Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, I'm trying not to think about that. In my own perfect world, I own it.
Oh goodness, I hope that I can keep this one going...I've had a lot of ideas in my head that I want to go with so I'm going for it.
Meredith could barely open her eyes, her head was absolutely pounding. She knew that the second she told one of her friends about the headache, they would blame it on tequila, but truthfully she hadn't had one drink the night before; she didn't have the energy. Between hating Derek and the illness that was plaguing her body, she hadn't had any energy. Residency was ripping her apart, and just to throw her for a loop, she literally threw-up on Rose the day before.
"I can't do this anymore." He had spat the words, no hint of remorse in his voice. Ever since her encounter with Derek in the hallway, she had barely been able to look at him in the eyes. She was finally ready to settle down with him, tell him that she was all his. She was even almost ready to put all her trust into him, but just like always it had shattered right in front of her.
"Mer," Izzie knocked lightly on the door, although to Meredith it sounded more like pounding, "I brought you coffee." Taking the liberty to open the door, Izzie walked into Meredith's room and saw her friend sprawled out on her bed, looking like she had just been run over by a truck. Meredith's head still hurt, and her stomach still felt queasy. She was almost getting used to the feeling.
At the first smell of coffee, Meredith felt her stomach turning on her. As if on command, Meredith felt the bile rise in her throar and sprinted for the toilet, throwing up. Taking a deep breath, she threw up again.
"Mer!" Izzie hurried in the bathroom after her, watching her friend vomit into the toilet, "Mer, are you okay? You don't look so good..." Meredith sat up, leaning against the counter, wiping her mouth off,
"I don't feel so good." Izzie looked concerned, just as she had looked for the past week, for the first time, she didn't think that the look of disgust on Meredith's face had anything to do with Derek and his horse mouthed scrub nurse.
"Mer, you haven't been looking so good...you don't think that you're...?"
"No!" Meredith retorted, slowly standing up, "I am not pregnant, or at least I don't think I am. I'm fine, I think I just have some sort of flu. I'll be fine!"
"You've looked like a ghost all week, Mer," Izzie sighed, placing a hand on her friends arm, "I know that Rose and McAss are upsetting you, but seriously Mer, you have barely eaten anything all week! Would it hurt you to take a day off?"
"Yes," Meredith answered frankly, sorting through her dirty clothes bin, sniffing a brown sweater and throwing it back down, "I can't afford to miss work; I don't need to miss work...I'll be fine!"
"Whatever," Izzie frowned, "But for the record...I don't believe you. You're always 'fine' Meredith, and it always ends badly."
Meredith scowled as Izzie left the room, it was never fine. Meredith Grey was never fine.
"Doctor Bailey," Derek pleaded with the chief resident, "I understand that I've hurt Meredith, but she wants to specialize in neurosurgery...you're eventually going to have to assign her to me. Besides, I have a cool surgery this morning."
"Fine," Bailey sighed, looking at Derek. He had bags under his eyes, it was apparent that he hadn't been sleeping, "But I don't think shes going to be happy."
"It is what she needs," Derek sighed, not a hint of emotion in his voice. He was trying to hide what he was feeling for Meredith. He knew that he had, once again, crushed her. He had been watching he trudge around the hospital for the past few weeks with a complete look of disinterest on her face, as if trying to avoid everything that was plaguing her life. At every chance possible, Cristina had shot him evil glares, and sent him warnings galore, but he couldn't let go of Meredith in his hear.
"Or what you need," Bailey muttered, walking away to find Meredith.
A few minutes later, Bailey found Meredith talking to her interns, "Dr. Grey, you're scrubbing in with Shepherd this morning." Meredith almost dropped the bottle of water she was holding in her hand; she hadn't even spoken to Derek since they had broken up in the hallway.
"But...I..." Meredith couldn't think of a good excuse, "I'll work in the clinic. All week?" Meredith was panicking, she didn't want to have to face Derek, she was hoping that she wouldn't ever have to talk to him again.
"I know Grey...just go, he was by the third floor nurses' station just a few minutes ago," Bailey sighed, immediately starting to bark at Meredith's interns.
It was hard for her to put one foot in front of the other, she knew that she would have to face him eventually but she wasn't expecting that morning. Her head was still pounding and she was afraid that she was running a fever.
"Meredith?" she heard from behind her, turning around she staggered as she looked into Derek's eyes for the first time in weeks.
"Dr. Shepherd," she nodded, rocking back and forth awkwardly, "What will I be assisting you with this morning?"
"So you're calling me doctor again I see," he didn't even acknowledge her question, but she could swear that there was a hint of anger in his eyes. She furrowed her brow and looked at Derek.
