Disclaimer: I do not own Lucille Van Pelt. She received her degree at Whasamatta U.

          Patient A: I have fallen in love with a cactus. Should I dump or marry her?

                 Lucy: The choice is up to you. I should warn you though, that being involved physically with dessert plant life can be a pain in the neck, not to mention other areas.

          Patient B: My older sister is a pain, a fussbudget, a witch and worse! What can I do?

                 Lucy: Take that back Linus, or I'll slug you!

Patient C: What is life all about?

          Lucy: Life is about living! Living is what makes life life!

                   C: You need to change your sign. I think you're way out!

                             Lucy: I'll slug you, you block head!

Patient D: How do I keep a girl away that I don't care for?  Every time she keeps lying around, I like her less.

          Lucy: Less??!!  I'll stay away for month!

Patient E: Bark, ruff, growl yip?

          Lucy: The green bowl.

Patient F: IIII IIIIIII II IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?

          Lucy:  How should I know what kind of bird you are? Go ask a dumb bird scientist!

                   Patient F: IIIIIIII!

                             Lucy: Well! I never!

                                      Patient E: Gruff yip!

                                                Lucy: Who asked you! You all get out!

Lucy: The doctor is 'out' for the month.