Nothing really to comment this time but...things get serious now.

Chapter 36 – Something Not Quite Right

"Damn it." Ryan ran out of the room. "Fucking hell. Fucking shit fucker FUCK."

Makin put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Are you alright?" His voice had come out shakier than he had anticipated. The two young men became children as they tried to understand the gravity of what they saw. And now they needed to find the parental unit equivalents to grapple a sense of security.

There was shock. Confusion. Frustration. Paranoia.

"Let's find Rashid and Altair." There was no way in hell that they'd be able to fix this situation. But it seemed like the appropriate thing to do at the time. Instead of standing in that hallway and breathing heavily.

And then the two were walking, listening for their elders while also trying to search the strangely empty house for Kaylyn. Their minds persistently continued to distract them with flashback images of the room and what was in it. "Shit." Ryan muttered again as he flinched.

He wished that he could forget what he saw.

"Where's that girl...Rosette?" He said absent mindedly. In all that drama, he had nearly forgotten she was part of the group as well.

Makin opened another door cautiously. Nothing. No one. "Likely she ran." He closed the door again. "I would not blame her. Especially if she walked in on that sight."

Before Ryan could respond, they heard the sound of metal clanging on metal. Makin and him shared a quick look before taking off toward the sword. Sure, in normal circumstances, running towards the action and fighting would not be optimal. But they knew the likelihood that this fighting involved the very two people they were looking for.

Aside from that other person they were looking her. His sister. Please be alright. The thought was more desperate now.

The blood in that room. So much blood had pooled onto the wooden floor. Ryan shook his head to get the image out of his head before his mind could materialize the face. It was too much.

Ryan looked into the courtyard. There they are.

Rashid was quick, opting for more offensive techniques that disarmed his opponent. He was wary about letting any of them move to flank him. He was calm and collected, taking all his time to fully incapacitate his targets.

Altair, on the other hand, moved at a godly speed that didn't seem possible. He was erratic. He was pragmatic in the way he took down the men who attacked him.

Though he was precise in his movements, he was also too impatient with men who tried to keep distance. Each time they did, he would close the distance and strike again.

There was already a collection of corpses falling at the skilled mens' feet.

These corpses, Ryan found it easier to deal with. It was easier to blend them into the background, to make it impersonal. "What should we do?" He and Makin crouched in the shadows, still not noticed by the commotion.

"Wait." Makin resigned. He had looked like he wanted to do anything but that.

"Ok." Ryan replied. And then took in a breath to calm himself down. Except then he smelled something...Oh damn. "That's smoke, isn't it?""

As if on cue, there was a man who ran into the fray screaming, "Fire! THERE IS A FIRE!" Thank you, mister obvious.

Fire.

There was a few seconds of passed as I went through my confusion. Was I still asleep? Maybe just a little groggy from being wakened up.

"What do you mean by...fire?"

He looked at me with concern and then it formed into an odd look. "Fire. That thing that burns and creates smoke. Stay with me, Kaylyn."

"I know what it is, jackass. I meant how. How did they house get on FIRE?!" Everything was fine last I checked. I mean, aside from people infiltrating, a fight probably breaking out, people missing and me being locked in a room.

Yes, aside from all those things, I couldn't make sense of a fire.

"A makeshift torch was thrown and caught onto the curtains and...well...I am sure you can guess how quickly things escalated."

I didn't want to ask details...too much thinking involved. Besides, it was all behind us now (literally). "Wait, so...is everyone okay?" I think I could hear it clearly now. The crackling of the wood burning behind us and smell the smoke. Crazy how I didn't notice it before.

I felt his chest heave as it let out a long breath. "He is fine." He sounded as though he were telling himself, not me. "No, of course he is. He is fine. I made sure of it."

Staring at him, I waited as he mumbled some more and his eyes finally met mine. Did he forget he was carrying me for a moment there? Should I feel offended?

At least he had the grace to look a little embarrassed. "Raha is fine, don't worry, Kaylyn."

"Ok...And everyone else?"

He grimaced a bit as the blush in his cheeks became more defined. "Oh. Um...yes, everyone made it out alive as well." As much as I reveled in embarrassing people and teasing them, this just made me almost...concerned.

"What about you?" I insisted. "Are you...well?"

More pausing. More insistence in not looking me in the face. Oh. So this was how it was, was it? "Yes, of course." The two affirmatives didn't convince me of his positivity.

