looked down at the boy. Somehow, Edward had forced his way into Roy's office and had collapsed on his couch. Roy had returned late in the night to get his coat, and here he found Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, sleeping on his couch.

He looks so cute. Roy thought. However, of all the places, why did he choose my office to come to in such a state?

Edward could indeed said to be in "such a state". His hair coming loose and was obviously dirty, and he looked as if he needed a shower. Roy noticed one specific smudge of dirt on Edward's face, and licked his gloved finger, and cleaned the smudge off.

Edward let out a little groan and shuffled in his sleep. No matter how cute Ed looked, Roy knew he had to wake him up.

"Ed—er, Fullmetal?" Roy said softly, while gently rocking the boy. "Fullmetal?" The boy groaned again. He opened one eye weakly, but soon grabbed his stomach and curled up. As soon as Edward's cramps had somewhat passed, he opened his eyes again.

"Mustang?" He asked softly, almost sounding surprised.

"Yeah, well, you are in my office." Roy said. Ed visibly blushed.

"I—I'm sorry. I'll leave now..." He said and attempted to stand up, only to be hit by another series of cramps. He was forced to sit back down, bending over and clutching his stomach.

"Fullmetal, are you okay?" Roy said, unsure of what else to do.

"No, but I will be. I think this is just some food poisoning." Suddenly Edward stood up. "I need a bathroom." He admitted while turning red. He left for a quite a while, but eventually returned, even though it was unnecessary. "This diarrhea is going to be what kills me." Ed said, unembarrassed, which is a drastic change from how he was when he left.

"What?? Then drink some goddamned water!" Roy exclaimed overdramatically and then left the room in a brisk walk, returning with a glass of cold water. "Here." He thrust it rather unceremoniously in Ed's direction, and Edward took the cup. He took one sip.

"You know, Mustang, I wasn't being literal." Edward took another sip. "For a man who supposedly knows everything I do, you need to work on knowing what I'm talking about."

It was Roy's turn to have his face go red. "Yes, well. I just don't want one of my subordinates dying right in my office..."

"Aw, you care about me? That's cute." Edward said rather mockingly.

"That's some attitude you've got there for such a little kid." Roy snapped back.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK HOWEVER HE DAMN WELL PLEASES BECAUSE HE IS NOT CONSIDERED A BIG BOY YET BECAUSE HE COULD PASS FOR A FIVE YEAR OLD DUE TO HEIGHT COMPLICATIONS?" Edward shouted. He was left panting for breath, being that he managed that in one or two breaths. Soon enough, he found that he has slumped to the ground. His slight hyperventilating was causing lightheadedness.

Roy quickly got to his knees, took off a glove, and felt the boy's forehead.

"Holy shit, you're burning up."

"It's called a fever." Edward said, feeling weak. The same weakness he felt when he entered the colonel's office (Truth only knows why) to pass out on his couch.

"Well, you're going to the doctor." Roy said and actually scooped the boy up in his arms. For a moment, Edward protested, but then relaxed. He found himself gripping the Flame's lapel and snuggling into the older man. Neither spoke as Roy carried Ed down to his car. From there, the two drove to the hospital, where Edward was diagnosed to have campylobacteriosis, a type of food poisoning.

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A/N: Yes, campylobacteriosis is real, and yes it had these symptoms. I looked it up on WebMd.