hey there! back again... of course with just another one-shot. but this isn't just any other one shot. if you read the two poems before (Anything for You and Just Another Kid) this is the one-shot that goes with them. credit for the idea goes to SmartAngel, so i thank you dearly! XD
yeah yeah, you know the thing everyone else does; i don't kown Shaman King...
"YOH!!" Anna roared from downstairs of the inn. She stood at the base of them, her hands clenched into fists against her waist as she glared up at the jagged things.
"Down here NOW!!"
There was no response.
"I know you're up there! You haven't moved from there for almost a day now!! Get down here! Make dinner!"
Yoh was too busy choking back sobs to reply to her wretched shrieks. He sat on his untidy futon where the sheets and comforter lay in bunches. She was forcing him to do so much lately… couldn't she have ANY sympathy…? He had just killed his own brother. How did she think he was going to take it? Throw a party?
Throw Kleenex instead; he was going to need them.
He jolted slightly, and pulled out an old pen and a softly wrinkled stash of paper. That was perfect to continue with the poem he had started to write. He'd become… a bit more open minded, if that were the right way to put it. Though he tucked himself away in his room, he was now a bit more poetic, one would assume. What else was he to do with the hours he had to himself (or so he wanted them to be, Anna never really let him be. She was constantly yelling terrible things up at him like she was now)?
The pen jittered in his trembling hand, and he found it arduous to write. He became more frustrated, and bit down on his lip, under all the tears.
He simply dropped the pen (though had the intentions to throw it instead, but he knew if he did, Anna would storm into his room anyway. Even break down the door if she had to, for he had it locked, fuming about what a racket he was making despite the fact it would only produce a small snapping noise) and pulled his arms over his chest, clutching his shoulders as if in attempt to cease their continuous quaking. His face felt hot, of course, for he suffered almost two hours of this none-stop crying (which he had a right to do) and he took small breathes trying to relieve himself of the outward sobs that plagued his chest and lungs.
"Yoh, get down here NOW!!!" came the screech from downstairs.
He'd had enough of her constant ranting and stood swiftly, directing his voice to the door.
"NO! Just leave me alone! You can make dinner for yourself for once, it won't kill you!" he jolted backward realizing what he had done…
trump trump trump trump thump…
WHAM.
Anna was at his nearly unhinged door, casting a deadly glare. She paid absolutely NO attention to his streaming, now slightly frightened tears.
"Fine; I'll make it for myself ONLY. YOU won't get ANYTHING for that." She hissed.
"The only thing YOU get is 500 laps around the large block with your 20lb weights on. Go NOW."
Yoh's eyes welled with fresh tears, his mouth trembled and his knees shook mercilessly beneath him. He wanted to collapse then, and just will it all away… A sob or two escaped his mouth, and Anna stalked up to him, planting her 'phantom left' across his cheek with full-force.
"STOP CRYING." She demanded.
He shook his head signaling he couldn't and held his quivering mouth closed, holding down the numerous sobs in his chest. A shaky mumble caught up in his throat and she threatened to slap again as he flinched. He hid his face hoping to shield it from her painful strikes.
Now Anna had enough. First he disobeys her, then he yells at her… and now he won't do as she says? She thrust forward and took him by the collar and dragged him downstairs.
"No…! No! Anna, stop! I'm sorry…!" he sobbed weakly as she towed him down the steps, causing him to stumble for she had the BACK of his neck now and he faced the wrong direction.
"Please..! I didn't mean to yell at you! I'm sorry…!"
"Wailing about it isn't going to get you anywhere, Yoh." She snapped; her eyes still set forward as they reached the bottom.
"NOTHING will get you out of your training. Not even the death of your brother."
"H'…!" he sobbed, shocked. She hit his limit. He figured he would never stop crying now.
"How… huh-how can you say something like that…? How can you be so… be s-so cold-hearted…?"
Horohoro and Rio who had stayed the night at the inn that day glanced up at the small disturbance from the hallway. When Anna came in hauling Yoh by the neck, they both jumped up.
"What is going on?" Rio demanded at the same time Horohoro muttered a "what the…?"
"It's none of your business, now shut up you two." Anna raged, jerking Yoh forward, allowing them to see his tears. He mouthed 'help me' through them with a pleading look all over his face.
Horohoro's humor went bitter. He wanted to pound Anna down for (what he thought anyway) making him cry. He'd never seen Yoh cry before… like he would know the reason.
"Please…!" Yoh's unsteady whisper was barely audible.
"Please help me!"
Horohoro, hearing this, and the sobs that followed, jolted, a now fairly angry look invading his warm face.
