"I am not wearing it."

"Balthier, we are not having this argument."

He scowled and sneered at his image in the looking glass. "I look like a fool with all this rubbish pinned to me."

She smiled and ran her fingertips over the medals for bravery. "Says a man who wears half a dozen baubles in his earlobes."

He trapped her fingers in his own and smirked. "That's different." Balthier pressed a few kisses to her knuckles and returned his attention to his appearance. "I look like the prize chocobo at the fair."

Queen Ashelia grinned at her husband's troubled face and wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him against her. "You're my prize chocobo, and today I'm showing you off. You know it's all an act, and we must play our parts."

Today was a momentous occasion in Rabanastre – it would be Balthier's debut at court by her side. Of course, he wouldn't be expected to do this every day in the years to come. Naturally he had several other duties to attend to at the aerodrome now that he was the Captain of her Royal Air Guard, but this morning, Balthier Bunansa would be playing the role of husband and consort. A role that the leading man had obviously been dreading for several weeks now since their wedding.

Ashe had never seen Balthier so fidgety and difficult, but he'd been the one to propose marriage in the first place. He just hadn't realized what that all entailed, and as she watched her husband fiddle with the medals adorning his courtly garb, Ashe almost felt sorry for him. He'd been very well-behaved during their official courtship and during the wedding, but now he'd have his own seat beside her and would be expected to pay attention to petitioners and the like.

Balthier sighed in irritation and examined his rear in the glass. "I'm getting a new tailor. I can't believe I have to flit about in this get-up." Ashe was growing slightly impatient. She had to wear a corset and petticoats that left her in an unfortunate bell shape. Not to mention that her diadem was far heavier than it looked. And Balthier got to wear a Dalmascan military uniform. She'd happily trade her gown in for the linen slacks her husband was wearing.

She moved to the table and retrieved a few more pins. "You've forgotten your captain's insignia." He rolled his eyes as she began pinning them to his lapels. "I don't see why this is such a big deal. You get to sit and listen. I'm the one who has to make the decisions!"

He grinned. "You can always delegate some authority to me. I'd have people in and out in five minutes, tops."

Ashe smiled. "What if there is a beautiful woman petitioner at court today?"

His hand flew to his heart in faux shock. "You wound me, Madame. To think that my eyes would wander away from you! Is the honeymoon stage over already?" They'd only recently returned from their honeymoon in Bhujerba, and Ashe had greatly enjoyed the few weeks of time she'd had Balthier to herself. But it was time to get back to work, and he was now futzing around with the cufflinks that irritated him.

She batted his hands away from his cuffs and tugged on his hand. He was finally satisfied with his appearance, and Ashe started to push him to the door of their bedchamber. "We're going to be late. Our docket is very full today, and I'm not telling my ministers that my husband was too busy griping about the way his ass looks to get to court on time!"

"Language, my lady!" Balthier chastised her, and she resisted the urge to give him a smack. Her vocabulary had grown a bit more diverse since he'd reentered her life after her coronation two years earlier. It had been a battle to get her ministers to accept Balthier as a part of her life, but the Dalmascan public had been overwhelmingly supportive of the match.

Their official courtship had progressed fairly quickly, and their wedding had been a subdued but celebrated affair. But now that they were back from Bhujerba, it appeared that Balthier was realizing what his role of consort would entail. He was expected to attend court once a week unless he was training the Royal Air Guard with his second in command, Fran, and he needed to be present at all diplomatic functions and banquets. Ashe didn't seem to think it was that harsh a requirement since he'd be fed well at all the banquets and was a good conversationalist.

In exchange, she would spend at least two weeks every year traveling the world with her husband. He would get to do a bit of legally authorized treasure hunting, and she would get a break from the constant demands of court. But Balthier's current irritation was not boding well. He had been full of sarcasm since they'd woken that morning, and Ashe was not looking forward to reining in her husband's quick tongue before he said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

They approached the door to the audience chamber, and he held his arm out for her. She accepted it and pressed a quick kiss to his shoulder. "Behave yourself, Balthier."

He snorted. "I've been practicing my 'I'm truly interested' face. I hope you appreciate my efforts."

She gave her attendant the go-ahead to announce their arrival, and she gave his arm a squeeze. "You'll be justly rewarded tonight."

"Is that a promise?" he whispered seductively, and she closed her eyes and released a deep breath. He was near irresistible in his uniform, and their passion for one another had not been dampened a bit by the evolution of their relationship to a married one. It was taking all of her willpower and her devotion to her country not to pull him back to their bedchamber right then and there.

