A/N: This story was inspired by chibinecco's Ruka the Lowly Chunin song lyrics and the result of being exposed to too much Christmas songs on the radio. The lyrics are sung to the Frosty the Snowman tune, by the way!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Frosty the Snowman.
For Christmas Day
'Kashi the scarecrow,
Was a desperate lonely perv,
He was stuck at home,
And all alone,
With no chunin to hold
Kakashi sighed for the nth time that day and softly snapped his little orange book close. It was gently snowing outside, layering Konoha with a thick sheet of snow, but a roaring fire in the fireplace kept the flat warm. The house was depressingly quiet and empty without his dolphin home with him. In the corner of the living room, a Christmas tree stood proud, decorated with tinsel and ornaments; just looking at the tree made the jounin sigh again sadly. Just yesterday, he and his Iruka were decorating that very tree. He remembered the fun time they had decorating, especially seeing Shiny!Iruka, which was the result of an Iruka+Tinsel÷Tree session.
Good times…
Kakashi sighed again. He wished to share this peaceful moment with his chunin, but Iruka was busy at the Academy.
Stupid old hags… Do they have lives or what?! The 'old hags' he was referring to were the old men and women in The Council. Because of Konoha's lack of ninjas, the Council had everyone (even the Godaime) working through Christmas. The only reason why he was off duty was because he happened to inform them of his 'injury that would affect income of a mission'.
In other words, it was a blatant lie.
Iruka however hadn't been so lucky. The chunin had a killer immune system, so he wasn't sick and his students wouldn't dare seriously hurt Iruka or face the wrath of Kakashi or guilt would eventually get them.
Kakashi glowered. Stupid old hags…
'Kashi the scarecrow,
Was as crazy as they came,
So as he sat and groaned,
A plan came honed,
When he thought of Christmas Day
An annoyed sigh came from the Copy Nin. He wanted his Iruka home, damnit! There were so many things he and Iruka could do on such a beautiful, peaceful day such as this December 24th. They could play in the snow, and then drink hot chocolate (Iruka's mother's recipe!) and then cuddle in front of the fire, and kiss, and then…
If only he could get Iruka out of the Academy so those wonderful, wonderful fantasies could be. It wouldn't be hard, he snorted. He could probably just sneak in there secretly then take…him… like that?
With his mind resolved, Kakashi jutsu-ed outta there.
'Ruka was the dolphin that the scarecrow loved to see,
But said dolphin was at school with kids,
So Kakashi planned a scheme
There was just one little problem with his three-seconds-made plan, Kakashi reflected as he watched his Iruka teach the little devils in disguise from a tree conveniently placed near the window. With all the white outside, he was pretty easy to spot, especially by the children, despite his silver hair.
His eye wandered to the snow on the tree and he started when the snow…flew away? No, it wasn't snow, Kakashi realized when he looked closer. It was a dove. Heh, doves were rare in Konoha, and he had to admit they had good cama—
Thank you, bird!
Now, what should he use…
A snowman with a top hat and a broom in stick hands caught his eye, and just when he heard Iruka's call of "Recess!"
Kakashi rubbed his hands together and chuckled. Perfect…
'Kashi the scarecrow,
Was not entirely sane,
So then one day,
While the students played,
He kidnapped their sensei
The snowball hit Udon directly, but the academy student made no reaction to ever being hit.
Konohamaru and Moegi exchanged glances before they ran up to their immobile friend.
"Udon-kun? Udon-kun, are you alright?" Moegi waved her mitten-clothed hand in front of the other kid, but frowned when she couldn't get a reaction.
"Oi, Udon?!" Konohamaru, annoyed at being ignored, promptly smacked Udon over the head, making him snap back into reality. "Udon!"
"AH!" Udon shook himself and seeing the two, immediately pointed to the direction he had been staring at. "I-I-It's that! Our s-snowman's ALIVE!"
Konohamaru and Moegi followed where he pointed and blanched. The snowman their class had made and named before class—Udon was right! It was moving. Everyone else didn't seem to notice, but the snowman that had—had been standing innocently by the academy doors was inching towards Iruka-sensei!
"Th-That's not possible…" Konohamaru gaped.
The snowman was getting increasingly closer to their sensei who was sitting pleasantly on the bench. The snowman—if possible, sported a cunning aura around it, and the children did not like the way the lug of snow haunch as if it was going to pounce.
In fact, before the students could react, the snowman had scooped Iruka-sensei up and run away!
The munchkins stood still in silence. The snowball falling from Konohamaru's hand ended the silence, to make way for something more aggravating.
"FROSTY KIDNAPPED IRUKA-SENSEI!" Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon wailed grief-strickenly.
'Ruka the dolphin,
Knew his jounin was insane,
But he didn't think,
He was an idiot,
Until that very day
Iruka sometimes had to remind himself that Kakashi was a genius. Of course, he knew that there was no genius with not a hint of insanity, yet as he was carried in the arms of an abominable snowman, which smelled and had the same hair suspiciously like Kakashi…
'Ruka the dolphin,
Was about to burst a vein,
So he waited a sec,
And took a breath,
said, "Kakashi-sensei"
Iruka twitched, and a vein throbbed.
