A/N: Just so you know, I wrote this fic three years ago when I was 16. Trust me, I cringe every time I read it. I've been tempted over and over to remove it, but there are actually a few people who enjoy reading it so I've left it on for them. So when you start reading it and think "Oh my God, how juvenile", just cut me a bit of slack and realize that my writing HAS improved over the past three years (I think so, anyway). Thanks :)

One: Sake and Sasuke

Sakura clumsily stumbled through the front door of her apartment after spending at least a minute fumbling with her keys, a testament to how tired she really was. She'd been at the hospital for 18 hours before Tsunade made her go home. Sakura had complained, claiming she was perfectly fine, but Tsunade was adamant, saying she was not only risking her health, but the health of her patients. They needed a medic who was fully alert, not trying to wake herself up by downing as much caffeine as she could get her hands on. She had had a point there. Sakura couldn't stand the thought of being a risk of any sort to her patients.

But really, all she'd wanted was the distraction. It was one of those days. Most days were perfectly normal, as normal as a jounin ninja's life could be, anyway. But some days something, anything, however small it was, sparked memories…memories from when they were all together, before he left. Nothing had been the same since he'd left. And then Naruto had gone. Even though he intended on coming back, it had been more than she could bear at the time. Only her intense training had kept her functional…somewhat. She didn't let herself remember anything from those years other than her training. But she remembered she had been as emotionally distant as him (which is no mean feat). She'd developed a numbness that had allowed her to endure. That and the anger. Really, she should be angry at him for leaving without a second thought, but she had been angry at herself. Angry that she wasn't good enough for him to stay. Angry that she wasn't strong enough to even help bring him back. Angry that she always let her emotions get in the way of her duty. Angry that she'd allowed her emotions to betray her. She'd found out that emotions couldn't be trusted. If she hadn't loved him, it wouldn't have hurt so much. If only she'd suppressed it like she did now instead of clinging to the false hope that someday he'd feel the same way. But she'd only been 12. A naïve, whimsical 12-year-old with pink hair, big, green eyes, and a large forehead. Well, she still had pink hair, green eyes, and a large forehead, but she was no longer naïve, she no longer entertained impossible fantasies, because she knew he'd never come back. Even entertaining the slight possibility for even a moment would cause her to break under the eventual realization that it wouldnever happen. She was not 12 anymore. She was 18; a grown woman who could handle herself in any situation presented to her. Anysituation. Unlike when she was 12, she no longer cringed at the thought of taking life or using her body as a weapon. She was a shinobi. She was a strong shinobi. She did what she what was required of her to complete the task assigned her.

Sakura shook her head to rid herself of any thoughts related to him. Just the mention of his name set her feelings in motion, betraying her with the thoughts that she missed him, that she wanted him back. She liked to think she'd gotten over her attraction to him the day he walked out of those gates. Denial was easier than confronting the truth in some situations. A necessity in this one.

"All I need is some sake, a shower and sleep."

Generally speaking, she wasn't a drinker. She only kept the odd bottle (stolen from Tsunade's stash, of course. She never could bring herself to step inside a bottle shop. She just felt guilty) for these sorts of instances. They helped her get into a deep enough sleep so she wasn't plagued by nightmares.

But cleanliness always took first priority. Years of working in the hospital had made her hygiene-conscious, now that she was fully aware of the various germs and bacteria lurking around, even if some of them were harmless. It was still gross thinking that they were constantly on her skin, on her bed, in her mouth…

EW, EW, EW! Shower NOW!

Stripping off her clothes as she made her way to the shower (having your own apartment did have its advantages), Sakura paused at the picture of her and Naruto at their celebration at passing the jounin examination. Even though he'd been away for 3 years, he'd become so highly skilled, he'd caught up to the level of the rest of the shinobi in his class in a year! But more importantly, her rock was back. Naruto was back. When he had first left, Naruto had been her only comfort, a calm place in the midst of a violent storm. She'd been okay until he'd left. Of course, when he'd come to her about leaving to further his training, she'd almost had a heart attack. She didn't know if she could function without him, but how could she live with a clear conscious if she prevented him from reaching his ultimate goal? As much as Naruto wanted to be the next Hokage, he would drop it in a second for his friends. That's just the kind of guy he was. But she couldn't do that. In a way, she'd needed him to leave as much as he did. She wanted to prove to herself that she was strong enough to survive by herself…and the numbness began settling slowly around her heart like a disease, eating away at it, replacing it with a cold, logical exterior, keeping her volatile emotions at bay.

Okay, Sakura! You really need a shower! Not only do you stink like the dead, soon you're going to be acting like the dead too!

