Standard disclaimers are boring but they all apply. There's been no money changing hands, no fame and fortune to be had nor damsels saved. Alas, maybe next time.

Warning: This is a little angsty- but read it through to the end, there will be an HEA.

To: Cecile, Deb, Jaime, Kate Manoso, Kate MMO, Luisa and Melody, I have learned from each of you and thank you for the gift of joy and self awareness you've all given me.

Jaime, without you I never would have had the courage to try, the patience to edit, redo and start again. You've seen this whole project through and it never would have gotten off the ground if not for you. Te quiero. Alf

♣

"Actually, you've answered a poorly phrased question well. Now I think it is time for me to answer your question," he said looking at me intently.

Stephanie's Gamble

By Alfonsina

Chapter 22 ♣ The Conclusion

"Truthfully, I've spend the whole month of May thinking about it," he said looking at me intently. "I have it all. I wanted it all and I have it all. I don't think there are any pieces missing."

"Come again?" This was coming out of left field and had absolutely nothing to do with what we'd just been talking about. At least I didn't think it did. Did it?

"I was answering your question about what I want from my life. You asked it quite a while ago. I wanted it all and I have it. My family is safe. I have a beautiful daughter. My business is successful. I have good friends," he said as he tapped his finger on my nose.

"I've had a hard time abiding the rules of the poker game from New Year's Eve. While I've tried to do things with you that fit the 'PG rated' and that could be witnessed by anybody, my thoughts around you aren't always of the wholesome and clean cut variety. I really didn't want to make things harder or more confusing for you than I already had. Besides, I know," he said. "I know about Hector."

I felt my eye twitch.

"Know what about Hector?" I asked.

"I know that he's not gay. I know that he's interested in you. I know that he is actually very traditional and he's probably after a serious commitment; the ring, the kids, the dog, everything."

"How long have you known? I just found out recently that he wasn't gay. Most of what you are saying to me now is news to me," I said.

"Babe, the poker game on New Year's Eve was his idea and then he talked the guys into it. He said that he thought it would be a great way for all of them to be able to get to know you without any stress or pressure. He made sure that no matter which of us 'won' you would be the biggest loser so you'd have to spend time with each of us.

"He's just lucky you didn't win. I don't think any of the guys would have handled painting your parents' house in front of Grandma Mazur," he said.

Well that was something to think about. Hector really had wanted to get to know me for a while.

Ranger leaned back into the sofa and looked uncomfortable. He looked at his hands for a while and then he said quietly, "You know when you commented on his manners weeks ago you were right. He talked to me at the office the day we got back from the camping trip. He was upfront and eloquent. He also asked me to be a man. Babe, it's been years since someone said that to me.

"He said he'd had his month with you and then I'd have mine. Then he asked me if I was going to make a real attempt to have a relationship with you; if not, he wanted me out of the way so he could have a fair chance at your affections. He even gave one month's notice on his resignation so that I knew he was serious. It all made me realize I wasn't being fair with you."

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. He'd actually resigned? He'd never said a word. Actually neither one of them had said a word.

"Despite the tattoos and the couple bad years he had here, he is a good man. I can only assume if he asked you about the possibility of having a relationship," he said looking me in the eyes.

"A while ago, yes," I said.

"And what was your answer?" he asked.

"That it was complicated," I said.

"Steph, you know that answer doesn't really work. I would've let you get away with it because I wasn't sure what to do about you, either. There is no denying the physical between us, even the affection and love at some level. The reality is that I'm gone almost as much as I'm here and you would be a part-time girlfriend or lover at best. You deserve more than that. You deserve to have it all, everything you could possibly want, everything your heart desires. If I thought I could keep you forever on the part-time basis, I would do it in a heartbeat. But you would tire of it and end up hating me. I couldn't stand that."

"Sounds like you are giving me up pretty easily, Ranger. Sounds like you either don't really want me or you don't think I am worth the effort. I wanted you for so long, it hurts to hear that you don't want me," I said, hoping that my voice didn't crack.

"Babe, that's not it at all," he said. "I'd rather keep what we have than lose you altogether. I have never had a successful relationship, ever. You're the closest thing I've had to a serious relationship for years, and most of that time you were attached to someone else. I used Morelli as my own safety net; I didn't have to get closer and I never had to worry about losing you. It wasn't much but I was happy with what I could get."

"But Morelli is gone from my life now," I said quietly. "He's been gone for months."

"Exactly. Now I have to put more effort in; contemplate what is best for me and for you."

