The Q Must Be Crazy II

Another version of Q playing Cupid with our favorite couple.

J/C schmaltz to the max!

Rated: Teen

February 2008

Fun filled romp with Q playing Cyrano de Bergerac

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Chakotay dragged his feet as he trudged to his seat on the bridge. Furtive eyes of the Bridge Personnel all noticed his dispirited steps, though he believed he was hiding his feelings. Tom surreptitiously stole peeks at his Commanding Officer and thought he pretty much knew what had been eating the man.

Captain Janeway looked up from her PADD and saw his drawn face and the dark circles under his eyes. She glanced back down, made a few more entries, and then said, "Commander, would you meet me in Ready Room for a few moments? Mr. Tuvok, you have the Conn."

"Acknowledged."

Upon entering the room, she briskly retreated to the chair behind her desk and motioned for him to sit down. He did so, mechanically.

"Commander, I regret to say that I have noticed a drop off in your performance lately."

Chakotay's face felt hot with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Captain, I…"

She held her hand up to stop him, "Please, Commander, allow me to finish. I have found some glaring discrepancies in a few of your reports and there were several shifts left undermanned and worse: unmanned. That coupled with the fact that you are clearly suffering from fatigue, lead me believe that as your Captain, and your friend, I must relieve you of duty."

"I…let me know what they are. I'll correct the omissions immediately."

She stood up and rounded her desk, realizing what she had just done with her phrasing and body language. Sometimes she felt the need to be extremely formal with him, treating him more impersonally than any other crewmember.

"No, Chakotay, no need. I understand. We're only human, and we all need a break," she attempted.

He let loose a breath that passed for a relieved laugh. He felt horribly embarrassed. Making those kinds of errors was not like him at all, but of late, he was experiencing a great deal of discomfort. He was losing sleep, energy and simply had no joie de vivre.

"Captain, I thought you were 'firing' me," he stated. Part of him wished that she were.

He looked up at the woman before him and awaited disciplinary action.

"Oh no, Commander! Never," she said with her usual force. "I need you by my side for the duration of this trip."

"Great," he thought, sarcastically. If he were relieved of his post, he would no longer be in the Command Structure and perhaps then, he would stand a chance with this woman who he longed to have.

"Maybe she'll be kind and toss me out an airlock," he thought. "It would be easier than being with her every day for many hours without actually being with her."

"Chakotay," she began, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He allowed himself to breathe into her hand, but was painfully aware that they were touching without touching. His heart ached.

"Chakotay, I just want you to take some time off. Now, this seems to be a particularly uneventful stretch of space, as Mr. Paris is always noting." She rolled her eyes. "Perhaps it's time for us to take it easy for awhile."

"Well, I, you also need to rest."

She smiled kindly. "You first." She turned her touch into a sympathetic pat on his broad back in a tiny circular motion, and then rounded the desk again to sit behind it.

"Damnit!" he thought, realizing what her next words would be. "I don't think I can take much more of this. She's sitting right there and she might as well be 100 million light years away."

He must have winced at the thought and she pretended not to notice.

"Let's see," she considered aloud and checked the computer scheduling. "Why don't you take the next three days off? Spend some time on the Holo-Deck; I will authorize some extra time." She smiled with satisfaction and then said the dreaded word: "Dismissed," with a curt nod of her head.

"Yes, Captain," was all he could muster. He left her Ready Room without looking back and headed slowly toward the Turbolift.

"Oh, and Commander."

"Yes, Captain," he responded with only a turn of his head.

"Don't worry about a few clerical errors. I really want you to feel better. You may want to report to the Doctor first, if you will."

She had a nice way of delivering commands that made them sound like suggestions.

"Yes, Captain," he intoned again.

He didn't see a slight quiver of her lower lip as he headed away. He did not realize, but she was being eaten up as well. She steeled her mind against it, yet the thoughts broke through her disciplined mind. With a rush, she imagined his hands on her; the thought was involuntary and fierce. The image was difficult to shake away, but with her stubborn determination and strong will, she pushed the thought away.

