"I'm cold."

It was quickly getting colder as the sun set, settling quietly behind a curtain of buildings amid the soft oranges of the evening sky.

"I said I'm cold, Light."

"I know, Misa," Light finally replied, allowing himself to loose his focus on the sunset, which he considered a brief reminder of the beauty that remained on the Earth.

"When can we go home?" she asked in a high pitched voice that reminded Light of a spoiled child they had passed earlier in the park.

"We'll go home soon," he said after a pause, "I just want to enjoy this, please."

The hint of sincerity in his voice seemed to actually surprise Misa, and dutifully, she decided to wait as long as Light needed, and quietly. Light noticed, and in a rare moment was actually touched a bit. Sometimes he forgot just how devoted she was to him. Perhaps he lost sight of it too often.

"I'll never understand why you humans waste your time staring at things like sunsets," Ryuk commented, descending from behind Light and Misa, "You could be at home getting something done."

"You're hardly one to talk, Ryuk," Light calmly replied, a slight smile escaping.

Ryuk let out a chuckle, "I guess you're right, but what fun would it be for me to just kill you and leave?"

Light's smile faded. Ryuk's comment was a grim reminder of his inevitable fate. He still remembered the night, years ago now, when he had first met Ryuk, and Ryuk had casually mentioned that he would write down Light's name down when the time finally came. How he wished he knew just how long he had...but wishing did nothing.

The park had cleared by now. The orange and reds of the sunset now fading gradually into the dark blue of the night sky. Misa clutched at Lights arm and shivered, obviously very cold by now. Light let her stay there but made no effort to leave early, too engrossed in the beauty of the sky and the city laid out before him, like a great artwork in an unimaginably large art gallery.

Soon, he thought, smiling, this will all be yours. Your reward for bringing a new age of peace to humanity.

"We can go now, Misa," Light finally said as the park lights flickered to life. She smiled as he lead them back towards their apartment.

"AHH!" Light screamed, falling from his bed.

Misa jumped up with concern, "Light? Are the leaving me? DON'T GO!"

"No," Light replied, clutching his chest, "I'll do that tomorrow night," his heart was racing, "I just...had a nightmare..."

"You poor thing," she said comfortingly, "Ever since that guy stopped writing that crackfic about you, you haven't been the same."

"I know..." he said, placing his head in his palms to wipe away a few tears and sweat, "It's been almost four years now...But thats the thing...my nightmare..."

"What was it?" she asked, even more concerned.

"I dreamed he started writing again..."

"That sound like a good dream!" She said enthusiastically.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" he screamed, grabbing her by the shoulders, "IT WAS SERIOUS!"

"You mean..." gasped, "IT MADE SENSE?"

"YES!" he cried in anguish, "IT WASNT FUNNY AT ALL!"

"THE HORROR!" she wailed.

"OH THE HUMANITY!" Soichiro cried bursting into their bedroom in rubber ducky Pjs.

"WHYYYY?" cried Aizawa, clutching the remains of his Afro in a ziplock bag.

"There," I thought to myself, smirking, "That ought to make them all quite happy until I decide to be un-lazy and do a better update."

"You're lying to yourself, you know?" came the cynical version of myself. "This is just like all the other times you started writing something...like this fic itself. You're doomed to fail. All of this has happened before..."

"Shut up you!" I shot back in my imagination. Imaginatively. "I'm TOTALLY gonna start writing again. It's gonna be awesome. People will totally be like, 'That Corey guy is soooo coool! His fanfics are soooo funny and clever and original!11!1!1!' and then someone is totally gonna call and be like, 'is this Corey? We totally need you to write a movie for us because you're the greatest writer of all time ever! Everyone on the internet says so!' and then I'll be rich and famous and it'll be awesome. You're just jealous."

"That was a horrible run on sentence," I replied, an overwhelming sense of disappointment seeping through every word, "If your English professor saw this he'd have to flunk you based on the paragraph alone...and I use the term 'paragraph' loosely, because, quite frankly, I'm not convinced that the mass of word-vomit up there meets the qualifications."

"NERD!"

"I-...what?"

"Thats right! NERRRRDDDD!"

"But- I'm you!"

"Yeah, and you're a giant nerd! 'oooh look at me I know words! I can type sentences that mean things!"

"Are-are you drunk?"

"What do you care? YOU NEVER LOVED ME!"

"I-...I don't even know how to respond at this point."

"Gett yourr handsss off mee!11!"

"Look, calm down man, okay? Just calm-"

"NO! YOU calm UP!"

"That-"

"You're just jealous that I'm awesome and-"

"-doesn't even make any-"

"-wayyyy cooler than you and-"

"-sense at all, we're the same-"

HEY, KNOCK IT OFF!

"-oh shit."

"Yeah, sorry man, we let things get out of hand, we just-"

I don't care! Just get it together, alright? I'm trying to update a four-year old crackfic here! Have some damn respect!

"...we're really sorry man, we'll totally behave now, honest."

Its whatever just...just let me get back to writing.

"Okay...though, if I can say just one thing?"

Ugh...fine.

"...This whole section make absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"Yeah, its kind of hard to read, too."

Yeah, well you try writing a crackfic at 2:30 in the morning when you totally run out of ideas for funny things about a show you haven't watched in at least two years.

"Well, we are you...so, technically we kinda know exactly what that's like."

Oh.

"Yeah..."

Meanwhile, in stuff that people like more...

"Well, I'm pretty bored," L said aloud to the empty room of Matsuda's apartment, "I suppose I'll just keep sitting here then."

Nothing happened.

"...forever."

Still nothing happened.

"...Just waiting for the plot to continue..."

Finally, nothing happened.

