3. Finding
Lily watched, amused in spite of herself, as the white mist vanished and a narrow street from an old Continental city gently materialized around them. Dumbledore changed his surroundings rather frequently, and this was a new one.
"Different from Apparition," murmured Remus. He had acquired the absorbed expression he used to get when he found a particularly interesting magical creature or Runic inscription, and Lily smiled to see that look, so familiar even after so many years. But she watched him warily, all the same. Remus had a habit of throwing himself into intellectual puzzles when he was trying to beat back some kind of strong emotion he thought he shouldn't be having.
"Hello, hello!" came Dumbledore's cheery voice from behind them. "How delightful to see all of you." Lily turned and saw the silver-haired wizard seated at a café table, surrounded by scarlet geraniums. He was sipping a cup of coffee and sharing a plate of chocolate croissants with his long-time alchemical collaborator.
"Nicolas," said Dumbledore, "I believe you know everyone except for Remus Lupin, who's only just arrived. Remus, this is Nicolas Flamel."
Remus shook hands with the alchemist, his usual mild demeanour completely intact. "I'm honoured to meet you, sir. I've read about your work—it's remarkable."
"Ah, no," said Flamel warmly, "the pleasure is mine. I am sorry for your losses, but I welcome you here."
A second wrought-iron table with a canvas umbrella and four chairs shimmered into existence (along with extra geraniums), and there was a brief flurry of activity as the newcomers settled themselves and cups of tea and cocoa appeared.
"How are you adjusting, Remus?" Dumbledore passed him the plate of chocolate croissants.
"I'm fine, thank you, sir." Remus's voice was firm, and his gaze was steady. But Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, and Dumbledore gave each of them a shrewd look.
"Actually, Professor," Lily broke in, "we're here because we've discovered something about Remus that's rather surprising, and we wanted to see if you knew anything about what it might mean."
The twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes grew more pronounced. "Most interesting. What have you found?"
Lily pulled out her scrying-glass, thought Remus Lupin, and waited for the Hogwarts hospital wing to reappear. When the view cleared, she saw that Harry had gone. Now it was Tonks keeping vigil. The bed had been widened, and the injured Auror lay next to the shell of her husband, cradling his head on her shoulder and talking to him with an expression of grim determination. Lily quickly turned the face of the glass away from Remus, unsure of what that particular image would do to his hard-won composure. But he wasn't watching, anyway—he was studiously examining a particularly large pot of geraniums. Lily's lips quirked in sympathy. She imagined it would feel awfully odd to look down on one's own self from up here.
She handed the glass across to Dumbledore. "If you look at his image carefully, you can see that he actually seems to be breathing."
"My goodness." Dumbledore held the scrying-glass so that Flamel could look into it as well. "Yes, he certainly is breathing."
"Albus," said Flamel intently, "are you thinking as I am thinking?"
Dumbledore exchanged a significant glance with his old friend. "I daresay I am." He peered over his half-moon spectacles in a way that would have been familiar to generations of Hogwarts students. "Remus, if you will permit me a rather personal question—have you, by any chance, been hearing distant voices?"
Remus looked up, startled. "Yes, I have been, actually. But I can't make any sense of what they're saying."
Dumbledore's expression was inscrutable. "Listen for a moment, if you would. Can you identify the voice you are hearing right now, even if you can't understand the words?"
Remus closed his eyes in concentration. Everyone was silent, watching. Lily saw him swallow and turn quite pale. When he opened his eyes again, he wore a hesitant smile.
"This is probably just wishful thinking on my part, but right now, it sounds rather like Nymphadora—like the tone her voice would take when she was trying to talk me round to something."
Wordlessly, Dumbledore held up the scrying-glass. Sirius gave a low whistle, and James caught his breath.
Remus gazed at the image in the glass with the eyes of a starving man at a banquet. Lily reached over and touched his hand, and he closed his fingers gratefully over hers.
"Surely I'm not really hearing her voice?"