I knew I wasn't going to like this, so I looked at the floor. I was going to need to rent a carpet cleaner soon, it looked awful and I can't remember the last time I vacuumed. Probably I'd need to dust after I vacuumed the place. I wondered if the furniture needed a coat of wax, too.

Ranger went on, "I've been looking into your future. If things stay like they are, in 10 or 20 years you won't have a real home of your own, you won't have kids or a family, and you will wonder what happened with your life, where it all went. I can't do that to either of us.

"I never planned to have kids. Julie was a happy accident and the product of a miserable marriage. I hadn't thought I'd live to see 30, so every day for me is a bonus. The fact that you are a part of my life is a huge deal to me," he said, "and of all the things I am willing to risk, I won't risk you, ever. I need you in my life. Your friendship means everything to me."

Friendship, not love. It felt like I had been stabbed with a knife and now the handle was being twisted.

I closed my eyes somewhere during his 'talk' and couldn't even raise my face to him. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body and handed back to me still bloody and beating.

In my life whenever a relationship died, it usually went out in a blaze of glory. Yelling, screaming, china hurled on walls. This felt so much worse than that.

The awful thing was that he hadn't ever meant to hurt me or to lead me on and he really hadn't. He had just been Ranger. He'd never lied and he'd never made any promises.

In a lot of ways a long term, committed relationship with Ranger was a pipedream that I hadn't shared with anyone, not Ranger and most especially not even myself. I thought that if I wanted it long enough and if I became a big enough part of his life, I would eventually get what I thought I wanted from him.

The dream was now gone.

The balloon had been burst.

It was time to dust myself off and think about starting over, again.

"You know a couple of months ago I wouldn't have thought we'd ever have this conversation. In the last month I've thought about it, constantly. I definitely hadn't thought it would happen tonight or I would have brought a good hankie for you to use," he said with a sad smile. "I had planned to see if you wanted dinner, tease you, maybe kiss you a little and go home. This conversation was never going to be in the cards for tonight, I was going to put it off for another couple of months or longer, if I could. I'm a selfish bastard and wanted to keep what I've had with you. Then when I really thought about it, I realized I can't do it to you anymore; it's not fair to you. Christ, I never wanted to hurt you like this."

He reached into his pocket and picked up his cell phone. He said about five words in Spanish and hung up.

"Babe, I should probably go. Hector will be here in a few minutes," he said.

"What?"

"I don't want you to be alone and hurting; I shouldn't be the one with you right now. He really is a good friend for you," he said.

"In that case, can you read something and tell me what it says?" I asked.

He nodded.

I went to the bedroom and handed him the note from Hector. He read it and smiled.

"Well, he's like me. He doesn't waste a lot of words," Ranger said.

"That isn't telling me a hell of a lot. What does it say?" I was getting cranky. I was hurt and now it felt like he was playing with me like I was a cat toy.

"Alright. You asked. He addresses it to you and then it says:

I don't want you to be mad at me.
I don't want to lose you. Ever.

You are very special to me.

I give you a kiss and all of my affection,
Always,

"Then he signs it with his initial.

"Babe, I could have written you this note about tonight, down to the initial C. Is there any reason why would you be mad at him?"

"Just a misunderstanding that got compounded. That was a while ago, it's all OK now," I said. It seemed that I've had a lot of miscommunications that I let get compounded.

"He'll be here in a couple of minutes. Do you want for me to wait for him to come or should I just go now?"

I felt resigned, "Do whatever makes you happy Ranger. I'll be OK."

"I'll just wait then."

We sat together, my head on his shoulder. I felt desperately like crying. An eternity later, but probably no more than ten minutes had passed, there was a knock on the door. I didn't bother to get up, so Ranger answered it.

They had a brief exchange and Ranger left. He told me he would see me at the office a in a couple of days. I guessed that he was giving me some time off; at that moment I wasn't sure of much.

I just nodded dumbly.

Hector moved over to the sofa and sat next to me. He held me like he did once before. It still felt comfortable and right.

He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. He sighed.

I just let the tears fall, there wasn't much I could do about them. Periodically, I'd blow my nose but mostly I just let the emotion escape my body.

I had no idea how long we sat like that. It could have been a minute, an hour or even a day. Finally, I started to yawn and I knew that this was not altogether a comfortable position for an entire night. I struggled out of his arms and off of the sofa. I turned off the lights in the apartment and returned to the sofa to offer him my hand. I led him into the darkened bedroom.

I toed off my shoes and so did he. I laid down on top of the bed and he laid next to me. It was a little awkward, but nice.

