Right?
This is a Xigbar x Yuffie pairing for my friend, Moogles With Flamethrowers, to cheer her up! Don't expect it to be good though, since this is the first time I ever wrote a romance between the two...actually, don't expect all that much 'romance'. xDD
Disclaimer: I don't own the game, characters, etc.
Yuffie strolled down the aisle of the candy store, her watchful eyes darting to and fro as she watched for any suspicious activity. As head of the mall's police squad, she was the one of the strongest and swiftest on duty. Anyone with brains would know not to provoke her or try to do anything wrong under her vigil. Yet, there was one, one who was daring enough to try.
Xigbar, the common thief that had eluded capture for so many years, had been eyeing a red candy bar hungrily, licking his lips as he thought of the delicious chocolate hidden beneath that thin wrapping. There it lay, sitting on the white rack ever so temptingly, just asking to be picked up. However, being a thief for so long, the fun was starting to seep out of it all. So what was he intending to do? But of course, let the security guard catch him. And that would be none other than Yuffie, the one who'd provide the most entertainment. Thus, without fail, Xigbar extended his hand, swiping the candy from its place and stuffing it into his black leather jacket, pretending to be oh so covert in front of Yuffie's wary gaze.
"Hey, you," she called to him sharply, hands on her hips, "what do you think you're doing with that candy?"
"What candy?" Xigbar asked, feigning innocence as he struggled to suppress a grin from coming to his lips.
"You know what I'm talking about," she said, crossing her arms. "Fork it over, or pay up."
"I really don't know what you're talking about," he insisted, as he shifted, making sure the candy fell from his pocket into the side his pants. It wasn't comfortable having it squished against his hip, but this would surely be worth it. "Check me if you like, but I assure you that there is no candy bar."
"Very well," Yuffie said, striding over to him. Her hands quickly flew across his chest, around his arms, shoulders, searching for the coveted object. Then she checked his pockets, in his jacket, his pants…nothing. Frowning, she ordered, "Take off your pants and shoes."
Wow, now this was not something he anticipated. "Eh?"
"You heard me," Yuffie said, almost cheerfully. "Take off your pants and shoes…or I'll do it for you!"
As she took a menacing step forward, Xigbar took one back, feeling hot sweat emerge from the glands in his forehead. "Uh…uh…but…but…that's…police brutality! You can't do that, dude!"
"Oh yeah?" she said, grinning. "Well, I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way then."
Her peppiness and the amusement in her voice sent shivers down Xigbar's spine, and he had to swallow hard to find his voice again, "Uh…um…are you serious, dude?"
"Of course," she chirped, a mischievous glint in her dark eyes. "Now just stand still, this won't hurt a bit."
Taking a step back, Xigbar could feel the racks of candy behind him, and he felt his chest tighten at the fact that the security guard now had him cornered.
"Isn't that what doctors all say before the giant shot comes in?" he asked, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth.
"Oh no," Yuffie said, her hands now grasping his shoulders. "That's what dentists say right before they drill a gigantic hole through your teeth."
Without hesitation, Yuffie bent down, grabbing Xigbar's ankles, lifting them. In a moment, the thief found himself hanging upside down from her hands, his dark, gray-streaked ponytail now touching the floor in a circular loop.
"Hey, you know wha–" Xigbar couldn't finish his sentence because she suddenly began to shake him, vibrating his whole body, and making his vision blurry.
With a plop, the candy bar dropped onto the floor, its wrapping crinkly and squished.
"Ah-ha!" Yuffie exclaimed, as she stopped shaking the poor thief. "So you were hiding the candy!"
"And you know what?" he said, his voice a bit slurred, as he swayed slightly. "I can see your underwear from here, so you might wanna let me go."
"What?!" Yuffie shrieked, shocked, her face turning red. Instantly, she dropped Xigbar, letting him crash to the floor in a heap. Glancing down at her clothes, she realized something. "But wait…that's impossible, I'm wearing shorts!"
"Yep, so see you later," he said, snatching the candy and jumping up, beginning to dash away.
"Oh, no, you don't!" Yuffie exclaimed, charging after him, tackling him.
Falling to the floor on top of him, she shifted, quickly sitting upon him, her legs on both sides of Xigbar's chest.
"Game over," she announced, breathing hard.
"Not so fast!" he declared, as he promptly tossed the candy into his mouth – wrapper and all.
"Let it go!" Yuffie huffed, irritated with his obstinacy. Seeing him smirk with refusal, she reached forward, grasping him tightly, beginning to shake him viciously. "Spit…it…out!"
At last, the candy came flying out, skittering across the floor, covered in sticky saliva. The two quickly scrambled to stand, both dashing towards it – but Yuffie's foot got there first. With a gigantic smash, the chocolate was broken into pieces, the paper around it, torn. Falling to his knees, without hesitation, Xigbar quickly began to pick up the exposed pieces, popping them into his mouth, munching on them noisily.
"Hey, hey, ew, what are you doing?" Yuffie remarked, disgusted, crinkling her nose.
"It's the 5-second rule," Xigbar explained, matter-of-factly through a mouthful of chocolate. "The floor bacteria won't reach it until five seconds have passed."
Whipping out a pair of handcuffs, Yuffie bent, quickly snapping it onto his wrists. Jerking him up onto his feet, she said, "Okay, five seconds is up, so off we go now."
"Hey, you know what?" Xigbar said, swallowing the last piece as he glanced at her over his shoulder. "I didn't notice earlier…but you look pretty cute."
"Nice try," she said, smugly, "but that won't work on me."
"No, I'm serious," he persisted, his tone of voice without a hint of playfulness. "Your eyes have this beautiful sparkle…and your skin…it's gorgeous…"
Never had anyone complimented her so much, and she had to bite back a blush as she said, "L-like I said…that isn't going to work!"
"And like I said, I was being serious," he said, grinning. "But anyway, I have places to be, people to see…so, talk to you later, cutie!"
The next thing she knew, the silver handcuffs went limp in her hands, and Xigbar was dashing off, his wrists completely freed. Instinctively, her right hand headed straight for her pocket, prepared to draw her walkie-talkie, but she hesitated, her palm hovering over it. He didn't steal anything after all, so there was no need to report him, right? Besides, he wouldn't return, he shouldn't, not after all the hassle they'd gone through. Yet, in the days that followed, Yuffie could not help seeing him everywhere. He was the man wearing the black cloak with the hood up. He was the boy with the red beret pulled down over one eye. He was the gentleman with the tight-fitting tuxedo. He was even the 'girl' who was trying hard to look female.
Maybe it was just her imagination. Maybe she was merely daydreaming. After all, it was common to have long dark, gray-streaked hair, styled as a low ponytail. Moreover, anyone could wear a black eye patch over their left eye, anyone could have a scar (or a fake one that is) across their cheek, and anyone could change their eye color to appear a sharp yellow with colored contacts.
And anyone could pass by her, saying teasingly, "Hey, cutie."
…Right?