Kyle let out a groan when he saw the school bus pull away, letting out a puff of exhaust as it chugged along to South Park High School. Kyle was now in the 9th grade and should have known better than to be late, but it seemed as if the world and everyone in it was out to get him. For example, he had done his homework at 3:30 that morning as he had gradually turned into a full-fledged insomniac, so he had no idea how accurate it was. He couldn't take a shower as the water was scalding hot for some reason and shut off at random intervals, and of course he was utterly broke. Oh, his back was killing him too.

Kyle stood staring at his feet in their second hand boots ('We have to save money, Bubby!' his mother Sheila told him. No new clothes for him then, and Ike would be wearing the orange snowsuit and green hat that Kyle had worn in the 3rd grade.) Kyle grew increasingly pissed off, and took his backpack off and dumped it on the cement sidewalk. Kyle felt better, although he was suspicious of why his bag was so heavy in the first place.

'If that fat bastard Cartman put rocks in my bag again I swear to God I am gonna kill him.' Kyle thought with grim determination, as he knelt down on the ground and began unzipping his backpack.

He saw a tuft of dark hair, and something with beady eyes looked up at him before jumping out and screaming, "Cookie monster!"

Kyle, his nerves already weakened by the morning's events, let out a sharp cry and fell backwards on his ass. This hurt like hell and possible fractured it in several places, adding to the beauty of the day. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to put bones beneath your butt cheeks?

"Nice going, dude." Someone chuckled softly, and Kyle looked up to see bright blue eyes and a curious smirk upon his best friend, Stan Marsh's face.

Kyle was embarrassed but kept his cool. He didn't want to look stupid in front of Stan. Anything, even being tortured by Cartman was better than that. So he shrugged and grinned, before standing up.

"I was doing that for a science project. Checking reaction time of fear and all that," Kyle told him, while secretly looking him over and appreciating his thick and shiny raven hair. God, he was fine.

"Really," Stan said skeptically, before turning to look at the thing that jumped out of Kyle's bag and adding, "What's up, Ike?"

Ike was Kyle's adopted Canadian brother, and a super genius, although he was so random that Kyle suspected on occasion that he would grow up to be a terrorist or something like that. Ike hadn't grown at all since he was 3 years old, and he was now 8. However, his head seemed to be growing bigger and bigger, which was rather alarming.

"Star sandwiches," Ike declared solemnly, "are in my sombrero." Kyle stared dumbfounded at his little brother, before turning quickly to Stan.

"So, why are you late? Aren't you a morning person?" Kyle asked, while Ike was tugging on his jeans and blurting out something about the sunset and how grapes were connected with the FBI.

Stan grinned and cocked his head, a dimple showing up in his right cheek. "Nah, I'm always late. Why are you late? You're the teacher's pet." Stan teased, dodging a punch from Kyle.

"I am not," Kyle insisted, although he knew it was true. But what could he do about it? He was smart, he liked getting good grades, and it really pissed Cartman off when Kyle did well.

Stan raised his eyebrows as if to say you are so, and Kyle wanted to smack him right across his perfect face. Because he was mad, of course.

Just then, a rather hefty woman with red hair pulled into some kind of bee's hive hairdo thundered up the hill to the bus stop.

"Kyle, dear God, we've lost Ike! What if he went for a ride with the ice cream man again? Oh bubby what are we going to do?" The woman wailed as she ran up to Kyle and squished him to her bosom.

Stan snickered into his palm and Kyle glared at him. Although, his laugh was adorable and irresistible, Kyle had to at least pretend to be annoyed by it.

Sheila Broflovski continued wailing into Kyle's shoulder, and Kyle tried to tell her that Ike was right behind her playing with some rocks and used tissues, but she wouldn't listen to him in her hysteria.

"Mom, Ike is fine, he's right—" Kyle tried to say, but a fresh howl erupted from Sheila and interrupted him.

