Author's Note:
This is a silly one-shot that's been bouncing round in my head ever since I watched the re-runs of Christopher Eccleston's Doctor Who. Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, while Doctor Who and the TARDIS are trademarks of the BBC.Dan strode into Harry's flat, looking around anxiously. "Harry? You here?"
"Yeah." A voice called from the bedroom, before Harry came scurrying out. "Hang on a minute." He closed the bedroom door, flicking his wand at the lock. "Okay, I'm done. What's up, Dan?"
Dan looked at him oddly. "Do you not remember saying we had to meet here? You know, we're going to the Quidditch World Cup?"
Harry nodded. "Yes, I do remember." He glanced around the room. "I also remember that Hermione and Emma should be here as well."
Dan nodded. "They're down in the Cauldron. We weren't sure how we were getting there."
Harry grinned. "Why don't you go and get them, and wait outside the portal? Trust me, as a fellow fan, you'll like our transport and sleeping arrangements." Dan gave him another odd look, before nodding, and heading out of the door.
Harry unlocked his bedroom, before slipping inside. A few moments later, a bright light filled the room, and a strange wheezing, groaning sound filled the air.
Dan entered the Cauldron, and sat down at the table with his wife and daughter.
"Dad? Where is he?" Hermione asked, looking around the pub.
Dan just shrugged. "He said to meet him on the other side of the portal. Our travel and sleeping arrangements would be there."
Emma stood, grabbing her handbag and backpack. "I must admit, I'm eager to see a Wizard's tent."
"They're supposed to be really good." Hermione said, grabbing her own possessions. "Fred and George were telling me how they're like an entire flat inside a small tent."
Dan looked eager. "It sounds cool. It makes me wonder about Harry's flat."
"Yes, that's also bigger on the inside than the outside." Hermione said. "There's no way a flat that size would have three bedrooms, or a living room that large. He must have used space-expansion charms on the inside."
The three passed through the portal, before glancing around. "Where is he?" Hermione asked, biting down on her lip. "What is it about blokes never being on time?"
Dan's head suddenly whipped up as he heard a strangely familiar wheezing/groaning sound filling the air. In front of him, a large blue box started to appear, as the wheezing/groaning reached a crescendo, and faded away.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Hermione almost-shouted.
The door opened, and Harry's head poked out. His eyes lit up when he saw the three. "Ah! Excellent. Come on, folks!" He held the door open, beckoning the three inside.
Dan entered the box, unable to stop his grin from widening. "You really weren't kidding about liking our travelling arrangements, Harry." He said, laughing softly to himself.
"Harry?" Emma looked around, unable to believe her eyes. "You've made... How?"
Harry just smiled at her. "After watching that show, I realised, using magic, it really isn't that difficult to do. A lot of space-expansion charms, a decent solid outer shell, and a lot of illusion charms." He stepped up to the central console, where lots of buttons flashed importantly.
He reached into his belt, and drew out the Sword of Gryffindor, before stabbing it into the console. He released the sword, and drew his wand.
"You might wanna grab hold of something." Harry said, his wand poised above the console. "This tends to get a little bumpy."
Dan grabbed hold of the console, looking up at the central column, a blue-light filled tube. "You've even got the time rotor." He said, cackling like a child.
The ladies quickly grabbed hold of the console, and Harry inserted his wand, twisting it round ninety degrees.
"Here we go!" He said, as the time rotor started to fall up and down, and the wheezing/groaning sound filled the room. Moments into the flight, the room started juddering slightly, prompting Dan to let out a war-cry of pleasure.
In Diagon Alley, a group of people watched the strange blue box fade away, before shrugging, and getting on with their business.
Inside the box, Harry rushed around the central console, flipping switches, yanking on levers, and pushing on something that looked suspiciously like a bike pump.
As soon as he finished pumping, the noise inside the box changed, becoming what Harry and Dan both recognised as a rematerialisation sequence.
"All right!" Harry shouted. "Here we go! Come on!" The box landed with a judder, knocking all four people onto their backs on the floor.
