Story: Soul Calibur: The Talent Contest Remastered
Authors: Master Jin Sonata & Time Master
Written: January 2008
Remastered: July 7th, 2016
Genre: Humor
Rating: T (Language and Violence)
Disclaimer: We do not own Namco or the awesome Nightmare and Tira!
Session 1
It was evening.
In the farthest reaches of the region was a great gathering of heroes alike. A very large cathedral stood as the gathering place of those who wish to make a name for themselves.
The crowds of people who came to watch this event were in the thousands. In the center of a very large and well-lit stage stood the hosts of the event.
Cheerful Tira: Welcome everyone to the First Annual Soul Calibur Talent Contest! I'm your host, Tira!
Nightmare: And I'm her co-host, Nightmare!
Cheerful Tira: Tonight we are broadcasting live from the Lost Cathedral, where many talented individuals have come to claim the title as 'Most Talented' in the world! Too bad my buddy Nightmare here has no talent of his own!
Nightmare: H-hey! That's a rather cheap statement!
Emo Tira: I was just kidding you ass.
Nightmare: …Oh…I knew that…
Emo Tira: Actually…I wasn't kidding. You really have no talent other than being a bucket of bolts.
Cheerful Tira: (Sweatdrop) …Anyways, let's introduce our panel of judges for tonight!
On the side of the stage were seats where the panel of judges sat. The three judges stood and introduced themselves.
"Greetings, I am Raphael, the greatest fencer in the world! I've taken time off of my busy schedule to evaluate these commoners who claim they have some talent. This should prove to be boring, however," Raphael says with a cheeky grin.
"Hiya! I'm Xianghua! I'm not quite sure why I'm here, but I'll do whatever these guys do!" Xiangua says with a really clueless look.
"I'm Cervantes, and I'll be judging these worthless people tonight. If they fail to entertain me, I will force them to offer their souls onto me!" Cervantes says with an evil smile.
Nightmare: Dammit! You know, I really wanted his job!
Emo Tira: You couldn't handle a job as a judge even if your life depended on it…not that you have a life anyway you possessed piece of junk!
Nightmare looks at the audience with a somewhat uneasy look on his face.
Nightmare: This woman scares me at times…and I married her too…
Cheerful Tira: Okay! Let's get this show started! We will now show you tonight's list of competitors!
Soul Calibur Talent Contest List of Participants
Act 1: Maxi
Act 2: Link
Act 3: Voldo
Act 4: Lizardman
Act 5: Rock, Siegfried, and Astaroth
Act 6: Talim
Act 7: Zasalamel and Yunsung
Act 8: Olcadan
Act 9: Heihachi
Act 10: Taki, Sophitia, Seong Mi-na, Cassandra, and Setsuka.
Nightmare: Our first contender is Maxi, who will show us his incredible nunchaku skills!
Cheerful Tira: Let the show begin!
The audience cheers wildly as Maxi walks on stage and bows before everyone.
"Witness my awesome skills!" Maxi says as he whips out his nunchucku and began twirling it around while yelling like Bruce Lee until…
CRACK!
…he accidentally whacks himself on the head with them, causing him to fall to the ground like a still board, unconscious.
The entire audience, judges, and hosts all stare at the scene with a 'WTF' expression on their faces.
Emo Tira: Well that definitely sucked…
Nightmare: Uh…judges? What do you say?
"That was the most deplorable, unrefined, and flat-out disgraceful display of fighting technique and prowess I have ever seen. He gets a (Zero)," Raphael says.
"Uh…that was…okay…I guess?" Xianghua says, giving the performance a (Three).
"BOR-ING You get a big fat (ZERO)!" Cervantes yells out from his seat.
Nightmare: …Um…and there you have it! Wasn't that exciting?
Emo Tira: Yeah…about as exciting as you are in bed…
Nightmare: (Sweatdrop) Uh…well…eheheh…don't mind her, folks, we'll now take a short break while we prepare the next set of talented individuals for your viewing pleasure.
Continue on to the next chapter!