'Do something' Kyle mouthed to Stan. Stan seemed to get the message and was looking intently at him, which was making Kyle increasingly aroused, when Stan winked and turned away to stare at a tree, humming to himself.

"Rawrgh!" Kyle blurted out in his frustration. Just because Stan was hot and the perfect male in every way didn't mean that he could get away with acting like such a total bastard. Could it?

Ike, who should've spoken up and brought his mother relief, didn't and seemed to enjoy being a foot away from someone wailing about his body being tossed into a trash compactor and ground to bits.

Sheila finally stopped sobbing and raised her head slowly to look over Kyle's shoulder. Kyle braced himself.

"Ike, you're alive!" Sheila cried in astonishment, as she practically tossed Kyle aside and dove onto Ike, smothering his face with kisses.

"Metal zebra runs into a jack o' lantern," Ike said confidently, as if everyone would begin applauding and throwing roses at him for his brilliant intellect.

Kyle, who usually hated it when his mother came to his rescue (which was never, now that he thought about it) felt a bit jealous of the attention Ike was receiving. But only a little bit, as he saw something very delectable catch his vision. Stan's sexy ass.

Kyle forced himself to look away when Stan turned around and tapped him on the nose.

"Hey!" Kyle stated indignantly, flicking Stan's forehead in return and smiling when he backed away.

"Ow, dude. What did you do that for?" Stan huffed, feigning innocence. Kyle continued smiling and shrugged.

"Because I wanted to see if you would take it like a man?" Kyle suggested, just as an iron grip took hold of his shoulder. He knew who that was, and turned to face his mother.

"Kyle, I am very disappointed in you," Sheila said, ignoring Kyle's confused expression and going on, "I thought you were a smart boy and would know better than to do that."

"Do what?" Kyle asked, shooting a helpless glance towards Stan, who looked just as lost, and maybe a little freaked out as well. Sheila could be creepy sometimes.

Sheila pulled herself up to her fullest height. "Don't backtalk me Kyle, you know what you did."

Kyle paused as if considering this, his brow furrowed in concentration, before saying, "Um, no, I don't?"

"You were trying to take Ike to school for show and tell!" Sheila finally clarified, while Kyle was more lost than ever.

"Mom, I'm not in elementary school anymore. We don't have show and tell. And besides, why would I bring Ike? He'd creep everyone out." Kyle stated simply, seeing Stan making weird hand gestures in the corner of his eye.

"He take me to big kid eating small kid," Ike said, finally choosing that moment to speak.

Sheila pounced. "You see, Kyle? Ike just said it again!" Kyle could have further argued his point that whatever Ike said made no sense to anyone, when Stan grabbed him by the arm.

"Mrs. Broflovski, our bus is here, so if you don't mind—" Stan said, leading Kyle up the stairs of the bus.

Mrs. Broflovski lapped up his charm and made a shooing motion with her hands. "No, no. You boys go along and I'll take Ike to the university," She said sweetly, before glaring at Kyle and leaving with Ike firmly in tow.

As Stan and Kyle settled in their seats, Kyle turned to him and said, " I think my mom is in love with you, dude."

"Really? I don't think so," Stan replied distractedly, craning his neck around and looking at everyone on the bus.

"What are you doing?" Kyle asked, twisting around in his seat to see what Stan was looking at. As this was the late bus, there were only about 10 kids on it, but what Kyle saw made him sigh.

There was Wendy Testaburger in the backseat, with her long black hair and deep brown eyes that looked like dogshit in his opinion, but like the finest chocolate to any guy who happened to be infatuated with her. Like the whole male population at school for instance, and most horrific of all, Stan. His Stan.

Kyle slumped in his seat and let Stan continue goggling at Wendy, who had been his girlfriend back in the 3rd and 4th grade. She broke up with him for some mysterious reason, and he had never gotten over her, no matter how much he pretended he had.

Kyle was plotting ways to kill off that eco-friendly smart-ass bitch before Stan got snared in her trap, when he realized that they were at school, and he had forgotten his backpack at the bus stop.

Shit.