It was a wonderful day in Konoha. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, Shikamaru was staring at clouds, Choji was eating his chips, Sasuke angsting, Sakura and Ino were fangirling, Hinata was blushing, Neji was stalking observing Shikamaru, Shino was not talking, Kiba was playing with Akamaru, Lee and Gai were running a youthful four hundred laps with their shining smiles of HORROR, er, I mean, youth, Sai was drawing (totally not thinking about penises), Jiraiya was taking notes for his next book and Kakashi was either reading porn or molesting Iruka, it may have been both. So, really it was just an ordinary day. The only thing that was a little odd was the lack of the ball of hyper blond that was Uzumaki Naruto.

Sure, Naruto was usually late for everything. Albeit, not as late as Kakashi, but still not punctual. But even so, he was never this late. So, Kiba, Choji, Shikamaru and by extension, Neji, went to locate the blond as they scheduled a training session with him. They checked Ichiraku. And the bridge where Team Seven used to wait for hours for their sensei to show his masked face. The boys checked the Hokage Tower where Naruto sometimes went to annoy the Godaime. They almost checked Iruka's house but the pleasured screams deterred them.

They even checked the Uchiha compound, but Naruto wasn't there either. Then, they checked the Kyuubi-vessel's apartment, which probably should have been the first place they check but wasn't for plot convenience.

"The moron had better be here!" Kiba said before proceeding to slam his fist against the door. Choji munched his chips.

"So troublesome." Shikamaru muttered, closing his eyes and leaning back into Neji as the Hyuga wrapped his arms around the lazy genius' waist.

After the tenth knock or so and muffled 'go away' could be heard.

"Naruto! Get your ass out here or I'm coming in!" Kiba shouted at the door.

"Whatever. Just go away!" Naruto shouted, a bit clearer this time.

Neji rolled his eyes, "Naruto, just open the door! You have thirty seconds before a hundred and fifty pounds of dog boy breaks the door down." Kiba bristled and the dog boy comment.

No reply came. But when Kiba drew back a leg to kick the door in, the door flew open, revealing a haggard Naruto.

"Guys, I'm not feeling too good today. Can we train tomorrow or something?" Naruto said, ending with a sneeze. The blond really did look sick. His hair was limp and lackluster, his eyes and nose were red and puffy. He looked completely frail and every inch the under loved kid he had been years ago.

"Naruto? Man, maybe you should go see-"Kiba was cut off as Naruto started coughing. It started off as just a simple clearing of his throat but soon he was clutching at the doorway to keep himself up.

"C'mon, we're gonna take you to see the Godaime." Neji said, taking the blonde's arm. Not a second later, Naruto passed out.

-

By the time Naruto arrived at the hospital, via Neji, Choji and Shikamaru, Kiba had already notified the fifth Hokage of Naruto's state and was waiting for him to arrive in the lobby of the hospital. When the three shinobi who were toting the frail looking blond reached the lobby, Tsunade motioned to them.

"Come on. I have already had a room prepared." She said before turning to lead them.

When Naruto had been laid on the bed and had sufficiently been checked over by the Godaime, Tsunade went back to the lobby where the four shinobi were waiting to hear the news about their friend.

"Well?" Kiba demanded as soon as Tsunade was with earshot.

Tsunade shook he head slightly," It seems that Naruto has been under a great deal of stress and has overworked himself lately. But that isn't the problem here. The external check revealed several sprained bones and a severely bruised body. The internal check showed traces of a drug. It looks as though Naruto was drugged sometime in the past twenty-four hours and was then brutally beaten."

Kiba looked at the others wide-eyed. "So, I'm not telling them."

"Me either." Neji and Choji agreed.

Shikamaru turned to Tsunade, she had somehow disappeared.

"Damn it." The lazy genius muttered." Fine I'll do it, but you're coming too." He said, dragging Neji out of the hospital.

-

"What?" asked Sasuke after Shikamaru had told him the state of his blond. His eyes flashed sharingan red.

"You heard him." Neji responds for his partner.

Sasuke looks like he wants to say something more, but Sai cuts in first, taking his lover's hand.

"'Suke, we should go to him." Sai is still smiling but it's hardened at the edges. Sasuke hates it. He nods and squeezes Sai's hand before releasing it. In a second, all that remained of the four shinobi was a slight breeze.

And a tree fire. Okay, Sasuke was angry and he needed to let out some of his aggression. Too bad if it pissed off some squirrels.

-

Sai and Sasuke entered Naruto's hospital room. Sasuke stopped in the doorway in front of Sai. Sai shoved him the rest of the way through.

Naruto was too pale and thin and just ill-looking. His hospital gown was pushed down far enough that a few bruises and scrapes could be seen around his shoulders and collarbone.

Sasuke settled into the chair that was next to the bed, Sai pushed him over and sat next to him, head on his shoulder.

"Shit." Sasuke murmured into Sai's hair. Sai nodded.

-

Shikamaru and Neji did not only have the absolute horror pleasure of telling Naruto's lovers, but the rest of the Konoha Twelve. Shikamaru sighed and stared at the clouds that he couldn't properly observe today.

Here's how the interactions went:

Sakura and Ino:

"Hey Shika-kun! Neji!" Ino greeted the two prodigies.

"Yeah, hello." Neji said, pushing Shikamaru forward.

"Sakura," Shikamaru said, turning to the slightly saner of the two." Naruto is in the hospital. He was sick and then someone drugged and attacked him. But don't tell Sai and Sasuke that last bit, we don't want them to-"

"Naruto's in the hospital? Kami. And some bastard drugged him? I'll beat the shit out of him." Sakura said, grinding her teeth together. Ino glared at absolutely nothing.

