Title:Confessions of a Frustrated Perfectionist
Rating: T - may go up to M later on.
Summary:A large overbearing family, a cheating boyfriend, and a best friend who thinks getting laid is the answer to everything. Will Haley's life take a turn for the better, or the worse after spilling her secrets to a stranger in a bar, and where does her new boss fit into things?
Author's Notes:I got the idea for this while reading the book. "Can You Keep a Secret" by Sophia Kinsella. For anyone who's read the book you'll probably be able to see where the idea was born from but this isn't a naley rewrite of the book, I guess you could just say the book was my inspiration. Although this story is a multi-parter I promise it won't be too long. It will be pretty much completely a fluff story because my other WIP – Reflections of Things That Never Were is so damn angsty at the moment a girl needs a break now and then! For any of you who are reading that story I've half to two thirds of the next update finished so I hope to get it up in the next couple of days - Real life permitting. (Don't fear it not getting finished – that story niggles at me constantly, I want to write it as much as any of you want to read it! Lol)
I hope you all like this story, it's supposed to be fun, funny, and an easy enjoyable read and I hope it comes off that way – Please let me know what you think. Big thank you to Lori (lorilozz) for beta-ing and all her help, and Kristen too!
"Haley.. Dear." Resisting the urge to roll her eyes Haley turned to her grandmother who gave her a sympathetic smile and reached up to hug her. "I'm so so sorry to hear about you and Jake."
Sorry. Everyone was so damn sorry. So they broke up. What was the big deal? Yes, okay, maybe they'd been together since she was 18, and yes – maybe - at some point she had thought she was in love with him. But she wasn't even sure she had been, and she definitely wasn't last week when he'd told her that he didn't want to do this but they'd been drifting, and there was this woman from work… Bastard.
"Thanks Grammie." She tried to smile sincerely with a suitable amount of heartbreak in her expression as she pulled away from the older woman. She'd tried to tell everyone she was fine. Happy even. They'd all told her to stop putting on a brave face, and sympathised about how hard it must be to have to leave her beautiful apartment in the ritzy part of town and move into a dingy two bed on the other side of the river with a room mate. Jake made twice what she did and there was no way she would have been able to afford their place on her own - not that she would have wanted to. She'd never felt comfortable in their plush apartment. Always feeling like she was staying over, never feeling like it was her home. At Brooke's she didn't get self conscious singing show tunes at the top of her lungs in the shower in the mornings, or have to worry about the house looking like a show home on the off chance Jake brought a business associate back. If she wanted to she could sit around in her pyjamas all day eating cookie dough ice cream right from the carton and blow her nose loudly as she sobbed over some cheesey teen movie. In fact her best friend would likely be right there beside her fighting for the duvet and wedging her cold feet between Haley's legs which would be tucked up on the sofa between them.
"I'm sure he'll realise what a mistake he's made and come back to you sweetheart, just give him time. Men aren't like us, they need change, but you're a good girl Haley, he'll be back. Just hang in there."
Oh My God. Looking around the garden she tried to find a suitable reason to leave her grandmother alone, but really, if one more person told her to hang in there, or how Jake would realise what a good thing he had, or really pretty much anything positive about her ex boyfriend she would scream. Where was Brooke when she needed to hear how she was too good for him? How if he came back grovelling with diamonds and chocolates she should take the gifts, shut the door in his face, and sleep with his brother. Not that she'd ever do that, well she might take the chocolates, but she'd never sleep with Eric, and diamonds are really expensive.
She scanned her surrounds again in search of her friend's brunette head but couldn't see her amongst the masses. It wasn't often her, her siblings, and their families were all in one place, but her parents had finally settled down from the RV trip they'd taken when she'd graduated High School five years ago and they'd thrown themselves a welcome home party. Not that Tree.. whatever this town was called.. was home exactly, but Welcome Back to North Carolina didn't have quite the same ring to it. Haley was just happy that now if she wanted she just had to jump into her car to see them instead of checking their blog – yes her parents had a blog – to find out where the next stop on their itinerary was before booking a plane ticket.
"Auntie Haley." Quickly turning when she sensed the child's grubby fingers reaching out toward the hem of her knee length white sundress she grabbed the little girls hand in her own before it could dirty the material. Maybe white linen wasn't the best thing to wear to a party full of children, but the dress had looked so good, and it had fitted perfectly. Making her look thin, but not too thin so that people would think she spent all her time wallowing in her bedroom sobbing and refusing to eat. It was practically the opposite actually, she'd gained 3lbs since her and Jake had broken up last month and most of it appeared to have gone to her boobs. Ha! Take that office-bitch! Plus the tags were easily hidden so she could take it back after she'd worn it. She'd never done that before herself but she'd seen Brooke do it a million times, and now she was living on one income – one lowly miniscule income – she had to be creative.