She had no chance to answer him as the trumpets began to blare. Balthier appeared rather annoyed by all the fanfare, but the chamber doors were opened, and she was pleased to see him adopt a more serious expression. He looked almost royal, save for the earrings and the jewelry on his hands and wrists that he'd never give up. The courtiers applauded wildly as they proceeded into the audience chamber, and Ashe couldn't resist smiling. They walked to her throne where a slightly less elaborate seat had been set up at her side for Balthier.

He'd found it intensely amusing and had taken to calling it his "Whipped Husband" seat. Ashe had to suppress a blush at the thought of how they'd officially christened the chair in the middle of the night a few nights ago. Balthier clearly remembered it as well, giving her a little pinch as they stepped up to the seats. Ashe turned around to face the courtiers and petitioners already present and raised a hand for quiet.

"On behalf of myself and Captain Bunansa, I thank you for the warm welcome. Faram." She and Balthier took their seats, and the first petitioners for the day started queuing up. Balthier had refused a title and would only be called by his new military ranking. He was embarrassed at the idea of being a Prince or a Lord and had lobbied successfully for the Captain Bunansa moniker.

Her chamberlain moved forward and bowed, and Ashe watched the elderly fellow give Balthier a warning look. Balthier seemed to shift uncomfortably beside her, and Ashe bit back a smile. She sat up ramrod straight in her chair, and she heard Balthier grumble and do his best to correct his posture as well. "Your Majesty, this morning's first visitor represents the Spice Merchants' Guild of Nalbina."

Ashe nodded in acknowledgment and saw Balthier grip the armrests of his seat to restrain himself from expressing boredom. A friendly enough fellow was escorted into the audience chamber, and as Ashe began to conduct a brief interview with the guild representative, she could almost sense Balthier's eyes drifting about the room. The Queen remained attentive to her visitor, but she knew that her husband was watching a pair of nobles gossiping near the windows. It was only the first visitor of the day!

She returned her full notice to her guest and nodded. "As you know, sir, your guild provides the most needed spices in abundance to our bazaars. But it has come to my attention that there is a cinnamon shortage?"

"Yes, my lady, a dreadful nuisance to be sure…"

The man went into a long-winded tirade about the varieties of cinnamon that were in dangerously short supply, and Ashe figured that Balthier was already lost to her for the morning. But that was when he surprised her.

"Ah, sir, if I may?" her husband interrupted the man, and she heard the dozens of chattering courtiers grow immediately silent at the sound of Balthier's voice. Ashe smiled and turned her face to meet her husband's and prayed that he wasn't about to insult the poor cinnamon-obsessed fellow.

For his part, the merchant seemed unsure of what to do. He looked up at her expectantly, as if to ask permission to address her husband instead of herself. The first visitor, she thought in irritation. The very first! Ashe nodded to reassure the fellow, and he switched his attention to Balthier. "Yes, Captain?"

Balthier smirked. "So what you're saying is that if nothing is done in the next few weeks, Rabanastre will be undoubtedly and unquestionably without cinnamon?"

"Yes, Captain. Exactly, sir."

Ashe's hands were now gripping her own armrests. She heard that tone in his voice. The tone that signaled a bout of sarcasm was soon on its way out. But she wouldn't dare interfere lest she come across as the nagging wife. But oh, how she wanted to nag already. Pick your battles, Balthier, she attempted to think at him, pick your battles.

Balthier leaned forward, breaking the expected rigid posture. Instead, he let his arms rest on his legs, and he cocked his head to the side. "I know a lot of hearts will be broken without a sure and steady supply of cinnamon…"

Ashe resisted the urge to launch herself from her throne, but the merchant was staring expectantly at Balthier. The Queen could feel her heart racing. Balthier was going to send her to an early grave at this rate.

But his expression changed from humor to seriousness once more. "And thus, I figured I should bring this to your attention. I know for a fact that the spice guild in Archades is sitting on a surplus of that very thing. You'd do well to write them a letter and avoid wasting the Queen's time with trivial cinnamon discourse."

The merchant's eyes widened and Ashe bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. She cleared her throat and smiled at the poor guild member. "Yes, yes. I am sure the Archadian guild would be more than happy to assist you in this matter." She turned to smile sweetly at her husband. "And I thank you for your spice trade knowledge, Captain Bunansa." Ashe waved a hand to dismiss the man, and the court seemed to erupt into whispers and chatter once more.