Finally I rolled over so I could face him and said the only thing that came to mind, "Hi." Profound but to the point, Shakespeare wasn't someone I could channel at that moment. Frankly I felt lucky to get as much as 'hi' out of my mouth.

"Hi," he said as he rolled over to face me. "You going to be OK? Or do I need to hurt Ranger?"

"I think there's been enough hurting done tonight, thanks," I said. After some time passed I asked him, "Have you ever had a dream die?"

He just looked at me, probably not.

He blew out a long sigh and it looked like he was trying to make up his mind before he spoke again.

"The perfect son with his own family by 25," he finally said. "I will be 25 in the fall. I have no wife, no girlfriend, no children, no house. I also have a past now that no one else in my family has. I am no longer the perfect son, I am far from it. My brother, Chuy, is now the perfect son. He was always second, now he's first to do it all; he's even doing some of it early." He let out a deep breath.

He knew. It hurt. He loved his brother, but his brother had done what he couldn't. It only mattered to them and no one else.

Wow. I wasn't the only one.

"Was it your dream or someone else's?" I asked.

"It was my mother's and I heard it so much it became mine," he said. I knew about those kinds of dreams, my mother had them for me.

He looked at me and said, "You are not part of that dream."

Oh. Ouch.

"There could be a different one."

Oh. 'Is that better?' I wondered to myself.

"You and I can make our own dreams; make our own choices. No one else needs to matter. What do you think?"

"I think I need to think. I am almost in my favorite position to think," I said as I re-arranged my body to conform against his. "There. Now I am in my favorite position to think." I had placed my hand over his heart, moved my head down his chest and placed my leg between his.

I was emotionally exhausted from the night's events. I closed my eyes and was out. I don't know whether or not Hector slept initially. I woke up twice to go to the bathroom and his body was always in the same place when I came back; it seemed almost like he was afraid if he moved I wouldn't be back. I found my old afghan near the foot of the bed and used it to cover us both before I crawled back on the bed the second time.

When light started to come through the window, I woke again. I was still with Hector on top of the blankets under the afghan. He must have fallen asleep because our positions had shifted. He reversed it so he had his head on my shoulder, arms around my waist and his leg between mine. I couldn't resist stroking his hair. I shouldn't have, but I did and when I did, it woke him up.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered.

He had lifted his head to see me.

"No. If this is a dream, I don't want to change dreams. If it is real, I like it," he said in a rough voice.

"It's real, go back to sleep. I'll still be here later," I said.

He lowered his head back to my chest, moved his hand under my shirt to touch my tummy and sighed. His hand seemed to have a magnet in it, it gravitated there. I actually liked the feeling a lot.

He was out for the count this time.

He woke up several hours later; I'd spent the whole time playing with his hair or rubbing his back.

"You aren't a dream," he said.

"Nope."

"You OK? Want me to leave?"

"I'm OK. Don't leave. I've been thinking," I said quietly.

"About?"

"You. Me. The question you asked after the camping trip."

"What question?"

"'Do you want a boyfriend?' I finally have an answer. The answer is 'no', not right now. I want to lick my wounds for a while first."

"I know about licking your wounds, I've done it."

"Yeah, it's not a lot of fun. I just don't want to jump into something before I'm ready. If we started something right now, you'd always wonder if I chose you when I was on the rebound and not for who you are. But someday, soon I hope, I'll want more. For now, I'd really like to stay friends. Are you good with that?"

"Of course, nena. Anything you want, you just let me know," he said with a bit of a sigh.

"We should get up. It's," I looked over to the clock, "10:30. Besides, we should get something to eat."

We got off the bed. I went to the living room to grab my purse. He went into the kitchen to check the contents of my fridge.

"I thought we were going to get something to eat," I said.

"I told you before, I cook," he said sticking his nose back in the fridge. He found a bunch of stuff that looked to me like 'ingredients' and not at all like 'food' and put them on the counter. He started digging through my cabinets and found a skillet, a bowl and a cutting board.

He chopped a little of this and that. Stuck it all in a mixing bowl and beat eggs into it. Finally he poured it into a skillet that he placed on top of the stove to cook for a while.

I decided to help out, so I pulled out a couple of plates, glasses and cutlery. I set the table while he was still doing the whole prep thing. He didn't want any help and had things under control so I went into the living room and turned on the radio to something jazzy and nondescript.

Turned out that breakfast was a crustless quiche kind of a thing. It was amazing. Who knew you could make something succulent out of leftovers? Maybe I needed to look into this cooking thing. Then again, maybe not.

