Roommates
By Carla Fox
Chapter 4: "Say cheese!"
A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay! - shame on me- I hope you like this chapter. I think I replied to every review I got, but in case I missed one, thank you all so much for them!! I love them, thank you :)
Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D or their characters or stories or anything really, just my cats.
"Where's my cereal?!" she said opening the cabinets of her kitchen frantically. She didn't have much time before her first morning meeting and she was hungry. It was the last day of the week, and probably one of the last few days of the infamous Gregory House eating her food, though not before complaining about it, making a mess in her living room, answering her phone like it was a hot line and changing the resting place of her underwear. Oh yeah, the current and soon-to-be ending week had been priceless.
Making her high heels sound harsh against her wooden floor, she walked to his bedroom and opened the door. The vision of a very asleep House askew on his bed and probably drooling was, at first sight, hilarious. But then she remembered why she was there and hid the ghost of a smile.
"House!" she said loudly and using her bossy voice, making him jump in the bed. She couldn't stop the smile coming again, but she tried to control it, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Wha..?!" he said making a face, opening and closing his big blue eyes getting use to the light coming in from the hallway.
"Where's my cereal?" Cuddy asked while biting the inside of her mouth, annoyed.
"Somewhere... around here," he answered frowning and then turning around in the opposite direction of her, ready to fall asleep again.
"Where?! House! I have an 8:30 meeting and I need to eat something!" she said coming inside and bumping into CD boxes. Then she stepped into an open plastic box. Her heel slipped and before she even noticed she fell on the floor like a bag of potatoes.
"Damn it, House!" she said from the floor, her hair all over her face. House didn't turn around but his shoulders shook from his silent laugh. "You need to clean this place up!"
"It's fine for me... cereal over there..." he said pointing a sleepy finger over to the dresser.
Bracing herself on the corner of his bed, she slowly stood up. All covered in darkness she slowly walked to the dresser, while House grinned with his eyes closed thinking about how he was going to tell Wilson how their boss hit the floor. Cuddy finally took the box, just to find it, obviously... empty.
"What the... House!!" she complained.
"Ohh, shut up!!" House answered hiding himself under his pillow, wishing she was gone.
"What am I going to eat now?! You left nothing in the fridge!"
"Go and grab a coffee and bagel on your way to the hospital, see? This is why I'm so cool," he said, turning to the other side again.
"I hate you," she murmured walking slowly in direction of the door, but slipped again on the trash covering the floor. This time however, she caught herself before falling.
"I want this cleaned up when I come back... and I expect you in the Clinic at 10 o'clock or I swear to God you will work 72 straight hours like an intern ALL weekend!" Cuddy threatened.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." he murmured, eyes closed, pillow still over his head.
"WITHOUT cable!" Lisa finished, closing the door hard. House sighed one more time, got comfortable in his bed and fell asleep peacefully.
"Well, if it isn't Mr. Cutthroat Bitch in the flesh," said House limping next to his, once again, newly wed best friend near the elevator. After House's building literally blew up, Wilson wanted to come back as soon as possible, but Cuddy assured him that House was fine after he temporally moved in with her. So Wilson and his new wife, Mrs. Cutthroat Bitch, a.k.a Dr. Amber Volakis, stayed in Hawaii for the remainder of their honeymoon and just recently came back to their regular routine: James in Oncology at PPTH and Amber at Princeton General.
"Aren't you a joy today? Is it that the screenwriter's strike is finally over or maybe you just sucked the life of Cuddy's plants to survive another week?" answered the oncologist with a grin on his face.
"My God..." said House making an exaggerated shocking face, "... you're already acting like her! This must be a new record in the world of dominated husbands!"
"I am not dominated," sighed Wilson as he entered the elevator with House next to him.
"Actually, aren't 'married' and 'dominated' synonyms?"
"No, they aren't... by the way, why are you here so early? It's not even noon yet," Wilson asked raising a curious eyebrow.
"I have things to do."
"And those things had nothing to do with the fact that Cuddy threatened you with the weekend shift that's usually given to interns," Wilson said matter of factly as the door of the elevator opened on House's floor.
"Of course not. I had a patient to check on," House lied.
"Sure, that's why your team is downstairs doing Clinic."
