Lost in the Desert
Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, Mario or anything else. I do, however, own my own sick imagination. Flames welcome!
A/N: Pretty much based off of the N64 Mario game, with a little bit thrown in from the older stuff. I think.
It was a beautiful day for a picnic in the Mushroom Kingdom. The sun was shining, the lakitus were hovering around on their clouds, throwing shells at goombas with unibrows and snaggle teeth, and the koopas were break dancing in the grass.
Princess Toadstool had invited everyone she knew to the picnic, even Bowser and his cronies showed up, with diabolical plans to kidnap the dumb blonde (yet again) and force her to hover over their heads for days on end, so they could look up her skirt.
"Hey, look what I can do!" Yoshi said, juggling a bunch of his eggs (with his feet). Everyone clapped and cheered, until a piranha plant spit a wad of fire at Yoshi, making him drop his eggs and run around with his tail ablaze. He jumped into the moat surrounding the Princess's castle, and drowned because Yoshi's arms are too short, and so, he can't swim.
A giant fish wearing sexy sunglasses promptly ate the dinosaur, and everyone cheered again.
Finally, everyone laid down white and red checkered blankets and settled on them to eat their delicious royal picnic food. However, there were two people missing.
"Where are Mario and Luigi? Didn't they get my email?" Peach asked. Toad rolled his eyes.
"You only sent them like eighty emails as well as forty-seven text messages, I'm sure they know about the damned picnic."
Peach ordered everyone to hold off eating until the Mario brothers showed up, which pissed everyone off. If the Mario brothers didn't show up soon…there would be bloodshed and gang bangs and even a fire or two.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
"I think this is the right pipe, Mario!" Luigi said, looking from his upside down map of Hazy Maze Cave to a short green pipe jutting out of the ground. The Mario brothers were lost, because they had to take a detour because of pipe construction season, and the map the Goomba redneck had sold them wasn't helping.
Mario took off his hat and scratched his head.
"Hm…maybe we should just follow this yellow brick path? I'm a hungry, if I don't get somma meatballs soon, I'm a gonna die!"
Luigi slapped his head.
"Stop talking like that! Geez, you're giving all of us Italian Plumbers a bad name!"
Mario grinned and got up from the box he'd been sitting on. Yes, this was Mario Land, so of course there was a random box just sitting out in the middle of nowhere.
"Hey, I bet there's a warp point under that tree!" Mario suddenly said and ran for the flat tree that only pretended to be 3D. Mario ended up running right into the trunk and falling flat on his back, clutching his nose.
"WAAAAH!"
"Shut the hell up, Mario! Let's just take this pipe and hope for the best."
The Mario brothers took the green pipe, but unfortunately, it didn't end up anywhere near Peach's house. In fact, they had ended up on a race track.
After nearly getting run over by go-carts driven by their clones, the Mario brothers decided to steal a cart and simply drive down a road, like normal people do when they have places to go.
However, just like before, the Mario brothers got lost and ended up underwater, being chased by evil fish and squid and for some reason, a giant eel with far too many teeth.
Finally, the Mario brothers got to dry land. But there was a problem.
"I don't think that's water, Mario. I think that's quick sand."
Mario drove into it anyway, and the brothers had to abandon ship as the go-cart sunk.
"Damn it, Mario, you always screw up everything!" Luigi screamed and slapped Mario upside the head. Mario's hat flew off of his head and a buzzard swooped down and stole it.
"Look what you did, Luigi! Now I have no hat!!!" Mario cried, patting his brown toupee with a frown. The taller brother laughed sheepishly.
"My bad, Mario. Here, you can wear my hat until we get yours back!"
Luigi put his own green hat on Mario's head, and the little red clad man beamed.
"Thanks, Luigi. You know, you look better without a hat. Younger."
Luigi blinked, his mustache quivering.
"You think so?"
"Yeah…" Mario said, tugging on Luigi's mustache. The taller man blushed but didn't turn away.
"Do that again," Luigi purred, leaning in closer. Mario tugged on Luigi's stache again, and Luigi's knees buckled and he fell to the sandy ground. Mario smirked down at his brother, a sudden devious idea in his head.
"Luigi…would you like to see my linguini?"
The taller man blinked stupidly.
"Wha…what?"
Mario pulled down his pants followed by his turtle shell spotted boxers and whipped out his noodle and meat balls.
"You like my spaghetti, don't you? Have a taste!"
Luigi, still buzzing from the stache tug (which was a big turn on for Italian Plumbers, let me tell you), went for it, taking Mario's noodle into his mouth. Luigi sucked all the sauce out of Mario's special noodle, which unlike normal noodles, started off soft and got harder the longer you soaked it.
"Ooooh…I'm a gonna cum!" Mario cried out, and squirted his alfredo sauce down Luigi's throat. Luigi drank it up, and then yelped when Mario lunged at him, throwing him onto his back and pulling his pants down.
"What are you doing, Mario?!"
Mario looked around for some way to make his noodle hard again, and found a green box not too far away. He hit it with his head, grabbed the metal cap that came out of it and transformed into Metal Mario, his cock as hard as steel. Luigi tried to escape upon seeing it, but Mario jumped on top of Luigi and his weight was too much.
The short, squatty man managed to roll Luigi onto his belly and shoved his metal monster hard into Luigi.
"OW OW OW OW OW OW!" Luigi shrieked into the sand.
Mario pounded into his brother rapidly, cumming again just as the metal cap wore off.
"Oh, look, isn't that Toad?" Mario said, pointing (with his finger, not something else) to a mushroom off in the distance.
"Ow ow ow ow…" Luigi replied weakly.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mario and Luigi finally made it to Peach's castle with Toad's help, but when they got there, the picnic had turned into a warzone. There were flying battle ships hovering in the sky, Peach was floating on a magic carpet, throwing turnips at Bowser, who was blowing fire balls back.
Shells and bob ombs and coins flew in all directions.
"Looks like we have to save the Princess again. You up to it, Luigi?"
Luigi sort of limped, his ass sore from Mario's metal mushroom.
"Next time, don't use the Metal Cap!" Luigi said, and the two brothers ran into battle.
END