She kept her face plastered with the royal smile, but she leaned over and whispered in deadly tones to Balthier. "How in Ivalice did you know there was surplus cinnamon in Archades? Where in that brain of yours do you keep that information filed away?"

He chuckled under his breath. "I do my research, you know."

Ashe signaled for her chamberlain to announce the next petitioner, and she interlaced her fingers with Balthier's. "I don't suppose you have smuggled spices in the past?"

Balthier squeezed her hand tightly. "I choose not to answer that question since your visitors are waiting."

She nodded to the visitors, some shopkeeps from the East End having a dispute over faulty advertising. Balthier kept his opinions to himself for this dispute and was also thankfully silent during the visits of the next six petitioners on the day's schedule. But the next group was going to be trying for Balthier. She wondered if he'd read this far down on the docket?

Ashe saw the chamberlain's eyebrows rise in amusement, but he declared the next visitors in his usual dull voice. "The Rabanastre Auxiliary Mimicry Guild wishes to welcome Captain Bunansa with a performance."

"Mimicry guild?" she heard Balthier mumble under his breath, and Ashe knew he had no idea what was coming. She'd had the pleasure of being entertained by the guild on every minute occasion in the past few years, but she knew Balthier had never witnessed it. He would never forgive her for this. Ashe loathed the guild, but she had little choice in the matter since they were her citizens and had the right to perform their trade. At least now Balthier would know true suffering.

The doors to the throne room opened, and she watched Balthier's jaw drop as nearly a dozen men and women in tights and painted faces rushed into the room. The last few were tugging along a chest that Ashe knew contained costumes and props for their performance. The Queen wondered if it would possibly top the coronation one – in that one, the guild's leading mime had dressed as King Raithwall and had danced and skipped around her throne for five solid minutes for reasons that Ashe still could not understand. She'd been told that it was the "physical interpretive reaction of the Dynast-King to her most glorious accession to the throne." Ashe had never wanted to execute someone as much as she had during that "interpretive reaction."

Balthier's hand grew sweaty in hers, and she leaned over as the mimes began to set up for the first part of their performance. "You will be begging me to kill you within the first two minutes. Care to bet against me?"

She watched his eyes narrow as one of the mimes appeared to be dressed up as Balthier and another had donned a flaxen-colored wig in imitation of herself. Her husband nearly growled under his breath. "Make it thirty seconds, and you're on, darling." Balthier appeared ready to be sick as the Balthier mime obtained a prop gun from the chest and another mime attached some hideously large hoop earrings to the faux Balthier's ears. "I've never known terror like this before."

Another member of the mimicry troupe handed a lengthy roll of parchment to the chamberlain, who seemed to be stifling his own irritation. Ashe suppressed a shudder. "Apparently there is to be a reading to explain the action."

Balthier smirked. "Charming." Ashe did her best to smile at the mimes as they awaited her signal to begin. Balthier leaned to whisper in her ear. "Still time to send them to the gallows." She nearly snorted but masked it by covering her mouth and coughing lightly.

"Captain Bunansa and I thank you for your kind welcome. You may begin your performance." She regretted the words immediately as the Balthier mime perched the prop gun on his shoulder and began strutting around the chamber like a peacock and the Queen mime stood utterly still.

The chamberlain cleared his throat. "The return of a hero to Dalmasca." Ashe could see Balthier turning scarlet in embarrassment beside her as the Balthier mime dropped the gun as if it had burned him. "The hero Bunansa casts aside a life of crime." The mime put his hands on his hips and nodded approvingly.

The Queen watched the Balthier mime drop to his knees at the Ashe mime's feet. Balthier groaned quietly. "I don't believe this," her husband muttered.

"The hero begs the Queen to forgive his past transgressions," the chamberlain continued, and Ashe could detect amusement in the old man's voice. The Balthier mime began tugging on the Ashe mime's skirt.

Balthier's eyes were growing furious. "I don't recall things happening in that manner. I did not beg," he hissed at her. She nearly rolled her eyes at the memory. He'd never once apologized for his years as a pirating menace, but then again, she'd never expected him to. Ashe knew for a fact that he'd probably go off and get into mischief before too long. Luckily enough, Fran had kindly acquiesced to keep him out of too much trouble. Ashe elbowed Balthier quickly, and he forced a happy look to his face once more.

"I can assure you I had nothing to do with this," she whispered back as the Ashe mime patted the Balthier mime on the head reverently as one would do to a puppy that had rolled over.

"Is this how they see me?" he mumbled in embarrassment.

