I had A Smeet Once.

Writer: Invader Johnny.

Summary: The birth of a child is considered a beautiful thing to humans but to Irkens it meant nothing but fresh soldier for the armada, Zim however didn't think that… not anymore anyway.

Author Notes: First of all I gotta say that this isn't exactly the best or most original title I have ever come up with, in all honesty I'm not satisfied with it but then again it's better than nothing am I right?

Second of all this fan fic is dedicated to Invader Aqua since TODAY December 12 is her birthday so as a gift to her I wrote this fic that talks about the gift of birth AND Christmas, hope ya like it my fellow Invader.

Third of all I had to re-write this fan fic like maybe 10 times since I was not satisfied with the different versions I came up with but I FINALLY managed to finish it, so I really hope all of you out there enjoy the story and as always don't forget to leave a review.

Finally this story takes place two Irk years or twenty Earth years after the episode "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever!" why is that important? You're all gonna find out bellow.

"Nine months and counting."

"Ten actually."

"Just do what you have to Zim" Gaz said while she seated on a floating operating table with some cables connected to her now GREEN stomach, and to add to her great discomfort she had to wear a very tin hospital like tunic, not exactly something she was thrilled about but what could she do?.

"Pray that my stomach will stop growing or scream at my child to get the hell outta me!" Gaz thought frustrated.

Her stomach had grown a noticeable amount during her nine erm ten months of pregnancy and it seemed it was only going to get bigger

"Maybe having sex with an insane alien wasn't the best idea" Gaz admitted irritated. Zim was fiddling with the main console while GIR and MiniMoose watched quietly.

Zim just kept watching as information filled the screen, it was obvious that SOMETHING was wrong with Gaz; it wasn't normal for a pregnancy to last thing long both by human and Irken standards.

After all usually an Irken smeet was born or "hatched" five months after the DNA was put in the test tubes and from what Gaz had told him human babies are in the mother's belly for about nine months.

"So?" Gaz asked.

Zim took his eyes away from the screen and stared at his wife "So what?"

"Can you tell me what the hell is wrong with me and our daughter?"

"Son" Zim corrected.

You think that by now Zim would have learned not to piss of the scary human female but of course there were things that just never changed, and this was one of them.

Gaz would have normally hurt him but right now she didn't have the motivation or the strength to remove his limps so she repeated "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm not sure…".

"WHAT YOU MEAN YOUR NOT SURE?!"

"LET ME FINISH!".

Gaz glared.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this but..," Zim sighed "The Smeet… the smeet can't get out."

Gaz paled.

Gir and MimiMoose stayed quite for once understanding the seriousness of the situation.

"The egg inside of you isn't moving the way it's suppose to."

"What… what does that mean?" Gaz asked fearfully.

"It means that unless I use a sharp electrical current to change it's rotation, the egg might break and our child would die before it even has the chance to take it's first breath."

"Aww poor baby" Gir finally spoke.

"How… how long we have?"

"Not long… a day… two tops."

Not exactly the situation Gaz would have expected to be in, but then again there were many things in her life she never expected to happen in the first place, finding out her father died in an accident in his lab two years ago was an unbearable living hell.

Then her brother finally found someone who liked him and gotten married just when she was about to tell him she was pregnant.

She never told him.

But she thought that the biggest surprise life threw at her was the fact that she WAS getting married, and here she was seven years with Zim and counting, and after much persuasion from her Zim finally agreed that they were ready to have a child.

She remembered just how much they tried.

And man, that was a LOT of sex, she had the feeling Zim enjoyed this more than she did since he experience something no other member of his race could and that sometimes gave Gaz a few surprised during their time in bed.

She blushed at the memories but then came back to reality.

The Irken kept looking information on the computer screen, occasionally muttering something in his native tongue; Gaz had known Zim well enough to figure out that most of the things he said were NOT pleasant.

Going back to memory lane, Gaz remembered that after their fourth year of marriage Zim suggested adoption but she refused, the scary woman wanted a child that was one hundred percent her's and one hundred percent Zim's.

He was proud of Gaz when she took such a decision.

Her husband told her of a different solution, if she couldn't get pregnant the normal way then they would try the Irken way, he offered the alternative of cloning a child with both their DNA into it but she wasn't so sure.

Mostly because she wanted the feeling of being pregnant.

She wanted the feeling of being a mother.

So Zim gave her that.

He made her eat a tiny little pink egg that had both of their DNA, and the egg grew within her as time passed, she was happy, for the first time in her life, she actually felt happy.

But NOW that she finally had her chance, fate just decided to play a cruel joke on her, it just made her angry, angry to the point where she started to clench her fingers into the table, her knuckles turning whiter and whiter by the moment.