"Clinic, clinic, clinic... that woman has a fetish and not one that interests me," House said taking his jacket away and sitting in his chair. "Oh, she fell as graceful as a hippo on my bedroom floor this morning. I think I literally rocked her world last night," he commented, taking his tennis ball in his hands and throwing it into the air.
"She said it was because of all the garbage you have there. She scratched her knees when she fell," Wilson commented as he sat down in the chair across from him. House smirked.
"And why are you checking out Satan's legs anyway? You do have a wife as I recall."
"I'm married House, not blind."
"What it is with you and the married status? Why do you have the compulsion to marry everything you see? You barely know her and there you are again, with the whatever number it is Mrs. Wilson."
"Maybe it's a good sign that she didn't take my name and kept her own. That's new. And I just enjoy being married, House. Maybe this time it will work."
"You better hope so, because I don't think your salary will allow you to pay for another alimony," House joked.
"Funny… and sadly true," admitted the oncologist.
"Why not just live with her? You aren't obligated to marry everything you screw."
"One thing I've learned is that there aren't any guarantees. There are people with arranged marriages that live together for sixty years, and other couples who dated for years and get divorced after 6 months."
"Aww, you were watching When Harry Met Sally again, weren't ya?" said House smiling, but Wilson continued like he didn't hear him.
"So, I'm taking my chances with Amber. I love her," he finished and House laughed.
"You didn't marry her for love. I'm not saying you don't love her, maybe you do, maybe she loves you too… but that's not why you married her. You just did that because you like the title of married man; it gives you a certain status that's appealing for your age. You enjoy knowing you are the married doctor, plus it's a hell of a social proof that you are not gay, as many of the single men your age are, or that you don't have really deep emotional commitment issues. You are just adding a big invisible sign to yourself that says I'm not as screwed up as you think, try me. You just want to get laid, you dog!"
"As marvelous as your Neanderthal psychology is, I do not want to sleep with other women."
"I'm sure! If she's like me – which we already concluded – then she must be really good in the sack."
"Besides, if your theory is right, why did she marry me then?" Wilson asked with a quizzical eyebrow.
"Easy- because you entertain her. She is an obsessive control freak of a woman with a competition complex and you are basically a puppy. You don't ask her to change, you just wag your cute little tail every time you want food. She controls you, but at the same time, you give her what she needs."
"And what would that be?" Wilson asked a little annoyed.
"You cuddle her at night, am I right?" he asked him. Wilson moved uncomfortably in his chair and House smirked.
"But don't worry that much, Jimmy boy," he said standing up and holding himself up with the help of his cane, looking at the younger doctor. "All I'm saying is don't fool yourself by saying that you married her because of the sweet romantic love you share. It was a mutual selfish decision that accommodates the both of you, but it doesn't mean it's not going to work. That depends on you not cheating on her… and I have the feeling that you wouldn't, because she can surgically remove junior at night and you wouldn't know about it until you woke up in the morning and went into the bathroom to take a leak."
Wilson was speechless. He blinked a couple of times registering the harsh information that was once again, the pure and hard truth.
"Well, thank you. I'm just glad you admitted that you think that my marriage may work," commented Wilson sarcastically.
"I do… after all, this is the first time I actually like one of your women, and that's new too," said House walking over to the TV and turning it on.
"As new as you living with Cuddy," commented Wilson trying to turn the tables on him this time.
"That's temporary and you know it."
"I wonder how true that is. I mean, you have been in there for two weeks. You got your credit cards back and you could ask me for money if you need it for a deposit, but I haven't even seen you looking for an apartment at all. You haven't even been bitching as much as you usually do either."
"I can't wait for you to elaborate on that thought," murmured House, flipping through the channels.
"I just wonder if you actually want to leave her place," Wilson commented while turning around in his chair, looking at the ceiling.
"Of course I do… she's a neat freak, eats only that organic crap, AND she wakes up early and makes too much noise," he answered while coming back to his chair without looking at his friend.
"And still… there you are," Wilson was ready to continue, but he received a page. He looked at it and stood up.
"I have to go, but we will continue this later."
"Yeah, yeah," House murmured as he concentrated on the screen watching The Fairly Odd Parents.
