A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, this is my first Bleach fanfic. If you hate it, I understand. If you love it, I thank you. Think of this after the shinigami leave Earth but before the recent chapters, like right before they go to Hueco Mundo and Hinamori still thinking Aizen is good. So yeah, it's a HitsuHina with some romance, some angst, some comedy… Now- Shiro-chan!
Hitsugaya: Don't yell and don't call me that.
Me: I won't if you do the disclaimer.
Hitsugaya: Lunarangel's Dark Flame does not own Bleach. Tite Kubo owns every character in here. Happy?
Me with a big smile: Very, you adorable little—
Hitsugaya: I'm leaving.
Hitsugaya disappears and Lunarangel pouts.
Hitsugaya's POV
We're back and we failed. We were sent to bring back Aizen so we could execute him and we failed. Aizen, Gin and Tousen are still running around committing evil and worse, they took one of Kurosaki's comrades.
I sit up and look around the office. I had decided to lie down here to catch a breather. We've come back to Soul Society in order to prepare to fight Aizen, and it's not going well.
I look over at the desk and chuckle. There's Matsumoto, sleeping as usual with drool seeping out of her mouth.
I get off the couch and walk over to a large trunk. Opening it, I take out a bulky blanket, which I lay over her and pat her lightly on the head. I know this has been a real blow to her too. Airheaded as she is, she's a good person and Gin meant a lot to her. She tries to hide it, but it's fairly clear it's eating her up inside.
She fails to hide it.
I sigh before heading out the door. We've only returned to Soul Society a few hours ago. I had hardly even stepped through the Senkaimon before I was assaulted by Ukitake and his onslaught of candy. I hate candy. He's crazy and how dare he call me Shiro-chan? It's bad enough when I'm called that by…
…Hinamori.
Stopping in my tracks, I look out across the rest of Seireitei. Hinamori wanted Aizen back and I couldn't do it. I failed.
I punch the wall next to me, leaving a dent. What's wrong with her? Aizen tricks her, betrays her, even injures her and she still…still only cares about him. She's stupid, that's what. She somehow has tricked herself into believing Gin's the one doing all this. Why won't she listen to me? No, I know the answer—she's too busy thinking about Aizen. And with that I start up a steady one-two battering of the wall.
That bastard! He's worse than Gin and not just because he's his leader! Everyone knew Gin was evil, but Aizen…he pretended, made us trust him, and then he betrayed us! He betrayed Hinamori and he's still all she cares about. I try to stop, to calm myself down, but I fail. I just keep right on punching the wall.
"Stop!"
That's when I finally do so. I look at my knuckles and see that they're completely bloodied. Looking over, I see some boy with a pale, wan face and chin-length, shaggy dark hair. He has an almost sickly aura about him.
"…I mean, please?" he finishes in a squeak, probably mortified for yelling at a captain. "If-if I may say so, you shouldn't be doing that. You could hurt yourself, Hitsugaya-taichou," he says.
Well, at least he's polite. If a little painfully so. He takes out some kind of vial and meekly starts to pour some odd green substance on my hands. It burns for a second before I feel my wounds begin to fade. He must work for Unohana under the 4th division.
"What is your name, division and rank?" I say professionally.
"Oh, I am Yamada Hanatarou, 4th division under Unohana-taichou, 7th seat, sir!" he says, putting a hand to his head.
(A/N: I know. Why is Hanatarou there all of a sudden? He had needed to drop something off to Hitsugaya but since he wasn't there, Hanatarou just left it in his office.)
I know this guy, I think to myself. He's the one who was granted a pardon for Kurosaki and the ryoka when they first came here to save Kuchiki Rukia. Well, he's certainly a good healer. My hands feel much better.
"Um, Hitsugaya-taichou, permission to ask a question?"
"Permission granted," I say, starting to wonder if maybe this guy wouldn't benefit from some self-esteem counseling.
"Well, w-why were you hitting the wall? Did it make you mad?" he says.
I look at him for a second to see if he's serious. When I see that he is, I simply shake my head.
"No, I…just needed to vent some anger," I say.
"W-well, p-please do that without hurting yourself. I-I just h-hate it when p-people hurt themselves, is all," he says, trying to stop his stutter. He fails.
I smile slightly before nodding. "I apologize." He's a good person. Bizarre, but good.
He beams a huge smile before there's laughter behind us. Hanatarou turns around and gulps as a bunch of guys come up to us.
"Heeyy Yamada, how about we play a game?" one of them says. He's big, he's ugly, he's stupid—basically the opposite of me.
"W-w-what kind of g-game?" Hanatarou stammers.
I look at him and glare at the men. Do they not notice me standing here? Do they not notice that I see them picking on this boy? Oy, no wonder this kid has a confidence problem.
"Well, for this little game…" The "opposite of me" keeps talking as someone else sneaks behind Hanatarou.
"…we need to 'borrow' your zanpakutou!"
—My ass, you will!
Before the guy can grab Hanatarou's zanpakutou, I kick him in the face, sending him flying. The rest of the men look at me before quickly cowering in fear.
