Slouching Towards Bethlehem

Notes: Yeah, so….long time huh? Sorry about that.

Chapter Thirty-Two: With the Bones of Your Ancestors:

Too many times of late Buffy had felt these out of body experiences – moments when she could do nothing but watch life collapsing around her. A numb weightlessness, she had felt it when the Master bit her; she had felt it when she stabbed Angel; she had felt it when she stabbed Faith; she had felt it when the demons broke out in the Initiative; she had felt it when Glory took Dawn; she had felt it when Willow tried to end the world. The same feeling struck her when Caleb took Kennedy. The same feeling crept into her mind when the high school exploded with Faith trapped in the basement. Now, she felt it again as she stood in Willow's bedroom, torn between running over to her best friend, who lay writhing on the floor, or Kennedy, whose eyes were rolling back in her head as her hands twitched violently. She heard Giles yell something at Xander and Dawn. Vaguely, she heard the tramping of feet as the Potentials raced up the stairs to see what was happening. Before they could burst through the door, Dawn slammed it shut and locked it, pressing her back against it. Xander raced across the room and grabbed Willow, who had started trying to claw her own face. Trapping her arms beneath his, he held her in a tight embrace, muttering comforting words in her ear, though she didn't appear to hear him. Then Giles started chanting.

All Buffy could do was watch. Without any demons to fight or vampires to slay, she was useless. Willow and Kennedy were being attacked by something far greater than she and she knew that, if it was strong enough to invade their home, to invade their very minds, it was strong enough to beat them. Just like Glory. Buffy closed her eyes, remembering so clearly that moment in the Magic Box when she had grabbed a book from Giles to put away and found herself truly believing that she would lose. She remembered the relief that coursed through her body when she thought about laying down her weapons. She remembered how she longed for it – defeat – longed with every cell to be rid of the weight that lingered on her shoulders every day. Then she remembered Willow, who had barged so uninvited into her mind and told her exactly what she needed to know. Buffy was a Slayer, but she was still only human and it was okay to be human. It was okay to lose faith; it was okay to be worried; it was okay to want something different out of life. It was all okay because, at the very bottom of everything, she was more than just human. She was so much more.

Buffy opened her eyes and looked down at Kennedy. She wasn't a witch; she had no idea how to fight mystical forces, but she and Kennedy were connected in a way that no one else in the room could claim. They were both Slayers. Moving over to the bed, she gingerly lifted Kennedy onto her lap, tightly gripping her sister Slayer's hand with her own, trying to impart to the younger girl some of her strength. She frowned, feeling something warm and wet between their palms and looked down at their joined hands. "Giles?" She asked, glancing over at her Watcher.

"I don't think now is the best time," Xander gritted out between clenched teeth. "He's kinda busy." Willow twisted violently in his arms, moaning lowly in her throat. One of her hands broke free from Xander's grasp and she tried to claw feverishly at her wrist, but he secured her fingers in his own before she could, her nails digging into his flesh instead. Giles's voice rose louder and louder. His eyes were screwed shut and a sheen of sweat dotted his forehead.

"She's bleeding," Buffy said.

"What?" Xander asked, looking over at the blonde woman.

"Kennedy's bleeding," Buffy repeated. "Her hand…it's like she was slashed."

"Are there invisible demons again?" Xander asked warily. "Because that was totally unfair."

"I don't think so," Buffy said slowly. The Slayer within her rose up, tasting the air in the room, searching. She could feel something hovering over them, a darkness with no shape, no limits, no end – evil, pure evil, diffuse and controlling. "Willow said the First was attacking the protection spell she put on Kennedy. I can feel evil, but nothing demonic."

"Everything's fine!" Dawn yelled at the Potentials on the other side of the door. "Just go back downstairs."

"So how did she injure herself?" Xander asked. "And for God sakes, Giles, hurry up," he added. Seeing his oldest friend in so much pain was almost more than he could bear.

"I don't think she did," Buffy replied, looking down at the unconscious girl in her arms.

…..

The water was cold around her, enveloping her in a deathly chill that seemed to drain all of the warmth from her body. Vaguely, above her, she saw the sun slanting down through the sea. But then the light went out. Darkness surrounded her and, in the darkness, she saw shapes moving, massive forms that glided by silently. Ever downward she was pulled and, no matter how hard she kicked or twisted or struggled against the weight embracing her legs, she couldn't break free. Her lungs burned for want of oxygen, the gulp of air she had taken before disappearing beneath the surface of the waves almost gone. A feeling of numbness started to spread through her mind and limbs and she stopped fighting. Calm washed over her as the last of her oxygen slipped away.

The burning in her lungs stopped. She should have needed to take a breath, but she didn't. Glancing down, she saw a faint light growing steadily brighter and brighter beneath her. She could see the bottom of the ocean – a vast expanse of golden sand. As the light grew more and more, she realized that she was looking at a fire burning on the bottom of the world. The water started to warm. The eerie shapes moving just out of sight vanished and, with a gentle plunk, she found herself sitting on the sand. Whatever had grabbed her legs was gone. For a moment, she was alone and she felt incredibly at peace. She closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and realized with a jolt that she could breathe underwater.

