P.H.: Wow, well, what does one say in a moment like this?

S.T.Y: How about..."Sorry for having a life? And leaving my writing friend to rot alone?"

P.H: That is one way- YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME!? I guess I have been gone awhile- and didn't pay any attention when sent me those story alerts from you.

S.T.Y: (snort) That would explain. A LOT, my so called, BETA. ANYWAY. Getting offa subject...Oooh Gaara!

Gaara: OH FUCK. You TWO.

P.H: Now Gaara, you know I'm only attracted to big manly men... not cute little ukes like you. (huggle)

Gaara: I'm...I'm not uke! (frowny face)

S.T.Y: Tell that to Lee. Now, do your stuff uke boi.

Gaara: (sigh) Phantom Hand and Sexii-Turk-Yo, don't own Naruto. Can I go home?

S.T.Y: To Lee?

Gaara: To Lee...aw shit.

P.H: Piffle! We have a story to continue! On with the show!

A voice growled in the sudden dark, "What are you doing here?!"

Minato's voice was nearly drowned by the anger in the other, "Run, Naruto!"

Naruto sat frozen near his father's cell- the room was almost completely dark- save for a single shaft of light from a hole in the ceiling, looking frantically for the strange- yet somehow alluring- voice, "Who's there? Who are you?!"

The voice came again, mocking, "The master of this castle!"

Naruto flinched as the silhouetted figure moved about in the dark, but his voice did not waver, "I've come for my father. Please let him out! Can't you see he's sick?"

"Then he should not have trespassed here!"

"But he could die! Please, I'll do anything..." Naruto didn't stop to think what, 'anything' entailed- but no one ever accused Naruto of thinking.

"There is nothing you can do. He's my prisoner"

Naruto shifted as the figure once again prowled about in the tower room, "Oh, there must be some way I can..." The figure began to move away, "Wait!" Naruto could tell he had it's attention, "Take me... instead!"

The voice was quite for a moment, "You... would take his place?" The anger was replaced by mild surprise.

Minato's furious voice ripped through the tower, "NARUTO! Don't you dare do what I know you're thinking about doing!"

Naruto, as always, ignored his father, "If I did... would you let him go?"

The voice was quick to agree, "Yes! But... you must stay here forever..."

Naruto squinted at the figure- he was not going to give up his freedom to some creepy shadow- he was going to see it's face damn it! "Come into the light..."

Minato's once again needed to be heard, "No! Naruto! It's hideous- look away!!" He was, of course, ignored.

The figure slowly stepped into the light, back rim-rod straight, as it reveled itself.

Naruto gasped, and covered his mouth... to keep from laughing. THAT was the creepy thing in the dark?! It growled, and poor Naruto lost it.

"Wh...what's so scary about you?" Naruto got out between giggles. "You're just a guy with cute wolf ears and a tail!" he pointed out.

Than man sneered and glared at the laughing blond harshly. "And you're a cross dressing boy, but do you see me giggling at that? Are you going to sacrifice yourself for your father or not?!" he demanded.

Naruto, who was still in a fit of giggles, could only wave a hand and nod. The man stormed past Naruto. "Done." He threw the cell door open.

"The fuck!" Minato cried. "I could have opened this thing the whole time?!" He shook his head and ran to his son's side. "Stop laughing, you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into. Naruto, I'm old I-" Minato was grabbed by the back of his shirt and was being hauled off. Naruto's laughter died instantly. "Wait!" he yelled.

"Naruto!" Minato shouted, but soon found himself outside being dragged to a vine covered coach. Itachi opened the door and flung Minato inside. "Take him to the village." he commanded and turned on his heel.

"I'll get my son back!" Minato swore as the coach carried him away. Itachi rolled his eyes. "That'll only take you a few more chapters..."

Itachi stormed back up the stairs to the tower. Stopping at Kakashi's voice. "Master?"

"What?" Itachi sneered. Kakashi continued. "Since the girl will be staying with us, I was thinking that you might want to offer her a more comfortable room-"

Itachi growled, blowing out Kakashi's flames and continued. Kakashi stood there. "Hard ass."

Naruto glared up at the man who seperated him from his father. "You didn't even let me say goodbye!" he yelled standing up, tears falling down his cheeks. Itachi stared at him. "Let me show you to your room."

Naruto blinked. "My room? But I thought..." he looked over his shoulder slightly.

"You want to stay in the tower?"

"No." Naruto said quickly. Itachi turned on his heel. "Follow me."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX LAWL OXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Naruto sighed as he was led through the castle by the jerk with the wolf appendages, he ignored the hideous decor, 'Obviously there to intimidate...' The blonde thought to himself as he checked out his captor, besides the back ears and tail- he looked normal enough, oh and lets not forget his red eyes... can't forget those... Naruto's eyes wandered away from the back of the jerk's head, and found themselves latched onto his shapely backside. 'Oh my God, why am I checking him out?!' Naruto screamed in head.

Kakashi the candlestick, who was being held in a strong grip by Itachi gave out a whisper; "Psst, say something to her."

Itachi stopped his walking and looked at Kakashi. "Wha...'her'?"

"Yes, master. Her." Kakashi motioned to the blond boy in a dress. Itachi looked at Naurto before turning his attention back to Kakashi.