GIR hugged her sympathetically, normally she would grab him by the antenna and hurl him across the room but right now, and it felt good to have him there.

"Aww, mistress sad?"

She eyed the S.I.R Unit weirdly, apparently he didn't know the different between sadness and anger or maybe he did and was only attempting to make her feel better in his own way.

"Squeak!"

Zim took his red eyes from the screen and glanced at his other sidekick "No MiniMoose, no I won't".

"Squeak?".

"Yes I'm sure."

Finally finding what he wanted the Irken threw his arms upward as if succeeding in something "YES!".

The remaining people in the lab turned their heard in the direction of the alien "I found a way to fix you Gaz!".

"Fix me?" She questioned irritated "I'm not one of your stupid inventions Zim; I'm a human being so don't you…"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

"Just tell me what is it and I might NOT rip your head off" Gaz muttered.

"Damn inferior human mood swing!"Zim thought.

"Will, you all shut up?!" The computer shouted "I'm trying to turn myself off here and all of this commotion is NOT going to help me get some beauty sleep."

Gaz gave Zim a funny look "You want to ask or should I?"

"Just ignore it" Zim said "His pathetic problems are not important to us."

"HEY!" The computer yelled indignantly "Just because I'm supposed to be an all knowing computer it doesn't mean I don't have feelings!"

"All knowing?"Gaz sneered "When you tried to give Zim information on human sex you told him my hands were my reproductive system!"

"Well? Aren't they?"

"No! They're not!"

"Let's get back to business!" Zim screamed, trying to diverge the attention away from the awkward memory of his and Gaz's first time, he quickly got in a pod and floated towards the operation table "I found of a way to do the procedure without the need of electrifying you."

"Well what is it?" Gaz asked eagerly.

"Keep in mind Gaz that this is MORE painful and it is likely that you may not be able to move for a while."

Unsurprisingly Gaz showed no sign of fear.

Gir on the other hand did.

"WHAT?!" the robot bellowed "You can't hurt mistress, you just can't!"

"It's either this, that electricity goes through the inside of your body or let out smeet die before it gets a chance at life" He said ignoring Gir's outburst.

"Well what is it?"

He sighed "please don't hate me for this".

Gaz was nor curious "Zim, whatever it is just tell me". She grabbed his gloved hand.

"Remove the egg prematurely and put it in a container and HOPE the machinery does it stuff."

Only one world came out of her mouth "No."

"But Gaz..."

"No buts" She said calmly "You said before that out child might die if the egg break, I'm NOT going to let that happen, removing…" Gaz puts both her hands on her swollen stomach "It's not an option."

"I figured you might respond this way."

"Gees Zim, even you should know there is more of a chance we might become childless by doing your dumb procedure."

Gir started to sleep in Gaz's stomach.

"I... know that... It's just… I'm not so thrilled about the other option."

"Why not?"

"Christmas is coming."

"Huh?"

"Christmas is coming" He repeated.

"What does Christmas has to do with this?"

"EVERYTHING!"

She grabbed him by the collar of his black uniform, after being for over 20 years on Earth, Zim had grown out of his Irken uniform and had to wear whatever fits him, he eventually made a new uniform but unlike the other one, he wore a black shirt with grey long sleeves and of course he began to wear blue jeans just for the fact they were more comfortable and traditional on Earth, Gaz couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that Zim had grown both in height and maturity, oh he was still an idiot but he was her idiot.

"I'm only going to ask nicely once Zim" Gaz hissed menacingly "Just tell me what the fuck you're babbling about and THEN electrify me for the sake of both me and our daughter."

"Son" He corrected automatically.

"My patience is running thin Zim" She warned so just tell me what the big deal is"

She released him.

He sat down next to her and looked down at his boots "I had a smeet once".

"What?" Gaz asked "I'm sorry Zim, would you repeat that?"

"I just said that I had another baby once… About thirty of you Earth years ago on Christmas day to be accurate."

Gaz was filled with both jealousy and rage "You were married before?"

Zim shook his head but he still wouldn't look at her.

"Wait I remember you told me your species are born in test tubes, just HOW could you have a kid?"

"Had" Zim corrected "I had a kid… a son actually."

Gaz was beginning to understand what his problem was.

"Maybe I didn't explain the full details but you see on my planet we eliminated the whole need to have sex and..." Zim paused, as if thinking what he was going to say next. "You see instead of all of us looking like clones Irken DNA is randomly selected by the control brains, from a male and female, many times the same DNA creates more than one smeet."

"So you're saying your DNA was randomly chosen and created…a baby... smeet."

