Okay…so this is a story that I started writing a couple of years ago. Then I stopped writing fanfiction because I needed to get my life back in order, so this never got put up. But it was a pretty good story so here we go.

Warnings: Uh…slash and straight love. Cussing. I'm not a doctor, and I don't suffer from schizophrenia. But with the help of medical journals and google, I hope to be able to BS enough to where I look like I know what I'm doing. But I don't. Feel free to help me out.

Oh and ya…I need a beta. Review if you want the position.

Summary: Naruto Uzumaki was already dealing with a crazy foster father, a psychologist who hated him and an imaginary fox demon who wouldn't stop talking to him, but a French tutor? That was the last thing he needed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Nor do I own any Bokononist theories.

A/N (actually beta's note): Bokonism is the idea that you are put on this earth to meet certain people and do god's will. The people in your group form is called karass, it was created by Kurt Vonnegut, and you can read about this in the book Cat's Cradle.

Chocolate Box

"My momma always told me, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."-Forrest Gump

If this were about a life, I could start from the beginning of a life, indeed, of several lives. But it is not. It is just a story, just an exert.

It has a beginning.

It begins with three things: time being ignored; a test not being studied for; and a bump.

It has an ending.

You will see.

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It would be a lie if I said Naruto Uzumaki was always late. He wasn't always late. He wasn't even often late. But he was human, and sometimes, time slips away. Naruto just had bad timing.

On the morning of the 31st of January, there was a French test. 1st period.

Naruto ran.

"Fuck - shit - fuck - damn - FUCK!" This was the last time he ever drank coffee before bed. That stuff was the poor man's crack.

Naruto, of course, was not thinking about that. In fact, he was not thinking about much at all, except for what his French test was on (Is it on the passé compose?).

He was certainly not thinking, as he rushed to school, whom else might be walking to school. He had not even entertained the thought of his clumsiness and his mind had not stretched so far to think that he might run into one certain person in his karass. Of course he did. Rather roughly.

The soft wall of carbon-based meat was named Sasuke Uchiha.

"Watch where you're walking, dobe," Naruto's jaw dropped at the insult. This man barely knew him and to be so mean. It was unfair.

"Shut up teme!" he snapped in reply. Sasuke bristled. How dare this punk run into him then, insult him?

"Don't make me kick your ass here, dobe," There it was again, that annoying nickname.

"You jerk, I'll kick your ass anytime!" Naruto looked down at his watch, wincing. "Except for now." The school bell rang, and Naruto hurried up the stairs and into the school building. "I'll take care of you later," He called after him. "French test – first period!"

Sasuke scoffed.

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Take the verb and put into the future tense:

Qu'est-ce que tu (faire) après le lycée.

Naruto chewed on his pencil and thought intently about how much he hated French. And that weird, dark-haired kid who had been such a prick. Naruto's face turned red at the thought of the boy. Who the hell was he anyways? The kid had insulted him and threatened to kick his ass and Naruto didn't even know his name.

Naruto's pencil scratched.

fairais.

Naruto hated the future tense anyways. He had always lived for the present and not cared about the future. Why did there have to be tense for it?

He swore it was just to give him another test to fail.

J'espère que tu m' (envoyer) des cartes postales

And ten other similar questions followed.

Why had he taken this class again? He was sure he couldn't remember. He glanced to the side and saw pink hair with a headband keeping it out of her face. Full lips were cutely chewing on an eraser and eyes glared at the test paper, as if demanding answers from it.

Sakura. Beautiful, sweet Sakura. So unlike that jerk from this morn-

Why did he keep popping up again?

"Two minutes." Kakashi said. Damnit.

Naruto's pencil quickly scratched in an answer for the rest of the questions. It meant the same thing. It was in the present tense. Hell, it was even in French.

Je ne sais pas.

I do not know.

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Naruto walked out of class, taking out 2 wrinkled and much-loved sheets of paper. He was the type of person to make notes, although this was soon to change.

One list was named:

"French Tests I Have Failed."

It included (but was not limited to):

The Verb 'faire'

The Verbs 'conduire' and 'aller'

French Adjectives

Use of 'cequece qui' and 'ce don't'

And, newly added,

The Use of Future Tense

The second list was named:

"Things I Hate."

This list was a little more complicated. Naruto's tastes were like a wheel. There was a different priority every week.

Naruto took out the list and scratched out 'the sound of desks being dragged across the floor', and replaced it with, 'that kid with the dark hair that looks like a duck-butt who ran into me.'

He was, of course, talking about Sasuke Uchiha.

End Chapter One.

The answer Naruto gives to the first question is wrong. It's actually feras which means "will be done."

Faire means 'to do' or 'to make'

Aller means 'to go' and conduire means 'to drive' (a car).

Cequece qui and ce don't is like what, who and that. I think. Don't quote me on that.

Yes, this story will mention Bokononism a lot. Why? Because I want it to. Just a hint people: It's not an actual religion and I don't really believe in Bokononism. It's just a cool idea.

Peace out, homes.