She wasn't completely emotionless. She cared about people, she loved people. She let herself feel. It was only in matters concerning himthat she didn't. At even the slightest mention of him she'd form herself into an emotionless thing…so unlike her usual self that it freaked most people out. Naruto had pestered her for days after the first time he'd seen it, when he'd accidentally mentioned him (no one had given him the memo). He only stopped after Ino told him it only happened at the mention of him and not to worry too much about it coz she could take care of herself and had been doing so since he'd left. That had been a punch in Naruto's gut. For a while, he'd thought she didn't need him anymore and the fact that she'd been forced to live without him and be alone in her pain had made him feel incredibly guilty. It was only when Sakura convinced him that she'd alwaysneed Naruto, even if she was 50 and had 5 kids and 2 grandkids. And she told him that if he ever felt guilty for leaving, she'd drop-kick him into the next village (a threat he didn't take so lighting after seeing her punch chasms into the ground).

Sakura smiled faintly at the thought of her best friend and proceeded to take the much-needed shower, letting the hot water sooth her muscles and her mind. She always did struggle with over-doing it. The fact that her chakra wasn't expendable like Naruto's irritated her to no end. She wanted to help as many people as she could, and often forgot the limits of her own body in the process.

Oh well...

At least she was strong and skilled enough to help people in the first place. She was suited for any kind of mission or medical issue that came her way…unlike when she was 12…

Bad train of thought, Sakura…

Damn, she needed that sake! She cut her shower sort, dried, and walked to her bedroom, pulling out half the contents of her drawers to find her pajamas. She never wore them much as she usually slept in the clothes she'd worn that day on the occasions she forgot about all the bacteria in her mouth. And that was more often than she'd like to admit. Another factor of her strange routine that Naruto had been worried about upon his return was her crazy working hours and how she often fell asleep that way. But once again, Ino had told him it was completely normal, if not necessary for her and that everyone else was used to it, so he should get with the program, so to speak. Naruto, being Naruto, refused to accept such unhealthy habits (like his constant ramen-eating wasn't unhealthy) and tried to force Sakura into taking on a new schedule. After that he was promptly introduced to one of Sakura's famous tantrums, which he'd also learned to fear (even being as strong as he is) and the subject was dropped, though she knew he didn't like it. She was a big girl now. She could take care of herself now. Which was why she moved out of her parents house as soon as she reached chunin level, when you are deemed mature enough to live on your own (or perhaps it was just the fact that you made enough money to support yourself at that point).

Sakura held up her pajamas triumphantly, not bothering with underwear coz she wasn't sure she had any clean pairs.

What the hell. Most people sleep naked. No one's going to see me anyway.

She sighed in contentment as she felt the smooth red silk slide over her delicate frame. The pajamas didn't leave much to the imagination, but she'd always found sleeping in less more comfortable (though she didn't quite go as far as to sleep naked. She had always thought that was a bit weird and imagined various instances of when people came in unexpectedly and caught her in her birthday suit). It was more…free. She didn't like being restricted by clothes, which is why she always wore tight clothes that didn't get in her way, which also didn't leave much to the imagination. She wasn't trying to be provocative or slutty in any way, just practical. On a mission, she didn't want clothes getting in the way of her movements. She supposed the habit had transitioned over to her sleep wear.

The bed look incredibly appealing, but she knew as soon as she shut her eyes, she'd see his face. She didn't even know what he looked like, but somehow her mind had unconsciously conjured up an image of what it thought he'd look like at 18.

Time for sake.

She promptly took a half-full sake bottle from her stash in the fridge (when Naruto had asked about it, she'd said she used it for medical reasons. She didn't exactly lie, but she didn't want Naruto to get all worried about her again, causing her temper to flare and possibly causes Naruto bodily harm, which she always felt guilty about after she healed him…though it felt good at the time) and couldn't help but kiss it. If it weren't for sake, she'd probably have to drug herself to sleep, and that appealed to her even less than falling asleep thinking of him…well…almost anyway.

She sat on her kitchen counter (knowing that if she went for the couch she'd fall asleep too soon) and rested her feet on the stool. She didn't know why she always sat on the counter…probably another weird freedom thing. In anyone else's apartment she couldn't sit on the counter (unless it was Naruto. If he had a bowl of ramen in front of him he didn't notice), it was just rude, but this was herapartment, her domain! She could do whatever the hell she wanted (which usually consisted of falling into bed in her clothes).

She almost sprayed the sake out of her mouth as the first sip burned its way down her chest.

Kami, that's strong!!!

Well, she was never one to shy away from a challenge, so she took another sip…and another…and another until her body had become has numb as her emotions. She already started feeling lightheaded after about 5 big mouthfuls, but she needed to be hammered to get any proper, dreamless sleep.

"Of all people, I thought you'd be the most likely to stay away from sake."

Mid-swig, Sakura turned her head to the left to find who the strange voice belonged to. It was vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it.

