"I'm Sorry"
Pairing: Reborn/Lambo
Rating: PG-13 for blood and violent or depressing themes
Warnings - Angst! and lots of it!and lost of ooc-ness too...
Summary - Three years after Tsuna's death and all the guardians have changed. But Reborn has changed the most. But even when Reborn gets unreasonable and angry Lambo still stays by his side. (...really bad description, sorry uu)
Prompt: Song - "Panic" by Backstreet Boys
His shoulders shook as fresh tears spilled from his eyes to run down his usually relaxed face. Wet pregnant droplets of salt water caught on his eyelashes and collected until they became too heavy and rolled down the pale skin to land on trembling lips or drip off strong but still delicate jaw. He let a sob escape past his lips as he struggled to choke out the word he has been stubbornly repeating at the other's back for the last fifteen minutes, the word that has replaced his usual mantra ever since that day… because unlike before, when he could still look at everything with the eyes of an innocent kid with inferiority problems, but now he couldn't bring himself to lay fault for his every mistake on everyone else.
This, however, wasn't his fault. But nowadays it didn't matter whether it was his fault or not, he took the blame for everything, every screw up, every mistake, every misunderstanding. And unlike back then, when he would sulk and deny that it was him or even choose to temporarily escape the accusations, now he couldn't bring himself to risk it, because then he would risk loosing the boy in front of him too.
So instead he continued to stand there, his shoulders shaking, his lips trembling and his eyes burning with unshed tears as he repeated, "Sorry...sorry…sorry…sorry..." over and over again.
Yet the others back didn't turn. Instead the shorter - for the other had yet to even hit puberty even though he had already turned 14 – took another step away from him. Tear filled eyes shot up to loot at the elegantly clad back of the young teen who has commanded him, directly or indirectly for as long as he could remember. He object of his obsession which seemed to have taken over his life. And like the dutiful follower he took a step forward as well
"I'm sorry…" he repeated
"…" His apology was only met with silence.
"Please….loot at me…I'm sorry…" he tried again.
This time he got a response, "Its you're fault!" the others still young voice snapped back as the boy turned his face just enough to see the black and white clad crying individual sink to the floor in shame.
"It's your fault…" the boy repeated tiredly and with a hint of hesitation in his voice.
The older of the two didn't have the heart to say that it wasn't. Just hearing those words come from the lips that he longed to kiss was enough to bring him to his knees. And even though he knew that the boy didn't mean it, that it was just a conditioned response to every problem they faced now that their leader - and the boy's student - was gone it still tore at his heart like the first time he heard those words the day after the coffin was lowered.
Back then he had apologized for the first time, he had sunk to his knees, he had cried.
Just like he was doing now, three years later.
He tried to choke another apology, "Sor-"
But it was cut off with the controlled hiss of the younger man, "Shut. Up."
"-ry" still he couldn't stop the last part from coming out anyway. And to stop another apology for not being quiet from slipping from his tongue he bit his lover lip.
Hard.
So hard that his teeth pierced the delicate skin of the full lower lip and he could taste the unmistakable tang of copper.
The boy just shot him a sneering look as the older lowered his head farther, allowing his thick mane of black hair to hide the blood covering his lips and spilling over his chin to mix with the salt of his tears.
But even though he tried to hide his blood. His shame. His inability to follow orders properly without some casualty to himself or others. The brilliant boy across the room can always tell. And the soft drip as the warm crimson liquid fell from his shin was just an added give away.
"Ch.." The boy smirked as he saw the red drop fall onto the plush white carpet.
Pulling out his gun in one easy and practiced motion he lazily aimed it at the older man and asked with a hint of disgusted amusement in his voice, "Want me to put you out of your misery?" Usually he didn't even bother. The older man – who he always considered many levels less mature then himself – has been a constant nuisance in his life since he first came to train Tsuna. But Tsuna was gone and all the other arcobaleno have fallen ill to the virus, except him who had been living so long underground that he never got enough exposure to insure his death. And he never would. Not until this war was over.
