Beta: RisqueSno

Disclaimer: DC owns all these characters and WB owns DC and Time Warner owns WB and I'm pretty sure the rest of the world.

Gladrial's Notes: First, I'd like to take a moment to give a special thanks to all of my readers. I've gotten a lot of attention lately and it's much appreciated. I can't tell you how it inspires me to continue. To those of you e-mailing me or reviewing an extra special thank you. Through our dialogues I've been able to fit together what I'm doing well and what I need to improve upon and it's always nice to have a face to go along with my hit count. I'll stop rambling now as I'm sure you're waiting for me to get on with storytime…

I openly admit that, out of all the stuff I've worked on, this piece I took the least seriously (and, as my beta likes to point out, it was the hardest thing to edit ever!) Anything else of mine is much more plot and character driven. That's not to say that I don't like it (I wouldn't be posting it otherwise) because this story was just for kicks and I'm sure you'll find it entertaining regardless. I think it works best if you look at it as a silly play, jumping from scene to scene. Oh, I suppose I should be talking about the plot here…

It's football season once again and thus was this fic inspired. It's the Gotham Knights vs. the Metropolis Metros. Yes, I spent more time on the characters I like best. I'm the writer. It's my prerogative. …Great, now I have that song stuck in my head.

Rivals

"GAMEDAY! GAMEDAY!" Tim shouted excitedly while running down the stairs to the Batcave, traversing three steps at a time. "Dick's here for gameday!"

Batman was sitting at his computer in full uniform, and turned his head from the screen, replying, "Dick's here? …I wasn't expecting him."

"Do I really have to make an appointment, Bruce?" Dick asked as he entered the cave. "Besides, I always make it for gameday." Batman's confused expression led Dick to ask, "You don't even know what day it is, do you?"

"I've been busy," he admitted.

"He hasn't slept at all in the past two days," Tim revealed to Dick. "It's the big Gotham vs. Metropolis game today," he explained to Bruce.

Batman looked uncharacteristically torn between continuing his work and watching the biggest game of the year. His two wards grinned at the expression on his face before Dick decided to make it easier for him. "We can just watch it down here. It'll be on in the background."

Batman nodded and Tim excitedly turned on one of the large screens in the room to the proper channel before dashing back upstairs. "Somebody catch these!" he shouted down only a minute later.

"Catch what?" Dick shouted back from the bottom step before being hit in the head with a large bean bag, answering his question.

Superman was officially on vacation for the next three hours…or so he told himself. He'd missed so many games in the past already and it was one of the things he looked forward to the most every year.

He made himself comfortable on the couch facing his big high definition TV. He'd had some trouble coaxing Lois to agree in purchasing it, her main comment being that he could probably just watch the game from out the window anyway with his super vision.

Ultimately though, Lois was as big a fan as he was. She was very loyal to her city and loved to see it triumph in every field, especially over Gotham. (They thought they were so badass.) She joined Clark on the couch accompanied with a variety of snacks and beverages.

The pre-game announcements had just begun and already Lois was ready to cheer her team on. "GO METROPOLIS!" she called.

"SUCK IT METROPOLIS!" Joker jeered as he made his entrance into one of the backrooms in the Iceberg lounge. Every year Penguin setup a sort of sports bar for his more notorious customers during the big game. There seemed to be a call for it as it was one of the few times they all ever agreed on anything and sharing such a triumph, when triumph there was, was always more enjoyable. Lord knows how committed Gothamites were to their city. Sprinkled about the room were various mob bosses and some of the more colorful characters of the city.

"Oh god, not him," Two-Face groaned after seeing the clown enter. Joker was wearing a purple and green jersey and Harley was in a matching cheerleading outfit following behind him, jumping about excitedly with waving pom-poms.

"Why'd he show?" Riddler joined in Two-Face's disappointment. "He wasn't here last year."

"That's because I was locked up last year," he answered after overhearing their conversation, placing an arm over each of the man's shoulders as though they were good friends. "They let those of us that were well behaved that week watch the game though."

"So basically you missed it," Eddie commented.

"Hell yeah…fuckers," Joker answered. "Which is why Gotham lost last year."

"We lost…because you didn't watch the game?" Harvey questioned his logic.

"Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together," he quipped. "We'll win this year. You'll see."

"Because you're watching," Harvey clarified.

"Exactly." Joker gave a smug smile as he found a seat.

"You do know those aren't the team's colors," Eddie pointed out his shirt.

