A.N: No, I'm not dead, I swear. School starts tomorrow, go me. Also, about this fic, it's sorta kinda almost a prequel/teaser to a multi-chaptered Genma-centric fic I'm planning. After I write Roommates 3. Which is coming after I finish Rasegan22's fic Sasuke Says (which is only posted on Ygal and LJ).
Disclaimer: Since I am Genma, and I belong to me, Genma belongs to me. HA! BEAT THAT LOGIC K. MASASHI!
Warning: This might not make any sense to anyone, I was in a weird mood when I wrote it. Don't comment on the grammar or lack thereof, we like to call this "thought tracking" wherein grammar and punctuation is optional.
It Hurts.
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
Make the pain stop, please make it stop! I don't want to think about it. I don't want to look at it, care about it, believe it even exists. Isn't there a way to make it disappear? It shouldn't be here to begin with! Who invented pain? Why does it exist? Why do we hurt?
I can't. I can't do this, please make it stop! He didn't do anything, it's me! All me! My fault! Leave him alone! I can't think—I can't think while you're hurting him!
Stop it, stop it, stop stop stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop!
Raidou! Stop it, he doesn't know! He doesn't know! I'll tell you, it was me, I did it, my plan, my mission, my everything. Don't hurt Raidou. Don't hurt him, he doesn't know. I can't... I can't think.
My chest hurts. My heart's exploding. How can you expect me to tell you what you want to know?! I can't think, where am I? Why am I here? Who are you?
Raidou. Raidou. Raidou.
He's hurting. It hurts. It hurts to see him hurting. They're hurting him. I can't—stop hurting him!
I can't think! Make it stop! What good does it do for you to hurt someone else to get to me? Why would you do that? My Raidou hasn't done anything... anything!
If you want someone, take me, take me, no one would miss me, no one notices me. I'm alone and invisible, unwanted, nobody cares.
I'm a stupid Jounin that can do nothing right I'm useless worthless nobody cares I hate you all leave him alone Raidou hasn't done anything!
It hurts, do you feel it? The pain? Do you know how much it hurts? Why does it hurt, why can watching someone else hurt cause me pain? Doesn't make sense, doesn't make sense. Talk, talk, make it stop. Can't think. Say what? Talk what? What to say? What do they want?
I don't know. Who are you? Who am I? I am you. Yes, but why?
Why? Why? Why why why whywhywhy?
Too many questions. Can't think, can't think. What is to think? Am I thinking? I don't know. It hurts to watch. Close your eyes, look away, look away.
Can't. Holding me in place. Forcing my eyes open. The pain, it burns. To watch. To watch. It burns. He burns. Burns burns burns. It's on his face. It's melting. It hurts. I can't look. I can't, I don't want to, make it stop, make it stop!
Yelling, stop yelling, can't think, can't think. Stop? Yes, stop. Talk, I can talk. Talk is good. I can talk to you. Yes, stop. Don't hurt him anymore. No. Not Raidou. Leave Raidou. I can talk.
Screams. No more yelling, screaming... screaming... pain. It hurts. He hurts. I hurt. Why do I hurt? I shouldn't hurt.
I am fine. My body is fine. No pain, no pain, nothing hurts. Nothing broken. No scratches, no marks, perfectly fine. Nothing hurts, I am fine.
No, I am not. My chest. My heart. It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop. To look, to see, Raidou, his face... his screams... he hurts... because he hurts, I hurt. I hurt to see him hurt. I care, I love, my friend, my friend, my brother, my comrade, it hurts. I can't look, can't look, but have to.
My cheek hurts, ow. Someone hit me? Was I hit? No, did I fall? Am I on the ground? It hurts. Can't see Raidou. Hear him screaming. The screaming burns. It hurts. Shut him up. Kill him. Make his pain stop. I can't—I don't want. Make him not hurt. Hurt me, hurt me, I can take the pain. I can't take the pain in my chest, but I can take anything else.
Stab me.
Hit me.
Bite me.
Burn me.
Kick me.
Punch me.
Do whatever you want with me!
Rape me.
Beat me.
Whip me.
Scratch me.
Strangle me.
Gut me.
Kill me.
Anything, just please leave him alone!
Leave him alone, Raidou, Raidou, I'm so sorry Raidou!
I can't, can't think. Need to think. Mission, mission. Had to fulfill the mission. Can't talk, can't say, secret.
ANBU, secret, can't say, no, can't talk.
Won't stop. The pain won't stop. Raidou. They're hurting Raidou. Can stop his pain. Can stop it, just need to talk. Need to betray.
Betray who? Konoha. Betray Konoha? Yes.
Can I? For who? For Raidou? Yes. Have to. Konoha or Raidou?
Raidou is my friend. Love him, my friend, he hurts, I can't, must talk, please, no, stop, I'll tell you! I'll talk! I'll talk! Don't hurt him!
No! Stop hurting him! I'll talk! I remember! The mission! You want the mission! I'll tell you!
Footsteps. Panting. No more screaming. Did they hear? Did they hear me? Do they know? I will talk! Yes, I will talk! Leave him alone! Stop hurting him!
Footsteps, yes! Yes, they're coming! They heard me! It's okay! Raidou, don't cry, it's okay. Don't cry, I'll fix it, I won't let them. I won't let them.
Why are you saying my name like that? I'm okay, I'm fine. I'll tell them. You'll be okay. We'll go home, you'll see. Just you and me.
We'll be okay, Raidou, I promise. I promise.
I promise it won't hurt anymore...
END.