"The merciful Queen welcomes the hero back to Rabanastre and allows him to court her," the chamberlain announced. Ashe watched the mime of herself pull the Balthier mime to his feet and allowed the Balthier mime to gently kiss her cheek.

Balthier's voice had a more amused edge to it now as he leaned over. "As I recall, there was a bit more that happened after that. Don't suppose they'll mime that, do you?" She felt a blush creep into her skin at the memory, and she tried not to elbow him again.

The mime performance continued on for what felt like an eternity. Their entire wedding ceremony was reenacted in mime, complete with a Marquis Ondore mime to preside over the festivities. Balthier made several more inappropriate comments under his breath to her, most of which began with "I'll wonder if they'll mime the time we…" and ended with her face turning one shade of red darker each time until she finally threatened to have the troupe mime the entire Battle of Rabanastre, complete with one mime dressed as the falling Bahamut. That shut her husband up rather quickly.

Ashe finally discovered the performance was over as the mimes bowed to them, and she applauded gratefully. "Thank you, thank you!" she shouted, and the court seemed to applaud politely along with her. For his part, Balthier still appeared half shocked, half infuriated beside her. She finally glared at him, and he clapped politely. The troupe began to pack their belongings, and Ashe rose to her feet.

"I think we will recess until the afternoon," she announced, and Balthier seemed grateful to her. He stood and offered her his arm. The court cheered once more as they departed the room and headed for their midday meal break.

Once they were free of the throne room, he pulled his arm back roughly. "Oh, you are a cold, cold woman!" he moaned, crossing his arms as he shuffled along.

"Don't pout, Balthier. It doesn't suit you," she retorted grumpily. The mimes had done a number on the both of them. "And I can't turn them away. They have a right to perform their trade."

He rolled his eyes. "I wish they'd perform their trade at the Pharos so they'd be eaten by some giant mantis or fall from the highest tower, either or."

They reached their chambers, and she waved her hands to send their servants away. She put her fists on her hips. "It's not even been a full day and already you're behaving like a child."

He flopped back on their bed and sighed. "I don't know how you do this every day. How you can just smile at mimes. Mimes, Ashe!"

She set her heavy crown down on her vanity and moved to lie beside him on the bed. She ruffled his hair and grinned. "It gets easier. The mimes…well, that never gets easier, but I've learned that you can deal with anyone after you've endured a mimicry performance."

"Even Al-Cid?" Balthier inquired with a wicked glint in his eye.

Ashe laughed. "Yes, even him." She let her hands drift down to fiddle with the medals on his uniform. "But thank you for being as attentive as you could be. I thought you'd be completely irredeemable after that cinnamon incident."

He chuckled and turned onto his side, resting his head on his hand. She sighed as he moved a hand to lift her skirt. "We need to be back in an hour for the afternoon session," she complained as his fingers met the flesh of her leg.

His lips met hers slowly then, and she couldn't resist a moan at the feeling. Balthier's hand was already at her knee, and she had a feeling they would be skipping their midday meal. She felt his lips press softly against her neck. "I need motivation to go back out there. Do I need to get on my knees and beg like that bloody mime?" He moved a hand to her head and began tugging on her hairpins as he continued to trail kisses across her skin.

She sighed and shoved him away from her. She moved off of the bed in irritation. A quick glance across the room at the mirror revealed that her hair was a frightful mess already, and she knew her gown was going to wrinkle. "Balthier! Look what you've done!"

He stood up and started unbuttoning his uniform jacket. "Oh yes, how clumsy of me." Balthier tossed the jacket on the floor with a heavy sigh, and Ashe rolled her eyes. "I guess we'll have to get completely redressed. That might cut into the afternoon session, I'd think."

She smirked and moved to unbutton his shirt. "Fine, I guess the mimes were torture enough for you. We'll cut the afternoon short."

Her husband grinned at her and helped her with the buttons. "And seeing as how we'll need all new clothes anyhow, we may as well make good use of our time."

"You are impossible," she muttered as he moved to unlace the back of her dress. "Absolutely impossible." But that was why she married him, she supposed.

"I know," he replied and leaned forward to press his lips to her exposed shoulder. "How do you suppose that old fossil would announce this?"

"Announce this?" she inquired and then inhaled sharply as he nipped gently at her skin. She let her gown fall to her feet, and she stepped out of it and pushed Balthier back towards the bed. He smiled widely as she shoved him onto his back. "I think he'd say something like…hmm. 'The Queen will now celebrate Captain Bunansa's successful debut at court.'"

He pulled her down and kissed her soundly once more. "I like the sound of that. Let's get celebrating then."