Zim nodded.

"Did you ever figure out who was… the mother?"

"No" He responded soullessly "We are not suppose to know who our offspring is or are, for all I know even I could have a brother or sister but if I found out I could have gotten killed."

"That's... Heartless."

Zim shrugged "Family is seen as a weakness on my planet."

Gaz stiffened.

"So how did you found out you had a… son?" She asked gently.

"I didn't… he found me".

MiniMoose did a barrel roll and the computer kept snoring, obviously these two didn't care what Zim was saying.

"I remember he found his way to Devastis the day Spork became Tallest and my cubby energy creature thing ate him and destroyed a LOT of stuff in its way". Zim said "My son survived, he was strong just like his old man" he smiled proudly.

Gaz smiled too.

"He said I was his son and he was looking for me… not exactly the smartest thing to do in an auditorium full of Irkens-"

"Why?" Gaz coaxed "What happened?"

"He was killed".

His wife gasped.

"Someone must have heard him because the next thing I knew, an electronic arrow hit his PAK, shocking him, shutting him down... To this day, I... I can still heat his screams."

"Did you ever found out his name?" Gaz asked meekly.

Zim nodded weakly "Zam".

"What?"

"His name was Zam, and he was 11."

"Did you believe him?" She questioned sceptically "I mean he could have been lying."

"I checked his bio signature" Zim snarled "It was ALMOST identical to mine".

"Almost?".

"I was sure he also had his mother's bio signature."

"How did he look like?"

"He was short" Gaz couldn't help but roll his eyes here "His antennae were crocked, they usually leaned forward instead of backwards but I guess the most characteristic thing he had were his eyes.. They were… not like mine." Zim explained.

"You mean they were not the same eye color as yours?"

"Yup, that's basically it".

"What color were they?"

"Purple."

"Didn't you find that just a little odd?"

"Not really" He responded "I never really gave it any serious thought since it was likely that he got that from his maternal figure."

"Did you ever found out who she was?"

Zim shuddered, and Gaz knew she stroke a nerve.

"Who was she?"

I rather not say."

"That wasn't a question Zimmeh" Gaz said sharply "That was an order."

He gave his wife a scattering glare "I said I'm NOT going to talk about it".

"Why is it such a big secret?"

"Fine I'll tell you but if I do you'll have to tell me why is it that I never meet my mother in law unit?

Gaz froze and that if Zim answered her question she would have to answer his, and she was not exactly trilled about that, so instead she dropped the subject,

"Fine keep quiet I'll figure out who was your first spouse" Gaz said angrily.

Something hit Zim immediately; it was like a hit in the crotch but way, way more painful "Your not jealous are you?"

"Of what?" She said bitterly "Of the fact that MY alien had a secret son I knew about?.

Since I am YOUR alien."

"Since the day I married you… moron."

Zim smirked malevolently "You're jealous."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are"

"I'm not".

"Yes you are"

"I'm not".

"Yes you areeeeeeeeeeeeee."

Gaz couldn't help it anymore and did the only thing that would shut him up.

She kissed him.

To some people a specific kiss like this would only seem to last them a few seconds, but for Zim and Gaz, this moment between them seemed to last forever, after a while the Irken gave a smile that might give the wrong idea he was retarded or wasted.

"Now that I got your attention, would you mind oh I dunno, ELECTROCUTE ME!."

Zim screeched in pain "Damn, your scream is worse than Gir's."

Speaking of said robot, he was still sleeping I Gaz's stomach and to make this a little disturbing, he was sucking on Gaz's thump.

"I'll doom him later" She thought.

"I'm still NOT so sure about this" Zim admitted.

She groaned "Just do it, the faster the better."

"No".

"Zimmers."

"Oh-uh she's using my full name that can't be good."

"Just get whatever little deranged machine you have, put in my fucking belly and rotate the egg or else!"

"Zim will not do it."

"Again with the third person thing" She growled and then sighed, she had to try a different approach. "Look, Zim I know that losing a kid is hard, it is to every parent but if you don't do this now then you ARE going to go through that hell again, is that what you want?"

He stood there, not making a sound.

"Zim?"

He walked away not daring to look at Gaz and more importantly, his unborn son.

"I think I just snap his mind" She said surprised.

She got her thump out of Gir's mouth, disgusted that there was saliva on it.

A thought finally entered her mind "Why did it bug him that it was almost Christmas?".

She got up from the uncomfortable floating table and walked in the same direction she saw Zim run of to, before she got out of the room thought, he came back with goggles, thick black cloves, a doctor like outfit and most importantly a HUGE device he held with both his hands, she saw yellow light coming out of it and she guessed this thing was meant for her.