She would simply not allow herself to feel love for this man. Under the circumstances, it was impossible, she convinced herself. She would not permit it. She would squelch any and all thoughts of him, like the thought of him touching her, kissing her with the passion she knew he possessed. The ardor of an embrace. The gentleness of a loving touch. The comfort of a strong chest to lean against.

"No!" she said aloud, surprising herself. "No! I cannot have him! I will not think that way!"

And so she locked her heart up in a rusty cage and left it there to whither.

---

Chakotay dragged himself into the Turbolift and requested Sickbay.

"Hello, lover boy!" Q said as he popped into view, directly in front of Chakotay.

"Intruder Alert!" Chakotay squawked immediately as he pounded his Comm-badge. No response.

"You are so very cute. Do we need to go through this every time I visit?"

"Chakotay to the Bridge. Emergency beam out!"

Nothing.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?"

"Old friend? I can think of lots of words to describe you Q, but 'friend' isn't one of them!"

"Oh! I am cut to the quick!" Q said with melodramatic touch to his heart. "Tsk Tsk. Here I am, after traveling a billion-billion light years just to meddle in your personal life and this is the thanks I get."

"This cannot be good," Chakotay said, almost to himself. "What do you want?"

"Yes it is! It's good! Together, we're going to solve your woman problems. Now, sit down." Q pushed Chakotay into his chair; Q had whisked them into Chakotay's quarters.

"Woman problems?" Chakotay's bold countenance gave way to sadness, and he looked down and sighed. "That is none of your concern."

"I'd say she just needs a little encouragement. You know it really doesn't help that you are so willing to go along with her defenses of "protocol" and "regulations" and "parameters".

"I have to! She's my superior officer."

"Superior?" Q snuffed. "Computers have parameters, Chakotay, not flesh and blood humans!"

"Go away!" Chakotay felt desperate.

"I think she would respond to a little courtship, if done properly." Q told him. "C'mon, ya know you want her, just admit it a little bit, huh?"

"What? No, she's…It's wrong!"

"Really, I don't know what this outfit had come to! Kirk slept with every man, woman and beastie in the Alpha Quadrant and in more than a one parallel universe. What is wrong with your Captain?"

"Maybe, unlike Kirk, she has a sense of responsibility, self-control and some self-esteem!"

"Maybe," he paused and then shook his head said …"Nah! She's just afraid."

"Afraid? She's not afraid of anything."

"Oh yes she is. She's terrified of losing control. That's always a big one for you humans: C-O-N-T-R-O-L."

"That's ridiculous, Q"

"And being a triple type A personality, an over-achiever and a starship Cap-ee-tan all shiny and perfect, 'control' is extra important to her. Colors everything she does."

"You have a vivid imagination."

"Do I really? Humph. I must add, in matters regarding you, my swarthy pal, she is a trembling bowl of yellow gelatinous glop!"

"Me? In matters regarding me?" Chakotay's heartbeat rose a tiny bit at the suggestion. He felt an impulsive sense of hope, despite everything that was happening

"I believe that's what I just said. If she were to have a normal relationship with you, she would have to lose control, at least for a few minutes a day. And more than a few hours a night if we can swing this thing right," Q said suggestively.

"Out with it, Q. What are you up to? What do you want from me?"

"I have a proposal!"

"Oh no! Whatever it is, NO! No! And NO!"

"You'll like this. I have a plan! I am going to take help you woo the woman of your, well OUR dreams!"

Chakotay became more uneasy with each moment. He didn't like that "our" word in there, but he was cornered, treed, and hog-tied, all at once. He could not retreat from Q.

"Look, I don't know what it is you're selling, but whatever it is, I don't care. Get out!"

"In exchange," Q continued, undaunted by the XO's consternation. "I would like…well, you'll see. We'll get to that later," Q said with a Grinch-like smile.

"I won't give you anything, Q!" Chakotay insisted.

"Well, it's not as if you have a choice, is it?"

tbc….