"Anna!!" he shouted. He wasn't afraid of her. Not when it meant helping his friend.
"Let him go! You're hurting him!"
"Oh I'll give you hurt." She barked, slamming Yoh down against the floor and latching on his weights to his ankles. He made no attempt to stop her; he couldn't the sobs and trembling that racked his body made him incredibly weak.
"What did the chief do to anger you so much?" Rio snapped lightly. Seeing him cry like that was not a thing he could stay calm under.
"He shouted at me. And that's," she began icily, clicking the wrist weights on him violently and standing him up by jerking up on his arm.
"Not something I take kindly to; from ANYONE. You'll be next, Usui."
"Ta tell ya the truth," Horohoro growled,
"I could care less. LEAVE YOH ALONE."
"I am pretty well sure he had already told you to once, didn't he?" Rio added.
"Well then I must be contrary, excuse me." She hissed, shoving Yoh out the door.
It would be a long time before he came back.
0o0o0o0o0o0o
Anna wandered the halls. Yoh was still out, and she figured so, for he was of course crying and legs don't seem to want to work well when this is true, and the sky was beginning to drop its night blanket. She didn't expect him back for another hour or so.
Rio and Horohoro had gone back to the apartment they had rented after she forced them to do the invisible chair for a nice long three hours.
Altogether, Yoh had been gone for five.
She shuffled into his bare room, much more calm than before. She'd thought about him quite a bit in those five hours, yet still, no matter what, she would never take any of it back.
Glancing around dully as if she would be caught by anyone other than the numerous ghosts that inhabited the house, she rested her hand against the wall until her bare foot met something that crinkled softly. She gazed down to find a page of dulled paper protruding from under his dresser. She bent down to pick it up, and numerous other pages slipped out.
The pages were wrinkled slightly, and the inked words were stained and blurred from tears. Her brow furrowed lightly as she began reading Yoh's messy calligraphy. The first poem he wrote read,
You see someone
They may not see you
Back.
But you go to help anyway.
They're crying
You want to help.
She's a total stranger.
But still
You want to help.
Just another kid
On the side of the
Road who scraped
Her knee
And says it hurts.
What about me?
Why can't you
Do the same for me
When it hurts?
You just stand there
Your eyes cold.
Dead.
I'm hurt too.
I may not be crying…
Yet,
But still I want you
To care.
What if I was dying?
What if I was
Fading
Away…?
What would you do?
Am I
Just another kid
In the hospital?
To you,
What do I mean?
Am I really…
Just another kid
You don't care about?
Why is it you'll
Help the kid on the
Side of the road
Who scraped her knee
And says it hurts
But not me
When I could be here,
Lying in this bed,
Inches from death,
Sick,
Dying,
Fading
Away…?
Am I
Just another kid
to you?
That can't be it.
You care
More for those kids who
Sit on the side of the road
And tend to their
Little scrapes…
Can't you
Tend to mine?
The scrape is in my heart.
You put it there.
You don't care
About me anymore,
Do you?
Now I really am
Just another kid
Aside form those
You'll help
On the side of
The road
Who says it hurts.
But mine hurts more.
She wondered what it all meant. Was he referring to her…? If he is, she thought hotly, then I'm upping his training hours as soon as he gets home and that little bastard won't see the inside of this house till sundown tomorrow!
Then she thought about it.
The next one was a bit more muddled. More tear stained. More shaky.
Maybe you can't see it
But I can.
Of course I can.
It's happening
To me.
Maybe that's why
You don't care,
Why you don't want
To see?
If someone else
Is crying
Usually people go
To help.
So what about you?
I was there for you.
I helped you pull through.
I saved you
When you were
Feeling down.
So what about me?
That's right.
You don't care.
Just this once…
When I'm hurt
Emotionally
And crying
Why do you
Suddenly go blind?
Of course.
When you finally
Do see
You tease me.
If it's okay to cry
Why do so many people
Tease you when
It happens…?
I just wanted
To know you cared.
Why is it that you
Hate me back instead?
I can't stand it
Anymore.
You'll make me cry
Harder.
So I'll just run away.
The tears are gone
For now.
But you are not.
You pound me
With all these
Reasons
Why I should hate
Myself
My life
My dreams
My dreams of you
One day helping me.
And so I'll
Start again.
I can't help it.
What else can I do?
You hate me
For showing human
Emotion.
For showing human
Tears.
Are you saying
That just because
I am Yoh I can't
Cry
Like the rest of you?
Fine.
I'll leave.
But I won't
Promise you
That when I come back
My eyes will be dry.