I just love it when I can do that to people.
"H-Hitsugaya-taichou," they stutter before standing up straight.
"What were you about to do to my friend?" I say, crossing my arms.
Their faces blank and I look at Hanatarou, who looks as shocked as they do. The idiots start coming up with some stupid excuse before I give them my best death-glare.
"Get out of here," I whisper.
That's when they all take off running. I feel a tap on my shoulder and look over to see Hanatarou, nervously tapping his fingers together.
"W-we're friends?" he whispers tentatively.
"Yeah, we're friends. So, if they bother you again, tell them…that Hyourinmaru and I have a little present for them," I say with a smirk.
Hanatarou's face practically starts glowing as he bows and runs off. Like I said—strange but good kid.
Sighing, I decide to return to my walk, this time without punching anything. After a while, I take a seat by an old tree. The walk's really helped to clear my mind—I don't feel like hurting anything anymore. I look up at the old tree before I decide to lie down.
'You shouldn't beat yourself up about this.'
I let out a groan. Why does he always decide to come up and talk when I don't want him to?
'Go away, Hyourinmaru.'
'I can't do that if I'm strapped to your back. I'm only trying to help.'
'I know, but I don't feel like talking right now.'
'You can't be mad about what happened.'
'I failed to bring back Aizen.'
'You weren't the only one on this mission, and remember, the Ichigo boy still has to save his friend.'
'Doesn't matter. I failed Yamamoto-soutaichou, I failed Soul Society, I failed Hinamori.'
'You only seem to care about the last one.'
I shoot up and try to glare at the zanpakutou attached to my back. (Unfortunately, I can't quite make my neck turn like that.)
'What do you mean by that?'
'Only that you truly care for Momo-san.'
'Of course I do. She's my best friend and she wanted that no-good, despicable, traitorous two-faced bastard back.'
Even if I can't see his spirit form, I know he's raising an eyebrow at me.
'Toushirou-kun, when will you realize that it's not friendship anymore?'
'I have no idea what you're talking about.'
'You honestly think that you're only angry at Aizen because he deceived Momo-san?'
'Why else would I be mad?'
'Because, despite everything that's happened, Momo-san still loves him.'
Crack. I don't know where it came from, but I swear that's what I've just heard. It's like the sound of broken glass.
'So what if Hinamori still loves him? It doesn't matter to me.'
'Then why do you sound hurt?'
'…Does he mean more to her than me?'
'I can't say. I'm sorry.'
'Yeah, so am I.'
"Shiro-chan!"
I cringe before I slowly look over and see Hinamori running towards me. What do I say? I guess the usual.
"It's Hitsugaya-taichou, Bed-wetter Momo."
She stops in her tracks and looks at me with that silly glare on her face. She never glares at me genuinely except for…for…
…Aizen, you bastard.
"Don't call me that, Shiro-chan, when here I am worrying so much about you!" Hinamori whines.
She was worried about me? Of course…she was worried if Aizen hurt me, since as far as she's concerned, Aizen's so much better than me. (I really need to work on my self-worth, or preferably find a doll that looks like Aizen and punch it in the face.)
"Gee, thanks—but you're still a bed-wetter," I say, smirking boldly. I can't help it. I love teasing her, especially when she goes that cute shade of red. My face heats up and I cough. Never think "cute" and "Hinamori" at the same time…no, never think "cute" at all.
"Oh, you're so mean," she says, pouting.
I chuckle before I stand up. Looking at Hinamori, I see that her "glare" is gone and she has an almost aching look.
"Shiro-chan, you're okay, right?" she practically whispers.
I gulp before looking away from her.
"Of course I am. Unohana-taichou does good work," I say.
She seems to visibly relax from hearing that. But just wait until she asks me about Aizen. How should I tell her I failed?
"I'm so happy, Shiro-chan. I was worried you were hurt," she says gladly.
I nod before I see her sadden again. 'You couldn't bring back Aizen-taichou?' I guarantee that's what she'll say in 3…2…1…
"You couldn't bring back Aizen-taichou?" …However did I guess?
"No, we failed," I say to her remorsefully.
Looking at her, I see she's starting to cry again. I can't take it anymore!
"Hinamori, stop crying right now!" I yell.
She looks at me in shock before she sniffles. That's the first time I've yelled at her when she's crying, but at this point I don't care.
"You can't be sad about Aizen. He's not the one being used. Gin is his subordinate, not the other way around." I try to reason with her but I know I've failed already.
"You're wrong, Shiro-chan. Aizen-taichou is being used by Ichimaru-taichou. I know he is," she says, crying again.
"Then why would he use Aizen of all people? He could have used me by getting to Rangiku. It would have been easier." Why won't she listen to me?
"Because Aizen-taichou is stronger than you," she whimpers.
Crack. There's that sound again. That stupid broken glass. Where is it?
"So that's what you think? So that's why you were worried? Because your precious Aizen-taichou is stronger, you automatically thought I was dead!" I'm starting to raise my voice. I can't help it, I'm mad!