This continued for several trillion years, until the waveform of nothing finally collapsed from it's false-vacuum state, causing the entire universe to collapse into a giant pit of explosive nothingness so empty that it finally approached the limit of what people were willing to read in a random fanfic.

Yep.

I'm a great writer. Right guys?

Several Trillion years earlier...

"Excuse me, sir," Light said, tapping the shoulder of the man in front of him at the Evil Villain Emporium and Warehouse, "You dropped your wallet."

"KAMIII?" a very obviously disturbed man (Mikami) said as he turned around to face him.

"Why, yes, that's me." Light replied politely.

"Oh, wow, I'm a big fan!" Mikami began, "I know you're probably busy with your whole 'killing-all-the-criminals-of-the-world-in-an-attempt-to-cleanse-humanity-of-evil-and-usher-in-a-new-era-of-peace thing, but could I maybe get an autograph? That'd be swell!"

"Why of course young man!" Light responded, "what would you like me to sign?"

"Oh, gee, I didn't even bring anything with me!" Mikami admitted blushing.

"Oh that's alright," Light said, smiling, "I always carry extra paper, here, lemme just sign this for you," and he pulled out a sheet of folded paper and pen, signing his name carefully.

"I really appreciate this," Mikami continued as Light dramatically signed his name, much to Mikami's delight, "I'm a big fan of your dramatic-penmanship! How did you get so good?"

"It's all in the wrists," Light explained with a wink, "here you go!" and he handed Mikami the signature.

"Gee, thanks!"

"You're very welcome! Just remember to-OH GOD NO!" Suddenly, Light fell to his knees, clutching his chest, obviously in pain, "WHY DO I CARRY SO MANY PAGES WITH ME?"

Somewhere, Misa felt a disturbance in the Force and jumped out the nearest window in anguish.

"KAMIII! NOOOOOO!" Mikami cried. Mikami Mikami Mikami Mikami. There. I didn't think I'd typed his name enough.

Out of nowhere the whole Investigation team appeared by Light's side as he drifted dramatically into death.

"I don't understand, Son..." Soichiro said in between tears, "Why?"

"Because, father..." Light began, coughing up blood for no reason, "I wanted to make the world a better place, just like you taught me..."

"No, not that." Soichiro responded, annoyed, "Why are you taking so long to die of heart attack when everyone else you killed died in like three seconds? I mean come on, just because you're a main character you get to have a super long drawn out death? That's hardly fair son!"

"But-I-!"

"No, no 'buts'! Now go to your room and don't come back till you've learned your lesson and die just like everyone else!"

"Daaaaad..." Light whined, "You're embarrassing me in front of my friends! That's so uncool!"

But before Soichiro could respond, Aizawa interrupted, "Hey wait a minute...that paper you wrote you're name on...it's not a piece of the Death Note! It's just a piece of ordinary notebook paper!"

Everyone cheered with joy! Confetti dropped from the ceiling and Light hugged his dad as people a few blocks away danced around Misa's splattered corpse. Cats and dogs got along, Conservatives and Liberals agreed on things, Fanfic Authors actually updated stories. It was glorious.

"I'm so glad we can put this whole Kira-business behind us finally!" Soichiro said cheerfully.

"Yeah, now we can all go about our lives," Mogi agreed, finally talking for once in the whole story.

"It would have been a shame if this had ended tragically!" Aizawa mused, and the whole group laughed politely.

"Say, how about we all go get ice-cream!" Soichiro suggested.

"What a great idea chief!"

"Yeah, dad, that sounds great!"

And so they all began heading for the door, holding a new-found respect for each other, and life itself...

When suddenly a figure came crashing through the door.

"OH MY GOD A HIDDEN NOTE!" Matsuda screamed to himself as he fired an assault rifle widely at Light.

"WHYYYYY?" Light screamed. Bullets ripped through his body, and Matsuda continued to shoot until Light collapsed onto the floor into a giant puddle of blood.

"GOD DAMMIT MATSUDA!"

"I...I helped, right guys?" Matsuda asked sheepishly with his hands behind his back.

"YOU IDIOT!" Soichiro was shouting, tears flowing from his cheeks, "WE HAD FINALLY-We...well, aw, I can't stay mad at you! Wanna go get ice cream with us?"

"Sure, that'd be great Chief!"

"I'm still alive..." Light mumbled weakly.

"A HIDDEN NOTE!" Matsuda screamed again, this time pulling out a rocket launched and firing it at Light's broken body, which exploded.

"Oh, Matsuda!" The team all said rolling their eyes at him affectionately.

And so, our hero Matsuda saved the day and got to eat ice cream! Light exploded, Misa jumped off a building, Ryuk overdosed at an apple orchard and had to go to Shinigami rehab, and Mello and Near had a super taboo love afair that made this fanfic technically illegal in most countries.

And myself? Oh, I still write fanfics from time to time...but one thing is for certain:

I have no idea what I'm doing.

THE END!

"Yep. Don't mind me," L complained, "I'm just one of the two main characters of the whole series."

Nothing happened.

"It's not like you totally forgot to indicate what happened to me or anything."

Still more nothing happened.

"It's fine really, I didn't even want ice cream."

Suddenly!...nothing happened.

"I guess I'll just wait here then."

More nothing.

"...justtttt waiting."

Nothing.

"...for anything."

Nope.

"Just anything at all..."

Nada.

"...I'd even take Yaoi at this point..."

No.

"Fine."

And then after years of waiting, and building anticipation; after countless nights spent laying awake, wondering when it would finally happen; after months of grueling, torturous agony, looking for something, anything, that could be remotely related to something possibly, maybe, finally happening...

Absolutely nothing happened.

THE END?

Nah, not really. I'm sure I'll update again Soon (TM)...meaning, oh, maybe just 2 years this time? Better mark your calendars now!