Dear Diary

Dear Diary; I'm in love. I'm so in love that it hurts to be away from him. But the thing is that he's my sister's husband…

-xx-

A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone's face

-xx-

--Wolf Blossom—

23/12/07

I've known him for my entire life and there is no exaggeration there. I'm only four months younger than him which means that we went to school together, we graduated together, we went to university together and we merely separated when he went to Oxford University to pursue his graduate degree whilst I remained in Japan doing my Med degree.

From since, I don't remember, I've loved him. His shimmering black hair, his beautiful velvet amber eyes, his smirk –ohh that smirk-, and just hisconfident walk… I loved everything about him. He wasn't really a player but he just had a lot of girlfriends.

I remember in high school, when we were in our senior year, he started going out with my younger sister (who is merely a year younger than us). At first I was worried for her, why wouldn't I be? She's my little sister and he jumped girlfriends faster than I changed earrings…

But she liked him too. I don't think she loved him as much as I did –or do- but she clearly did have feelings for him…

So she said yes.

Oh it hurt. It tore me apart seeing them laughing and flirting with each other, teasing the other. They held hands, stole kisses, shared everything and I could see that she and he were both very happy.

Nobody knew I loved him…

After graduation, he and I both went to Tokyo International University while my little sister finished her high schooling. Despite our hours and workload, they both still managed to make a few hours for themselves merely once or twice a week.

He spent more time with me…

But he never fell in love with me…

The year later, my sister came to Tokyo International and they both were, once again, inseparable. They did everything together, came to the University together, and went home together. If he ever needed an hour extra for a lecture, she'd wait for him…

And he'd always do the same.

But I still loved him.

Shortly after we received our undergrad, he left for Oxford and my sister went to Osaka Medical College while I went to Toyama Medical and Pharmaceutical University. My sister and I lost contact for a little while because she lived in his apartment (which he wired his monthly rent to) and I lived with my parents.

I still loved him.

They were still going out…

It's been eight years since he left for Oxford and my sister joined him two years after she got into Osaka Med, using a transfer course to move to England.

I haven't heard from them till just two days ago…

They're getting married.

-xx-

"Kikyo!!"

My younger sister, Kagome, squealed as she launched at me at the airport. She and her fiancé (also the man I am hopelessly in love with) Inuyasha Takahashi, strutted past the security clearance and straight into the central airport where I stood, car keys in my hand.

It had been a long time since I saw them—the last time I saw Kagome was when she was twenty-two; she should be twenty-eight years old now.

Kagome is a well practiced pediatrician now while I am a gynecologist. Should my memory serve right, Inuyasha is a lawyer, the top of his firm too, in England that is.

"Kagome," I smiled, hugging my sister tightly. She seemed so much more mature now, her hair just above her waist and her face older than I had remembered it to be. Kagome had dark bags beneath her eyes and it worried me slightly…

"Kikyo," Inuyasha nodded.

My heart started racing but I shook his hand, trying to keep a firm and composed posture.

"Inuyasha," I nodded back.

He seemed… manlier than from what I can remember. His muscles seemed more toned, he had an over confident aura about him (he always did but it seemed more obvious now, I guess), and he just seemed so much… sexier.

But he's my sister's fiancé…

Yet I love him.

Oh lord.

"How're Mama and Jii-chan… and Souta?" Kagome asked as she pushed the trolley, Inuyasha beside her as I stood on her other side. He was quiet and I didn't know why or what reason he had to be so silent. We're best friends—we grew up together and heck, he doesn't know I'm in love with him so he has nothing against me, right?

"Mama's fine," I replied to Kagome's question, "she's already planning on names for grandchildren."

Kagome laughed and I saw Inuyasha's lip twitch in amusement.

Oh god he just cracked a small smile…

I'm blushing—crap!!

"That's Mama for you," Kagome shook her head as I pushed the door open for her. She pushed the trolley out of the door and I kept it open for Inuyasha. He glanced at me before stepping through the exit.

I frowned.

That was cold.

Ignoring his action towards me, I left behind him and hit the auto-unlock button on my keychain and my car lit up. Kagome pulled open the passenger seat door and hopped in, grinning excitedly.

She hadn't changed necessarily. She was still Kagome.

Older.

But still Kagome.

"Inuyasha wired our monthly rent in the same apartment," Kagome explained to me as soon as she told me to take them to their old apartment. I was confused too—I mean they weren't in Japan for six years, so why would they want to go to their old apartment.

"So you guys stillliving there?" I asked as I started the engine and allowed it to idle for a few moments. Inuyasha was sitting in the backseat as Kagome and I took the front two seats in my Toyota Yaris. Turning my CD, we started cruising (ugh, teenage lingo). Kagome chattered animatedly about how England is so different from Japanese culture and I couldn't help but notice Inuyasha sitting quietly in my backseat…

Oh my lord—

He's sitting in my car… first time in eight years and my heart still races, my stomach still jitters and my blush still forms…

I, truly, do love this guy.

"We didn't want to get married so soon," Kagome stated, finally getting onto the topic of she and Inuyasha. I glanced at the rearview mirror to find Inuyasha smiling fondly, staring out the window.

It was in his eyes…

He was thinking of Kagome.

"Then why are you?" I inquired as I exited out of the airport terminal and straight onto the freeway that led to Kagome and Inuyasha's apartment…

Kagome grinned and looked away and I frowned. "Kagome?"

