I don't own Deadpool, but if I did, three years from now if I asked you who Spider-Man was, you'd say "Spider-Who?"

Deadpool was once hired by a school to give a speech about why kids shouldn't drop out of school. When he got on stage, he talked about the positive effects of pornography in today's society and the different variations of yellow and orange you might find on both rubber duckies and dildos. Then he remembered why he was there, took his mask off, pointed to his face, and said, "This is why you should stay in school, you damned punks."

No one who heard this message even thought about dropping out of school ever again.

When Deadpool goes to McDonald's, he orders sushi. When they say they can't give him any, he tells them, he gives them more than their daily-recommended dose of bullets. When Deadpool wants raw fish wrapped in seaweed, he gets it or else.

Deadpool doesn't sleep- he procrastinates.

Deadpool makes Apple pay him 99 cents every minute he allows them to live.

If you have five dollars and Deadpool has five dollars, he'll steal your five dollars so that he has more money than you.

There is no 'Ctrl' button on Deadpool's computer. He ate it.

Some people can kill two birds with one stone, but Deadpool can kill twenty penguins with one shot.

Deadpool doesn't have blood. He is filled with bullshit.

Deadpool doesn't melt in your mouth or in your hand. Unless you happen to be Beatrice Arthur.

Deadpool is like a dog: He gets mud all over the carpet, annoys the neighbors, humps your leg and pisses where ever he wants to.

Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state explains consciousness. If you tell this to Deadpool, he'll shoot you for no reason at all.

Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Deadpool. You may not know what you're going to get, but you know it will be painful, and you'll laugh anyway.

Everything King Midas touches turns to gold. Everything Deadpool touches goes insane and dies in a suicidal rage.

Deadpool wipes his ass with Cyclops' secret stash of pornographic magazines.

They where going to release a Deadpool addition of clue, but the answer always turned out to be "Deadpool. In the library. With a knock-knock joke.

When Spider-Man read Deadpool's original series, he cried himself to sleep. The next day he went out as Peter Parker to burn as many of them as he could find, for fear that Deadpool would become more popular than Spider-Man. This is why they are so hard to find.

You know it's true. I put another set of facts due to popular demand.