But to live, he had to pay the price with his freedom. He was never allowed to leave this underground hideaway. The other guardians had slowly drifted away from this place, to lead their own missions, and attacks elsewhere, only coming back when emergency meetings were called. Soon his only companion turned out to be the one who had been following him since the beginning, even though back then he didn't admit it. Who had obsessed over him for the longest time. Who had fought beside him. Fought for him. Who had always been faithful. And even though the man could be a nuisance and an idiot and a general hassle the boy couldn't help but pay him attention. Even if it was the wrong kind of attention more often then not.
Just like now. He made his way slowly across the room, his gun poised at the other's lowered head.
"Well? Do you?" he asked again. As if expecting an answer, though obviously the dumb cow wouldn't have the guts to reply, like always.
The older man sank lower into himself, using one hand to support himself while the other hand covered his mouth where the blood continued to spill as he bit harder into his abused lip. His eyes were shut tight though tears still spilt through the eyelashes and run down to sting his bleeding lip. Every ounce of his strength went into suppressing the otherwise uncontrollable trembling of his shoulders while the boy was so close. No reason to look any more pathetic then he did already.
The boy tapped his foot on the ground in impatience before aiming carefully and watching the droplets fall heavily to the floor.
"So?" He perfected his aim. Now he just needed to wait for the next drop.
"What's your answer" he continued as he carefully watched the blood gather at the others chin.
The older gave the smallest shake of the head in reply, which was more then you could get out of him normally and the drop was dislodged. Without hesitation the boy fired.
BANG! The bullet flew through the drop, staining its nose with the salty crimson liquid and lodged itself deep into the carpet right in front of the older man.
That seemed to get a response out of him and he stumbled back, red eyes wide and panicky as he pushed back into a sitting positing and crawled back a couple feet.
"W-what?" he stammered out. The shock had stopped the tears though the salt stains were still visible upon his pale cheeks. His ripped up lip was freed from the continuous grinding of the teeth and blood flowed freely down his chin.
The boy stalked closer and leaned down with a smirk on his face. The expression seemed so different from how he used to act back when Tsuna was alive. But even this malicious streak was a part of the young hitman, a part that had been grudgingly accepted since he was not the only one to change with Tsuna's death.
"I asked if you wanted me to put you out of your misery" he said with false patience.
The older man swallowed visibly. He licked his lips, ignoring that they tasted like blood, and struggled to push down the panic that threatened to take over his every thought. He tried with all his might to conjure up some seemingly workable response. The last thing he wanted now is to say the wrong thing as he tried to save himself and get shot anyway. He knew that the young hitman didn't use the dying will bullets anymore, not since Tsuna's death.
Shutting him eyes tight in….what? Fear? Anticipation? One couldn't be sure. Even the older man wasn't sure himself. Maybe it was fear of never seeing the boy again or the anticipation of the shoot. Either way all he knew that if it was the boy who ended his life then he could almost die happy, though he would regret never getting a chance to kiss the boy.
(A/N: This is where the alternative ending starts for those of you who wanna read that...)
The boy scuffed at the submissive response he received. Stalking closer he loomed over the older male. Pressing the gun barrel gently to the cow's face he used it to tip the older man's head up and whispered, "Look at me"
The older man's eyes snapped open at the command and the boy couldn't help but smirk at the power he held over the man. He leaned in until his breath ghosted over the other's lips as he trailed the gun across a tear stained cheek to point at his temple. His eyes clouded with a malicious hunger as his gaze locked onto the blood that spilled from abused lips.
Not hesitating he leaned in and took the abused lip between his own teeth in a parody of a kiss. The older man hissed in pain as the cut in him lip deepened but didn't move away. This may not be the kind of acknowledgment he had wanted, and it defiantly wasn't the kiss of a lover as he had hoped for. But it was something, and he wouldn't give up even this pain – as long as it was caused by the young hitman – without a fight.
The other for his part just enjoyed the thrill of having blood on his tongue and fresh tears run down the others cheeks to stain their locked lips. He had known about how the idiotic cow looked at him since even before Tsuna had died. And while before this might have led to some degree of friendship or even more between them. With Tsuna dead all the hitman could think of this useless crush was how easy it was to manipulate. To twist it into a new way of relieving tension.