"I believe you are, indeed, hearing Nymphadora talk to you." Dumbledore handed the glass back to Lily, so she set it on the table in front of Remus. "Obviously, most of your soul is here now, but it seems that you still maintain a tenuous connection down below. This happens only very rarely, but if I am correct, it means you have a choice to make. You can stay here, as you are, and the connection will soon dissipate." He paused, fixing Remus with a probing look. "Or, if you wish, you can follow the connection back and return to the living."
Remus went very still, and his grip on Lily's hand tightened. "I can go back?"
"It seems that you can, indeed," said Flamel. "But I would suggest that you consider your choice very carefully. I lived down there for centuries before crossing over, and now I sometimes feel that it was time wasted—there is so much to learn on this side, so much to explore. Perhaps you would do better to remain here and begin your journey sooner rather than later."
"Neither choice is right or wrong, Remus," said Dumbledore. "But there is something else you should consider. Here, there is no injury—" he held up his right hand, which was whole and healthy—"and no illness. If you go back, you will be as you were."
Remus kept his face impassive, but Lily, still holding his hand, felt a tiny shudder sweep through his frame. She wondered what it must feel like, to be freed at last from a lifelong curse, only to have to contemplate shouldering that burden once again.
He set his jaw. "I understand," he began, "but some things are more important than—"
And then he froze.
When he spoke again, his voice was low. "Teddy's there. I can hear him crying."
They all leaned over to peer into the scrying-glass where it lay on the table. The tiny room in the hospital wing was full of people now. Harry and Neville were setting a baby basket and a large satchel on the floor within easy reach of the bed. Hermione was helping Tonks sit up. And, sure enough, Andromeda stood in the doorway with a red-faced, screaming Teddy in her arms.
In the glass, Tonks reached out for her son, and Andromeda handed him over. Tonks bent over Teddy, rocking him and crooning, and he calmed down and stopped crying. One small fist clutched at her hospital robes. Lily saw a tear roll down Tonks's cheek as she began to nurse her son.
Remus let go of Lily's hand and squared his shoulders, turning back to Dumbledore. "For me, there is only one choice. What Harry told me last summer was absolutely right—it is better for Teddy to grow up with a father than without one, even if that father is a werewolf. Raising my son is my responsibility, and I can't turn my back on that."
He looked at the scrying-glass again, where Tonks held her son close but kept her gaze fixed imploringly on the unresponsive face of the still form beside her. "And Dora waited for me for so long. She deserves more time before being widowed." He sighed, touching her image gently with the tip of one finger. "I tried to make things up to her this year—I tried to make her laugh as often as I possibly could."
And that he had done. Lily smiled a little, thinking of just how many times she'd looked in on Remus since last autumn and seen him laughing with his wife. Tonks was lovely when she laughed, with her dark eyes dancing and her hair some bright crazy colour that suited her—and him—perfectly.
"But those few months were not enough to balance all the pain I've caused her. And I promised I would never leave her and Teddy again." Remus looked around the table at his friends. "If I have a chance to go back now, and I don't take it, then I'm breaking that promise."
Sirius reached across Lily to grab Remus by the arm. He narrowed his eyes, looking dangerous. "Pretty words, Lupin. But are those the only reasons for you to go back?"
"No." Remus met the grey gaze unflinchingly. "I—I want to go back." A red flush crept up from his neck, but he didn't look away. "There is nothing I want more in the world than a chance to be happy with Dora and Teddy and make a life together as a family. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have even as much of that life as I've already had—but now I want more."
"Good." A broad smile spread across Sirius's face. "It's about bloody time you owned up to that."
Dumbledore was smiling, too. "Go back, then, and make the most of it. You'll have time enough to spend with us when you're here again someday." Then his expression grew sombre. "But the connection won't last forever, and you've already been here for nearly an entire day. If you wish to go back, you ought to go at once."
Remus frowned. "I haven't had a chance to find my parents—or Ted."
"I'll find them for you," Lily promised, "and let them know what happened. You really should go."
