A/N: I wanted to give writing humor a shot, so here it is! I hope it's funny enough; I think I read it too many times to actually see the humor myself… :D I don't own the Twilight characters or the Game of Life. I just put them together! I love the Game of Life, don't you:D By the way, I have Bella explain how to play it here, so I apologize if I get some of it wrong… anyway, happy reading! Please comment!

Just a Human Game

Chapter One- Loans and Marathons

8:04 p.m.

"Bella, what –?" began Edward, but Alice silenced him with a look. He frowned at her, but she shook her head. "Alice…"

"It's better if you find out for yourself," she said, eyeing me gleefully. I grinned back at her, hardly able to contain my excitement as well. The Cullens were in for a fun night.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, fingering the package impatiently. In a blink of an eye the blond goddess that was Edward's sister stood before me wearing a mild scowl, which I blatantly ignored. I thrust the package into her hands.

"What's this?" she demanded softly.

"Well, hear me out, okay, before you say anything. I felt guilty that you weren't able to, you know, experience life as a human as you should have…" Rosalie's eyes narrowed dangerously, but I hastily continued: "So I thought that we should play a game, only the most human game I can think of!"

"A game?" repeated Edward incredulously. Rosalie glanced at him, and he shot back a warning glare. He must've caught her thinking murderously –not that I blamed her. This was probably one of my not-so-brightest ideas yet, but I figured it was worth a shot.

"Cool, what game?" came Emmett's deep voice, and he appeared next to Rosalie, eyes twinkling enthusiastically. He draped a thick arm around his wife's shoulders. "Come on, dear, I'm sure it'll be fun!"

"OH! I wanna tell!" squealed Alice, shooting a hand into the air.

"What's the Game of Life?" asked Edward suddenly. Alice let out a loud groan as she smacked her brother's arm.

"I said I wanted to tell!" she exclaimed, her face pulling into an indignant pout.

Rosalie tentatively opened the package, and slowly withdrew the board game's box. The words 'THE GAME OF LIFE' sprang out from the cover in bold, colorful letters. As I eagerly watched her examine the box, Carlisle, Esme and Jasper entered the room, so silently that I only noticed them when their faces peered over Rosalie's shoulder.

"This looks like fun," said Esme approvingly.

"Why don't you and Carlisle join us?" I suggested immediately. The idea of playing the game was becoming a stimulant. "I'm sure there are enough cars for all of us!"

"Cars?" echoed Jasper. Seven pairs of golden eyes trained on mine quizzically.

I shook my head. "Let me up the game first, and then I'll explain."

Rosalie was still scowling when I retrieved the box from her and placed it on the Cullens' wide dining table. "Okay," I said, removing the cover and taking out the box's contents one by one. I spread out the intricately-designed game board and began to attach to it the charming yet unnecessary miniature buildings.

"Not very realistic," I heard Rosalie mutter.

"I think it's cute!" sang Alice happily. Chuckling, I began to distribute the multi-colored paper money and the playing pieces.

"So basically," I began my lecture, "we have to go through life. Everyone starts off with the same amount of money, and everyone gets their own car, too, like you know, the player's piece. You can even put yourself in it, see, with these small people!" I took a single, tiny pink peg and pushed it into the first of six holes in a blue car, the 'driver's seat' hole, that is. "Pink if you're a girl, and blue if you're a boy, obviously. You're supposed to go round the whole board until you get to the finish. The winner is the one with the most money at the end of the game. To see how far we go on the board, how many spaces to move, I mean, we use this…" I placed a top-like device in its respective place on the board.

"Oh, we spin it?" asked Edward, whose forehead was creased into an adorably confused frown.

"Yup, and that's also how we see who goes first, and second, so on and so forth. So let's start off with that! I'll explain as we go along. So, players, choose your car! Oh no, wait, there are only six cars…"

"I'll share mine with you," offered Edward, his face breaking out into a dazzling smile. "However …" Before I could even blink, a blue peg was seated where my pink one had been, which was now beside the driver's seat. "I'm driving."

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "I chose that car, so I'm going to drive it!"

"Speed always wins the game," Edward answered in mock seriousness.

"Speed won't get you anywhere in this game!" I retorted. "Luck is all you need!" His reply was a simple laugh that left my insides crumbling. "Fine," I said irritably.