She hoped she was wrong.

"This is an electro-spear" The tall alien said looking at his terrified human wife "This should be enough to fix up our little predicament."

"Oh crap" The purple haired female whispered "What it a minute it should?! What the hell does that mean?!".

Before she could do anything, some tentacles came out of the walls and restrained her. "Zim what in the blue fuck you think your doing!".

"Making sure you don't regret this at the last minute."

The computer lifter her tunic, revealing her green stomach once again, He poked her where her bellybutton should be and a pointy like thing made her way inside her body, she stifled a cry of pain.

Zim pushed a blue button and instantly the yellow light made its way to the pointy thing and inside her body, this time she screamed bloody murder as the egg's rotation changed direction with the shock.

"THIS ALL WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING IF YOU HADN'T IMPREGNATED ME WITH YOU FUCKED UP ALIEN MACHINERY! GOD DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL! DAMN YOU AND YOIR LEADERS AND EVERY OTHER IRKEN TO HELL, I SWEAR IF I DID I´LL HAUNT YOUR SPLEEN!"

"I'll be glad when this is all over" Zim muttered.

Twenty minutes later, the torture ended and Gaz was quiet but she was not released from the tentacles "Get me out of these things Zim" She ordered.

"I think it would be best for you to stay there until you are a little less… unstable". Zim suggested gently.

"I think it would be best if you released me now."

"Why's that?"

"Because my water just broke."

"Man I'm good!" He congratulated himself and then ordered the computer to release her, which id grudgingly did just to let him sleep.

What happened was unexpected, she grabbed him by the neck and punches him in the face, "Ok, NOW were even, now get up and take me to the hospital."

"Ouch… my superior brain is in pain."

YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT PAIN?!"

She punched him again afterwards.

"THAT IS IT! You may push now!" Dib ordered.

He had been called two hours after Gaz's water broke, Zim originally planed on taking her to planet Vort for the birth of their child but the voot cruiser decided to piss them off instantly by malfunctioning and had no other choice but to call their annoying relative.

Gaz sat up, her back against the window shield of the voot cruiser, and began pushing as hard as she could. With every push, she squeezed Zim hand tighter, making it more and more drained of color. She put all of her energy into each push, and was soon exhausted. She fell backward, crying. "IT HURTS! I CAN'T DO IT!"

"Gaz, listen to me," Zim said, helping her sit back up. "I did a LOT of things for you to make you get pregnant and we could have this kid and you are NOT going to tell me you can't do it because we both know you CAN!"

Gaz said "YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS TO RELEASE A BABY OUTTA YOU!"

"I'm NOT" He agreed "But I'm the one giving you support so don't get all emo on me and tell me you can't because I will NOT accept that from you!"

Gaz nodded and sucked in some air, ready to begin pushing. As soon as she did, another shout was heard from Star.

"I SEE THE EGG!" Dib screamed happily.

She was grateful for this. She continued pushing, until she heard a pop like sound and then a crack, both her and Zim froze.

Dib help the egg… it broke.

Gaz felt tears run down her cheeks while Zim just smiled.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Look"."

"And so she did, a tiny green arm was coming out of it, Dib grabbed the part where the egg was breaking and he broke it even more, he saw two closed eyes, or at least he thought they were eyes.

Dib handed the baby to his father, who saw the eyes open, his antennae coming out of the egg, he was happy to know he had them, something that would show his Irken heritage besides the green skin, the next thing he notices was the his son had his mom's eyes.

Brown eyes but Irken style.

He and Gaz broke made a hole big enough for the baby to come out of and they both got a huge surprise.

Ii had purple hair coming out of its head and to add to their surprise, they finally noticed the smeet had curly antennae and eyelashes.

They have a little baby daughter.

Dib handed them his trench coat to cover the baby's body.

"It is a girl!"

Gaz smiled. "I told you Zim."

He just gaped, he was SURE he was going to have a son.

But he couldn't hate her, she was HIS amazing child, and he was going to take care of it like was planned to.

"So, what are you two going to name her?" Dib asked, looking down at his new born niece.

The Irken was about to open his mouth but Gaz stop him, "If you say you want to name her after you I swear to god Ill rip off your PAK from your back and beat you to death with it."

He shut his mouth.

"Smart move."

"How about Zee?" Dib offered.

"No" Zim shook his head "I knew a Zee back at the Academy, such a glory hog...How about Kim?"

"Uh… no" Gaz said rolling her eyes.

"The unnamed hybrid baby stared at both her parents, playing with her own antennae.

Gaz thought out loud "I always liked the name Kara".

