This is probably the saddest story I've ever written. I hope you like it :)
It's continues where last weeks episode (Lost & Found) ended.
It's really AU but it could be an explination for what happened between Jibbs :)
Don't forget to R&R!
Dealing with Loss
As she was leaning over the railing she saw how Carson ran towards his parents. She was glad the little guy could finally return home with his parents. Jethro was watching too. She saw him smile. He had always been good with kids. She never forgot that. But it was still hard to be remembered of it.
Her mind drifted back to all those years ago. Back in Paris. The nausea in the morning, the lack of appatite in the afternoon. It took her a while to realize what was going on. He probably realized it before she did. But he hadn't said a thing. He probably wanted her to tell him.
She remembered looking at the stick, seeing those two blue lines. The reassurance that she was really pregnant. She could also still feel all the conflicted emotions. The happiness she felt, being afraid of telling him, and most of all being scared of becoming a mother.
Telling him turned out to be no problem. He was just as happy as she was. But there was one thing. He was still married. Both of them tried their best to ignore that not so little fact. They were just like other soon to be parents. Wondering who their son or daughter would look like.
She still wondered about that. If it would've been a girl with her daddy's eyes and her red hair. Or maybe a little boy who looked just like his dad. It didn't really matter what their baby would've looked like. But in her mind. Their baby always had his father's eyes. Those icy blue eyes that kept you from looking anywhere else.
There was still a part of her that blamed herself. For going on that last mission, for trying to catch the bad guy.
For tripping on those stairs.
For falling down the stairs.
For losing their baby.
She knew that it wasn't her fault. He had told her he didn't blame her for anything. That it was just an unfortunate accident. But it didn't make the hurt go away. She pushed him away back then. Drowning herself in her work. They didn't speak of it again. And then their mission ended. And she took that other long term mission. Just to stay far away from him. Trying to stop wondering what could have been.
When she returned after all those years to be the Director of NCIS she thought she'd buried her past far enough to keep herself from hurting again. But then Zack came. And he stepped up to take care of him. Their conversation that day was stuck in her mind, it kept playing on repeat.
I've always admired your way with kids. You ever think of having your own?
That an offer Jen?
Both of them refused to acknowlegde what happened years ago. She could've hit herself for asking him that question. Because she already knew the answer to that question. He did think about having his own kids. He almost had one. Until.. well until that day.
He probably didn't realise how much it still hurt her to talk about it, and how much it hurt to put that forced smile on her face. It probably hurt him just as much as it hurt her.
She saw him look up at her. The look in his eyes changed. His smile dissapeared. Quickly she backed away from the railing and went back to her office.
It was like this the last time. Then too she fled to her office and cried over the loss of her two greatest loves.
He watched as mini DiNozzo ran to his paents, huggin his father and then his mother. A smil appeared on his face. It always felt good to be able to reunite a family.
He could feel her eyes on him. When he looked over his shoulder he saw her face. It looked like she was lost in her memories. And he knew which ones. His smile disappeared and she finally realized he was looking at her. Quickly she walked away. The look in his eyes softenedd. It was still hard on her. He headed for her office, taking the stairs two steps at the time. Luckily Cynthia wasn't at her desk to try and stop him. Softly he opened the door of her office. He could hear soft sobs from somwhere in the room. Stepping behind her desk he found her on the floor. She was sitting there with her back againt the wall and her knees pulled up close to her chest. In her hands something that he recognized all too well.
It was the first picture of their baby.
Their baby. He remembered the doctors appointment when they had the echo and the doctor made this picture. It was the second time he saw his child appear on the screen for the very first time. The first time with Kelly, he had been amazed by the fact that something so small would be a real baby in a couple of months. The second time hadn't been any different. Seeing the baby on the screen made it more real. He was going to be a dad again.
The sobs were softer now. She looked up at him with teary eyes.
"Why are you here Jethro?"
"Do I need a reason?"
"Yes, otherwise: Get. Out." She wiped the tears off her face and tried her best to look stern.
"I'm not going anywhere Jen."
Subbornly she looked to the opposite direction. He kneeled down and put his hand on her shoulder.
"I miss her too." She looked at him over her shoulder.
"It could've been a he."
"Not a chance. She would've been just as gorgeous as her mother." He pushed as strand of hair behind her ear. She gave him a watery smile. He smiled back and puller her close. Buried in his embrace she couldn't help herself, she just laid her head on his chest and cried.
"It's just so unfair."
"I know." He murmured in her hair.
They kept sitting there for a while. He had his arms around her and tears in his eyes. She was still crying and both of them were looking at their baby's first and only picture.
"You know what Jen."
"Hm?"
"I'll take you up on that offer."
She looked at him in surprise. For a second she didn't realize what he meant. But then it hit her again She searched his eyes to see I he really meant it. The only thing she saw in them was sincerity and love. It had been a while since she saw him this emotional. This un-Gibbslike.
"We can't." His eyebrows rose.
"Why not?"
"Jethro, it's been six years, almost seven. We just can't pick it up where we left off."
But before she could finish her sentence his lips met hers for a soft reassuring kiss. The two of them held on to the moment for as long as they could. After their kiss broke, she rested her hair in the crook of his neck.
"Maybe later."
"Mommy, Mommy!"A little girl with curly red hair ran towards her, it had been almost six years since that day in her office. And almost four years since their daughter was born.
He had been right this time. It was a girl. And little Katherine Jane Gibbs, or Katie looked just like her mother. But she did have her father's piercing blue eyes. A weakness to her uncles, especially to uncle Tony.
"Look Mommy, I found a box in the garden."
"Let me see that Katie." Her husband approached her from behind and sat next to her. Their daughter put the box on his lap.
"You know what this is baby girl? This is something your big sister Kelly made when she was a couple of years older than you."
"But I thought Kelly was up in heaven with her Mommy." Gibbs placed the box on the table in front of him and pulled his daughter on his lap to explain it.
"She is, but she made this a really long time ago. She put a couple of things in it. I'll tell you what. When you're eight, we'll dig it up again and put some of your things in it. Then you'll have a very big secret together with your sister."
Katie smiled widely and jumped of his lap, grabbed the box and ran back to bury it again.
Her parents watched her as she ran to the back of the garden. Jen grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. He lifted their hands and put a kiss on the back of her hand. She smiled at him.
Finally everything had turned out the way she wanted. She had a beautiful little girl and a handsome husband whom she both loved more with every passing day. The loved ones they lost would always be remembered and kept alive in their hearts. But for now, life couldn't be better.