But no amount of sake could prepare her for who stood leaning against her doorway like it was perfectly normal.

She turned back to her former position and took another long swig, ignoring the feeling like she wanted to throw up all over her carpet. And she didn't know if that was entirely because of the sake. Sake was supposed to get rid of imaginations, notevoke them.

But what the hell, she might as well entertain it. It's not like she'd remember it in the morning.

"And I didn't think you'd be coming back in my lifetime. Honestly, I expected you to be long dead by now, or possessed by some psychotic ninja. So I think you should get busy doing either one of those before I muster up enough energy to kick you through the door…or worse."

Maybe a couple of years ago she would have entertained this imagination by jumping him or something like that (this wasn't the first time she'd felt like he was actually there), but she'd long grown out of that. Now she just wanted to hurt him like he hurt her.

"And here I thought you'd be the person that would want to see me the most." He drawled with a smirk not unlike the ones she had been used to. She'd never seen him smile.

"Yeah, well, things change." She said without looking at him, fearing that the old desire would come back, and took another swig of sake.

"Apparently." He said as he raked his eyes over her barely-clad body, as if he was making a point. Like he wasn't at all affected by how much flesh she was revealing. He was observing her the way you observed bark on a tree. Sakura chose not to care lest she was tempted to do some serious damage and screw up her whole apartment. It was so expensive the last time.

"You know, you should really watch how much of that you take." He continued.

At this comment Sakura did look at him, hoping her gaze showed all the murderous intent she felt for him, "And since when did you ever care?"

He was expressionless, just like how he used to be. "I need you -"

Sakura let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, and Naruto doesn't like ramen." She turned to him after taking another swig. "Look, I know you're not real. You never are. You'd never come back. So can you justleave so I can get suitably hammered and pass out."

He didn't say anything, he just walked over to her and stood right in front of her, grabbing the sake bottle out of her hand and throwing it against the wall. Sakura gasped in shock and anger as the liquid seeped into the wall and ran down to soak into the carpet.

"HEY! What the hell was that for?"

But he didn't seem to register her words. He just kicked the stool out of the way and put his hands on either side of her on the counter. In this position Sakura couldn't help noticing that her eyes were level with his fathomless ones that were all too familiar.

He must be really tall…

But all thoughts escaped her as he leaned forward.

She could smell him. His scent was so masculine and unlike any she'd ever smelt. While Naruto just smelled like sweat and ramen, he smelt like a man. She could feelhis light breath mingle with her sake-tainted breath. The effect was wholly unsettling and she wasn't quite sure what to do. This was unlike any imagination she'd ever experienced. But it wasn't real. It couldn'tbe.

"But I did come back, Sakura. But only to get you. I need you to come with me." He said, finishing off what he was going to say before Sakura interrupted him the first time.

Sakura couldn't do anything but focus on breathing (she might stop if she didn't). Her mind couldn't form any words. They all escaped her (the sake couldn't have helped). All she was able to do was feel the sensation of him being this close to her…even if it wasn't real.

"You see, Orochimaru needs the use of his arms back. He can't teach me any more jutsus with his arms hanging limp at his side."

At the mention of Orochimaru's name, her stupor cleared long enough for her to say:

"Still that bastard's bitch, eh?"

He clenched his jaw and forcibly restrained his obvious irritation at her menacing words.

"Things have changed for me to, Sakura."

She suppressed a shiver at the sound of her name on his lips as she struggled to comprehend what he meant. What had changed?

This isn't real, Sakura. SNAP OUT OF IT! You're being seduced by him all over again! And he's not even real! Think of what he put you through!

Her anger came back in full force as she pushed him back and leapt off the counter (somewhat unsteadily thanks to the sake).

"Well, this was a lovely chat, but I really need to get to bed. I have work tomorrow and I can't let someone as unimportant as you keep me up."

If he was startled by her sudden retaliation, he didn't show it. Nothing had changed in thatdepartment, obviously.

"You don't think I'm real, do you?"

"Not in the least. Should I?" she said while placing her hands on her hips in impatience.

"It's not shocking reaction, but I'm sure you'll realize this is all too real when you don't wake up in your own bed tomorrow."

Sakura had to look away. His gaze was just too intense. "You're probably right. I'll probably wake up on the counter where I fell asleep."

"That's not what I meant, but you will see." He walked towards her and grabbed her arms in an unbreakable grip. "I am sorry, Sakura."

It was almost genuine…almost. But what was he sorry for?

Sakura started to panic. She could feel the pain lacing up and down her arms at his tight grip. She wasn't supposed to feel pain! It was a dream! She struggled against his iron grip, only succeeding in making him grip harder. She looked up at his face and was shocked to see that he'd activated his Sharingan.

No…

This was real.

"S-Sasuke?" she rasped out of a dry throat before her world went black