Harry sat up, laughing maniacally, as he pulled his wand and sword from the console. "We're here." He said unnecessarily.
Emma pulled herself to her knees. "You're crazy!" She spat, glaring at him.
Hermione sat up, trying desperately to not let herself start to giggle.
"You all right, My Only?" Harry asked her, holding out a hand to pull herself to her feet.
"I'm fine, thank you, Doctor." She said, smiling at him, and letting her resistance falter. She started to laugh, not looking at her mum, who was still glaring at Harry.
Dan started laughing hysterically, unable to hold it in anymore. "Harry, this was absolutely priceless." He wiped away the tears. "Man, you really could be the Doctor."
Harry bowed theatrically, before going over to Emma, and holding out a hand to help her up. "Are you okay, Emma."
"Fine." She pouted. "A little warning would have been nice."
"He did." Hermione and Dan said in unison, before looking at each other and breaking out into fresh giggles.
Harry opened a door at the back of the console room, where four doors were located. "Bedrooms and Bathroom through there." He shut the door, before heading to the main doors.
"Shall we see where we are?"
Dan, Emma and Hermione gestured as one. "Lead on, Doctor."
Harry opened the door, and was about to step out, when a pompous looking witch holding a clipboard stared at him imperiously.
"And who might you be?" She asked, looking down her nose at him.
Harry glared back, an evil look on his face. "I might be any number of things, young lady," He replied, snootily, "but as it happens, I am the Doctor. The original, you might say."
The witch just looked at him, baffled at this response. "You can't leave this... contraption here." She said, looking down at her clipboard. "This space is reserved for someone of importance."
Harry snorted. "Thank you for those kind words. Now, if you'll excuse me..." Harry started to push past her, his three companions behind him. He left the witch sputtering, as he made his way forward.
When he got outside of the box, he looked at Dan. "What do you think, Dan? Should we actually call it the TARDIS?"
Dan nodded enthusiastically, while Emma and Hermione rolled their eyes in unison.
"Well, Doctor," Dan said, grinning at Harry, "where should we be?"
Harry gestured around himself. As the Grangers looked around, they could see they were in a campsite, surrounded by a sea of green. "I think you can tell we're near the Irish section." Harry said unnecessarily.
Seamus Finnegan rushed over, looking Harry up and down. "Harry Potter?" He said, unsure of himself. Harry's appearance was startling. Instead of robes, or his usual casual attire, Harry was clad in black denim trousers, heavy combat boots, and tight black v-neck t-shirt, and a long leather duster.
Harry looked up. "Hi, Seamus!" He said, holding out a hand.
"What the hell's that?" Seamus asked, taking Harry's hand, and gesturing at the TARDIS with his free hand. "It looks... familiar."
Harry just grinned. "This is my... uh... well, it's how we got here."
Around them, several Muggleborn witches and wizards were approaching, oddly curious at the blue box that had appeared. Harry saw several of his fellow Ravenclaws approach, running their hands up and down the side of the TARDIS.
Harry let go of Seamus' hand, and started to walk forward.
"You'll be supporting Ireland?" A sharp voice called from just behind Seamus.
"Yes, Mrs. Finnegan." Harry replied, not looking over. The Grangers followed Harry over to the souvenirs stands, where they stocked up on all variety of goodies.
A/N I'm not putting the match in here, 'cause we know how it goes. The aftermath is far more interesting.
Harry led the Grangers back to the TARDIS, happy and content over the Irish victory. As they got inside, Harry let out a relieved sigh.
"Man, that was a hell of a game." He said, throwing his jacket onto one of the railings surrounding the console.
"It was." Hermione replied. "Even though I don't appreciate Quidditch all that much, even I enjoyed it." She batted her eyes at Harry. "I'm sure you'd beat that Krum guy, though."
Harry smiled back at her. "Thanks, My Only." He said. "I wouldn't mind the chance of going up against him at some point."