"What is it sweetie?"
"Daddy said.."
"What did your daddy say Kayla.." Sensing that she probably wouldn't be too happy with what she was about to hear, especially if it came from her teasing elder brothers lips Haley breathed in deeply trying to calm herself down. Okay so she had said she'd scream if anyone else mentioned Jake but she didn't want to be responsible for damaging the little girls hearing – she had a lot of life ahead of her!
"Daddy said that we have to be nice to you because you and Uncle Jake don't live together anymore." Damnit. Uncle Jake. That was the one thing that being here today brought home for her. Maybe she was okay with this break up, but they'd been together so long they'd become ingrained in each others lives. Her family had taken him in as one of their own, and she loved most of his. Did all that go away now? She'd never had a real break up before. She'd never had a real relationship before him. Could she still go to his cousin's school play that she'd brought tickets to last time they'd visited? She already had the time off work, and Amanda had been so excited to have the lead..
"You don't have to be any nicer to me than you want to be Kay, okay?"
Cocking her head to the side the little girl studied her aunt for a minute, as if, like her elder relatives, she too was searching Haley's face for any sign of anguish.
"Okay." Nodding her brunette curls the girl seemed satisfied and began to walk back over to where the other children were playing. Turning Haley felt a guilty relief when she saw her grandmother was no longer there.
"I don't think you're supposed to be serving the food at your own party Mom." She laughed taking the tray of food off of her mother and placing it down on the table.
"I'm perfectly capable of serving some nibbles Bub, now come here and talk to your Momma. How are you baby?" The familiar head tilt was present again as mother looked to daughter with an endearing smile.
"Mooom." Shaking her head at Lydia's outstretched arms Haley sighed. "I'm fine. God, if I'd known it was going to be like this all day I would have just said Jake couldn't make it because of work or he was sick and emailed you about the break up."
"Oh sweetie, you don't have to act so brave. He was your first serious boyfriend. You kids had a good thing going. You know when you rang and said you had news about Jake I thought.."
"That I was going to tell you I was engaged? Yeah Taylor told me, she also said you were going to make this a joint celebration. That's really sweet Mom, but I was never going to marry him."
"You can't lie to me Haley. I'm your Mom, I know you. You were head over heels for that boy."
"God. No. Mother. I really wasn't!" Throwing her hands up in exasperation Haley turned to walk away. She probably should have just pretended to be heartbroken, as she'd done with everyone else but she was just tired of it. Everyone was acting like losing Jake was end of her world. Hell, they were acting like it was the end of their world!
"Haley! I know you're upset but you can't speak to Mom like that!" Her eldest sister followed after her, her two year old sons head bobbing erratically with her steps.
"What about how she spoke to me?" The shorter girl whispered back harshly, mindful of the fact that they were surrounded by family and friends. "You're all acting like I can't think for myself!"
"Well you just went through something very traumatic sweetie." Shaking her head Haley went to defend herself but decided against it. They wouldn't listen. They never did. Everyone in this family was so sure they knew Haley better than the next. Better than herself. It seemed like no matter how old they got get all the James children together and they'd reverted back to the ages they were when they were last all living at home. Unfortunately that meant they acted like Haley was four and needed guidance on how to cross the street. Just this morning Josh had grabbed Haley's hand along with his 10 year old daughters as they crossed the road to go and buy some more streamers. He'd apologised right away and they'd both laughed it off, but right now the memory fuelled her annoyance.
"You know Bub, if you need to talk I'm here. I remember when I broke up with Billy Sullivan…"
"You dated Billy Sullivan when you were 15!!"
"15 or 19 it doesn't matter Haley, first love is first love."
"You dated Billy Sullivan when you were 15 for 2months!" She was starting to feel really patronised.
"For someone who's not supposed to be upset Haley you're getting quite wound up."
"I'm going to look for Brooke." Turning quickly Haley let out a sharp gasp as she felt something cold and sticky hit her stomach and a child bump up against her. "Please let it be water." She mumbled to herself looking down and seeing a purple stain growing across her white stomach, the colour seeping into the material.
"Sowwy Hawey." Looking down at her nephews trembling lip and watery eyes Haley felt her own start to fill.
