A/N: Hello, all! Yup, I'm back... with my first-ever oneshot! It's fairly short. It's fairly random. It took me all of about two hours to write. And it was so much fun! I've always thought it might be fun to try an all-dialogue piece. And the Iggy/Nudge pairing has grown on me... when I first saw it, I was like, "Wait, what?!?" But I found that, when it's well-written, it can actually work rather well. Hopefully this will make it work.
Yes, chapter four of Dazed and Confused is in the works. I've also got several other oneshot ideas that I'd like to get around to sooner or later. But this was just such pure fun that I couldn't resist. XD
Please note that Iggy and Nudge are older in this fic, and (most of the time) they'll act like it.
Note: Contains fluff. May rot your mental teeth. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them for a little bit.
And with that said, enjoy!
The Benefits of Not Talking
"So, Ig, about Max's birthday—"
"Oh, no. Here we go again."
"Shut up, you. Anyway, I was thinking—"
"What? Nudge, thinking? Oh, God, this is it! The apocalypse is here!"
"Oh, har har. I'm dying of amusement."
"GODDAMMIT, MAX! I THOUGHT YOU SAVED THE WORLD!"
"Hilarious, Ig."
"I know, aren't I?"
"…"
"Woah, watch it— Hey! Ow!
"Ha. Who's laughing now?"
"Beat up the blind guy, why don't you?"
"What, you want some more?"
"Demon."
"You got that right."
"…"
"So, like I was saying. I was thinking that maybe we could have a surprise party of sorts— Ig, stop distracting me!"
"Oh, but you like the distractions."
"…"
"See! I'm irresistible!"
"You've got too many feathers stuck up your ass, Ig."
"Ouch. That hurt, Nudge. That hurt right here."
"Iggy, your heart's on the other side."
"Whatever."
"Ahem. Planning. Now."
"But I don't wanna!"
"…"
"I mean… uh, planning! Yeah! Sounds great!"
"That's more like it. Okay, we know that Fang is planning a… surprise for Max—"
"He is? What is it?"
"You mean you don't know? Don't you talk to him at all?"
"Sure I do!"
"Iggy, you're getting huffy again."
"Hey! I take offense at that!"
"And so you should."
"…Fine. But seriously, what is he planning?"
"Hmm… you know, I rather like holding this over your head…"
"Nudge. Just tell me already!"
"…"
"Oh, no. This can't be good."
"…"
"Nudge? You've got that evil glint in your eye again. It's quite terrifying."
"How the hell would you know? You're blind!"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."
"Seriously, though. How do you do that?"
"It's in the ominous silence."
"So my death glares do work on you!"
"Er… well, that is to say…"
"Ha!"
"Damn."
"…"
"Nudge! Stop sniggering and tell me the freaking surprise already!"
"…"
"You're still sniggering."
"…Fine. Get on your knees and beg me."
"What?"
"Get on your knees and beg me. Or don't you want to know?"
"I hate you."
"There's a very fine line between hate and love."
"…"
"Stop grumbling and do it already."
"Oh, Nudge, goddess of… erm… all things divine, would you be so gracious as to divulge to your humble servant what surprise Fang happens to be planning for Max?"
"That's better. But you left out the bit about how dead sexy I am."
"Oh. Well, I thought that was a given."
"Naturally."
"Are you going to tell me now?"
"…"
"Nudge!"
"All right, all right! Don't get your panties in a twist."
"I'm choosing to ignore that last comment."
"Wise decision, oh boyfriend-of-mine."
"Are you going to tell me or not? I'll get Angel…"
"Okay! Sheesh. He's proposing to her, you nitwit."
"Hey! I'm not a— he's what?!?"
"Proposing, Ig. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much—"
"Shut it, you."
"…"
"STOP IT WITH THE FREAKING SNIGGERING ALREADY!"
"Wow, Ig! You PMSing or something?"
"Oh, no, you DIDN'T!"
"On the contrary, I think you'll find that I did."
"I'll have you know that I am a very manly man, thank you very much!"
"…"
"Um, Nudge?"
"…"
"Nudge, my guess is that your face is turning an interesting shade of purple right about… now."
"…"
"Nudge, stop laughing."
"…"
"Nudge! What the hell is so funny?"
"You… called yourself… a manly man…"
"And what's so funny about that?"
"…"
"I give up."
"…"
"Uh… planning! Nudge! Weren't we planning something for Max's birthday?"
"…Ah, so we were."
"Well…?"
"…Well what?"
"Well, are you going to go on another one of your planning rampages?"
"I do not go on planning rampages!"
"…"
"Shut up."
"I wasn't saying anything."
"And let's keep it that way. Now, I thought that you could make a chocolate cake. Angel, Gazzy, and I are taking care of presents. Fang's taking her out to dinner, and, of course, he's got the ring. But how can we really surprise her? I mean—"
"Uh, Nudge?"
"—she's turning twenty-one, and that's a big birthday, you know? So I wanted to do something really special—"
"Nudge."
"—something that she won't see coming at all. Other than the proposal, of course. But I just—"
"Nudge? Hello? Earth to Nudge!"
"—can't really think of anything! It's so… what, Iggy?"
"You talk too much."
"Make up your mind! First you want me talking, now you're telling me to stop!"
"You still talk too much."
"Yeah, well, someone's gotta do it."
"I can think of better things to do with your mouth than talking."
"Oh, really? Well, I happen to— mmph."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Ah, yes, I see your point."
"Rather more enjoyable, isn't it?"
"Quite. Note to self: less talking, more snogging."
"…"
"What? Ig, why are you looking at me like that?"
"Did you just say snogging?"
"And what if I did?"
"You've been reading those Harry Potter books again, haven't you?"
"And what if I have?"
"Nothing, nothing."
"Hey! I like Harry Potter!"
"What? I never said that there was anything wrong with it!"
"No, but it was implied."
"Nudge, you're bonkers, you know that?"
"Ah, but you love me for it."
"And so I do."
"…"
"…"
"Definitely more enjoyable than talking…"
And that's that. Hope you all enjoyed! And if you could tell me what you thought... well, that would be very much appreciated!
Praise is accepted, constructive criticism is loved, and flames will be used to roast marshmellows to a nice, crisp golden-brown... mmm...
Thanks for reading!
TheSmartypants