"Yeah, everyone shares those sentiments but really, don't tell them, okay?" Shikamaru told the two kunoichi, not waiting for an answer before pulling Neji away from the seething women who were likely plotting various torture methods.

Lee and Gai:

"Shikamaru! Neji! How great it is to see your youthful, smiling faces!" Lee and Gai shouted in obviously rehearsed unison.

Shikamaru blinked. Neji sweat dropped.

"Naruto is in the hospital beca-"

"Naru-kun is in the hospital!?" Lee gasped."Gai-sensei, we must go to him!"

"Lee, let them tell us what happened first. So, Shikamaru, Neji, what happened to Uzumaki?"

"He was tired and sick and he passed out-"Neji too was cut off.

"Poor Naruto, he trains so hard!" Lee cried. Gai also wept.

"Yeah, we're leaving." Neji said, quickly leading his staring companion away from his former sensei and team member.

Hinata and Tenten:

"Hinata-chan, I have something to tell you." Neji said. "Naruto has been injured and drugged he is in the hospital.

Hinata fainted, Tenten caught her.

"Thanks, Neji." Tenten said before dragging her friend in the general direction of the hospital.

Neji nodded.

Shino:

"Shino. Naruto is in the hospital." Shikamaru said.

"…"

"Okay, then. Bye." Shikamaru said walking away. Slowly.

Iruka and Kakashi:

Shikamaru knocked on his ex-sensei's door. The pleasured screams from earlier were nonexistent now. Iruka answered the door smilingly.

"Hello, Shikamaru, Neji, what's up?" Iruka asked leaning against Kakashi as the masked ninja embraced him from behind.

"Iruka," Neji started." Naruto is in the hospital."

At this point Iruka's smile had dropped and his face was completely emotionless. Kakashi looked hesitant and a little scared.

"'Ruka?" Kakashi says, prodding the brunette.

Iruka snapped out of his stupor and began…flailing.

"My Naruto is in the hospital. Is he okay? What happened? Is he injured or sick? Will he survive?" Iruka ranted.

"It was fatigue and someone," Shikamaru hesitated." Um, beat and drugged him."

At this, Iruka took off down the street toward the hospital, screaming about his poor Naruto.

"So, um, I should go with him, huh?" Kakashi said, scratching the back of his head.

The two shinobi nodded. Kakashi sighed before disappearing with a 'poof'.

Neji turned to Shikamaru." Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

"Are you crazy? Let's go fuck." Shikamaru said before starting off toward his house.

Neji shook his head and followed him, throwing an arm around his waist.

-

Sai and Sasuke stared at Naruto. The blond had been motionless for the last three days. Only the steady rise and fall of his chest proved that he was still alive.

"He's going to live you know. He'll pull out of it. He never gives up. Naruto doesn't know the meaning of those words."

Sasuke and Sai looked up to see Kakashi standing in the doorway. Sasuke half-smiled and Sai grinned.

"We know." They said.

Kakashi's smile was hidden by his mask.

-

Two days later, a Friday, Naruto woke up.

It was just like any day, watching the blond wake up. Seeing him awake, stretching and yawning lazily. You would barely have been able tell that he had been sick if it hadn't been for the hospital gown and the pale tint to his normally tan skin.

"Where am I?" Naruto whispered to himself, looking around the room. He overlooked Sai and Sasuke in the dim light.

"Hey, teme. Sai! Sasuke! Oi, bastards, wake up!" Naruto shouted, rousing his lovers.

"Naruto?" Sai muttered, running a hand over his face.

"Obviously. Now why am I in the hospital?" Naruto shouted.

"Naruto, be quiet." Sasuke said," You were suffering from fatigue."

Then, Tsunade entered the room.

"What are you two idiots yelling for?" Tsunade asked, before looking up from her paper work, which she promptly dropped at the sight of Naruto sitting up in the hospital bed." Naruto?"

"Yeah, why is everyone saying that?"Naruto asked as his other friends wandered into the room.

"Naruto, you have been in the hospital for the better part of a week. You have overworking yourself. You had also been drugged and beaten, the latter I'm sure you are aware of. And you should have come to me, so I could have healed you!" Tsunade shouted the last part.

Naruto had the good grace to look sheepish. Sai and Sasuke, who had been oblivious to the face that their little uke had been drugged and assaulted, were not so graceful. In fact, they were very furious. Sasuke's sharingan was fully activated and Sai's own dark eyes were blazing with fury.

"WHAT?!" The stoic and the pervert shouted at the Godaime. Everyone else quickly left the room, figuring they could wait to see Naruto. Well, except Iruka, who already had Naruto in a bone-crushing hug.

"Kami, I need some sake." Tsunade muttered, rubbing her temples.

-

It was a bright day in Konoha. The birds were singing, the squirrels were scampering about, Kakashi was reading porn; all was right with the world. Especially now that Sai and Sasuke had their lover back home with them. Though, they were still in the process of welcoming him back, it would take a many hours before the two were satisfied that the blond wasn't going to pass out again. Though, by the end of he probably would as result of too many orgasms in too short a time. Shikamaru knows what that's like.

Oh, but the guys who had poisoned Naruto? Don't worry, Sasuke and Sai hired Sakura and Ino to track him down. The two kunoichi were way more sadistic and twisted than the two men could ever hope to be. But Sai did request that they smack him around a little, after fucking Naruto thoroughly, of course. Iruka had also staked a claim on the torture of the idiot who dared hurt Naruto.

Neji and Shikamaru vowed never to speak of the horrors of telling everyone about Naruto's state of health. The two would have nightmares for months.