Her eyes shot open in surprise, but before she could think much about this discovery, she saw something moving at the edge of the fire. A woman was drawing closer. Her wild dark hair was matted in dreadlocks and her face was streaked with white paint. She moved like an animal, hunched over and stalking slowly through the water. The way she moved was terrifying, predatory, but Kennedy knew instinctively that she didn't have to fear her.

"This is yours, isn't it?" She said. "The beach is his, but this is yours."

"He only thinks it's his," the woman replied. She sat cross legged on the other side of the fire, watching Kennedy intently. "He doesn't know."

"Doesn't know what?" Kennedy asked. "Who are you?"

"I'm the First," the woman replied.

"What?" Kennedy asked, jerking away from the fire, fear coursing through her blood. "You can't be; the First was afraid to touch the water."

"Not the First Evil," the woman corrected soothingly. "The First Slayer. Everything has its first."

"Oh," Kennedy said, her heart slowing from its frenetic pace. "The First Slayer?" She asked, scooting closer to the fire again. "I don't understand."

"It's not for us to understand," the First Slayer replied. "We just are."

"Okay," Kennedy replied confusedly. "And we just are…where?"

"The beach of the eternal. The last place. And also the first," she replied. "The clearing at the edge of the woods. Sit," she instructed. "Sit with the bones of your ancestors."

The water around Kennedy seemed to shimmer, to move, though no currents flowed so deep. In the light that sparked all around her, faces started to appear – the faces of the dead. They moved all around her, so many, and she didn't know any of them. A million faces they seemed to her, all women, all dead, all peaceful. These faces weren't like the dead faces she saw in Sunnydale. They weren't charred or mangled or angry. They weren't staring through her, into her very soul, as though they wanted to rip it out through her throat and consume it. A serenity passed among them that Kennedy had never felt in life. They were all holding hands; they were together. Like the First Slayer sitting across from her, they all came up to the fire and sat in rings around it, always touching. When they were all seated, Kennedy noticed two more faces moving through the crowd, walking slowly, holding hands, both with ghosts of smiles gracing their lips.

Buffy and Faith said next to Kennedy in the ring of women closest to the fire. They didn't say anything, but Buffy reached over and grabbed Kennedy's hand in her own. The moment she felt the older woman's fingers lace through hers, strength surged through her. "What is this? Who are all these people?" Kennedy asked, looking back at the First Slayer.

"We are the Slayer," she replied. "We are all the Slayer."

"Death is our gift," Buffy said, staring intently at the flames dancing before her.

"In death," Faith said, "we are never alone."

"In life," Buffy said at the same time, "we are never alone."

"But to be the Slayer is to be alone," Kennedy countered. "That's what my Watcher always said."

"Watchers understand," the First Slayer replied. "We are."

"We are what?" Kennedy asked, irritability staining her voice.

"Death is our gift," Buffy repeated.

"And so is life," Faith said.

"We are life," the First Slayer whispered, though Kennedy heard her clearly.

"We are everything," another women said.

"Do you see now?" The First Slayer asked.

"See what?" Kennedy asked.

"The connection," Buffy said, shifting her eyes from the fire to their hands. Kennedy followed her gaze and gasped when she saw a blue light emanating from their interlaced fingers. All around her, the ocean started to glow blue. From each pair of joined hands the light spread, circles of blue light shining through the darkness.

"We are the Slayer," a chorus of voices rang out in the water. "We are."

"The First Evil thinks it knows…what's to come. It has no idea," the First Slayer said. "The spark is in us all."

Silence fell between them as the light glowed on and on, pulsing through the water. Kennedy felt something stir inside of her and she knew that it was time for her to go. When she released Buffy's hand and stood, she could still see the blue light shining just beneath her skin. "I'll see you soon," she said, looking down at the older girl.

"Off to the see the wizard?" She asked, gazing up at Kennedy with innocence shining in her eyes. "We'll be here," she added. "Don't forget my toy."

Before Kennedy could reply, she felt something tugging at her arms, pulling her up. Her feet left the sand and she found herself swimming up through the water, back into the darkness. The blue light at the bottom faded, but she could still see it burning below, however faintly, even as she began to see sunlight piercing through the water again in greenish yellow rays. Her lungs started to burn as she neared the surface. Her muscles strained, each powerful stroke of her arms, each thrusting kick, bringing her closer and closer to breaking the calm. Finally, her head shot through the water and she took a long deep breath.

When she became aware of the world again, she felt someone holding her, but the embrace wasn't familiar; it wasn't Willow's. She started coughing, the taste of the ocean still on her lips. As she let her eyes settle on her surroundings, she realized that she was no longer at the beach. She was back in Willow's bedroom. "What the hell," she muttered, twisting around to see whose hands were still firmly holding her down. "Buffy?" She asked, confused to see her sister Slayer behind her.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked. "Are you back?"

"Back from where?" Kennedy asked.

"You tell me," Buffy replied.