But I was going to let it slide...for now. We had other things to worry about. "Let me down, man. I can walk."

"Are you sure?"

I only nodded. He relented quickly enough, gentle with a hand on my shoulder as I regained my balance. I wasn't in terrible shape. I could stand well enough by myself but I swayed a bit. Dizzy, with a weird crackly rippling noise that I heard in my head.

At first, I thought it was just the burning house we were hearing, but then it turned out it was just me. Still, I was going to keep this shit to myself. Maybe if I was lucky it would just pass. I know that logic isn't sound but...maybe I just a little disorientated from my weird hallucinatory episode.

(Something I hoped wouldn't happen again.)

"Where are we going anyway?" One foot after another and there ya go, I was walking like a normal person. Fantastic.

"A refuge. We will meet the others there." He was looking down at me with a forced smile. "It will be safe." I wasn't exactly sold on this vague idea of a refuge, but it wasn't like I had any alternative ideas. I mean, ideally, I wanted to go back to Masyaf and reunite with everyone. But...I wasn't going to tell Antoine that.

It wasn't that I didn't trust the guy. He has done nothing but be helpful since I got here. But it was also just out of the way. I couldn't just suggest something like that out of the blue. I mean, yeah, I'm spontaneous and like to say random ass shit but this was different. It wasn't relevant, this was a serious situation and...well...we were already heading to wherever this safe place was already anyway.

Just got to roll with the punches. It's what I've been doing anyway. Going in without much of a plan and just...winging it.

How did that even happen?!

Ryan was standing outside with a crowd of spectators as the crackling of a large fire refused to be quelled by the panicked actions of numerous men. Granted, there wasn't much out there that responded well to panic in general. But then again, fires warranted an understandable panic. Especially one that seemed to threaten engulf the entire district.

If this had been the poor district, half the area would have been burning by now.

"This is not good." Obvious. Ryan felt his friend tug at his arm.

"We need to find the others, Rye-an." His body was on auto-pilot as he followed, many people jostled past them to help with the fire. Some, just to observe. It didn't seem like this fire would ever stop. It was hungry and wanted to devour everything inside and out.

When they were far enough away, Ryan began hearing cheers and laughter. Dazed, he looked around and realized it was those from the poorer district that had wandered in. They were pointing, laughing, and throwing curses at the struggles of the guards and many men that were attempting to stop the fire. "Burn in hell, you rich bastards!"

"Now you'll know what it means to starve!"

Makin cut into Ryan's line of sight, stone faced and gripping tightly to his arm. "We must leave." Ryan couldn't agree more, he found that his hands were shaking. He nodded since the words failed to reached past his throat. His head began to feel like it was filled with cotton balls- making it impossible to sort out his thoughts.

He heard a rushing noise go past and whipped his head to look around for it. Nothing.

What is going on? More noises followed in accordance in a musical cacophony of vaguely familiar tones.

Reloading...Area…

The voice had pierced the area with the calm precision of a surgeon. "Did you hear that?" He stopped short and continued to look around.

"Hear what?" Makin was unperturbed...though he was beginning show disturbance at Ryan's behavior.

Ryan paused and tried listening again. There was silence.

As comforting as that was supposed to be, it was literally the absence of all sounds. The shouting people, the chaos of the flames, the animals- everything seemed to be smothered. Silenced by the command of the authoritative voice that came from above.

"Ok. This is freaking me out." Ryan unconsciously took a step back. He looked at Makin. "Please tell me I'm not crazy. I didn't suddenly go deaf, did I?"

A moment passed. No response. And suddenly, it seemed as though everything was being swallowed by white. What the hell? Everything was deconstructed before his eyes as even the ground broke beneath him.

He didn't have time to react to his friend disappearing before him. Or the fact that the world literally fell apart in seconds. This should have blown his mind and left him dumbfounded. But, strangely, he only felt a feeling of familiarity overcome him. It was almost like...returning to a rest stop.

Reconfiguring...please wait….

"Ok, strange lady." He was standing in empty space shouting up to the nonexistent sky. This could be added to the list of strange things he's had to do today.

It was almost chilling how well Ryan was taking this. His heart was calm and his didn't feel in danger. He was confused, true. But at the same time, he was filled with the feeling of expectancy. Like waiting for a dentist and watching the aquarium fish in contemplation.

He felt like jello.