No, Iruka! He chastised. Count to 10. You don't want a high blood pressure…again.
Iruka took a long breath. 1, 2, 3…
The brunette heard the 'snowman' giggled.
Remember, call down. 4, 5, 6…
Iruka's twitch became more… frequent.
7… 8…
The silver hair shook in suppressed laughter.
And then beat his ass. 9…
The chunin's eye twitched. Was that a snigger?!
10!
Iruka took a measured breath, slowly turned his head to face the 'snowman' and said in a quiet, restrained voice…
"Kakashi-sensei."
Iruka was pleased when the 'snowman' stiffened not from the cold snow.
Under the layers of snow, Kakashi froze. Ah, crud. Formalities: BAD sign.
"…Yes, Iruka?" He asked quietly.
The scarecrow was so happy when he got his cute dolphin,
But when he saw that pissed off look,
He began to run and scream
"HATAKE KAKASHI! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!" Kakashi frantically jumped from rooftop to rooftop away from the pissed chunin.
Below, the villagers and shinobi winced and pitied the poor sap whom was about to get the wrath of Umino Iruka. First it had been the blonde brat, the late Third's grandson, and now, it seemed Hatake was next. Oh well, it was his time, they supposed.
Kakashi halted, knowing that he wasn't going to solve anything by running away. He held his hands up defensively, trying to placate Iruka. "A-ah, I just wanted you to come home sooner."
"And you couldn't wait three hours?!" Iruka gave him a stern look and Kakashi resisted staring at the ground—er, rooftop.
"No, it's just that—" Kakashi sighed and settled fro avoiding Iruka's gaze. "You're busy all Christmas Eve and I'm alone at home and…" Kakashi found himself scratching the roof tiles.
Iruka's annoyance melted off at the 'kicked puppy' look. "Oh, 'Kashi…"
"But it's The Council's fault! I mean, honestly! The old hags have everyone working today and even tomorrow! I know we're low on ninjas, but Super!Old Hag could've—"
A warm finger pressing against his masked lips made him stop and he looked up at his chunin, "'Ru?"
"I…suppose the academy can handle the kids without me. Besides, the heater stopped working two hours ago." Iruka removed his fingers, to pulled down Kakashi's mask and kiss him softly. "And I guess I can blame 'Frosty' for my absence, ne?" Iruka smirked when the kiss ended, sweeping some snow off Kakashi's shoulder.
Kakashi seemed awestruck for a moment, but then quickly shook himself and nodded eagerly. He couldn't help but grin broadly, before 'kidnapping' his not-so-reluctant dolphin once again.
'Kashi the scarecrow,
Was very proud to say,
He wasn't dead, and got instead,
His 'Ruka for Christmas Day
"Hnn…uh?" Iruka blearily glanced at his alarm clock groaned. He reluctantly wiggled away from his lover's arms, only to find said arms rewrap themselves around his waist and pull him back to the naked chest.
"Merry Christmas. 'Kashi." Iruka tried to ease off Kakashi, but found it useless with Kakashi holding him in a vice-like grip. "Kakashi, I have to go…"
Kakashi groaned, and tucked Iruka's unbound-haired head under his chin. "Nope… 'sides, I already called in a sub'…"
"Hm…? For what reason?"
The jounin grinned, and Iruka could see the amusement clear in his gray eye. "Well, you got a pain in the ass— and, it isn't me! Remember that if anyone asks." With that said, Kakashi snuggled onto Iruka as if he was a teddy bear.
Iruka didn't complain, rather opting to nuzzle Kakashi's neck. "Okay." Oh well, it wasn't like anyone was going to come to class anyways thanks to his, the other teachers, and Tsunade-sama's successful mission to sabotage any chances of anyone going to work today.
"Hey 'Ruka?"
"Hn…?"
"…Merry Christmas."
"You too, love."
Kakashi not going back to sleep or the silence slightly unnerved the chunin.
"Iruka?"
"…Yes, Kakashi?" There was only one think Iruka could think of that Kakashi would possibly say.
"So… how about some Christmas lovin'?"
I thought so. "…Now?"
A nod with a perverted grin.
A sigh. "Insufferable pervert." Trust Kakashi to have a one track mind.
"But, I'm your insufferable pervert, right?"
Iruka's lips twitched upwards. "Yeah, mine."
Thumpity, Thump, Thump,
Thumpity, Thump, Thump,
Look at those two go,
Thumpity, Thump, Thump,
Thumpity, Thump, Thump,
It's a free hot show!
End.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this! Writing the lyrics to this version of 'Frosty the Snowman' was fun (and made me giggle which made a lot of people look at me funny). Did you know that whether you ask a child or adult, no one knows all the lyrics to Frosty the Snowman except for the first three words: "Frosty the Snowman…?" …Sad, ain't it?
I know, I'm supposed to work on R.R and E.f.R, but I can't write angst in such a jolly season! I hope you all understand.
Happy Holidays! –
The Mildly Inspired