Remus pushed back his chair and stood, and everyone else stood too. He caught Lily up in a great crushing hug. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear. "You always told me not to give up hoping that things would get better—and you were right."
Lily hugged him back just as tightly. She would miss him dreadfully, but she was glad he would have a chance to grow old with his family around him after all. "Give Harry my love, and Tonks and Teddy too, of course."
He turned to James, who clapped him on the back. "Make sure Teddy grows up to be a true Marauder, like his old da." James cleared his throat. "And tell Harry how proud we are of him."
Then Sirius pulled Remus into a brief but bone-crushing hug of his own. "Moony, old mate. Tell Harry I'd love for him to have the motorbike, if he wants it." He smirked. "Tell my little cousin that I had the manners not to say I told you so in reference to her romantic life." Remus flushed a bit at that, making Lily grin and James snigger. "And—" Sirius shrugged, but the casual facade was very definitely slipping—his smile was flat-out wistful. "Will you tell the sprog a tale or two about his poor old cousin Padfoot?"
"Of course." Remus gripped Sirius's shoulders. "Of course I will."
He turned back to Dumbledore and Flamel. "Monsieur Flamel, it was a pleasure to meet you, and I'm sure I'll see you again someday." The alchemist nodded gravely. "Professor, I think I'm ready—but how, exactly, do I go back?"
"Can you still hear the voices?" asked Dumbledore.
"I hear Dora," said Remus at once.
"Focus on the sound of her voice and let yourself go, the way you did when you travelled here today. As you get closer, you may start to feel her touch as well. Concentrate on those sensations, and you should be able to return your soul to your body."
"All right." Remus took a deep breath.
"There is one difficulty, however." Dumbledore's expression was earnest and slightly worried as he regarded Remus over steepled fingers. "While you've been here, you've been free of pain." He smiled at the look of incredulity that flickered across the younger man's face. "Physical pain, that is." The smile slipped away, and the look of concern reappeared. "Your body has been in a battle, and it was injured badly enough for you to be here now. When you try to go back, the pain will hit you all at once. If you let it distract you, the connection may be broken, which will send you back here again for good."
Remus swallowed hard. "I understand. But—" He smiled wryly. "Surely it can't be that much worse than after moons."
He looked around one last time at his friends and his mentor. "Goodbye. I'm glad I've seen you all, and I'm glad to know for sure I'll see you again."
"And we'll be watching you from time to time." Lily held up the scrying-glass with a watery smile.
Remus grinned back, nodding. Then his gaze turned inward, and after a moment, he was gone.
Silence filled the narrow cobbled street. Sirius was scowling darkly. Lily leaned against James, who gave her a comforting squeeze.
Remus didn't reappear.
"Well, that seems to be that," said Dumbledore gently. "But there is still plenty to be done here, especially after last night's battle." He smiled slightly. "James, Sirius—there is a new arrival from Hogwarts by the name of Colin Creevey, who is now being looked after by a pair of elderly aunts he hadn't seen since he was very small. I rather suspect that meeting Harry Potter's father and godfather would cheer him up immensely."
James and Sirius raised their eyebrows at each other in a way that Lily knew meant they were solemnly swearing to be up to no good, and her lips twitched. She hoped a little Marauding might make a lonely boy feel better.
"And Lily." Dumbledore came to stand beside her. "One of the things that Nicolas and I were discussing before you arrived was Severus." She frowned, but he held up a hand. "I know that he wasn't very...receptive...when you tried to talk to him last night. But will you try again? I believe it to be important, and his feelings toward you are complicated."
Lily nodded slowly, feeling an all-too-familiar pang of regret over a boy who tried too hard to fit in with the wrong crowd. "I will. He was my friend, once. And I do owe him for Harry."
"First, though," said Sirius firmly, catching her by the elbow, "let's have a look at Moony through that glass of yours."
o—o—o
Tonks sat propped up against the headboard of the widened hospital bed. Her left hip was firmly wedged against her husband's side, and her left hand found his shoulder or his head whenever it was free. Her right arm was full of Teddy, who squirmed slightly as she patted him on the back, and the icy knot of worry twisting her heart eased just a little when she held him close and breathed in his familiar baby scent.