It was displaced. He was displaced. But it felt impossible for him to feel anything but at ease. So he waited, standing where he was. A few minutes passed until the voice spoke again.

Loading area….Acre….

A woosh sound blew past his ears as the world once again rebuilt itself from the blank slate. His friend reappeared once again in front of him and the crowds of people formed once again. And just like that, everything was as it was before.

"What the FUCK!?" The muted feelings of ease and comfort had disappeared. It was like taking off the cap of the shaken up bottle of fizzy erratic emotions. And it came with cuss words. "What the ACTUAL FUCK?!"

Makin was understandably confused. And freaked out. "Rye-an…?" Was he backing up? Yes he was.

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, almost unsure of how to explain. His pause was enough to allow a downpour of rain to interrupt his train of thought. It was so sudden, like God had decided to get a huge bucket and poured it from the sky. There was a chorus of groans and cheers as the poor people began to scatter like kids being found out at for a prank.

You could hear the hissing of the fire as it breathed out its last breaths into a final sleep. You could see the relief on many of the helpers' faces.

"Thank the Lord. " Someone said.

"Do you hear that?"

"What?" We just stopped then and I stood still. It was silent. What is weird about tha-...OH. It was silent.

Antoine and I exchanged a look before looking behind us at the white smoke that was forming from the burning effigy that used to be his home. Except the thing was...his house wasn't burning anymore. And even stranger was the huge dark clouds that had formed specifically over that area.

"That's not normal." I was the first to speak. (Not that it was a race or anything...But if it was, I totally won.)

"No, no that is not." Antoine replied as we continued to look on.

It was almost as if those clouds were just targeting the house. If clouds even did that, I mean. But if they were capable of that shit...this seemed like a definite move of favoritism or helpfulness or whatever the hell was happening here. A house is on fire and a rain cloud just magically appears a little bit later?

"The system is correcting itself." I thought I heard.

I wanted to ask him what he meant but he looked at me, widened his eyes and started rubbing the back of his neck. "No matter." He coughed and laughed for a few seconds. "Let us continue our course. The weather and its moods are of no concern to us."

Something did not feel right about this. But I didn't want a repeat anxiety episode like with Rashid when he had rescued Khairiya and I from that one place. Not really one of my best moments. Besides, Antoine was a good guy. There was no doubt about that.

I wanted to trust him. I mean...I probably just misheard. And besides...it's not like he said anything particularly dangerous sounding.

"I'm totally freaking out right now."

They were running. Why did they feel like running? Oh that's right...Ryan had all this pent up panic from that weird ass transcendence episode involving a disembodied voice. That shit is not normal. Teenaged boys should not have to go through that shit.

"You've said that multiple times now." Makin was being helpfully obvious.

Ryan grunted and then stopped at an alley where they caught their breath. "What else am I supposed to fucking say?" He turned to his friend. "Please say you believe me, man. I don't think I can handle being crazy." By myself. He didn't say.

There were no words that passed between the two young men for a long while. But Makin finally answered, "I do not think you are crazy, my friend. But this thing that you saw," He shook his head, "it cannot be so."

"How do you know for sure though? How can we ever be sure about anything?"

If Makin was going to answer, he did not have the opportunity to do so as it was taken when Rashid and the man named Altair dropped down to them. Ryan jumped back from the surprise appearance.

If they noticed Ryan's jumpy and disorientated attitude, they did not think it necessary to verbally acknowledge. "Good. We found both of you." Rashid gave a nod towards Altair and told him, "I will meet you later. Go back and check on the others. Tell them what has happened."

As Altair left, Ryan asked Rashid. "So what exactly happened with that whole...fire thing?"

Rashid didn't look like he wanted to answer."The fire burned everything, Rye-an."

"That explains so much, Rashid." As annoyed as he was with the intentionally vague answer, Ryan decided it was not wise to push the subject. Besides, not too long ago, he witnessed this man take on multiple men at one time.

There was flesh getting sliced. Pierced. Stabbed. And there was a lot of cracking of bones. And blood. A lot of blood.

So, naturally, Ryan only ended with: "Thank you."

"Good. Both of you will follow me." Did this mean that they figured out where his sister was? He wasn't sure if he should ask out loud. He looked at Makin who also looked unsure of what Rashid had in store for both of them. So they did what he ordered and walked for a little while.

Rashid glanced at Makin and then continued looking forward. "How is your arm?"

"I can still fight, Rashid." He replied defensively.