"It's okay Mikey. Don't worry about it." She patted his head hugging him quickly before heading back into the house mumbling to herself. "Don't worry about my $250 non-returnable dress I guess I just won't eat this month."
Walking up the stairs she headed toward the room her parents had told her and Brooke to stay in that night. It had all the furniture from her room back at the old house, and she really was looking forward to a night curled up in her old bed. Maybe she could have a nap now, if she slept long enough maybe something more interesting than the demise of her and Jake's relationship would happen and everyone would find something else to talk about. Worst case scenario she'd escape the looks for an hour or two. Closing in on the door her forehead creased at the strange giggle like sound she could hear coming from inside. Timidly she creaked the door open and couldn't stop the loud half gasp, half scream that escaped.
There on her bed, on her childhood bed, was her brother, shirtless, and her best friend, also shirtless straddling him. "OH MY GOD!! BROOKE!"
"Tutor Girl, I.."
"Hales – shut the door." Steven piped up, seemingly undeterred by his baby sister walking in on him under her best friend. Her best friend who up until an hour ago he'd never met before despite Brooke spending many a summer or holiday with whichever branch of the James family Haley was tagging onto.
"Oh my god." Frozen Haley stood unable to move, her stomach becoming stickier by the second. "oh my god."
"Can you stop saying that Hal… Your dress!"
"Oh My God."
"HALEY! YOUR DRESS! YOU CAN'T RETURN IT LOOKING LIKE THAT!" The pretty brunette clambered off the reluctant man and walked over to her friend who seemed to snap out of her trance just as Brooke reached her.
"I don't care about my dress, what the hell are you doing with my brother! You told me you were going to come here and support me and instead you're screwing my brother!!" Haley felt a pang of regret at the hurt look that crossed her best friends face. She hadn't meant for her words to come out so harsh, so selfish, but she was in shock. It wasn't every day you walked in on your best friend and brother going at it on the same bed you'd hung your Christmas stocking from. If it had been Taylor she wouldn't have been so surprised. Hell it could have been Taylor and Brooke and she still wouldn't have been this shocked, but she'd always thought her and Steven had a certain kinship in their madcap family, and messing around with her best friend while she fended off the rest of the clan down stairs kind of went against that! "I came in here for a change of clothes but I guess I'll just leave you two to it."
"Haley?" She had reached the bottom of the stairs and was almost out of the front door when she heard a voice call her name from the den.
"Tony, is that you?" Stepping into the room the door shut behind her and she glanced around nervously. Whoever it was seemed to be hiding in the shadows but the only person who'd have an accent remotely close to that was her sister Quinn's fiancée. Perpetual fiancée. They'd been engaged over two years now and Tony seemed reluctant to even think about setting a possible date. Her mother had once told her that she thought Haley'd get married before Quinn did. Although apparently her mother had been certain she was marrying Jake anytime now so maybe that didn't say too much.
"Are you okay?" She knew he was meant to come across as sympathetic but there was something unnerving about the way he kept looking at her, and was he staring at her grape juice stain? Oh, nope, eyes were a little north of there. Ew.
"I'm fine, Tony, thank you for asking." She crossed her arms across her chest and looked around the small homely room. "Where's Quinn?"
"Out back, I was just nosing around the new house. Nice huh?"
"Yeah, I guess. I should be getting back outside. Are you coming?" She bounced nervously from one foot to the other. Surely what she thought was happening wasn't happening. No way..
"You know Haley, ever since you graduated college you've really come into your own. There's just something about you lately, Jake's an idiot for letting you go." She backed up against the door, he couldn't be for real. Could he?
"Um, thanks, I guess." She slipped her hand onto the door handle, desperate to get out of the room and back into a large open space, a large open space with lots of people.
"If you want to talk about it, the break up, I'd be more than happy to listen."
He was leering down at her now, his eyes boring into hers and she sucked in a deep breath, turning the door knob behind her back.
"Right well, thanks, I've uh, got to go. Tell Quinn I'll talk to her when I get back."
Quickly she left the room shaking her head in disbelief as she walked straight out the front door. Climbing into her car she sent a silent prayer of thanks that she'd offered to make a last minute run to the liquor store so her car wasn't blocked in. She didn't know this town, had no idea where she was going or how to get home but if she spent one more minute with those pitying looks she was going to lose her mind. As she turned onto what appeared to be the road into town she realised the only person all day who'd said Jake was the one losing out in their break up was Tony as he stared down her dress.