"Esme and I shall share the orange one," said Carlisle, taking the orange car and examining it with fascination. Esme picked up a blue peg and a pink peg and placed them into the car. "So, that leaves–"

"I WANT THE YELLOW CAR!" screamed Alice, her hand shooting out and grabbing the yellow piece and a pink peg. "And I name thee, Porsche Number Two!"

"I'll have the red," said Rosalie dully, although I did notice that she was no longer scowling; if anything, she looked mildly interested, which was a good thing, no doubt. She picked up a pink peg, and examined it in a way that seemed almost narcissistic. Well, as long as she wasn't angry.

"Green's mine," said Emmett, holding up the green car proudly.

"Happy with the white," said Jasper cheerfully, taking the last playing piece.

8:16 p.m.

I took my seat next to Edward and the rest of the Cullens dispersed themselves to occupy the remaining seats. A heavy feeling of excitement hung in the air –I could tell most of it radiated from Jasper– as I proceeded to count the paper money.

"Okay, I'll be the banker, which means I handle all the finance…"

"Looks like being married to her will be a piece of cake, Edward," said Emmett jokingly, winking at his brother.

I let out a short laugh. "We'll see about that. Anyway, we each start off with ten thousand dollars. And let's see who gets to go first!"

A few minutes and a number of pointless arguments between the siblings later, the wheel of fate had decided that Jasper held the first turn, Edward and I next, Rosalie third, Carlisle and Esme fourth, Alice fifth and Emmett last.

"Okay," I said, pointing at the two paths that stood before Jasper's white car. "Choose 'College' or 'Career'. 'Career' is a shorter path, and if you take it you get to pick a career and then your salary. Choose 'College', and you have to get a student's loan from the bank, to pay for school stuff, whatever. It's a longer path, but you get more career options. So what'd you want?"

"Career," replied Jasper confidently.

"Oh, Jasper dear, I thought you wanted to study more," said Esme in a disappointed tone. "You always were interested in learning."

"What happened, son?" asked Carlisle seriously.

Jasper threw a sheepish shrug at them. Smiling, I picked up a pile of cards and fanned them out face down before him.

"These are the career cards. Choose only one, but if its says 'Degree Required', put it back and choose another one."

Rather hesitantly this time, he picked out a card and turned it over. "Oh, great, I'm an artist. Even my job is reflecting my abilities!"

"Ah, don't let it swell your head," laughed Emmett, snatching the card. "So what's the pay, anyway?"

"Each career has its own colors," I explained, pointing at the bar of two colors below the comical picture on the card, and then picking up another pile of cards. "The colors help you choose your salary. The artist card has the colors purple and red. Now, these are the salary cards, and you get to keep the one with the corresponding color…"

"Now that is not realistic," spoke up Rosalie. "Choosing your own salary?"

"Hey, as long as he provides the money, I wouldn't be so negative about it!" snapped Alice. Then her head whipped around to face Edward. "I heard that!"

"I let you hear it," he replied casually. I looked at him curiously, and he shook his head in amusement. "As long as he provides the money for her to spend on, I told her."

"Don't worry, honey, my salary shall provide that and more," said Jasper, patting his wife's shoulder reassuringly. Her features relaxed as he pointed a pale finger at the career card. "See? It says I get ten thousand dollars every time someone buys my art, spins a '1', that is. And my salary shall be–" He drew a salary card from the pile in my hands.

"EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!" cried Alice. "You must be an incredible artist! That's enough for the new Porsche Cayman S I had my eyes on!"

"You were going to have me buy Porsche Number Three?" said Edward suddenly, his golden eyes widening accusatively at his sister.

"Given that I've done so many favors for you, yes!" replied Alice with a shrug. "And it is not just another Porsche! For your information, the Porsche Cayman S can go from zero to sixty miles-per-hour in just five-point-one seconds!"

"Oh, so it's better than the 911 Turbo, then?" said Edward coolly.

"No, you're NOT taking that away from me!"

"Jasper, spin!" I exclaimed, my mind on the brink of confusion. The game had only just begun and already it was a cause for war and bloodshed, no humor intended. "You chose your job, your salary, now spin to see how far you go!"