He chucked and said. "I did not ask that...But it is good to hear." And after that, the three walked in silence. Wherever they were headed, it could not come fast enough.

There was a lot that happened in that house that they each did not want to talk about. Each held their own secrets. And the fire...the fire was not the worst thing to happen in that house.

You know when you're walking down a street and feel completely at ease and then think about the lack of light sources and how fucking dark it would be at night? And thus, not a comfortable situation anymore?

Well, I was getting flashbacks. And they weren't the good kind.

Wishing that I could feel something else other than overwhelming concern and worry right now. We stepped towards the building. It actually looked pretty normal when the sun was out, but I was still getting this feeling of wanting to break out into a run. Deer panic mode on overdrive.

I tried to reel in the spastic feelings as I turned my head to Antoine. "What's this place?" Did my voice pitch up a bit there? Damn it. I swallowed saliva and continued. "Are you sure we'll be okay here?"

He was rubbing my back. "We will be fine." Is that what Marcellin thought when he betrayed us to those corrupted guards? Shut up. Antoine and Marcellin aren't the same people.

But I couldn't really know that for sure.

Regardless of my conflicted feelings, I was still following Antoine. Following him dutifully up to the building. Staying put when he knocked on the door. It let out hollow sounds that echoed.

When the door opened, I felt myself fill with relief when I saw Raha. He was smiling.

What could possibly be wrong when people are smiling?

He sighed. "It is good to see familiar faces." We walked in though I still felt uneasy.

"Apologies for the wait." Antione was saying to Raha while I crossed my arms in front of my chest and slowly walked further into the room. Hesitantly inching away from the doorway to convince myself that it was alright to not be close to a potential exit.

Raha shrugged. "No trouble, I hope?" Out of my peripheral eye, I noticed him glance in my direction. So I naturally turned and gave a slight smile.

"Oh...no...no trouble at all." Antoine rigidly looking only at Raha. And then he laughed again. That same laugh that was forced and uncomfortable as it filled the air. "She was asleep for a long while there!"

Raha's eyes widened and he looked at me, flustered with quick floundering hand movements. "Again, I must apologize for my actions, Kaylyn."

I was feeling tired. "No, it's fine. Totally okay, man. I know you were just worried about me." I lifted the corners of my lips into a half-hearted smile. It quickly dropped. This place still didn't feel right.

Take the things out of a room and clean it out, it doesn't matter. If murder was committed in that room, it will linger as though the blood stain was never washed out. That's how I was feeling right now. Not that someone got killed here...though I wouldn't doubt that it could have happened.

"Where are the others?" Antoine was asking. Now that I thought about it, I kind of nodded a little in agreement. Yeah. Where are they? Looking around, the room was clearly empty except for the three of them. How long had Raha been waiting here, alone?

A slight pause. "They have gone out for a little while." He was looking outside the front window.

"Looking for us?" Antoine asked.

Raha shook his head. "No. Though I doubt they will return soon." Is that sounding ominous because I'm being paranoid now or what…? I need to stop reading into everything that is being said. Seriously. I stress about enough things as it is.

"I'm going to go look around. " I said suddenly. Going to try and kick this fear in the butt.

"Very good. Get used to this place. I suspect we will be here awhile." Antoine took a chair and sat beside Raha. Likely, he wanted to talk with him and would have appreciated an excuse for me to leave them to their privacy. I didn't mind it much.

It took me only a few minutes to go upstairs and find the room I was locked in before. I remembered shouting at that girl. She was so frustrated with me. I could feel a small smile finally breach onto the surface. God, I hated her….What was her name?

Was it fair for me to hate on someone I barely knew? Maybe. But to be fair, she did kidnap us and was a racist entitled rich bitch. Maybe I'm biased, but she is also just not a very pleasant person in general. She's pleasant to look at, but the moment she opens her mouth all that beauty doesn't really do much on your tolerance.

No, but seriously, what the fuck is her name?

My mind kept flickering to "Disdain" as the first option but I know that wasn't correct. For one, I don't think her parents would ever name their child that. It was just too realistic of a label for their palette. For another, that dubbing was from my brilliant mind. Diane. Was it Diane? Something.

Ah well. Fuck it. I shrugged to myself and closed the door to the room, finding that endeavor to be easier than I had thought. Being able to look at this place again, I was starting to find that my fear was made from ghosts that had left a long time ago. "It's the circle of life." I softly sung to myself as I remembered and grinned.