She backs away in shock and probably fear as well before shaking her head.
"No, Shiro-chan…I was just worried for you." She's saying that, but I know she's just lying. She always cared about him more.
"Yeah, right. You only worry for Aizen. 'Where is he?' 'What's happening to him?' 'What will happen when we capture him?' Momo…he tricked you, used you, and then stabbed you in the back!"
"No, he didn't," she whispers.
"Fine, he stabbed you in the front! Is that better?!"
She looks at me with a raised brow and I can't blame her. That did sound like a joke attempt, but I'm being dead serious.
"Hitsugaya-kun, stop saying those bad things about Aizen-taichou when he's just being—" I cut her off there.
"'Just being used by Ichimaru-taichou!' That's all I hear! Wake up and smell the reiatsu! Aizen's the ringleader, the puppet-master!"
"No, he's not! Aizen-taichou would never do this of his own free will!" Hinamori shoots back. I've made her mad, but right now I don't care.
"Why won't you listen to me?!"
"Because you're wrong!" Alright, that's it!
I flash step toward Hinamori so that I'm right up in her face. She looks scared—and you know what? She should be.
"I'm wrong?! I'm wrong?! Why?! Because I'm saying something bad about your precious Aizen?! You always listened to me but as soon as it's about him, my word doesn't matter!"
I see her face growing guilt-ridden, but I know that won't last long. As quick as it came, it vanishes under rage and she backs away from me.
"How dare you say that?! You act as though I don't care for you at all!" Hinamori yells.
"I never said you didn't." (One of the few things I've said without shouting so far.) "I just said you cared for him more!" (And it's back.)
"That's not true!" Hinamori shrieks.
"Yes, it is! Back before, you always heard me out! You always cared for me! That's why I always wanted to protect you! You're my best friend! You have been my entire life and if I have to protect you from something you love that hurts you, I damn well will!"
Why doesn't she get it? I joined the Gotei 13 for her. I wanted to make sure she wasn't hurt…I just wanted to protect Hinamori. Why did Aizen have to come? Why did he have to separate me from her? Hinamori starts crying again and before I can say something, she looks at me with a look I've never seen on her face before.
"You keep talking about the things that have happened in our life, about the things you've done for me, but you want the truth?! The truth is that I was hurt and you couldn't save me! You failed to protect me, so why do I need you?! I never needed you in my life! I never wanted you in my life!"
Crash! It isn't a simple crack. This time, the glass shatters deafeningly and I finally realize that the broken glass has been my heart breaking. My heart of ice has been a façade; it was just glass all along, glass that easily shattered into a thousand pieces. It made sure that I knew it was broken and that the one who had broken it…was Hinamori.
I just stand there in shock. She can't mean that. Tell me she doesn't mean that. Hyourinmaru? Anyone? Please, tell me she doesn't mean that. I know I failed her, but…she can't mean that, can she?
My eyes are stinging and my vision is blurring. I touch my cheek and feel that it's wet. I'm crying. I haven't done that in years and whenever I did, Hinamori always made me feel better. She can't do that this time. She promised she'd never do this to me. I try to stop myself but I fail. I keep crying.
I look at Hinamori to see if she regrets saying that, but I can't tell with her head down and her hair covering her eyes. When she finally looks up at me, she gasps loudly. She must be as shocked as I am, shocked that I would cry after so long. How could she do this to me?
"Shiro-chan…" she starts and the glass ruptures again.
How many times does she plan to break my heart? She reminds me that I failed to protect her, she just tells me she never wanted me in her life, and now she's calling me that name? She has no right. All my life, I did so much for her. I cared about her and she never did about me? My life's been wrapped around a lie? If that's it, then I want my life back.
"Hinamori…" I look her straight in the eyes and say through my tears: "…I hate you." And without looking back, I run off.
Everyone tries to stop me, to talk to me, but I won't let them. I keep running with my tears blinding my vision. What else is there for me to do? I don't want to see her again. I don't want to think of her anymore. I run all the way out of Seireitei and into the forest. I stop when I'm sure I don't sense anyone, and then I fall to the ground and keep right on crying.
"Hinamori, how could you? I thought we were friends. I thought I meant something to you. You were always special to me but I was…nothing to you?"
'Toushirou-kun…she didn't mean it. I'm sure she didn't.'
I try hard to believe that, I really do, but I failed. Why do I keep failing? A genius they call me, but…one who just won't stop failing? Pathetic.
I failed to protect Hinamori.
I failed to bring back Aizen for her.
I failed to make her happy.
I failed to be special to her.
I failed to stop my tears.
I failed to forget we were ever friends.
I failed to hate her, although I said I did.
"No, Hyourinmaru, she meant it all. I just wish that I meant what I said."
Hinamori…you always loved Aizen. I never meant anything to you. I swear…I tried to stop loving you…but like always…I failed.
That would be the end of that chapter. Was I too hard on poor Shiro-chan? Don't worry, things get better. Tell me if you like it. Bai-Bai!