"Okay, okay!" said Jasper hastily, flicking the wheel. "Yeah, a '9'! Gentlemen, start your engines…" He proceeded to move his car forward along the board. I glanced at Edward and Alice, whose gazes still held together in a tight lock.

8:27 p.m.

"'Win marathon!'" whooped Jasper, pumping a fist into the air. "Ha, I get to collect ten thousand dollars! I like this game!"

"When did you enter a marathon?" demanded Emmett, as I handed Jasper his money. "You're hardly athletic!"

"Says the person who always loses in a race," countered Jasper.

"If I may point out," spoke up Carlisle, "you boys always lose in a race against me."

"Oh, then you should have entered the marathon as well, dear!" Esme's face broke into a wide, enthusiastic smile.

"Yes, you should've, Carlisle," I agreed laughingly. I then took pleasure in visualizing the boys literally eating the dust off the eldest vampire. The image only made me laugh harder.

"I believe it is our turn now," said Edward, and I nodded, trying to calm myself. This was going to be a long night. It was a good thing Charlie had taken the weight of curfew off my back.

"So, Edward, what do you think–"

"You know I want you to experience college," he said simply, positioning the blue car in the 'College' path.

I knew there was no point in arguing with him. Still, I couldn't resist myself. "Why? I'm about to be become a vampire anyway. So we have to make this game as practical as possible."

"Indeed, my love, but in this game I see nothing that says 'Bitten by a vampire, lose a turn'. So be realistic and go to college."

"But I have to take a loan then!" I wailed, pointing at the box of paper money. "See, the rules are that if I go to college, I have to borrow a hundred thousand dollars, and then pay it off with interest! I like myself debt-free, thank you very much."

"Debts are a human experience, Bella," said Rosalie smugly. I scowled at her. Oho, so this was payback for making her play the game. I wasn't giving up so easily.

"Edward, you're making me take 'College', which is a longer path! And you said speed always wins the game! How can we win if we're taking the long way?"

"You said luck wins the game." Edward was wearing a grin on his face now; he was obviously enjoying my discomfort. "So even if we take the longer path, luck will get us by. And, if I recall, you said that the winner is the one who finishes with the most money. By going to college you get more time to obtain that money, is that not correct?"

I gaped at him, at a loss for words. He had won me over. "You, you… manipulator!" I spluttered, folding my arms stubbornly.

"Manipulation has nothing to do with this, Bella. Now go to college, or I shall resort to drastic measures."

"Ooh, do that!" squealed Alice. I stared at her in horror. I had a faint idea what 'drastic measures' were in Edward's standards, but I was certainly not going to risk it. My ribs were still bruised from the last time.

"Fine, fine, I'll go to college!" I grabbed a handful of paper money and slammed it on my current account. I should've borrowed Monopoly from Angela instead. But then again, we'd be arguing over who possessed more land. Edward motioned to the game wheel with a tilt of his head, and I rolled my eyes and gave the wheel a hard twist.

"That's it, a '1'?" I gasped. "You call that luck?"

Emmett and Jasper both let out a snicker. Edward, however, tapped the space that the car was supposed to move to. "Yes, I call that luck. You get a scholarship! 'Collect twenty thousand dollars' it says. I see you're doing very well in college. And we are well on our way to winning."

"Whatever…" I grumbled, taking more money from the 'bank'. "Who's next?"

"I am," said Rosalie, fluidly taking a career card and flipping it over. "How ironic, I'm an athlete."

"So you're the one who trained me for the marathon," said Jasper jokingly as Rosalie then drew a salary card.

"Well, that would be convenient, considering that I receive only twenty thousand dollars a month. As I am your trainer, you grant me a fee of ten thousand dollars a month. Now, pay up."

"What?" Jasper slammed both hands upon his scraps of paper money. "I need my wealth for survival! You know how much Alice spends each week!"

"And that's not even in the rules!" I pointed out, only to receive another of Rosalie's famous glares.

"Good," she hissed. "If it's not in the rules, then that means it's not against any rules. Cough 'em up, Jasper, whenever you're ready." With one swift motion she spun the game wheel.

"We really should do this more often," said Esme merrily, leaning her lovely head against Carlisle's shoulder. "Bella, how did you come to know of this game?"