"Don't lie to yourself, House," said Wilson dramatically as he opened the door. "Maybe this isn't just you needing help and her feeling giving and charitable… maybe it'sa mutual selfish decision that accommodates the both of you, but it doesn't mean it's not going to work" he fired back at him with his own words. House gave him the evil eye and Wilson smiled triumphantly before leaving him alone.
"I want you to be the chief of the E.R.," said Cuddy professionally, looking at the younger female doctor in front of her whose only reaction was to blink repeatedly.
"Me?" asked Cameron.
"Yes, Dr. Cameron. Your talent is absolutely wasted as being just another doctor in the E.R. I gave you enough time to adjust to your new environment without Dr. House being around, and I think you're ready for a new challenge. You have a quick response to emergency calls and a quick, sharp mind to quickly and accurately diagnose," complimented Cuddy, smiling at the young woman who smiled back sadly and looked down.
"Another consequence of learning from Dr. House," Cameron commented.
"And a good one. Your skills have improved enormously since 3 years ago. You are a valuable asset for this hospital and I want to give you the chance to prove yourself good enough to run your own department. Plus, I want you giving lectures to the students about immunology. How does that sound?" Cuddy asked.
"Wow," said Cameron, unable to find anything else to say for a moment. "I… I guess thank you, Dr. Cuddy," the young doctor finally added, feeling her heart pounding hard in her chest and feeling excited for the first in a very long time. Cuddy smiled contentedly, knowing that that was what Cameron needed to get back onto her feet and maybe, just maybe, move her infatuation for House to the minor place it deserved and not the center of her universe. Cuddy would not intervene in Cameron's life, but she did hope that this new role would push the young doctor into something more for her professional future; besides… she would be a good teacher.
"Then it's settled. Congratulations, Dr. Cameron," said Cuddy standing up and extending her hand to her. Cameron stood up and shook it strongly and gratefully, a huge smile all over her face which made her look even more younger than usual.
"You will not be disappointed, I promise," answered Cameron feeling extremely enthusiastic, wondering if Chase wouldn't be in surgery so she could tell him the news.
"You know that with Cameron in the E.R. you will get your reports on pink scented paper, probably with the design of little unicorns and butterflies on it?" said House limping behind her in the hallway of the first floor near the Clinic. Cuddy just smiled.
"Don't underestimate her."
"I don't," he said seriously this time. "I'm just amazed how the guilt gets to you, even when you haven't done anything wrong."
"What are you talking about?" she said turning around to face him, chart in hand.
"You did it because of guilt, because you don't like how I mistreated her. It never occurred to you that I had a reason for that?" he said looking at her.
"I wouldn't do that…"
"You did it with me. You crippled me and then offered me a job, or am I no longer the Head of the Diagnostic Department?" he said getting into her personal space. She stepped back a little.
"You always say that, but it's not true. You are a good doctor, you deserve that job and until now, you've been doing it fine. But if you keep pushing it, I'll give it to Foreman," she said turning around, one eyebrow raised.
"You won't, but that's not the point. You did it again, with Cameron. You are a Jewish version of Mother Theresa!"
"Shut up, House," Cuddy answered a little angrily while entering the Clinic and giving Brenda the file in her hand.
"Then why…?"
"Because she is a capable doctor, and she will do the job well. The only thing in common between your situations is that I have faith that the both of you will do the job and step forward," she said poking her index finger in his chest. He rolled his eyes and shut up.
"Did you clean your bedroom?" she asked changing the subject.
"Yes, Mother," he said passing her and getting the chart for exam room one.
"You better… I don't want to clean up after you when you leave next week," Cuddy said with her hands on her hips.
"Something happens next week?" he asked like it was nothing.
"Yes, you go away… Monday is payday. I assume you are eager to get rid of me as soon as possible."
"You'd be surprised," he murmured to himself as he signed some papers. "But of course! I actually need your help this weekend to help me look for an apartment. Would you drive me around?"
"Wilson is here…"
"Yes, but Cutthroat Bitch would probably like to go too and suck all the fun out of it."
"Fine. I'll take you," said Cuddy feeling defeated. "But WE are going to the supermarket today after work… you ate all the food again, so you will pick up your own stuff. AND you will pay for your own and help me carry them and everything related, are we clear?"