"You threw a scare into us, kiddo," Eli said, hovering worriedly next to the bed. Kennedy shifted her eyes around the room, smiling lopsidedly at Eli before she noticed Dawn, who stood with her back to the door, desperately trying to keep it closed. Then she saw Giles, who was gazing at her perplexedly, his mouth open, as though he had been speaking. Her eyes landed on Xander last. He was sitting on the floor, holding Willow in his arms. The red haired witch was slowly calming, her eyes fluttering as she struggled to regain her hold on reality. "Fuck," Kennedy muttered, breaking free of Buffy's grasp and throwing herself on the floor where Willow lay. Cupping the witch's face with her hands, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Willow's eyes fix on hers. "You okay, baby?" She asked.

Willow nodded wearily. "Okay," she murmured. "If by okay you mean completely exhausted and confused and paranoid and we are never, ever, sleeping again."

Kennedy chuckled and brushed a strand of sweat slicked hair behind Willow's ear. "I think we'll have to sleep sometime."

"Nope," Willow said, shaking her head and, with Xander's help, pulling herself into sitting position. "See this?" She asked, pointing to her face. "This is resolve face."

"There's no fighting resolve face," Xander said, laughter in his voice and relief shining behind his eyes.

"If I may," Giles interrupted, clearing his throat, "what exactly happened?"

"Yeah, I second that question," Dawn said, sliding down into a sitting position by the door. "Because this whole thing…way freaky." Someone pounded on the door and she rolled her eyes. "We're fine!" She yelled. "Go back downstairs. Seriously!"

"The First broke through the protection spell I put on Kennedy while she was sleeping," Willow explained, leaning back so that she was resting against both her girlfriend and Xander.

"What for?" Buffy asked. "Kennedy, what happened?"

"Yeah," Eli said. "I couldn't find you anywhere."

"It tried to kill me," Kennedy said, shuddering slightly. She could still hear the waves crashing against the beach, smell the salt in the air, feel the sting of his knife against her hand. Glancing down, she realized that sting wasn't metaphorical. A ragged gash lined her palm. "Huh," she said.

"How did that happen?" Willow and Eli both asked at the same time, following her gaze.

"It cut me with a knife," Kennedy replied.

"In your dream?" Giles asked.

"I don't think it was a dream," Kennedy replied. "I don't know what it was exactly," she said. "But the First seemed to think that if it killed me there, I would die here."

"Lovely," Eli murmured.

"And it gets even creepier," Dawn muttered. "We're all gonna need some serious therapy by the time this is said and done."

"And lots of pretty little pills," Xander joked. Giles clear his throat again, glancing pointedly at his two students, who grinned sheepishly back.

"How did you get away?" Buffy asked curiously.

Kennedy glanced over at her and smiled slightly. Even now, she realized, she could see a faint blue light around the older Slayer – a faint blue light that connected them, not only to each other, not only to Faith, but to every Slayer who had ever been. "The First Slayer," Kennedy replied.

"Oh, not her again," Willow muttered.

"What?" Kennedy asked, planting a soft kiss on her lover's neck.

"She kinda doesn't like us," Xander replied.

"Tried to kill us all in our sleep," Giles said. "Bloody well scalped me," he added in a low mutter.

"Hey," Buffy interjected. "She's not that bad. I mean, there was the stalking through our dreams thing. And the stabbing with the knife. But there was also that really confusing vision quest thing in the desert where she was kinda helpful. Well…not really. But I think she was trying to be."

"Well, she was nice to me," Kennedy said. Every turned to look at her and she shrugged. "What? She was."

"So the First Slayer helped you to escape from the First Evil?" Dawn asked, steering the conversation back on topic.

"Your life has gotten extremely complicated," Eli joked.

"Yeah," Kennedy rolled her eyes at her ghostly friend and replied. "At first, I thought she was trying to drown me."

"See!" Xander said. "Doesn't like us."

Kennedy glared over at him and continued. "But then I figured out that I could breathe underwater."

"Kenn, honey," Willow interjected, craning her neck to look back at the younger girl. "What are you talking about?"

"Was there a guy with cheese?" Buffy asked suddenly. "I still can't figure out why he was there," she mumbled. "Couldn't have been a guy with sharp, pointy objects?"

"No," Kennedy said slowly, looking at Buffy like she was slightly insane. "You know what…nevermind. The point is that the First Slayer came and we talked and there was a fire and all the souls of the previous Slayers came and we sat in this circle and held hands and there was a blue light."

"You sat in a circle and held hands?" Xander asked. "Man, the First Slayer's gotten soft in her old…deadness."

"It was nice," Kennedy said defensively. "And peaceful."

"What was the blue light?" Buffy asked.

"The connection," Kennedy replied. "She said that we're all connected all the time. We're never alone because we're always connected to each other." Their eyes locked and Buffy smiled slightly. She and Kennedy hadn't gotten along when the former Potential first arrived. Kennedy's overzealous flirting with Willow and her secret ability to see death had made Buffy question her motives from the very start. But they understood each other now. They were both Slayers and they were connected. Something tugged at the corners of Buffy's mind, an idea, something not fully formed yet, but lingering there no less.

"We're always connected," she muttered.

"Oh," Kennedy added, "and I think it's about time we found that Scythe thing."

"Why's that?" Buffy asked, focusing her attention back on her friends.

"Well, you told me to."