"You aren't anything but an older and wiser doctor to me, DOCTOR Shepherd," she shrugged simply, "You don't get a first name. Now what am I assisting you on?"
"Cristina!" Meredith sighed, grabbing her friend away from the chart she was reading at the nurses' station.
"What?" Cristina turned around to face her person. She had been noticing the bags under Meredith's eyes more and more. She was becoming pale and she always looked somewhat feverish, "Do you feel okay?"
"I have to work with Derek today," Meredith sighed again, this time a more sad sigh, "I haven't...I don't...I can't be around him. He brings me down."
"What procedure?" Cristina asked, hoping that she would be able to lighten the mood, "Is it something good?"
"Yeah," Meredith frowned, "It will be an amazing surgery and I'm sure that Derek will complete it without a hitch, but I'm sure that Rose will be a scrub nurse and..."
"I promise that everything will be okay, Mer," Cristina put a supportive hand on her friend's arm, "Seriously."
The surgery had gone without a hitch. It was beautiful watching Derek interact so intimately with the human brain. Meredith would have been able to appreciate the actual rarity of the surgery more if she didn't have to watch Derek's awkward scrub nurse keep her eyes focused on Derek, or if she didn't have a pounding headache. About an hour into the surgery, Meredith began to feel woozy.
"Is my surgery not as interesting as your day-dreams, Dr. Grey?" Derek asked coolly, remaining focused on the open head he had on the table, "Because you know, you could always leave."
Meredith gulped, "No, Dr. Shepherd." The tension was evident in the room as the words were exchanged between the two. She was trying to concentrate and she was trying to help but her stomach hurt and her head was pounding. The longer she stood, the woozier she got.
For a moment, Meredith couldn't catch her equilibrium. Taking a step away from the table she took a deep breath and squinked. Nothing would make the headache go away, and it was becoming more extreme by the minute. Without a moments notice, Meredith took a step forward, but couldn't see a thing. It was then that she reached out to grab something for support but felt herself falling hard towards the floor.
Derek watched the scene unfold. He watched Meredith as she stumbled back and tightened her gray eyes. He watched as the love of his life slowly fell in a heap towards the floor. Without another thought Derek jumped down on the floor next to her, pulling her into his arms.
"Mer!" he exclaimed as he cradled her, "Mer can you tell me whats wrong?"
"Whats wrong?" Meredith thought bitterly. So much was wrong, so many things that felt so unfixable. "Head...stomach..." she moaned trying to turn her body, "Ouch." She could barely make out what she was trying to say, and it scared her. All the faces above her were swirling together, but she could easily make out Derek's.
Derek looked back at the patient, slowly letting go of Meredith, "Someone call a gurney!" He was angry, he wanted to be with her. He looked around the operating room and spotted one of Izzies interns, "You! Finish closing!" The intern looked frightened, but reluctantly grabbed the proper tools and began to finish the precise work of Derek Shepherd. Derek looked towards Rose, but he couldn't read her expression. It was in that moment that Derek knew that he had made a horribly awful decision.
"Just, just hold on Mer," Derek stroked her hair as she moaned; if he hadn't been so self-centered and bitter towards her, he would've noticed that something was wrong.
"Oh lord," Bailey sighed, running towards the gurney that was currently transporting Meredith to an exam room, "What happened?" Bailey had just finished dealing with the injuries of her own child; only to find another one moaning on a gurney.
"She looked dizzy," Derek wiped his eyes, trying to prevent tears from spilling over, "I yelled at her to stay focused, because as a surgeon thats what I'm supposed to do. Minutes later she collapsed into a heap onto the floor, I haven't talked to her in weeks, I don't know whats wrong!"
Focusing back on Meredith, Bailey asked the question that had been frightening her all along, "Meredith, can you tell me your symptoms?"
"I..." Meredith quivered, she knew that if she listed her symptoms it would make her sound like an awful doctor, she should know exactly when something is wrong, "Vomiting...a lot of it, nausea, bad headaches, fatigue..." Meredith trailed off, sighing. She hadn't put two and two together until today, and she figured that something was severely wrong with her.
Bailey reached up towards Meredith's neck, causing Meredith to pull back. She was starting to become more aware after her incident in the operating room, "Oh, Grey..." Her lymph nodes were swollen, "I'm going to need an ABG, CBC, Chem. 7, and check for pregnancy." The technician in the room had already apparently drawn the blood and headed towards the lab.
"Do you want me to get any of your friends?" Bailey asked, changing from strict chief resident to loving mother.
"No," Meredith cried, "Just...don't tell them what happened." Meredith was fighting tears; she knew that she should've gotten a consult earlier, and now everything was moving at warp speed and she was stuck in slow motion.
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