And with that thought he bit harder into the soft lip and heard the other cry out in both pleasure and pain, "Re-reborn..." the name getting muffled by their lips.
Reborn pulled away slowly, licking his lips to savor the last of the coppery taste and gave the older man a hungry look, "Maybe you're worth keeping around after all Lambo." He said before getting up gracefully and turning to stride out of the room, He closed the door behind him without a second glance leaving Lambo's crumbled form in the dark.
end
Here is the alternative ending (it's a lot fluffier and therefore doesn't flow as well as the original but...still):
This wasn't the response he had hoped for. There was no way he could actually kill his subordinate and only companion in this place, even if he annoyed him. Frowning he ordered the other, "Look at me."
Slowly the eyelashes fluttered open and watering eyes looked at the boy, showing a mix of emotions. Fear, submission, admiration….and even love. The hitman was startled for a second to see such deep emotions in the eyes of the person he constantly verbally abused and used as stress relief. But they were there, plain as day, and he couldn't help but revert to a more carefree and happy-go-lucky kid he had been before Tsuna's death if only for a second.
But that second was all it took for his instinct to feel connected to other people to take over. For all of his suppressed emotions from the last three ears to overpower his constant guilt and need to blame the world for Tsuna's death. Those instincts told him he needed to reach out and feel and stop pretending he only knew how to kill. And in that one second he made his decision and leaned in to steal a gente kiss from startled bloody lips.
Pulling away slowly he licked his lips and tasted blood which only made him furrow his brow and bring his hand up to gently trace the others abused lips before smiling and saing, "You're worth more then this Lambo."
Lambo's eyes widened in shock at the unusual display of emotion since the younger man had refused to show anything but anger in the past three ears. Fresh tears spilled from his eyes as he gazed into the face of the boy he had crushed on since he had hit puberty, "It's you, Reborn" he said as if he hadn't seen the other in years and maybe he hadn't. Maybe all this time he had been looking at a parody of what the young hitman really was. A fake made to take Reborn's place as the boy mourned Tsuna's death.
"You're here" Lambo finished lamely as he wiped tears of surprise and happiness and leaned in to return the previous kiss.
Reborn met him halfway.
alt! end
------------------prompt/song--------------------
"Panic"
- Backstreet BoysGo,
stop and go,
I just hear static,
I used to read you
Loud and
clear
Not like this.
You're so erratic
And I'm not rational
when I
See you around,
Your inconsistency ya know it's
Draggin'
me down.
You're so conflicted baby.
You're always walking
away (walking away)
One step and everything's over (everything's
over),
and you're runnin' back to me.
You say I let you
down,
Baby take me in or just take me out.
I'm already dead.
I
already said (I already said)
I'm sorry.
I've made
mistakes
I've been an addict,
A blind fanatic.
Don't you
know,
You're not immune,
To the Panic,
When somebody...
When
the snow hits your skin,
The cold don't last forever
But you'll
live it again
If you don't let seasons change
You're always
walking away (walking away)
One step and everything's over,
(everything's over),
and you're runnin back to me
You say I let
you down (Let you down),
Baby take me in or just take me out
I'm
already dead
I already said (I already said)
I'm sorry.
How
many times do I have to say
Before you believe me
Oh, oh,
oh
Oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh,
Panic
You're always
walking away (walking away)
One step and everything's over,
(everything's over),
and you're runnin back to me
You say I let
you down (Let you down),
Baby take me in or just take me out
(take
me in or just take me out)
I'm already dead
I already...
already said
I'm already dead (already dead)
I already said (I
already said)
I'm sorry
A/N: A/N: I know this might not really fit he song. But the song was seriously pissing me off anyway. Because I couldn't get what the meaning was :O I mean no offense to the person who picked it for the challenge (since I got the prompt in a challenge in the KHR comm on LJ), it's a catchy song but after listening to it for a week straight you start to get pissed.
Finally I had to get help from different people to sorta understand it...uu
Please Read and Review! (If you don't I might be tempted to not write more! just to spite you. Just a quick word to let me know you enjoyed it is enough. I'm not picky XD)