Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only own Annabella Rivers.

A/N: Be warned, I didn't censor myself in this first chapter, as it's meant to be a really angsty chapter. I am sorry if this language offends you but I promise this is the worst language the Annabella uses. It will get better. if you must flame, then do so, but remember I did put a lot of time and effort into this story and I was feeling really down and depressed when I wrote this. Thank you for reading. Another chapter[with less swearing will be added tomorrow after I get home from prison...er I mean school. Hahaha. Happy reading!

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Depression

Dear Diary,

Fuck this world, I've had enough. I hate my life and I feel miserable all the time. The screams ringing inside my head, the crashes replaying over and over again. I am so fucking sick of living I just want to find somewhere I belong. I want to find a place where there is no violence like there is in this house. My stomach hurts, I feel as though I'm going to be sick again. The bruises are forming on my pale stomach; I know that without even looking at my stomach. Emotions flood through me but I do not cry, knowing this will only anger my father further. He wouldn't like his only daughter showing signs of weakness. Even though he treats his car better then he treats me.

It was alright when I was helping him recuperate from his car accident on my own when I was fourteen and fifteen, but heaven forbid that I should have feelings for another woman. He has banned me from seeing my girlfriend, Lillianne, shortly after he found out. And when I say shortly I mean the second he found out. It's been nothing but abuse since then, Diary, and I feel like I don't matter to anyone anymore. I am spit upon wherever I go. Boys often press up against me and claim that they can change me; one even went so far as to attempt to rape me. I don't get why those prejudiced morons can't just accept me for who I am; and not which sex I prefer. Pfft, yeah like that's gonna happen. I feel so fucking depressed; I don't know what's wrong with me.

Don't fit in with anybody. My only mate Zach thinks it's because I look gothic, so therefore I must BE gothic. I whacked him round the head for that smartass comment; both he and I know the real reason behind all this resentment and hatred. Bloody hell, I hate living in a small town. I can't leave though, as I'm only sixteen. Fuck. Well this is just dandy aint it? I just want to be with Lillianne; Oh lord how I miss her. We've only been apart three weeks but it already feels like a year. I wonder if there's any way out of this mess. Ha, Somehow I don't fucking think so. I'm just a girl who is to sad to give a fuck.

Cliché for a teenager, I know, but it's so fucking true. But I'm so caught in this, I can't get out. What the hell should I do, Diary? Oh, fuck, I'm talking to an immobile piece of paper. Great, Bella, just great. You have finally lost the fucking plot. Great timing too, in the middle of a huge crisis. I am convinced that if you look up outcast in the dictionary and you'll see my picture. It kills me to look in the mirror anymore; I hate what I've become. Pale skin, heavy makeup and dark clothes. What a change from the good little girl I used to be.

I won't apologize for how I feel; it's like apologizing for being real and I simply refuse to do it. Fuck this world; I don't need any of those self-righteous bastards to get by. So long as I have Zach, I'll get by just fine on my own. If I say that enough, I may start to believe it. I have to go, Diary, a large, tawny owl is tapping on the window. I swear, if I'm imagining it, I'm going to commit myself to a mental asylum. I'll write once more tonight. ARGHH Damn bird, stop tapping, I'm fucking coming.

Annabella Rivers

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Please Read and Review

Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