The only bad thing this place seemed to have lingering on it was the fact that it was ugly as fuck.

At least in comparison to Antoine's house. Oh...damn, I almost forgot. At least, what it used to look like. There was no salvaging that place, from the little glimpse I saw of it. Everything inside was likely blackened and gone.

I bumped into a corner. "Damn it." Typical me. Gripping my hip where it was likely to bruise, I let out a few frustrated breaths as though that would somehow help alleviate the pain. I sat down on the ground and adjusted my shirt. But then my eye got snagged on something mid-glance.

I leaned in closer while pulling the shirt inwards. They were small dots. Easy to miss in a hurry. And then I pulled off my shirt entirely (no one was around to see anyway) and inspected the entire thing.

That's not dirt. There was a bigger splotch underneath sleeve closer to where the armpit was. Even on the dark fabric, I could see it was fairly new. That's not mud. It didn't feel entirely dry yet. I sniffed it for good measure.

Is that...blood?

(Spoiler alert: It is.)

"Damn it." Ryan was saying. It was the seventh time he had said it within those few seconds. "Damn it." He repeated. Eighth time.

Makin came over. "Here." Handing him a rag damp with water they had taken from a well. "Though I do not think it will come out easily...if it all."

Ryan was bent over the right knee of his pants, still rubbing furiously."Not with that attitude." He was on the verge of whining. Not the child being a brat whining. The dog injured kind of whining. "I can't believe I missed that."

"The fire was distracting." Makin said sympathetically. Truthfully, they were surprised that Ryan was taking this so well. Though they would not speak of what had happened, that did not remove it from their minds. It did not make it imaginary, did not make it any less horrible.

The evidence was there on Ryan's shirt. The blood that had been spilt.

Ryan despaired further at how he was only able to smear it into a pinkish mess. "Damn it." This was going to be a new record. And in so little time too. Baha al Din would have been proud...or insulted. Ryan wasn't sure. The old man was about as predictable as the fire that claimed that home.

That's right. It used to be a home once. To someone. It used to have people in it, probably. People that laughed and ate together. Like they did in Masyaf, in Faridah's home. Next to a fire, singing and laughing with his sister and the others. Of course...that couldn't happen anymore. Not for that place, at least.

Ryan wanted to at least hold on to the thought that he'd find his sister soon. And that they'd laugh by that fire with the others in Faridah's home. But he kept wondering whether or not they had already paid too high of a price.

And then there was the question on whether or not she was alive.

"What if she was in there?" He finally asked out loud the question none of them wanted to.

"Not possible." Rashid was quick to answer. He had prepared for this. As if he had already asked this same question multiple times to himself. "We had searched the place multiple times before the fire occurred. Before it got out of control. We did not find her."

Makin's voice was shaky. "...There were locked doors."

"There was no one inside them." He sounded unsure though. "I did not hear anything. I am sure of it." There wasn't time to search them. There never is enough time for anything. And when you have a fire burning down the house that acts as your timer, it's a lot more lethal when you're not on time.

There was another long pause. And Ryan spoke again. His voice was surprisingly unshaken. "So what are we going to do...about them?"

He didn't need to reiterate or explain. The knew. He could see their faces as they registered his meaning. Ryan felt cowardly for not being able to say it directly. No one knew how things had escalated, but he felt...he felt guilty for it somehow.

"They didn't even get a proper burial or anything. I mean...we didn't know them that well. But they were helping us." It felt so wrong. All of it. "What the fuck happened?"

No one knew the answer.

My mind was trying to find logical reasons for the blood. It tried to counter the numerous questions that were shooting out into the open.

How did it get there?

Whose blood is it?

When did this happen?

Those were the important ones I had picked out in the bunch. I couldn't find the answers in my brain all that well. And then I knew it was a transaction that likely happened while I was out. When I was going through those hallucinations.

And then everything fell together like pieces of a puzzle. In this case, the pieces I had been missing weren't lost. They'd been taken. Kept from me intentionally to...What? What? To what end? Suddenly, my bruise seemed trivial.

I pulled on the shirt again. In moments, I had gotten up and was coming down the stairs again. My footsteps echoed as it stomped down, my fists were clenching and my heart was beating fast. What the hell. What the ever living HELL?!

When I found them, they were still chatting softly to each other. There was peacefulness that had settled between them. And I was going to ruin it. "Antoine." I said, coming close to a shout.