----
Sitting at the bar of the bar-cum-club she'd happened upon driving around the town Haley signalled for the bar tender to bring her another drink.
"I.D.."
"Are you serious?" She asked looking wide eyed at the man in front of her. She'd been ID'd when she'd sat down at least an hour ago and this was her third or forth drink and she was getting ID'd again.
"Uh yeah.." The guy looked at her like she was crazy, peering intently at her eyes to check whether maybe he should cut her off.
Rolling her eyes Haley fumbled into her purse and handed over her drivers licence. "See – 23! – Give me my drink.." She bit her lip, instantly feeling bad for snapping at the bartender, it wasn't his fault she was single, and pathetic, and covered in grape juice. "um..please."
A low gruff laugh reverberated beside her. The man's shoulders shaking. "Polite."
"Excuse me?" Drawing her words out the young woman shot daggers at the man next to her.
"You're very polite."
"Yes, well, manners don't cost anything. You know what else is polite? Not butting into other people's conversations."
"Conversation? Unless you're talking to yourself I'm the only other person around here. Well, me and Mark, and after the way you reacted to him just doing his job right now I don't think he's going to be feeling very chatty."
"Whatever." She wasn't in the mood for this. Getting drunk alone wasn't usually her style, but if there was ever a time for it, it was today. She had hoped the anonymity she had in this town would allow her to do just that, but it seemed like Mr. Chatty had other ideas. Well he might as well make himself useful. "Do you come from a big family?"
"What?"
"Do you." She repeated, slowly annunciating each word "Come from a big family?"
Quirking an intrigued eyebrow at the woman next to him he took in her frazzled appearance, the white dress with the price tag hanging out at the side and a big purple stain over her stomach, her curly auburn hair piled haphazardly on top of her head. At first glance he'd of thought she'd be some blubbering mess, not the type to snark him back at all.
"No, just one brother."
"Well, lucky you." He laughed again as she profusely thanked the bartender when he placed her drink in front of her, apologising for her earlier tone. "You can stop laughing at me anytime you know."
"Well you'd just have to stop being funny then wouldn't you."
"Oh my god. Are you flirting with me? Don't even bother flirting with me. If I wasn't already off men, today sure as hell would have done that for me."
"Don't worry. I'm not flirting with you. No offence babe, but purple's not really your colour."
Looking down at the stain on her stomach that she was swore was growing Haley blushed, she'd almost forgotten about that, but now the day was coming back to her thick and fast.
"You know what I hate? I hate that everyone in my family calls me Bub. Yes, I'm the baby, I get it. I don't need to be reminded every time you talk to me! Wouldn't make any difference if I told them anyway they just hear what they want to hear. My boyfriend of five years breaks up with me, and you know what, take out the office skank he was screwing behind my back, and I'm actually pretty cool with it. I didn't love him, not that anyone believes me of course, because I'm Haley, and I do as is expected of me and if I'm living and sleeping with the same guy I dated in college then I must be in love with him. Well no, I wasn't in love with him, at least I don't think I was in love with him. God I hope I wasn't in love with him, if that's what love is I'm so screwed." She took a break taking half of her drink down in one gulp before turning back to the man beside her. "Hey, you're a man."
"Uh.. Yeah.."
"Why would you break up with a girl for some office slut and then beg her to still sleep with you. Apparently however long you've been in a relationship has some ratio to how long the break up sex should last."
"I've never heard that."
"Should have known. Well he can kiss goodbye to that! He was always selfish in bed, not me, oh no, I am damn good in bed thank you very much! But not Jakie, oh no! Do you know I'm 23 years old and I'm not even sure I've ever had an orgasm? I mean I thought I had but then I listen to my best friend and my sisters talk and I realise that I'm missing out on something. Do you know I didn't even know what a g-spot was until I borrowed one of the Brooke's cosmo's to read in the bath tub the other day?! Five years I was with him for! Four years of sleeping with him and listening to 'Oh yeah, Oh Haley, So good baby', and nothing! NOTHING for me! Selfish Prick!"
"Uh.."
"Men are scum, no offence, but they are! Today I'm pretty sure my sister's fiancée was coming onto me. I mean what do I do with that, do I tell her? Oh and then there's the fact that I walked in on my best friend and my brother half naked and writhing on my childhood bed! Taylor I expect that kind of thing from but Steven's supposed to be the good one! You know what else? I've always been jealous of my under achieving slutty sister. Not that I want to be under achieving and slutty, although maybe that's the way I to get that illusive orgasm,"
She stopped as if to ponder that thought for a moment, barely taking a breath before she carried on.