After we ate, I told him I would clean up and he should go. He needed to do whatever he needed to do for the day.

He wasn't smiling when he kissed me on cheek. He headed out the door and said, "Hasta luego, nena."

♣♣♣

Six weeks later ….

Ranger and I had settled into a more comfortable friendship, no expectations just friendship. By mutual consent, meals on the seventh floor were restricted to lunches only. There weren't any more kisses or lingering touches, I missed that but we both knew that it couldn't go on any longer. It wasn't fair to either of us, really. Once we talked about it and both agreed, things relaxed. He was still a temptation in his own right, then again he would probably always remain a temptation to me, just like chocolate.

Hector really did change jobs and go to work for his cousin. He said it was for the best and he was probably right. At first it was odd not seeing him every day at work, but things had picked back up at work so there really wasn't that much time to think about it.

Hector had still wanted me to work with him on his vocabulary for the TOEFL. We got together two to three evenings a week and reviewed stuff from the books. Sometimes we'd meet at my place and others we'd go to his aunt's house; he'd moved back in with her for the short term. We even went to a couple of movies together; an action movie for him and a chick flick for me.

We fell into a very comfortable friendship. There was still the kiss 'hello' and 'good bye' and sometimes he put his arm around my shoulder, but he didn't try to take things any further. Things were nice. Comfortable. Friendly.

Overall, I'd say I was healing nicely.

♣♣♣

Late August …

Hector was able to finally take the TOEFL. Taking the test took the pressure off of him to study and off of me always worrying about correcting him. It meant that his future had indeed opened back up for him and he could start applying to local colleges. He hoped he could start as early as the next spring.

I found myself counting on his friendship more and more. He'd become a very solid and stable presence in my life, one that I valued. I always looked forward to seeing him.

I panicked when I realized that he wouldn't have a reason to see me anymore. He didn't need me anymore. I had lost my excuse to see him, too.

Wednesday night when I was in the tub soaking and shaving, I thought about our conversation so long ago; at least it seemed so long ago, about what he said he wanted. I didn't want to admit it, but I'd spent quite a bit of time thinking about it, too.

He had wanted a commitment. I needed to find out what that meant to him. I knew it was at least monogamy, but more probably marriage. I knew that Hector saw himself as traditional and would never live with me unless we were married. Maybe Ranger was right and it was something I did want. I knew with certainty I didn't want to share or be shared so monogamy was good.

He was obviously smart and caring.

My moodiness didn't scare him away. He knew the mood would most likely end if left in peace. He seemed to enjoy comforting me and he did it well. I had witnessed him do it when no one else could or even wanted to.

He was continuing his education. It took a lot of courage to pick up career studies in another country, in a new language. Wow. That was something I had never considered doing.

There was a line from a movie, Blast from the Past, "Good manners are the gift we give to others." It was him, it described him perfectly. He never made me feel out of step or out of place even if I couldn't follow the conversation. He always made sure I was comfortable and taken care of. He was easy to be around.

He was one of the best kissers I'd experienced. Ranger was good, but his kisses were completely different. Ranger's kisses were about temptation, passion and fire. Hector's kisses were full of peace, desire and seemed to ask a question 'do you want me'. His kisses looked for a return of the desire, of the wanting. It has been a while since we'd shared a kiss like that, but the memories were delicious.

If his kissing was any indicator of what his other skills would be like between the sheets, I was going to be in for a treat.

Crap. I was going to have to introduce him to the family as my boyfriend, if things went well. I could only hope that everyone would be on their best behavior and not ask too many questions about his tattoos. Then again, he might be able to play dumb and pretend he didn't understand the questions when they came up. I wondered whether or not he likes pot roast.

It was a lot to think about. As I thought about it I realized I liked most of what I had come up with so far. Sure, there were unanswered questions, but I wasn't feeling upset or uncomfortable about what those answers might be. I was actually looking forward to exploring the answers with him, if he wanted to explore them with me.

♣♣♣

We went to a small Chinese place for dinner the Saturday night after the test, my treat because it was his celebration. Because it seemed ingrained in both of us, we choose to sit at a booth in the back of the restaurant next to each other. We both ordered a stir fried something or other. The evening was comfortable and that feeling had become normal for us.

I was biding my time and I knew it. I wasn't sure how to bring up the subject, but decided that it was now or never. We were done eating and there was almost no tea left in the pot. If I didn't start the conversation now, I knew I'd never have the nerve to do it.

"Do you remember the discussion we had the day we got back from the Boy Scouts' camping weekend?" I asked.

