A/N: This fic was originally written/published in 2001. Yup. Then AC came out some years later and I decided to update this fic even more years later. It's amazing how some stories just kinda jump at you and won't let you go until you write them. I just woke up one morning and said "Goddamn, ok ok, I'll write you! Just leave me alone!"

Anywho, enjoy And reviews are always welcomed, especially constructive critiques. Rawr.

Aaaaaaaand

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Square does.

Just approaching the precipice of falling into a much welcomed sleep, I suddenly heard a very clear voice say my name. I opened my eyes to darkness and absolute silence. Lying quietly in bed, I listened carefully.

Again, I heard it. Someone very clearly spoke my name, the single syllable resonating in my skull.

I sat up, looking blindly around the villa. Of course, I could see nothing, but I remained absolutely motionless, trying to identify the source of such a strange voice. All I could hear was Tifa's quiet breathing next to me. I held my breath.

The voice called again, and this time it sounded as if it were right outside the window. Carefully, I got out of bed and walked slowly over to the window, peering out.

But the moonlit beach of Costa del Sol was entirely unoccupied. There was nothing but the faint motion of waves crashing on shore. I shook my head, feeling foolish. I wiped the sweat from my face and shivered despite the summer heat.

"...just a dream..." I quietly ordered myself to believe.

My mind must be playing tricks again. I hadn't slept peacefully in a while and sleep deprivation often led to hallucinations, both auditory and visual. That's why Tifa had dragged me out to Costa del Sol. A "vacation" or something. She even invited all the 'old crew' much to my dismay. A little reunion of friends, she called it. Maybe she thinks I would forget how complete strangers had put up with me long enough to kill Sephiroth two years back. Personally I just hate hearing the word reunion in any sentence for obvious reasons and was surprised by her lack of tact concerning the matter. Well, I didn't want anyone to tiptoe around the whole Jenova issue, but I always flinched involuntarily upon hearing ... that word. And I'm sure all the bits of Jenova inside of me flinched as well, although for a different reason. Those little fuckers.

Truthfully, I felt no need for friends, definitely not 'reunions' of old friends. But I don't ever argue with Tifa. So, now, Cid and Barret were due to show up in the morning. Vincent politely declined the social event, and Yuffie had promised to arrive late afternoon. Reeve said he had too much work to do, and nobody could get a hold of Nanaki lately. The fewer the better. There is a reason I choose to spend my time mostly with Tifa. She is the only person whom I never had to explain anything to because she shared my past. She always understood by behavior. Never questioned my perpetual solitude or my silence.

I'll confess I've been rather "cruel" to her lately, purposefully bringing her home flowers from Aerith's church. She is at first happy that I brought her flowers, then I watch the realization spread across her face once she inspects the yellow petals more closely. This went on for days, then the insomnia began.

Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, let me explain my actions. I've always given her Aerith's flowers. Even the first day I met Aerith and mistakenly thought she was the town drunk (honestly, who else would wander the Slums alone at night?), I bought that yellow flower for 1gil from her and gave it right to Tifa. Tifa is the only woman I would ever think of bringing flowers to. And I figured she would understand why I still thought those same flowers were the only ones beautiful enough to bring to her-

Fuck!

I jumped as the cutting voice spoke again, tearing through my thoughts. This time it sounded as though it was right behind me, my name echoing once more. I turned quickly and rushed to turn on the light hanging from the ceiling. The room was illuminated within seconds of the voice's single word and yet...

Nothing. The room was undisturbed. Everything was just as I had left it. And certainly no mysterious owner of that voice was present. ...That voice which was starting to sound familiar. Too familiar. The cells inside of me throbbed in reaction, contracting violently. I fell over. Fucking Jenova.

My heart pounded as I heard it call to me again.

No, this is just my imagination. Some malicious, but wholly fictitious, hallucination. Yes, that's right. Just in my head. Nothing more. See, this is what happens when you don't sleep for days.

I brushed back my blonde spikes, the messy strands hanging carelessly. The pain passed. Hesitantly, I stood, wondering what had triggered it.

Tifa stirred, rolling over in bed. The hanging lamp cast a warm glow across her face. She groaned.

"Cloud? What time is it? What are you doing?" she said with a yawn, her hands over her eyes.

"Nothing..." I whispered, standing over her bed, "Just thought I heard something."

"Heard what?" Tifa mumbled with her head face down in a pillow.

"...Jenova," I stated explicitly, quietly.

"That's not funny," she looked up at me, her ruby eyes half-open.

"I'm serious."

"You're such a bad liar, Cloud," she huffed and rolled over, facing away from the light, "Turn off the light and come back to bed."

It's always interesting how a person reacts when they first wake up. Brain half-asleep, only the simplicity of necessities matter. And right now, Tifa was tired and wanted sleep. And who was I to stop her? Hell, I knew how precious sleep was, given that I hadn't gotten any peaceful, truly satisfactory, sleep in days.