Of course, he noticed. "Kaylyn…? Is something the matter?"

How could he ask me that? How in the hell did he find the nerve to ask me that? I was seething. "Oh...I don't know. The people I thought were my friends are hiding things from me."

"I do not understand your meaning." His face was impassable. But I knew there was something hiding under those calm swampy waters. And this was only ticking me off even more.

The calmer he reacted, the more angry I got in response. "You know damn well what I mean, Antoine!"

He seemed to flinch at my words but persisted in his calm demeanor. "Kaylyn...I am not hiding anything. I would not do that. I am your friend." He was taking a step forward. I stepped back.

"Friends don't hide stuff from each other." I was adamant. My nails were going into my palm as I stared at Antoine unblinking. Daring him to try and lie to my face again.

He sighed. "We only wanted to protect you."

We? I looked at Raha in the face then and he almost looked embarrassed as he struggled to respond. "He is right, Kaylyn. We didn't want you to get hurt-"

"Someone got hurt, Raha." I gestured to the evidence. "Now...we know it wasn't me. So who was it?"

A pause. They looked at each other, exchanging a silent conversation. So I knew it then. "You guys know, don't you?!" I was getting hysterical. Why would they want to hide this from me? I wasn't a stranger to violence. Antoine fucking killed a man in front of me when we first met. He had no illusions about my "innocence". So what the hell was happening here?

"Kaylyn...please." Antoine was reaching out to me but I continued to dodge his attempts at suppliance. Antoine was no priest. I had no obligation to let this man try and enact any sort of guilt onto me for my behavior. Besides, I like to think that my behavior was justified in this case, at least!

"Don't...Just...Don't." I said. "Don't fucking lie to me again, Antoine. I cannot…" My eyes went to Raha. "And you. I never expected you to lie to me too." I suddenly was aware that the world was shaking. No...that's not right. It was me. I was shaking.

And then Antoine straightened his back and sighed. He was tired. "Sit down, sweetheart...You will need to."

It was the first time he called me that. It didn't sound condescending to me...He seemed sincere. So I (slowly) made my way to the table and took a seat. I leaned forward and back a bit before letting him continue.

Raha and Antoine looked at each other one more time before Antoine spoke. "As you have correctly deduced, the blood is not yours."

"But-"

"And neither does it belong to any of us. In fact, I doubt it was anyone you knew." He insisted.

"Is that supposed to make this better?" I asked.

His eyes were wide. "Of course not. It is terrible. Terrible." Antoine was shaking his head. "But...Kaylyn...you must not ever feel guilty about what happened."

I stared. "Why would I feel guilty?"

And suddenly, it was like someone dropped a bucket of needles into the empty room. All of these sensitivities couldn't be hidden anymore and there is was no way to avoid the hurt that was the come. "...Kaylyn…"

Raha was like a mother rushing in to try and catch the child before it fell to the ground. "You were in a daze, sweet girl. It wasn't your fault." He struggled with the correct words. "I-It was as though you were possessed." And this was like Raha being the mother that fumbled and dropped the child at the last second.

Everything really was coming together now. Coming together like a monster materializing from broken pieces. And it was scary as fuck. I looked at my hands, blinking and shaking. I thought I saw a flash of red. "Did I…" I didn't want to ask.

Antoine could not look me in the face. In contrast, Raha was trying to hold my gaze, as though this would act support for my already crumbling faith.

"...How?" It was like being on the top of a cliff and preparing to jump. Not in the suicidal or adrenaline rush way. But...as if someone had blindfolded you and you could feel the rush of air and the edge of the precipice with your feet. It was impending. But I was going to step forward.

The only way I seemed to be able to go was forward. And the final push was made by Antoine when he told me: "He was bleeding from the neck when I found him."

Ah. That stick I'd made. I guess it did get used in the end. Was that man trying to attack me? Did I unconsciously lash out and protect myself?...Was I just trying to cover up the obvious with my questions? Maybe. No. Probably….Yes. Yes I was.

"It looked to be self defense."

Something in his voice felt off. "You're lying." It came out as more than an accusation. It was truth. And he knew it. I could see it in his eyes. Even Raha couldn't say anything that was anything close to defusing this escalating situation. But then, what could you even say in response really?