"Yes, but they should be. Isn't that right, Harl?"

"Absolutely, Mistah J. Go team J!" she cheered with a leap.

"Isn't she just spunky as hell?" Joker patted her on the head after she seated herself in his lap.

"Nice outfit," Harvey commented without emotion.

"Thanks!" Harley squeaked. "I was on my high school's cheerleading squad."

"No, you don't say," Harvey replied sarcastically, which received a chuckle out of the Riddler.

Lex Luthor's entertainment room was as cold and stark as the rest of his living space, but that's the way he liked things: efficient. He gave one final instruction to Mercy that he was only to be disturbed in the case of an extreme emergency, before shutting himself in the room.

While other Metropolis citizens rushed to experience the game with one another at local sports bars and bar-b-ques, Lex preferred solitude…and his state of the art entertainment system wasn't bad either. He had already prepared for the event to be catered to him alone as he saw fit and everything was exactly as he wished it to be before the pre-game announcements ended and the game officially begun.

He whipped out his cell phone and placed it at the ready on the coffee table in front of him. He smiled at the phone in anticipation as the first kick-off of the game was given.

"Get Clark ready on speed dial! We're kicking off!" Dick exclaimed excitedly from one of the bean bags. Tim was seated next to him in another with a mouth full of potato chips, brought down with other items provided by Alfred.

Batman was still seated in his chair facing the central screen. "Already have," he responded with little emotion, but Dick caught a smirk.

"Of course, you have," he replied with a smile.

"Lois, why did you unhook the phone?" Clark asked after catching the loose cord out of his peripheral vision.

"I didn't want the game to be disturbed," she lied.

He gave her a knowing a look before hooking the phone back up.

"Okay, okay, so maybe I'm sick of this macho game you insist on playing with Batman every year," she admitted. "It only upsets you when we lose."

"We aren't going to lose!" he stated defiantly.

"Yeah, that attitude is really going to help things," she replied sarcastically as she awaited the onslaught of phone calls they'd be expecting throughout the next few hours.

"Harley! Where's my cell phone?" Joker shouted from the bar as the game began.

Harley dug through a large handbag, placing various odd objects on the table in front of her including a rubber chicken, some cosmetics, a large pop gun, a packet of bubble yum, some sort of plastic explosive, and finally: "Here it is, Mistah J!" She brought it over to him, his eyes fixated on the screen. "Why do ya want it now?" Frankly, she was surprised that he'd be willing for anything to interrupt the game.

"If one intends to gloat, one must have the proper tools," he explained, taking the phone from her gleefully.

Lex was tense, leaning forward anxiously on the couch. The Gotham Knights were near the 30 yard line and at a first down. Not time to get too antsy for most teams but the Knights' game had been flawless this season. Considering that, they were too close to the goal line with too much opportunity to make a dramatic play.

He had money riding on the game, as always, but that didn't bother him. Lord knows, he'd never miss it, but the gloating of the clown was more than he could bear. The only reason he went through this ritual every year was that he knew that Joker hated it just as much and the opportunity to rub his face in every bad play couldn't be passed up.

The ball was snapped. The quarterback went for a long pass, hoping for an early touchdown. Lex held his breath as the ball flew through the air… Suddenly, one of the Metros coming from out of nowhere had just intercepted the pass and was making a tremendous run for the goal line.

"YES!" Lex jumped to his feet triumphantly.

"NO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Tim screamed in disbelief.

"HIT HIM! HIT HIM!" Dick shouted at the screen loudly. Both he and Tim were on their feet, jumping up and down. Batman clutched the arms of his chair tightly.

The Knights attempted to subdue the runaway Metro player but the interception had disoriented them and, with some fancy footwork, he made it across the line in an astounding run. Half the stadium roared as the triumphant player danced in victory.

"YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK SO VERY HARD!" Tim cursed while pointing at the screen, unsure if it was at the Metro player or his team for messing up so badly.

Alfred remained mostly indifferent. "Honestly, if it's going to get you all worked up so badly, I don't know why you continue to watch. Clearly you are not enjoying yourselves."

"Alfred, you just don't understand football," Dick sighed, returning to his beanbag in depression.

"That is where you are mistaken. Where I come from, football is actually played with your feet," he lectured. "And the world cup is something much more worthy of all this excitement."

Tim rolled his eyes and, at that moment, the phone rang.

"Clark," Batman said with a scowl, glaring at the receiver.

