44444

A/N: I am not sorry for updating late. I do not own Outlaw Star, 'course we all know that.

--OUTLAW STAR--

A/N: Thank you to my reviewers. I know my writing skills are not crap.

NamelessHeretic: Tanks for the comment. I'm not being sarcastic. This is supposed to be funny, the delivery might be off but it's still funny.

Nosaki 'Halfbreed' Shulon: Aisha and Suzaka will show up later, be sure of that.

The Outlaw Star made a short pit stop in Blue Haven to stock up on supplies, se Gene said. On their way out Ms. Shoemyer came into the cockpit. Gene turned around when he heard the door whoosh open. Gene's mouth dropped.

Ms. Showmyer was old, eighty at the least. A few whips of white hair could be seen under an old crocheted hat. Her face was wrinkled with years of hard work. But she had the biggest breasts Gene had ever seen.

Gwen saw the look on Gene's face. "They're fake. No woman that old has breasts that perfect."

Gene turned back around, his face red. Ms. Shoemyer sat down on the right hand controls.

"What a lovely ship you have deary." Ms. Shoemyer said. "Where did you get it?"

Gene leaned over Jim. "You tell her. You're better at talking to old people."

"Yeah, I don't tell them to buzz off." Jim mumbled. He responded to Ms. Showmyer. "We uh...it was a gift from a friend Ms. Shoemyer."

"It's an awfully large gift, and please call me Dandy. You must have done a lot for this person for them to give you a whole spaceship."

"I thought the woman just needed some bodyguards and she gave the ship to you after she did herself and a Kei pirate in. Somewhere around Farfalla right?" Gwen said.

"You say something dear?" Ms. Showmyer asked her, "I'm a little hard of hearing."

On the third ether jump Ms. Shoemyer asked Gene if he could make a short stop.

"Can we stop by this asteroid field?" Ms. Showmyer pointed at a location on the three-dimensional map Gilliam brought up.

"Why?" Gene asked.

"Well, my husband died out there and I'd like to see it," Ms. Shoemyer bowed her head and put her hand on her heart, "just once, please."

"Sure." Gene's eyes weren't on her face.

"Dandy…" Gwen leaned over the console, "if you were sixty years younger…"

"I don't go that way."

"I wasn't talking about me."

Gwen returned to the screen of the console. She didn't have to do much, Jim and the ship's computer worked beautifully together. That kid was nearly as smart as the computer. No wonder Gene kept him around. Still, the curiosity of how they met was driving her nuts.

Gwen called up a map of the area they were going to. It looked familiar…

"Gene," Gwen said, "let's throw Ms. Showmyer out the airlock."

"WHAT?!" Gene and Jim yelled. Even Melfina made a small yelp but the glass muffled it.

"Let's throw her out the airlock, she's leading us into Ko pirate territory."

"You're being paranoid Gwen." Jim said.

"No I'm not. No woman that old has breast that perfect. Either they're fake or…"

Suddenly there was a knife at Gene's throat. Ms. Shoemyer looked Gene in the eye. "You should have listened to that woman's advice."

"I'm his mother." Gwen said. Another knife was pressed into the back of her neck.

"You're lucky," Dandy pulled the knives away. "I'm not supposed to kill you."

Dandy hopped back and wiped off the entire disguise in one swift movement.

"I am Tanpopo of the Ko pirates! The Mistress of Disguise! I'd kill you now if it weren't for my orders. You-" Tanpopo pointed at Gene and Jim, "-killed my brother Tobigera!"

"Who?" Both Gene and Jim asked.

"He tried to kill you on Ten-Rei."

"Don't recall," said Gene.

"You killed him at the Galactic Leyline!"

"He was there?" Jim asked.

"He-" Tanpopo stopped for a moment to think about their words. Tobigera was only second to her in disguise but he would have been good enough to avoid detection by anyone but the best Tao Masters. "Whatever. Today you lose the Outlaw Star."

Tanpopo whipped a small statue shaped like a cherub clinging to a heart. She tossed it at Gene. "Here's a gift lover boy. Maybe if you survive we can have a little fun."

Gene fumbled with the statue. It slipped from his fingertips, Gene scrambled for the statue. Jim caught it in one hand and handed it to Gene.

Tanpopo winked at Gene then hopped out of the cockpit.

Gene looked at the statue in his hands. "What the hell was that all about?"

Gene examined the statue closer. On first glance the thing clinging to the heart was a cherub but on closer inspection the face was painted with a Chinese symbol. Gwen took it from Gene.

"I think that symbol means 'hold your breath'."

The statue exploded releasing a cloud of green smoke. All three of the crew members gagged on the smoke. Melfina panicked. Gilliam only sensed Melfina's distress and what the gauges told him.

"I am detecting a sudden drop of oxygen levels in the cockpit." Gilliam said flatly, "Please evacuate immediately."

"We…know!" Gene gagged.

All three of the human crew collapsed. In the far back of the ship Tanpopo cut a wire that disabled Gilliam. She snipped another wire that shut down a vital component to Melfina's tank. What it was no one on the ship was quite sure what that vital component was but whatever it was caused Melfina to lapse into a coma-like state.

The crew of the Outlaw Star was left drifting in space just in reach of another ship.

A/N: Constructive criticism welcome, flames not. FYI, I'm writing this by the seat of my pants, don't expect a masterpiece. Also, I haven't watched Outlaw Star for a while.

--OUTLAW STAR--