"Too long" Zim dismissed it at once.

"How about Tex?"

"IT'S A GIRL ZIM!"

"Oh right."

"Moron."

After a while all three adults agreed on one name.

"Ziara" Her father thought it be fitting to call her Zia for short.

After that, they all return to Zim's base and made a diagnostic on Gaz and Zia, Gaz would have to stay in bed for a while but her little girl only needed to be checked, making sure her organs were human like or Irken like to make sure she needed a PAK.

Thankfully she didn't.

Zim and Gaz were down the lab while Dib babysat the little bundle of joy that was their daughter.

Gaz lays on a floating bed Zim had the computer build to make sure she could move to anywhere in the house, after hours of silence she finally asked the question that's been bugging her since her chat with Zim.

"Zim… why did it bug you that Christmas was coming?"

He stop was he was doing and gave Gaz a look that said it was not something his was willing to discuss.

She used her secret weapon "Either you tell me or I'll have Gir sing the doom song until you crack"

He paled "You wouldn't!"

"Oh Giiiiiiiiiiiiiir"

"Ah, fine, I´LL TELL YOU I´LL TWELL YOU, ANYTHING FOR NOT HEARING THE DAMN SONG FROM HELL!"

Gaz smirked in triumph "You're so cute when you're mad".

Zim ignored her.

"If you must know I did some research as to how long is an Earth year and how long is a year on Irk, and the thing is that 10 years here its actually ONE year on my home planet and well I found out that technically Zam was killed on Christmas".

Gaz's smiled disappeared, now she wished she HAND´T asked "Oh".

"So you can see why this whole thing has been an issue for me."

She nodded "I can".

Then a thought entered her head and blushed at what she was about to say "But I guess you owe me a thank you".

"Huh?"

"How many Irkens have had the chance you had to have a SECOND child? No less METTING you're their offspring".

"Uhh" was his intelligent respond "None?".

"Exactly, you r the dumb ass who got what no other member of your race has and that makes you pretty damn lucky".

"I guess I am aren't I?"

"Ok, now that I lifted up your pathetic spirit you have to do something for me" She said in a sexy tone of voice.

"Oh and what would that be?"

"Look up"

He squinted at her. "Huh?" and he looked up.

Mistletoe. How convenient.

"I don't see why I should experience these human traditions".

"Because I say so, now shut up and kiss me".

Instead of waiting for a reply, Gaz grab him by the collar of his uniform and pushed her lips against his.

"Mmmph." he mumbled unintelligibly.

What could he do? He kissed her back, and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling them even closer.

Joy to the world! The Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room,
And heaven and nature sing,
and heaven and nature sing,
and heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Both loves got away from the other and turned their heads and saw Gir holding Zia in his arms while his chest was being used as a radio playing the Christmas song.

"GIR!"

The S.I.R Unit giggled childishly, their daughter doing the same thing.

"What do you want Gir?" Zim asked irritated.

"Baby needs a diaper change."

The child looked at her parents innocently.

Three days later, Zim, Gaz, Gir, MiniMoose, Dib and his wife and little Zia as The computer had affectionately started to call her celebrated Christmas at the old Membrane household.

Sometimes life can throw unexpected surprises at you.

The biggest surprise this year was that the deranged Santa Claus returned from space.

Well no one ever said those surprises had to be pleasant, huh?

And… it's DONE! I HOPE you like your Birthday present/Fic Invader Aqua, it took me a LOT of time and thinking to try and get it to be just perfect.

The song "Joy To The World" was only added there to go with the Christmas theme and because I happen to like it.

I have no idea who wrote it but the rights to the song are not mine and neither is the show "Invader Zim".

Fun fact: Originally this plot was suppose to be for "The Nightmare Before Christmas" fan fic I plan on doing but I never got it the way I wanted so the whole thing became a Zim fic, funny how things end up huh?

Invader Zee is actually a character from the series as she was seen behind Zim when they were getting their S.I.R Units during "The Nightmare Begins."

Kim is also a name of the official Invaders, He too was seen in line to get his S.I.R Unit in the same episode , however I doubt Zim would remember him or care that by Irken standards, the name is use for the male of his species unlike on Earth which is meant for females.

Also you might be wondering why I never revealed who Dib is married to and who was Zam´s mom, well I decided to leave clues that you my readers might pick up and come to a conclusion.

I´m sure most of you already have in mind who was the mother of Zim's first and only son.

As for Dib's spouce, well I didn´t really thought hard about it but decided to let you decide, fun huh?

Someday I might come back to this universe and write a prequel or maybe even a sequel since I feel that a ZAGR family dynamic would be kinda fun to explore.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.