She didn't respond…

"Inuyasha?" I asked as I glanced at him. His eyes flickered to the rearview mirror and our eyes met and locked for a split second before the looked out of the window again.

My heart was racing.

Racing…

Racing.

"Kagome's pregnant," Inuyasha spoke, his voice a husky whisper. My mind reeled with euphoria but what he said truly did catch my attention. My shock was evident as I glanced at my sister.

"You're…"

Kagome grinned and nodded. "Pregnant."

-xx-

Dear Diary,

I'm in love.

I'm so in love that it hurts to be away from him. But the thing is that he's my sister's husband…

No, scratch that… he was my sister's husband. Six years after their wedding, six years after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, Makina… six years into their relationship, Kagome, my younger sister… she died…

I was out of Tokyo then, out of Japan actually. I was in China when Souta called me up and told me that Kagome was in the ICU, on life supports… hardly living.

"What happened?" I had asked and I heard Souta choke back a sob. That scared me… Souta never cried. This must be serious.

Souta told me that Kagome was at the mall shopping for little Makina's birthday present. Makina wanted a limited edition doll set that Inuyasha had preordered for her. Kagome went to go pick it up. It was fate, actually, that Kagome had to go instead of the butler… Kagome was coming back from the hospital when she dropped by the mall…

Apparently, another man wanted that doll set too… why? I don't know.

He had a gun and pointed it at Kagome's head, demanding for her to give him the doll set.

Pure Kagome… Loving Kagome… she didn't give it to him. She loved Makina till her last breath and gave her life for Makina's happiness…

The man shot her.

As of right now I'm on the plane going back to Japan…

God I hope I make it in time… I hope I can see Kagome one last time…

-xx-

"It's been five years dammit!" Miroku roared one evening inside of Inuyasha's mansion-like house. "Five years- Makina is eleven, she needs amother. Kikyo and Sango aren't sufficient enough for her!"

Inuyasha's eyes turned bloodshot as he stood up and turned to leave. Kagome is a touchy subject for him and he hasn't, even in the last five years, gotten over her…

I still love him…

"No," Inuyasha snarled, "Makina and I are fine! I do not need another woman!"

"Kagome is dead!"

"And I still love her!"

My eyes widened…

He still loved her… five years later, after everything he had been through, after the many girlfriends he was forced to be with (courtesy of Miroku and Kouga), he still loved my younger sister… his love didn't lessen…

In fact it seemed stronger.

"Maybe…" Miroku started, glancing at me—he was one of the few that knew I loved Inuyasha since grade-school… one of the many few… "maybe… Makina's maternal aunt would—perhaps a bit of Kagome… would be enough?"

Inuyasha's gaze hardened and his jaw tightened. "What are you trying to tell me Miroku…"

I think he knew what Miroku was saying…

"I think you should marry Kikyo…"

-xx-

I'm forty-years old, never been married…

This is now my first wedding. I'm getting married to the man I have loved since forever. The man who married my sister… who gave her a daughter…

Two months ago, when Miroku suggested Inuyasha to marry me, he denied it right away but logic was pounded into his head… he agreed, eventually…

He said he'd marry me.

I should be happy…

But I'm not.

I feel like a replacement.

My sister's replacement.

I'm standing at the altar, looking up at my groom. He looked grand—Makina was standing behind him, timidly, shyly. I smiled at her… within a few moments; I will be her mother…

"We are gathered here today…"

I remember Kagome's wedding… Inuyasha and she were holding hands, smiling innocently and lovingly at each other…

"To witness the joining of—…"

But Inuyasha was merely glancing around the wedding hall… he looked anywhere but me…

"In holy matrimony."

I should be happy. This is my dream… Marry the man I love with my life…

I should be…

But I'm not…

"Do you, Higurashi Kikyo take Takahashi Inuyasha to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

I gulped.

"I do."

Inuyasha stiffened as the question was asked to him…

"Do you, Takahashi Inuyasha take Higurashi Kikyo to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Everybody watched.

Everybody stared…

Inuyasha took in a deep breath…

"I—I can't…"

Jaws dropped…

My heart stopped beating. My knuckles tightened on my bouquet of flowers.

I stared.

"I love her…" Inuyasha whispered. "I love Kagome and I can't do this—I will die alone if that means that Kagome remains my only…"

I had tears in my eyes.

Inuyasha looked at me with soft eyes… a kind of softness that he only gave to Kagome…

"I'm sorry…"

-xx-

Dear Diary,

I loved him…

But he never loved me back…he never did… he never will.

It's been seven years since that marriage incident and I'm married to Onigumo Naraku, a doctor that worked in my hospital. We have a son together and I must say, I'm quite happy…

I still do think of Inuyasha, but I've finally learnt my lesson…

Love is meant to be given… you shouldn't expect to receive it back…

Inuyasha never remarried… Makina grew up perfectly fine. We all miss Kagome, terribly, but I have to say, she did one hell of a job in capturing Inuyasha's heart…

He had the chance to love again. But he chose not to.

He loved—loves Kagome.

Dear diary… I did, maybe still do, love him. I won't ever forget him but I've moved on. Know why?

He loves my sister… and I could not ask for a better man for her…

She was lucky—

She still is.

-xx-

Random idea that popped into my head.

Merry Christmas and have a happy and prosperous New Years guys!!