A loud crash sounded outside. Harry grabbed his jacket and ran back to the door. "Stay here!" He shouted, running outside.
Chaos reigned as a group of Death Eaters rampaged around the campsite, the Dark Mark floating above. Harry took stock of the situation, 100,000 witches and wizards frightened of thirteen wizards.
He raised his wand at the Dark Mark, and closed his eyes. "Attero Atrum Vestigium!" A bright red Phoenix erupted from his wand, soaring into the sky, growing to be almost thirty metres across, before it swooped into the skull of the Dark Mark, obliterating the evil symbol.
At that, everyone stopped running like cowards, and stared at Harry. The Death Eaters as one raised their wands, only to watch as Harry apparated a few metres behind them, letting loose a stream of Stupefy curses, before apparating again.
A group of Aurors apparated in, to start individual duels with the Death Eaters. Harry took this as a sign to start acting like a shepherd, and getting the flock out of there.
As he was about the head back, he saw Fred, George, Ron and Ginny Weasley running about.
"Ah, hell..." He muttered to himself, before raising his wand. "Accio Weasleys!" The four suddenly found themselves hurtling through the air, only to land at Harry's feet?
"Potter?" Ron asked, looking around.
"Later, Weasley." Harry snapped, helping the twins to their feet, before helping Ginny. "Where's the rest of your family?"
"Fred!" A voice shouted. Looking up, Harry saw the other four Weasleys he knew was at the game, with the Lovegoods, Diggorys and Finnegans running behind them, all approaching.
Harry took charge of the situation. "Ladies and Gentlemen," Harry began formally. "As much as I would like to stay here," He gestured to the pandemonium erupting around them, fires were beginning to break out, while the campsite owners were being levitated. "I do believe it's time to go." He turned. "Everyone, into the TARDIS!"
"What about our tent?" Mrs. Finnegan asked indignantly.
"What about your life?" Harry snapped back, equally indignant.
As the group approached the box, the door opened, revealing Hermione. "Harry?" She asked, seeing the posse approaching.
Harry just nodded at her, gesturing for everyone to go inside. As soon as they were, Harry slammed the door shut, before rushing to the central console. On the far wall, an image appeared, showing a Death Eater rapidly approaching the TARDIS.
"Uh, Harry?" Luna's ethereal voice sounded over the rapidly speaking adults. "There's a Death Eater coming this way."
Harry looked up, seeing the Death Eater raise their wand.
"We must get out of here!" Amos Diggory snapped. "No wooden box will stop the Killing Curse!"
Harry nodded. "True." He started flipping switches on the central console, accessing the GPS system. "Mr. Weasley, I need co-ordinates for your house."
Arthur rushed forward, looking bewildered at the console, before reeling off a string of numbers, which Harry dutifully entered into the console.
Amos watched as the Death Eater threw the Killing Curse at the outside of the box, and trembled a moment before it hit.
The TARDIS trembled slightly as the curse hit, before settling back down. Harry entered the final co-ordinate, and waited while the GPS system digested it. "Got it." Harry pulled his sword, jabbing it into the console, before rushing around to the other side.
He poked his wand into a different opening, muttering "Portus." under his breath. He pulled out his wand, and poked it into the original hole.
"Hang on, folks." Harry looked up before activating the Portkey, only to swear as he saw Terry Boot rushing around on the image.
He pulled out his wand, rushing to the door, which he flung open. Harry let out a string of Reducto curses, while looking over at Terry. "Boot!" He bellowed. "We are leaving!" Terry rushed forward, where he was grabbed by Harry, and flung inside.
Harry dashed back to the console, and jabbed in his wand. "Here we go!" He shouted over the wheezing/groaning sound that started up.
Dan rushed over to the console, where he started to use the pump. Harry grinned as the ride stabilised. Around them, several people were screaming as the whole room juddered and tried to shake itself apart.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Percy shouted over the din, stopping everyone else in their tracks.
"The TARDIS is in flight." Hermione said primly, winking at Harry.