You've had your
Turn to cry.
What about me?
Can't I have one too?
You're supposed to
Help.
Help relax
Help calm
Help comfort
The person who
Is crying.
Like I did for you.
So why do you
Show this comfort
To anyone
But me…?
Sure.
I said before.
'I never cry,
You don't need
To worry abut
Me.'
But I lied.
Now I want you
To care.
Let me in your arms.
Can't you let me
Cry in your arms?
Be a good fiancé.
Help me.
Please,
Help me…
Every memory I
Have of you
Ended with me
In tears.
But things are
Supposed to be
Different now.
We are older.
Supposedly more
Secure…
But not me.
You broke me.
I should be able to
Handle it…
Right?
No, my heart
Is shattered…
Can't you help me
Pick up the pieces…?
Thanks Anna.
Thanks for nothing.
I killed
My own brother.
How did you
Think
I was going to
Take it?
Throw a party?
Throw Kleenex
Instead.
I'm gonna
…
It was unfinished… and he WAS referring to him… she realized a lot of things then. She interrupted his writing (well, so she thought, he'd of course given up on his own)… how much Hao really did mean to him… how he honestly felt about it; about her… about his own life…
She had the urge to remove everything sharp from his room then, fearing what he might do if she had pushed him any harder.
How far she had already pushed him.
She hugged the frenzied pages to her chest and sighed mournfully, realizing what she had done to Yoh… to her poor Yoh… He was right. How COULD she possibly be so cold-hearted…? She didn't understand it… she loved him so much, yet she treated him like… like dirt. Ignored him any other time other than when he was crying and didn't answer her (and simply ignored the tears as she had done earlier this night) and made him train harder and harder… was she killing him? Killing his soul…?
She didn't want to loose him.
So why did she do all those things to him…?
She just didn't understand…
0o0o0o0o0o0o
Anna stood by the door, waiting for Yoh's return. She still held to the tattered pages close to her heart.
It was dark; very dark. She wondered if he would ever return... Would he run away? Could warm-hearted Yoh honestly ever run away from her…?
She sure had given him reason to.
Heavy gasps for air came from outside the thin door, and a thump against the wood signaled his arrival. He used the door as a support for his weakened body.
Anna simply waited for him to stumble in before she would announce her presence.
He staggered in, still winded and choking down air. His eyes were dry but he kept that dazed, watery look. Even after five hours… He wasn't crying anymore, but it was obvious he was still distressed about it all. In his attempt to simply breathe, he hadn't noticed Anna standing there beside the door.
"Yoh," she called quietly.
He jolted violently and nearly fell backwards out the door. She was unsure if it was because of her alone, or if it were because her voice was unsuspected. It seemed like both to her, for he backed himself up against the wall, his eyes wide.
Realizing how he must look, Yoh dropped is gazed and braced himself for a slap. Anna had no such intention to do so, and came forward. With ever step she took he became ore and more tense until she was finally before him. By then he was fighting tears of trepidation.
"Yoh…" she said again, setting the pages down on the table and pulled him onto an embrace. He gave a startled mumble and stiffened, but relaxed when he recognized the soft touch and her soothing voice.
"I'm so sorry…"
He had no answer and stood, still a bit rigid, biting down on his lip to keep his tears down that he could have drawn blood. He wanted to back away, to get away from her, but when her intentions became fully clear to him, he settled and accepted the embrace, allowing his tears to fall. What he had fretted however happened – they landed atop her head.
She gazed up at him, her eyes loosing the intensity they had from when he had left late that afternoon. She whipped a tear from his face and rubbed his cheek.
"Please forgive me, Yoh…" she pleaded quietly.
He wasn't sure if he should nod or cry harder.
It was a little of both. He broke down completely as she mentioned the poems he had written.
"Those… poems you wrote… are they really about me…?"
He nodded tensely, unsure if he would be punished.
"I'm sorry Anna, I… I didn't mean to—"
"Shh... It's okay." She coaxed gently, placing two fingers across his trembling lips.
"It's okay… I'm not angry anymore. I understand how you feel now. …Will you… ever finish that poem…?"
He had no answer. Any way he thought of ending it would be terribly bitter on her end. The thought of her reaction made his tears begin to flow harder, faster, and violent sobs intruded his chest. He lowered his head, and felt Anna's forehead meet his.
"Okay, okay…" she coed softly.
"No more tears… you'll be alright Yoh…"
She would be sure if it.
really long i know, and i'm sorry! but those poems take up a lot of space...
review please!
and hey, who knows, maybe i'll update the story that's on-hold for reviews! X3