He looked down and started to toy with his tea cup. He said, "I already apologized for what happened those nights. You aren't still holding that against me?"

"No. No, no, no, no, no," I said; I really needed to work on my vocabulary one of these days. "That's not it. And so you know, I've never held it against you. But I'm thinking more about the question you asked me that afternoon when we got back," I said hoping he would remember.

"We said about a lot of things, I don't know what you are talking about," he said.

Maybe he did and maybe he didn't. For once in my life, I wasn't going to beat around the bush. There was too much at stake for me not to be upfront in this conversation.

I sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out, then I said, "You asked me, 'Do you want a boyfriend?'"

He looked down. He remembered not only the question, but the answer.

"You said it was 'complicated' and then later you said 'no'," he said talking to his hands.

"True, I needed to have some time alone, without a romantic entanglement or the prospect of one. But I think I'm done with needing to be alone. I've realized there's somebody in my life and I think he's pretty special," I said. While I was talking to him, I picked up his free hand and held it in mine.

Before he could answer, I decided to make sure he was still available and possibly interested. I was pretty sure, but I could be wrong.

"Is there anyone special in your life right now?" I asked, hoping the answer was no.

"Stephanie, you know I'm not dating anyone. You are the closest thing I've had to a girlfriend in a long time and we're just friends," he said a little tersely, but at least he was looking me in the eye. They were the right words, the ones I'd wanted to hear, but the tone was throwing me. Crap.

I dropped his hand. It was my turn to look down and play with my tea cup. This wasn't going especially well for me. What little mental rehearsal I'd done for this wasn't matching up in the least.

He went on, "Getting back to this guy you're interested in, do I know him? As your friend, I think I should help you make this decision, I'm a good judge of character."

"Yes. You know him," I said with a small smile.

"What's he like?" he asked, voice still a little hard.

"He's a good man. In fact, I guess you could say he's a lot like you," I said.

"You couldn't be that lucky to find two of us who are both charming, good looking and smart," he said attempting to tease me.

"He's definitely that and more. Sweet, funny, nice, good kisser," I said.

"It'd better not be Lester, I don't like him for you," he said. Immediately I noticed there was a jealous tone in his voice.

"It's not Lester or any of the guys who works for Ranger right now," I said with a slightly bigger smile.

"Is he Latin?"

It looked like he wanted me to spell it all out for him, so I did.

"Technically he's American, but he wasn't raised here. He was raised in Mexico, I think."

There was a very deep breath let out, I don't know which of us did it. Hector looked relieved but still a little concerned.

"Mexican guys can be very Don Juan 'love them and leave them'. They tend to all think 'American' women are fast and pressure them to 'give it up' quickly. That kind of a man isn't for you," he said in all seriousness.

"I don't want that either. From what I've been told this guy wants a relationship, a commitment." I waited before I continued, "I want that, too."

I started playing with all the things that were still sitting out on the table. I was nervous and needed to do something, anything to distract myself.

"Good to know. Anything else?" he asked.

"I think he likes me for me. He sees more in me than I see in myself. He seems to like to spend time with me."

"How do you feel about him?" he asked quietly. He put his hand over mine so I'd quit fidgeting.

"I like what I know so far. But," I started.

"But what?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what he wants now. Things have changed a lot for him since I've first gotten to know him. He may not be interested in me that way anymore."

"Go on."

"Anyway I've wanted to talk to him about this for a long time, but I was afraid it was going to sound like I was on the rebound," I said.

"Were you on the rebound?" he asked.

"Initially I might have been, but now I realize not so much as I thought. I'd had my feelings hurt, but the more I thought about it the more I realized Ranger really never would have been Mr. Right in the long run. He really couldn't offer me a future; well actually he could but he didn't want to," I said.

"And you are looking for a future, for a commitment?" he asked.

"Oh yeah. The question I have for you now is, are you ready for that?" I asked.

"Depends on the woman," he said.

"If it were me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"In that case, Canelo, do you want a girlfriend?" I asked.

He leaned over and kissed me deeply and asked, "Any more questions?"

"Just one more," I said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Did you really think this was how things were going to turn out on New Year's Eve? It was one hell of a gamble." I said.

"It was a gamble, but I think we both won."

Seemed that last New Year's Eve when I'd been declared the 'Biggest Loser' turned out I was actually the one who won the big prize.

The end.

A/N: I know a lot of you had been hoping, chanting, begging for a Ranger ending. Hector just wouldn't let that happen no matter how hard I tried, his will won out.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.