Naruto is not mine!

What can I say? Today is (was) orthodox Christmas, I was in a good mood and I wrote this. I really hope is not too confusing!

It's a dialog only story, and my first time to write one of those.

I'm also very sorry if there are too many mistakes.

"Naruto, move."

"No."

"What happened with "I'll do everything for you, Sakura-chan?"

"You forced it out of me last time you hit me."

"I'd hit you again to force it back in, but I need to use the bathroom. Move."

"No."

"Naruto!"

"Why am I sleeping on bathroom floor again?"

"Consensus. You snore and climb on top of Sasuke all night long."

"He's not complaining."

"He voted for you to sleep here."

"Because I snore, not because I climb on top of him."

"Not truth."

"Is so."

"Not."

"Denial."

"I'm not in denial!"

"Why do we always fight over him when I'm sugar high?"

"Because you brought him back only to molest him in his sleep."

"He's used to it. After all, he was teamed with you."

"I never molested him! I baked him cookies!"

"Those were so hard and over baked, I still have constipation."

"That's impossible. You would've died."

"Nah. It's a demon container thing, I don't die easily. Just ask Sasuke."

"Whatever. You were not supposed to eat them anyway!"

"I was young and hungry, and he was throwing them away."

"He didn't. You were stealing them."

"Didn't. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…."

"What are you doing?"

"I heard when someone needs to pee and you make that sound, they'll pee themselves. I'm trying it out."

"On me? I'm your friend."

"My best friend, really. And it was your suggestion to make me sleep here. So, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…."

"Move!"

"No. Jump over."

"So you can see under my nighty?! No way!"

"It's pitch dark in here. If I can't see your hideous florescent hair, I won't be able to see your panties."

"It's not that dark. Did you go blind?"

"No. But the hand I'm keeping my nose shut with might be in the way."

Kakashi & Sasuke

"They are fighting. Again."

"Hn."

"I know. It's almost as annoying as when Naruto and you were fighting all the time."

"Hn.

-But I miss those times. I had so much less blood to scrub of random hotel floors."

"Hn."

"You're sure talkative tonight."

"Huh."

"I know. You must have had too much sugar for diner."

"Hn."

"I know you don't eat sweet, but Naruto emptied a bowl of sugar in your plate. Right after he staffed himself."

"…."

"Do you have to smirk at me in the middle of the night? It's creepy!"

"Huh. Hn."

"Seriously? I never even noticed that."

"Haha."

"No wonder he's still awake. You know, when I think about it, we only get to hear your voice when Naruto is high on sugar. Why is that?"

"…."

"He talks even more?"

"…."

"He's extra jumpy?"

"…."

"He doesn't like Sakura at the time?"

"Hn."

"I knew it. You know what would help your courting? Talking to him."

"…Humnh."

"Not like that, not exactly. Try again."

"… Like this?"

"You've got it! That's my boy! I'm so proud!"

"… Kakashi, please shut up."

Naruto & Kakashi

"Naruto. Move."

"…No."

"I'm your sensei. You have to listen to me."

"Go away. I'm busy having déjà vu."

"You're disrespectful."

"Are you, like, really, really surprised? Will this lead to your infamous death from heart attack? And when you die, can I take your bed?"

"I'm not dying. You, however, are close."

"Wow. You're so scary."

"Thank you! Now move."

"No way. Why am I sleeping on the floor again? In the stinky bathroom?"

"Consensus."

"Well, that's convenient."

"Also, we don't want Sasuke to rape you."

"Huh? Why the hell not?!"

"Boy sex in the room where people are trying to sleep? I don't think so."

"I'd be quiet! I can be quiet!"

"…Right."

"You're just messing with me, anyway. He's a cold bastard. He doesn't like me."

"He likes you. I'm serious."

"You're pimping him! You twisted, perverted – sensei! I'm telling on you!"

"Naruto, move."

"Not this again. No!"

"I need to pee. If you don't move, I'll pee on you."

"I am …. speechless."

"Don't worry, we'll get you to the hospital first thing in the morning."

"I'm … also traumatized."

"No cure for that. Just look at me."

"What are you so traumatized about?"

"My very full bladder is talking to me."

"About that… I'll get up. Right away."

"I always knew you are the sweetest kid around."

"Is that some kind of stupid pun? I like sugar! Deal with it!"

"Naruto. Move."

Sakura & Sasuke

"So, Sasuke, we are all alone."

"We are?!"

"Ah, I can see you're just as thrilled as I am."

"I'm panicking here."

"Don't be silly, you can't be afraid of a bit of sex."

"Sakura, you're out of character."

"Yes, well. Ino told me you like easy and flirty girls. I can be easy and flirty for you."

"Where did Ino get that information?"

"Well, from experience, of course. I was very hurt at you first for choosing her over me, but then I realized I just have to change into your type."

"I only did Ino because she's blonde."

"I can be blonde!"

"Really?"

"Henge!"

"Huh."

"What? What are you thinking?"

"Can you cut your hair shorter?"

"Yes, yes! Here! Anything else?"

"Well, your eyes are bright enough. The lack of light is good. Now we just need some make up."

"Oh, you want me to be pretty for you! That so sweet. I'll put make up on."

"Oh, no. I'll do it. It's just some lines on your cheeks."

"On… On my cheeks? Okay."

"…Sakura, put that thing on again. That's not what I meant."

"But we have to have sex before Kakashi comes back!"

"Now when I saw you naked… I can't do it."

"But… But I have boobs!"

"Yeah, I know. Hn. Exactly."

"And nice underwear."

"Too girly."

"Well, that's the point!"

"…."

"I cut my hair for you!"

"That's emotional blackmail."

"I don't care! You're having sex with me! Right now!"

"Damn it! Where is my sword?!"

"Naruto is sleeping with it. Stand still!"

"Hey! You can't just rip my shirt like that! Do you know how much time takes me to make that little fan on the back?!"

"Mhmmhm."

"Kakashi!!!!"

Sasuke & Naruto

"Naruto. Move."

"Oh, God. No. Not this again."

"…"

"Don't kick me!"

"Move."

"No! What the hell is it with you people? Did you drink a lake between the three of you? Why do you all need to use the bathroom?!"

"Who said I need to use the bathroom?"

"You asked me to move."

"So?"

"Well then, what is it that you want?"

"To lay next to you."

"Okay."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So, Sasuke. Why are you here again?"

"Sakura tried to rape me."

"That bitch! I hope you killed her."

"Not really. You took away my sword."

"You can't do anything without that thing these days. So predictable."

"She ripped my shirt."

"Oh. How did you save yourself?"

"Kakashi helped me."

"That pervert! He wanted to pee on me!"

"I'm speechless."

"That's what I said!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So, Sasuke. What's consensus?"

"No idea."

"Some genius you are."

"Sounds to me like a type of reptile."

"...That makes sense."

"…"

"Sasuke, what are you doing?"

"…"

"Those are my pajamas."

"Hn"

"That's my underwear!"

"It's the ugliest thing I ever saw in my life. You need to get rid of them."

"Did Kakashi tell you to do this? The prostitution is illegal and I have no money to pay you."

"…"

"Oh. That feels good."

Kakashi & Sakura

"…"

"…"

"I knew they would be loud."

"I'm crying here, can you spare me?"

"I know you for years, Sakura. Dictaphone will catch more if you go closer."

"…"

"Can you see anything from over there?"

"Not much, but yes."

"Next time, we're bringing camera."

"Whipped cream, too. I'll make a fortune. You can chip in, if you keep your mouth closed."

"It was a great plan, by the way. I'm really proud for having you as my student."

"It means a lot from you, sensei."