"You know you have to answer it. That's the rules." The fact was, if they didn't answer Clark's calls, Clark wouldn't answer theirs in return and what was the fun of that?

Batman picked up the receiver but neglected to say anything in answer, not that he needed to. Clark immediately screamed "TOUCHDOWN!" once he lifted it.

"WE HATE YOU! METROPOLIS SUCKS! YOU SUCK!" Tim screamed into the receiver childishly. All he got in return was a dial tone.

Lois could clearly hear, "WE HATE YOU! METROPOLIS SUCKS! YOU SUCK!" over the phone in Clark's hand before he hung it up.

"Well, I think that was uncalled for," Lois commented with a grin.

"I know!" Clark exclaimed excitedly, wearing a huge smile as much due to the great play as it was to the reaction he'd just elicited.

"…That was Batman?" she asked, confused. It wasn't the kind of behavior she'd expect from him after all of the descriptions she'd received of the man.

Clark laughed. "No! That was Robin. He's a good kid, but apparently a sore loser."

"We haven't won yet," she reminded him.

"That is not the attitude of a winner, Lois," he replied. "We've just crushed their moral. We have this!"

"What the fuck was that?" Joker questioned the rest of the room rhetorically, pointing at the screen in disbelief. Everyone else looked just as shocked as he did.

"We're undefeated! No other team has even put up a fight this season!" Two-Face shouted, rising to his feet.

Rather than angry, Riddler just looked depressed. "…You never can tell with these rival games," he stated logically.

Penguin, who had been sitting silently in the back of the room until now, went for his cell phone in anger. A gesture that was ignored until he was distinctly heard saying, "Are you trying to throw the game?"

"Who do you have on the phone?" Joker demanded, rushing toward the short man.

Penguin put his hand over the receiver. "The owner of the team," he answered. "We've had some dealings in the past and you know as well as I do that the Knights are favored this game. He has the opportunity to win a lot of money if we lose. Now go away."

Instead of returning to his seat, Joker snatched the phone out of his hand and begun yelling into the receiver, "You tell them to get it together or someone is going to die! You, the whole fucking team, that dumbass mascot-"

"I don't know who you are, but you're the fifteenth death threat I've gotten in the last two minutes. Tell Cobblepot I'm just as surprised as he is," the owner interrupted and then hung up.

"He just made the list!" Joker vowed, throwing the phone back to Penguin. Harley meekly went to his side unnoticed until she started tugging on his Jersey. "What do you want?" he asked venomously.

"Y-your phone rang three times. You wanted it out so I thought it was important." She held the phone out to him cautiously and, sure enough, it started to ring again.

He grimaced and angrily took the phone out of her hand, putting it to his ear.

"Fuck you," the Joker announced his presence over the phone.

Luthor loved eliciting such a reaction from the clown. While the Joker's anger was easily aroused, it never seemed to be the case with him. It's as though Joker somehow knew he'd get satisfaction out of it.

"Don't get angry with me," Lex responded smugly. "I'm not the one that insisted on putting a million dollars down on the first touchdown. Not a lot on it's own I suppose, but put it on top of what I'll be collecting after we win and I think you'll be feeling the pinch."

Suddenly Joker's mood completely changed as a wonderful thought ran through his brain. "Yeah," he agreed. "But you know what'd be worse? Losing the game after such a strong first play. I mean, that'd be rather humiliating."

"Keep dreaming, clown," Lex smirked before hanging up. How likely was that? It was very rare that a team came back from something so demoralizing.

Gothamites are never to be underestimated, and that was just as true of their team. While such a horrible beginning would be the end of some teams, it just seemed the piss the Knights off. This caused for quite a number of fouls made on their part, but they had evened up the score. They now had control of the ball with under a minute left in the game and were down by three points.

"We're going into overtime. No problem," Dick said with little concern. A field goal wouldn't be a stretch.

"Screw that! We want a touchdown!" Tim responded excitedly. Batman gave a rare slight chuckle. Tim was always steady and responsible and it wasn't like him to encourage such a risk when there was a much more sensible answer available.

The team moved down the field quickly, switching between passing and running plays until the Metros decided to call a time out sending the screens all over both cities into commercial.

At that moment, the comm rang. Batman answered it and Barbara's face glowed onto the screen. "Exciting game, huh, boys?" she asked.

"No traitors permitted on gameday," Tim hissed at her as though the sight of her face burned.