"You said...You said I didn't know him?" I had the urge to take off my shirt and throw it away. Being naked would be better than this humiliation. This shame. "Are you sure?" I wouldn't doubt if that were a lie too. Why was I so persistent in digging this hole for myself?

"No one can ever be sure of anything." Raha finally interjected. "But this...this is not a guilt you need to bear." He was trying. Trying so hard to comfort me it just hurt even more.

"Why? Why is that?" I was shouting now. The frustration had finally reached its peak. This felt like falling. And I was hitting rocks on the way down. "Why shouldn't I? A guy is dead because of me. Even if I did not know him. He's dead. I killed someone."

I was kneeling as I put my hands to my face and felt the wetness of my cheeks. The tears weren't going to stop now. The sobs heaved from my chest with very little effort or will to hold them back.

There wasn't a necessarily right way to reacting to realizing you killed a man, but this just...felt right (wrong…?). All the right emotional turmoil in the right places. In the heart. In my head. And I knew then. I am a fucking horrible human being.

"It's just that…" Ryan bit his lip and stood up again. "I've never seen a dead body before." This was not an accomplishment he had wanted to add to his repertoire...like...ever. And this wasn't going to be fixed with a whimsical song about "Hakuna Matata" and a shrug of the shoulders. There was no getting over this kind of crap.

Can't go through it. Can't go under it. Got to just...cry in the fetal position and try not to freak out every time you think about it.

I mean, first it was the dead body they'd found. Then it was the realization that it was someone they fucking knew. And then the fight broke out and things got chaotic. And then the cherry on top of the clusterfuck was the fire.

"You get used to it." Rashid said solemnly, saying probably the saddest phrase that could have ever been coupled with the situation. Rashid seemed to have gotten used to it. It wasn't all that surprising given that his occupation revolved around making dead bodies.

But Ryan couldn't fathom how he would ever get to a point where he'd stop flinching. Where the smell of blood didn't suddenly trigger a discomfort in his stomach.

Makin, on the other hand, seemed to be handling the situation rather well. Well enough, at least, in comparison to Ryan who was a mental mess. Ryan knew it troubled him though. He could see the quiet guilt that ate at him. He wanted to tell him that it was going to be okay. That it wasn't his fault that he didn't like the guy. And that he died.

Not liking a person doesn't immediately consequent a death. A gruesome death especially. Ryan still couldn't get the image out of his head. They weren't there when it had happened. But he had been stubborn and went ahead without telling them. By the time they found the body, the blood had gone cold.

What had he been doing in his last moments? His green eyes were left wide in shock and his mouth was agape from trying to breath while suffocating on blood before he died. His hands had reached out to someone, as though pleading. Of course, all the pleading had been for naught.

The guy was dead now. And his body would not be found.

"I admit I disliked him. But...I would not wish such a death on anyone." Makin finally added. That person had stabbed him in the neck with a sharpened stick. Who the fuck knows why they had that on hand in the first place. If the whole ordeal was premeditated...if it was planned...Ryan couldn't understand why. Why? Why kill him?

They continued walking by then, still assaulted by the thoughts of recent events. Rashid was bearing the responsibility of it all.

It could have been prevented. Would have. If only he didn't go off on his own. If only.

"What a fool." Rashid said bitterly. Makin and Ryan knew he only meant it halfheartedly.

The questions that remained were in no rush to be answered. Stubbornly, they would remain mysterious. Confusingly so. Like...to start, who killed him. And for what purpose?

Where was Kaylyn now? Was she even in that home when the chaos began?

Who was the one who let the guards in on their presence? Who told?

Ryan looked up at the sky, waiting for...what? For that mysterious cold voice to call down from the heavens? To just suddenly start to conveniently answer his questions?

He turned then. Wanting to look back at that house, that place where all the twisted questions were born out of calamity. But what he saw wasn't a burned building. At least...that was not the only thing he saw.

For a few seconds, he watched. The flicker of white sparked from the ashes, unnaturally clean and geometric. It was like seeing something shine off an invisible force field. And it happened more than once.

What the hell?

It wasn't worth talking about, Ryan decided in that moment. And he turned and continued walking, hoping to move away from the possible labels of "crazy" and "demented". But he didn't stop seeing the white shapes. Didn't stop hearing the clear chimes that did not seem to originate from any physical entity.

Trying to ignore it was about as easy as trying to put away the image of finding Gervaise on that floor, the room smelling heavy of paint and blood. His neck punctured with a sharpened stick.