"Well, I-" A sharp gasp from Rosalie interrupted me.

"I have to rent an apartment?" she cried, her face twisted in angry shock. I looked down at the space where her car had moved to; she was to pay five thousand dollars, and I was certain that, if she were ever to take Jasper's money by force, this would be the time. Sure enough, she threw him a stony glance as she flung a five-thousand-dollar note at me.

"Honey, did you rent that villa with the breathtaking view of the ocean?" asked Emmett, smiling mischievously. "You know the really private one with its own Jacuzzi?"

"Emmett, I beg you, stop tainting my mind with disturbing images," moaned Edward, exasperatedly pinching the bridge of his nose, as was the usual.

"I think your mind's already beyond tainted." I giggled. "I'm sure it's a whole playground of dirt by now."

"'Dirt' would be an understatement," he said darkly. "It's sewage filth."

"Hey!" Emmett clutched his chest dramatically. "At least I'm giving you ideas. So if ever you get a Jacuzzi, you and Bella could try–"

"Do not finish that statement, please," cut in Jasper, eyeing his brother in disgust. "Your lust is practically drowning me."

8:35 p.m.

Carlisle let out a lighthearted laugh as he turned to Esme. "Well, dear, it is our turn now, is it not? So, what do you think, shall we go to college or start a career?"

"Oh, it's been so long since I've been to school," said Esme wistfully. "I wonder if I can take it; the educational system has changed over the decades." She giggled and gave her husband a familiar look that told me they were having yet another of their telepathic conversations. "Well, if you think it adventurous, then alright."

I handed them the bank loan notes. "Here you go, a hundred thousand dollars. Although I don't think you exactly need it, seeing as you know everything there is to know already, why bother buying textbooks. You have been around for some time now."

Carlisle only chuckled in reply, as he spun the wheel. "Oh, wonderful, a '6'! You do the honors, Esme."

Their orange car landed on a space that stated 'Study abroad. LIFE'. The pair looked at me expectantly, and I handed them a small cardboard piece. "This is called a LIFE tile. Don't read what's under it, though, only at the end of the game. LIFE tiles give you more money to help you win. You get one each time the space you land on says 'LIFE'. There are additional LIFE tiles where you end up, too…" I pointed at the two miniature houses at the centre of the game board, at the end of the serpentine car track, that is. "You get four LIFE tiles if you decide to live in Millionaire Estates, but none for Countryside Acres. That's about it."

"Ha," said Rosalie, "interesting. Get a LIFE. This game is darkly humorous."

"Oh, wait, I forgot to explain…" I grabbed a large pile of cards that I had completely overlooked. "If you want, you can buy insurance cards for your car and house, which you get later on. That way, if ever some major disaster happens to them, you won't have to pay. Also, you can buy one stock card, from which you get money every time someone spins the number on your stock card. You can buy the cards at the beginning of your turn, so just tell me if you want one. Car insurance costs ten thousand dollars, stock cards cost fifty thousand dollars, and house insurance depends on the house you get later."

There was a low grunt from Jasper. "This is potentially the most complicated game I've ever played," he mused.

"How do you know the rules so well?" asked Edward, a fine eyebrow raised curiously. I shrugged.

"I played it too many times with Angela and her boyfriend Ben. It's their favorite game. No, it's their obsession."

"Two humans addicted to a game…" said Emmett thoughtfully, drumming his fingers on the table's varnished surface. "Two humans playing with their addiction…"

"ARGH, GROSS!" yelled Edward suddenly, his chair dragging back with a loud screech as he jumped to his feet. "EMMETT!"

"What?" Emmett's face wore a look of perfect innocence, but I could see his golden eyes dancing playfully.

"My mind has been corrupted!" cried Edward, grabbing the sides of his head with both hands.

"Now, dear, try to behave yourself," murmured Rosalie, stroking Emmett's hand in a very sensual manner. He shot her a wide grin, eyebrows waggling suggestively.

I was just all too glad I couldn't see what Edward had seen. I shook my head and squinted, trying to focus my attention on the board game. Alice was next to spin.

A/N: Whatchoothink:D Please, pretty please review and I shall ever shower thee with roses and candy in your dreams!! Suggestions are welcome, too!