"Just because I moved to Metropolis doesn't mean my alliances have changed," she scolded. "I'm a Gothamite, born and bred, stuck in the enemy's territory. I'm tired of hearing the neighbors cheer and boo at the wrong moments so I thought I'd watch the end of the game with people that would enjoy our inevitable victory with me."

"Aww, poor Babs, of course you can," Dick sympathized.

"We appreciate your assuredness in victory and take back our previous statement," Tim said while bowing at the screen solemnly, until he heard the commercials had ended, at which point he shouted, "No more interruptions!" and resumed staring at the screen while pacing back and forth.

"We have to stop them here, Lois," Clark declared tensely.

"I know," she answered.

They watched the Knights take seven yards.

"We have to stop them here, Lois!" he repeated more urgently.

"I know," Lois answered again, getting tense herself.

They watched the Knights make another first down.

"We have to stop them HERE, Lois!" he shouted, rising to his feet.

"I know! Shut up! You aren't helping!"

One of the Knights had gone deep unnoticed. The quarter back caught him and went for the pass.

"Oh no!" they both gasped.

"GO BABY, GO!" Joker shouted excitedly. It had been a flawless catch and the runner was tearing toward the goal line with little deterrence. The rest of the room was on their feet with equal enthusiasm.

"TOUCHDOWN!" everyone cheered with their arm's raised as he crossed the line, mirroring the excitement of half the stadium on the screen. Harley's pom-poms flew into the air.

"YES!" Joker danced around excitedly. There was no way Metropolis could make a comeback with the little time they had left. Joker caught Two-Face's attention, pointed at his eyes, and then back at the screen.

"It's not because you watched it!" Harvey shouted back.

"Harley! Phone!" Joker called out, ignoring Two-Face's comment.

Harley leapt toward him, on cloud nine. Sure, she wanted Gotham to win, but she'd been beyond fearful of what would happen if they didn't. Mistah J was bound to take it out on her. She handed him the phone, gleefully.

When it started ringing, he hoisted Harley up over his shoulder with his free arm saying, "Daddy feels like celebrating", which he knew would emit a squeal from her loud enough for Lex to hear over the line.

Riddler and Two-Face shook their heads slowly at the two clowns leaving the scene.

"Good for you," Lex seethed.

"Really? You don't sound too happy for me," Joker giggled.

"Same account?" he asked shortly.

"Naturally. Now, buck up Lex. Your boys gave it a good shot and you won't miss a mere six million dollars. Honestly, you probably have that much in your pocket right now."

"You'll excuse me if I cut this conversation short. Some of us have real jobs to get back to."

"You do that. The rest of us have lives to get back to. Isn't that right, Harl?"

"I'm so glad we won!"she exclaimed and she meant it on every level possible.

Lex hung up at this point as it would obviously have continued without end if the clown had anything to say about it. He turned off his phone for good measure. After pausing for a moment, he angrily rose to his feet and went off to do something more constructive to take his mind off things.

After all, he thought. There's always next year.

The attitude was very celebratory in the Batcave. Tim and Dick were jumping around excitedly and mimicking different important plays in the game while Barbara watched on and laughed.

"Best. Game. Ever!" Tim declared.

"You say that every year we win," Dick scoffed.

"Every year it's true!" he returned.

"I'm calling Clark," Batman announced.

Tim and Dick gathered round and even Babs seemed to be trying to lean in through the screen. They waited patiently for the phone to be answered.

Both Clark and Lois were still staring at the screen, rather depressed, when they heard the phone ring. Clark groaned in response.

"I told you we should have left it off the hook," Lois chided.

He glared at her while picking up the phone. As soon as it reached his ears he heard the voices of Dick, Tim, and Babs yelling, "GO GOTHAM!" followed by the click and tone of a dead line.

Clark sighed and placed the phone back on the receiver. "I missed my calling. I should have gone into football. I'd have wiped the floor with them all by myself," he pouted.

"Now, now, Clark," Lois chimed in. "That's called cheating. I know what'll cheer you up: steak. I have some thawed." She gave him a peck on the cheek and went into the kitchen.

He, in fact, was already beginning to feel better, but then that was his nature: the eternal optimist. "You're right, Lois. Besides, there's always next year."

END

Author's End Notes: Do I honestly think that a sports bar would be set up in the Iceberg Lounge for the various kooks of Gotham? No. Do I really think that Lex would care about a football game when there are empires to build? No. Do I care? That'd be another no. Note how I always refer to Batman as Batman and everyone else by their proper names. It's the way it should be, so I declare. Hope you enjoyed the story and that your teams are performing well.