"You should see your son, Remus. He was fussing like anything when Mum brought him in, but now he's settled back down, just as if—" she swallowed—"as if nothing had happened." She gazed at Teddy, entranced as always by his tiny hands, his small rapt face, and his ever-changing hair. "His hair's gone all red and blue, sort of blotchy. I think he was looking at the stripes on Harry's T-shirt."
Harry had been every bit the doting godfather, striding proudly alongside Mum and Teddy and carrying a large satchel stuffed with toys, nappies, and baby clothes. The friends who'd been looking after Teddy at home turned out to be Hermione and young Neville Longbottom, and they'd come along to Hogwarts too. Tonks was happy to see that both of them made a point of talking to Remus. In fact, Neville made a particularly impassioned plea for him to come back. All at once, Tonks remembered that the last thing she'd seen before Bellatrix found her was Remus firing hexes at Dolohov one moment and defending Neville and another student the next—and she suddenly understood why such an uninspired fighter had been able to take Remus down. But then Hermione, seeing her face, whispered in her ear that it was also Neville who'd hit Dolohov in the back with a hex, drawing him away from the fallen Remus before it was altogether too late.
The three young people had just left for the Burrow. Mum sat in the chair next to the bed, her watchful eyes moving from Tonks, to Teddy, to Remus, and back. Tonks's scratchy, tired voice was the only sound in the little room, which was quiet behind the Muffling Charm that Madam Pomfrey had cast for Teddy's sake.
And then, Remus's breath hitched.
He stirred.
Tonks froze, her eyes locked on his face.
He stirred again, and winced. His quiet, even breathing turned to ragged gasps.
"Mum," Tonks choked. "Find Madam Pomfrey. Something's happening."
Without a word, Mum hurried off.
Remus drew a few more laboured breaths, and then seemed to quiet again. Tonks shifted her hold on Teddy and slid down in the bed until her face was right beside her husband's. Reaching out with a shaking hand, she stroked his hair. "It'll be all right," she said desperately. "You'll be all right. You'll come back to us. Please, Remus."
His eyes opened.
Tonks felt her heart start beating again.
Remus saw her. The look of love and longing in his warm brown eyes was unmistakable. Then he shifted his gaze until he found Teddy. He looked back at Tonks, and the lines of pain on his face were eased by a smile of pure joy.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi yourself," she breathed, afraid to look away for even a second.
He seemed to gather his strength, and then he spoke again. "Sirius sends his love."
"You were—there? You talked to him?"
Remus nodded, and Tonks shivered, finding his hand and threading her fingers through his.
"He said something else, too." His voice was so faint, Tonks bent closer to hear better—and when she did, she caught sight of the tiniest hint of a wicked gleam in his eye.
Remus paused for a heartbeat. "He said—and I quote—'Bloody hell! I've been avenged by Molly Weasley?'"
Tonks had an instant mental image of Sirius, leaning artlessly up against some wall or other with his arms crossed and his eyes wide with exaggerated disbelief. She felt her lips twitch. All at once, something came bubbling up that she almost didn't recognize until it burst out as a snort, and then a chuckle. And then she was laughing.
Things were funny again.
o—o—o
Lily knew that she was grinning like a fool as she watched Tonks laugh and Remus light up at the sight.
"Oi," said Sirius affectionately. He pulled the scrying-glass out of her fingers and turned it face down on the grass. "Let's give them a little privacy if they're going to snog like that."
James was grinning, too. "Moony'll do all right for himself, down there." He leaned back against the shady tree that had become Lily's favourite. "But you know, I think we should keep the meadow here for a while."
"I'd like that." Lily hugged her knees to her chest and smiled, listening to the birdsong.
o— fin —o
Author's note: Thanks again to my beta, jncar. Thanks also to everyone who has left a review. Your feedback is appreciated!