"But I can't help it! I hate her sometimes, and God I know I shouldn't and she's my sister and I love her, but I do, I hate how easy it all is for her! She doesn't care what my parents think about her. She doesn't lie and pretend to be upset about something because she's worried people will think she's weird for not being so, and if some stupid bitch in her office kept passing off her work as her own the whole place would damn well know about it instead of just signing her email up to spam sites in revenge! And she's always so free, no one expects anything from her and when she does something remotely positive people throw a freakin parade! I had the valedictorian title stolen from me in high school right at the last minute, and did I get a 'Congratulations on coming second in your class Haley?' No I did not! I got told not to let it get to me, and that seen as I wouldn't be giving a speech I wouldn't mind if my parents left a day early right? Well you know what? I did mind, and I minded when no one could understand why I wanted to study music, even though they all tell me they know me soooo well! I hate that my parents left before I'd even gone to college and I cried all night alone in the house with just Mr Waffles. Who, incidentally, if I'm ever alone at night still shares my bed with me, Mr Waffles, and cookie dough icecream...I have developed an addiction to everything cookie dough since Jake dumped me, it's not that I'm depressed, although lord knows people would understand it better if I was – it just tastes good, and Jake would get really funny about fattening foods. Well it doesn't matter because all the extra fat seems to be going to my boobs anyway. I guess that's it, my non-orgasming self, Mr Waffles, cookie dough icecream, and my stupid big boobs alone together forever. And yes, I know you can't be alone together…maybe I could get Brooke to join us too. She kissed me once, in college, and I didn't push her away right away, I mean I was in shock, but I don't know maybe I'd like it if I tried it... Okay so I probably wouldn't, I've never even done that stupid drunken kissing thing girls do to get guys attention, I don't think I'd like kissing a girl. I like men, I like how they're bigger, the only time I like that, cause I swear usually I hate being short! Maybe if I was a bit taller my legs wouldn't look kind of dumpy, I mean everyone tells me they don't look dumpy, but I think they're kind of dumpy, but no, what was I saying? Oh yeah - Men, I really do like men, and how they're stronger, and the way their bodies feel..."
He blinked a couple of times, unsure whether to laugh or check she hadn't ingested something. This girl was all over the place, one minute she's talking about her family, and job, and then her ex, and sex, and her boobs. He really wished she'd stop talking about her boobs because from this angle he could see down the v-neck of her dress and the more she talked about them, the more he looked. He was a bit worried she'd turn on him if she caught him and thought he was a pervert. She definitely seemed to have a man hating thing going on right now, well except for how she liked how they were bigger, stronger, and their bodies, he smirked as he went back to listening to her ramble.
"… and I love Brooke, but god she hated me when she first met me. Virgin little good girl Haley. I don't think she was a virgin when she started high school never mind college, and I'm pretty sure she slept with Jake before I starting dating him but even now I'm scared to ask. I mean what do I say 'Hey Brooke you know before we met did you hook up with Jake? Was he any good?' God imagine if he was, imagine if she had multiple orgasms and it went on for hours and the problem is me, and then she'd know! She'd know that I've been lying to her and making stuff up. She probably hates me now anyway. I didn't mean to be a bitch earlier, but I really didn't want to see that, and she's supposed to be with me on this stupid man-strike thing! Should have known she couldn't stick to it. That girl's too horny for her own good, and oh my god I'm going to have to worry about that now too aren't I?! I mean before I was with Jake I didn't really know what I was missing, and yeah okay so I didn't orgasm but the sex was always ya know, nice, and it felt good enough and now I'm not even going to have that. Shit." She stopped, sighed and rested her head in her hands. Her life kind of sucked right now and… Oh My God. It hit her quickly exactly what she'd just been saying to this guy she'd never met before in her life. The man sat next to her who, as she peaked through her slightly splayed fingers, she could see was chuckling quietly to himself, laughter shining in his blue eyes. His really pretty blue eyes. "Shit" She repeated again, fumbling in her purse for some money and stumbling off the high stool.
"Careful." Blue eyed man told her as he stood himself grabbing her as she swayed a little from the drinks.
"Thanks, I've, uh, I'm, uh, Sorry." She managed as she teetered across the floor of the club, her heels skidding a little as she tried to move faster than the alcohol in her system wanted to allow, listening to his low laugh following her as she pushed through the door. "Okay Haley, you're not allowed to talk anymore. Ever. To anyone."