And I still wasn't used to sleeping in the same bed with someone. Once the insomnia started, Tifa thought it would help if she stayed with me at night. I guess she figured I would find peace resting next to her, or at least drift into sleep from the sheer suggestion of her own sleeping figure. It helped, but only a little. I think I just managed more so to keep her awake, too. And that's when this 'vacation' popped up in her mind. At least those fucking nightmares stopped.

I reached towards the light switch, with all intentions of complying with Tifa's request. But I paused, feeling a horrific sensation that I hadn't felt in years which always foretold that imminent threat, like the taste of bile in your mouth right before you vomit. I braced myself.

Jenova's sickening control touched the tip of my mind, but only for an instant. I let out a small hiss of pain, clutching my head. The cells inside me writhed happily for that split second of agony. Then it was gone again.

Tifa had sat up in bed and was staring at me, frowning.

"Cloud, that's really not funny," Tifa said gravely, pulling her long dark hair to one side nervously.

She thought I was ... what, pretending I was in pain? Who the hell would pretend to be in pain? No. I sat down beside her on the bed, the light still on above us.

"Tif, I'm not joking about this," I said seriously. And when had I ever joked about anything? Well, aside from that one time.

Tifa said nothing, but her eyes were searching mine, moving quickly from side to side. She looked a bit frightened, to be honest.

"I think maybe you just really need some rest," she finally said, and she was probably right. But...

"No, I couldn't have imagined this," I said at once.

Then the fear came back to me. The sickening, debilitating, intense, cold fear of Jenova. It was something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Let me clarify. It wasn't like the fear of physical injury that I felt when fighting with Kadaj back when I still had Geostigma, or even the deathly fear for my friends' lives when I was facing Sephiroth in the Northern Crater. No. It was the childlike but somehow completely justified fear of the other that I experienced while in Hojo's lab. The fear of that other voice talking in my head, those other thoughts lacing my own, that other thing taking control of me. I won't lie. I was fucking horrified of that thing.

I used to dream of it often, in flashes of blue and white. Hojo's lab. The needles. And that fear. Sometimes I caught myself referring to it as mother, and that made me want to puke.

Tifa moved her warm hand over mine, breaking my chain of memories. She gently rubbed my knuckles with her thumb. It was rather comforting. Sudden heat spread under my skin, emanating from her touch, dispelling the cold lump in my chest. My eyes met hers and she smiled at me.

Somehow, she made me feel safe. Not that I needed protecting. I could take care of myself, of course. But if I had to choose anyone as a bodyguard, it would be her without a doubt.

And she was making that fear dissipate. It faded slowly, uncomfortably, as though it was reluctant to leave me. Yes, retreat back into my nightmares. Repress. Repress. Repress.

The cells surged suddenly, paralyzing me. I squeezed my lips shut tightly, refusing to acknowledge the pain.

The voice called me again, but this time there was no mistaking where it had come from. It was inside my head. Loud and commanding. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My eyes broke from Tifa's and a deep chill took hold of me.

"Cloud? What's wrong?"

I tried to respond, but Jenova's presence filled me once more. My pulse was racing.

"Cloud, you really don't look well. The color is all drained from your face. And your eyes..." Tifa trailed off. She clutched my hand tightly.

Complete loss of control. My consciousness suspended. I was being crushed to death. Pressed flat inside my head, I couldn't breath. This is the most painful part. Always. I pulled myself back into the shelter of a dark recess within my mind, instinctively, as I always did when I couldn't be in control.

Jenova's voice was saying more than just my name now. I ignored all the words. Repress...

"Cloud? Are you alright?" Tifa's panicked voice echoed far from me, "Cloud! Answer me!"

The thing weakened. Then, for no reason, I was released. I heard myself hit the ground before I felt it. My vision cleared up. I stared up at Tifa, slightly nauseous but otherwise fine.

"Cloud! What's happened? Are you alright? You just dropped to the floor! What happened?"

She was frantic, leaning over my chest, her long hair draped around my face, framing hers above me. Her eyes glistened. She was sitting on the floor next to me.

How could I possibly explain it to her? I thought of the only other memorable time she had witnessed this happening to me.

"Tifa," I called out to her.

"Yes, Cloud? What is it?" She helped me sit up. We both remained on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed.

"You remember when I gave Sephiroth the Black Materia that day?" It wasn't necessary to clarify which day that was. I'm sure it was as clearly etched into her mind as mine.

"Yes..."

"I felt so hopeless and lost that day, and a part of me was-" I began.

"Cloud, shhh..." Tifa pressed a slender finger against my lips, silencing me. "No...That's in the past. We're done with Sephiroth," she softly told me. I brushed her hand away.

"Tifa, I felt like that again...just now."

"No!" Tifa said, looking away from me, "It must have been a flashback or a nightmare. We're through with those days."

She was always so strong. And I suddenly felt so exhausted. For the first time in nearly two weeks, I just wanted to sleep.

"I don't want to go through this again..." I mumbled to myself, resting my head on her shoulder.