"Yes, Mother," House said, passing her and entering exam room one while Cuddy left for exam room three, closing the door behind her.
A very impressed Brenda witnessed the scene and just rolled her eyes before going back to work.
"That stuff is sugar with cornflakes," Cuddy said, taking away the box of cereal House just added to the shopping cart. He frowned and put it back inside the cart and Cuddy immediately took it out again.
"Hey!!" House complained, taking the cereal box out of her hands. She sighed.
"FINE!" she almost shouted and let him take the damn unhealthy thing. "This is worse than shopping with a child."
"No, it's not!" House answered and stuck his tongue out at her, annoying her. She rolled her eyes.
"No meat," Cuddy warned while walking the aisles pushing her cart with House limping next to her.
"I refuse to keep eating lettuce; I am not a fucking rabbit!"
"Then you do your own shopping, but remember I won't cook it for you. You buy it, you cook it. Period."
"Witch," House complained and put a package of Oreo's into the cart. Cuddy grabbed another one and added it. A smirking House watched her.
"What?" she said making a face as though it was nothing. "I like them."
"Sure."
They kept walking and taking what they wanted. It was a ridiculous amount of stuff they were buying, but House just took the opposite of everything she grabbed.
"House, why do you need tampons that are a different brand than mine?"
"Maybe I'll have a girlfriend who will need them in the future."
"Do you realize you are paying for all your junk?"
"Obviously, Dear," he answered loudly, looking into the deodorant section. Cuddy felt how her face turned red of embarrassment when the people around looked at them wondering what they were quarrelling about.
"Not that!" she said when he chose a musk scent deodorant.
"What's wrong with it?"
"I hate the smell. Get a different one."
"I'm sorry… I thought I was the one who was going to be using it."
"Get a different one or I won't let you eat meat in MY house, ever," she threatened. House gave up and chose another one.
"Fine," he said.
"Fine!" Cuddy answered back, passing into the cheese section. House smiled a flirty smile when he saw a cute promoter girl who was no older than 17 giving free samples of cheese to the customers. She smiled widely when he came close to her.
"Want to try one, sir? This is a new brand, a 100 natural and old fashion made Edam cheese imported from the Netherlands," she offered cutely.
"Fascinating," said House with his charming voice and the girl giggled. Cuddy, a few steps behind him, hid her smile of embarrassment.
"Wouldn't your wife like one?" the girl asked him, looking at Cuddy.
"She is not my wife, only my mistress," he explained casually while eating a piece of cheese. Cuddy slapped the back of his arm.
"I am not… and I'm not his wife either. He wishes!" she said taking a piece of cheese herself. The girl smiled at her, hoping that they would buy some of it later.
"Oh, I just assumed... excuse me," the girl apologized.
"Don't bother… wouldn't be the first time," said Cuddy eyeing House who was shamelessly looking at the girl's large chest. Good thing she didn't notice. Cuddy elbowed him hard in the ribs.
"Behave," she murmured.
"Stop mistreating me!" he said loudly, getting the attention of the cheese girl. "You see, she wants me, but she can't admit it because of her feminist pride… her loss. I'm still available," and he winked at her. The girl laughed aloud.
"You are funny, sir... cute…" she said suddenly, and Cuddy raised an eyebrow at her, "… you remind me of my grandpa Joe," she finished, still giggling.
Cuddy almost choked on her piece of cheese as House stood next to her with a half eaten piece of cheese in his hand, looking shocked. Cuddy couldn't control her laughter, knowing that the cheese girl just owned him for good. Taking what little dignity he had left, House turned around abruptly and limped away, while Cuddy laughed until her eyes watered. The cheese girl just looked at them wondering what she did. Cuddy tried to control herself and pushed the cart in the direction of an angry House who was walking away.
"By the way, where is that cheese?" asked Cuddy to the girl before going too far away, and the girl pointed to a shelf, happy for making a sale. Cuddy grabbed a big piece and hid it at the bottom of the cart, waved thankfully at the girl and followed grandpa Joe to the next aisle.
TBCHope you like it! And sorry again for the delay. My thanks to my friend Dwparnisp for being such a good beta and pushing me to write this chapter :)