"That's a boy, Kakashi." Itachi stated. Kakashi frowned. "No, that's clearly a girl."

The two soon went into a harsh whispered argument. Naruto watched a bit off. 'Not only is he a jerk, he's psycotic!! He's arguing with a candle stick!'

Itachi gave up, and started his walking again. He spoke roughly; "This is your home now. You're free to go about where ever you please, except for the West Wing..."

"What's the West Wing?" Naruto asked curiously following the psychotic wolf man.

"It's a crappy show!" Itachi hissed, turning to glare at Naruto, making him flinch. "Just stay away from there..."

Itachi finally stopped before a large door, he opened it up revealing a large bedroom. "If you need anything, my servants will attend to you." Itachi spoke, as Naruto walked into the room.

"Dinner. Invite her to dinner." Kakashi whispered quickly. Itachi rolled his eyes. "What? Then woo him, and have him fall in love with me?"

"That's kinda the point...have him...wait, him?"

Itachi ignored Kakashi. "You'll join me for dinner. That's not a request!" He slammed the door shut, making Naruto jump.

"You could have at least said 'Please'!" Naruto shouted, he gritted his teeth and stomped over to the bed and slammed himself down.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX LAWL OXOXOXOXOXOXOX

We now find ourselves in the midst of an emo fit- Newsflash, "Sasuke down in the dumps."(A/N: hohohohohoho)

Sasuke pouted in the local tavern, sitting his big, strong, emo self in his favorite chair, "Who does she think she is?! That girl has

tangled with the wrong man. No one says 'no' to the awesome emo, SASUKE!"

Orochimaru wisely decided this was not a good time to remind Sasuke that Naruto was a boy, "Damn right!"

"Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. Why, it's more than any emo can bear!" He turned his chair from Orochimaru.

The little snake bastard quickly slid around the chair to face Sasuke, "More sake?"

"You know I don't drink! It numbs my emo emotions!"

Orochimaru was getting sick of hearing the word emo... "Well then, there is only one thing to do..."

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO LAWL OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Itachi's ears perked up, "I feel a disturbance in the Force..."

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO LAWL OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Sasuke

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be you, Sasuke

-cheers-

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're everyone's favorite dude

Everyone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why!

No one's garble garble Sasuke, no one's garble gable Sasuke

No one's garble garble mumble garble Sasuke

Garble mumble garble gibberish garble

Garble mumble mumble

You can ask any Karin, Juugo, or Suigetsu .

And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on!

The various bar patrons were gearing up for another verse, when they were violently interrupted by someone storming into the tavern.

Minato stumbled into the tavern, a wild, scared look in his eyes. "Help me! Somebody please!" he gasped. Sasuke turned and looked at Minato. "Minato?"

"Please! Please, I need your help! He's got him. He's got him locked in the dungeon!"

Sasuke stared at him. "...okay? Who's him?"

"Naruto!"

"My precious Naruto?! Where is she?!"

The tavern got reallly quiet. Minato sighed and rubbed his temples. "The beast. He's got Naruto captive!"

"A beast?" A random drunk asked with a smirk. "Is it a big beast?"

"Huge!"

"Ugly with a long snout?" another asked

"Terrifying!"

"Sharp claws and fangs?" a drinker put in with a laugh.

"Yes! YES. Stop asking me questions! Will anybody help me?!"

Sasuke smirked. "Alright old man, we'll help you." he said waving a hand. Minato smiled weakly "Oh thank you, thank- woha!" He was hauled up again for the hundredth time that day and hurled outside.

"LOL, Crazy ol' Minato, he's always good for a laugh!" The drinkers laughed. Sasuke rubbed his chin. "Crazy ol' Minato...Crazy ol' Minato. Hmmm."

"S-Sasuke?" Orochimaru pipped. Sasuke snapped. "I gots a plan. We'll..." He pulled Orochimaru up and whispered in his ear.

Orochimaru nodded. "So he'll-she'll...and then...yeah...But I...Okay!"

"Let's do it!" Sasuke and Orochimaru sang out. "Nooooo oooooone gsdjehneiufejkfehfs Sasuke! Adjkshgjsdkhj Sasuke!"

As they waltzed around the tavern. The drinkers sang out; So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating! My what a guy, Saaaaaaaaaasukkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Outside Minato roamed around. "Will no help me?! Ooh a penny!"

P.H: There is it... it was like labor!

S.T.Y: Booo. Where's the sexz? I want teh sexz, yo.

P.H: We'll get to it... eventually. Oh, and by the by- I happen to LIKE the West Wing, thank you very much.

S.T.Y: ...You're dead to me.

P.H: Then I guess no sex for you- in every sense of the word. lolz.

S.T.Y: (frownyfaceplz) Not cool. Fine, hope you all enjoyed this DELAYED chapter. More...soon...hopefully...God be willing...(makes a cross over chest)

P.H: I'm SORRY I work the days you go to school! Now that's not a problem though- is it. STUPID HURRICANE FAY!!

Gaara: Well, P.H is having another moment- so I'm going to get the hell out of here. See you next time.

S.T.Y: See you in bed...LEE'S bed.

Gaara: OMG. STFU. GTFO.