AN: Okay, so I know this should be a Dear Casey update but I'm sitting here at work and this is what came to me. I'll be posting chapter 6 of Dear Casey as soon as I finish editing it later today so IT WILL BE UPDATED TODAY :) I know it should have been sooner but I honestly didn't expect to come down with yet another horrible cold :( So, apologies for the delay. I've really enjoyed reading your kind comments on my other stories and there have been way too many for me to list you all now so I'll give a general thanks for all the kind words and support! You guys rock! This was semi-inspired by the book Good Omens. If you've never read it before, you should! It's hilarious! It's VERY different from anything I've ever written before and it's a little out there so it might be part of the cold medicine at work...I hope you all like it. It's different, but I thought it was kind of cute. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek or Good Omens, which inspired this. I do however own 2 copies of the book Good Omens, if that counts for anything, which it probably doesn't :p
A Conversation Between Good and Evil:
The demon assumed its newest human form and took long confidant strides into the diner. It was time for a meeting with its angelic counterpart to lay out the ground rules and some preliminary negotiations for both their newest assignments. Their true natures had mostly laid dormant the past fifteen years but now it was time to go to work.
They'd been rivals since the dawn of time and somehow the angel was always getting the better of the demon. Well not anymore, the demon decided as it spotted the angel in its newest human form sipping coffee and already waiting at the booth, this time victory shall be mine.
The demon took a seat across from the angel and sent it a chilly smile born of centuries of malcontent and dislike.
"So," the demon spoke as it sent a blinding smile towards the waitress signaling her over. The demon then turned its attention back to the angel and the mask of civility fell away leaving only an icy glare. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"
"By all means," the angel returned, only smiling serenely. It was an angel after all.
Going by their newest identities as Casey MacDonald and Derek Venturi, the angel and demon had reached a stalemate.
"Der-ek!" Casey cried, frustrated. "I don't understand why you are being so difficult about this!"
"Uh…because caving on that point would basically mean my complete and utter defeat?" he explained as though she were an idiot. "And Derek doesn't do defeat."
Casey snorted.
"Apparently Derek doesn't do reason, common sense," she paused and took a dramatic whiff in his direction, "or hygiene either."
"Haha, you're so funny," Derek said sarcastically then quickly changed his tone before continuing. "No."
"Derek, I really think you should just back off and let me have the fam's souls. I'll let you have Sam's, Sheldon's and Ralph's." Casey looked down at the list and really didn't understand how he couldn't see this as a good deal. She was handing him three souls they both knew were basically a done deal for her side.
"You're out of your mind. Do you know how much time I've invested in Edwin and Marti?" Derek pointed out.
"Please, like I couldn't win over Edwin?" Derek was about to rebut but Casey simply cocked an eyebrow and Derek had to concede. He looked over his own list and a smirk played at the corner of his lips.
"Fine, just try to take Edwin and I'll take Lizzie." The gasp that escaped her lips was a sweet sound to his ears. He'd ruffled her alright and it felt good.
"Lizzie would never go over to your side. I have that soul in the bag." Casey was mostly not bluffing. Mostly.
"Maybe," Derek allowed. "But not Nora. Nora will go where George goes and George is wrapped around my finger."
Casey narrowed her eyes. "Please, I think you have that backwards. George will go where Nora goes. And Nora is firmly in my camp."
They glared daggers at each other for a moment, each trying futilely to stare the other into submission. The silent war of wills was interrupted when the waitress came to clear their entrée plates to make room for their desserts. The irony wasn't lost on them when they realized that one had ordered angel food cake while the other devil's food.
Casey took a bite of her cake and continued to glare angrily at Derek who pointedly avoided her looks and instead concentrated on his cake.
"Fine, we'll leave that one alone for now," Casey announced, trying to be the voice of reason so they could at least cover some ground. Honestly, no one really appreciated how tiring and time consuming the business of souls really was.
"Okay, who did you did you want to move on to?" Derek drawled out as he swiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and proceeded to take a sip of his drink. He ignored the looks of disgust Casey threw at him.
"The neighbors, the Davises," Casey answered after a brief confirming glance at her list.
"I'll take Emily's," Derek answered nonchalantly. He figured the human was more than in love with him already, it wouldn't take more than a smile to sway her completely to his side.
"Excuse me?" Casey exclaimed.
"Oh and Dimi," he added with a wink. "For Marti's sake." She continued to gape at him as he finished his cake.
"What?" he asked, realizing that she was simply staring at him. "You can have the parents."
"You cannot have Emily."
"Well, you can't have Dimi." Derek retorted. "And if you try to take Emily and the parents it upsets the balance both our sides agreed to maintain for the time being."
"You keep Emily and I rescind the Sam offer," she threatened.
"Please, that offer was only contingent on me letting you have the fam," Derek reminded her. "Which, I might add, I'm definitely not giving."
"Then I guess we're back where we started," Casey snarled angrily.
"Then I guess we are," Derek huffed, tossing his fork onto the empty dessert plate with a clang. He crossed his arms over his chest and Casey imitated the gesture.
Casey huffed loudly and made a point of keeping her head turned away from him. Twenty minutes passed and the waitress started making hints of them needing to finish up so instead Derek ordered another round of dessert. The great thing about being a supernatural being is that you're pretty much guaranteed to be perfect looking and worrying about weight gain would only be for show.
He ate his cake in silence and finally grew tired of Casey's tantrum. He decided it was time to take a different, possibly more pleasurable approach.
"Case?" he said, making his voice drip with honey.
"What?" she demanded, turning to face him. He reached out and grabbed one of her hands. She balked but then immediately conceded and he began to trace small circles on her palm.
"Why don't you just join my side already?" he asked lazily. He didn't want to seem too eager since this was a sore topic for them. This was the true reason for their millennia upon millennia of contention.
Casey pushed aside the plates in front of her so she could lean forward. "Why Derek, are you trying to seduce me? Because you've been trying for quite some time now and we're still on opposite sides."
"I'm hurt by your accusation," was his response, but his voice gave away that he was teasing. "My side does not resort to such low methods."
"Oh really?"
"Really," he said simply. He felt her skin warm beneath his touch and the smirk returned to the corner of his mouth.
"Then explain how you weaseled Marilyn away from me?" Casey accused.
"Oh that?" He feigned innocence.
"Yeah, that." Her voice got low and it sent an involuntary shiver down his spine.
"Oh, well, that was just retaliation for James Dean. Besides, you got Elvis."
"Only because that was a given. My side invented Rock N Roll. And he was the The King." He now had both her hands in both of his and he was still tracing small circles with the pads of his thumbs. Casey could feel the heat rising within her and she was almost certain it wasn't just because he was purposely riling up her anger.
"Your side invented Rock N Roll? You've got to be kidding me. Classical music. That I can maybe believe, but not Rock N Roll. I can cite a hundred pieces of evidence that that was a gift to mankind from my side."
"Pssh, you wish. The only thing your side has contributed to mankind musically was polka. And I can't really say that was a gift."
"Oh yeah?" Derek challenged.
"Yeah. And my side came up with movie theaters."
"Really? My side came up with TV."
"My side came up with telephones."
"We did cell phones."
"Computers."
"Laptops."
"Playstation."
"Playstation 2."
"Xbox."
"Playstation 3." Casey raised an eyebrow.
"Really? You want credit for that?" Derek looked ready to hold his ground but then thought better of it.
"Yeah, okay. Not really. We weren't very proud about that one."
"Yeah, I figured. I'm winning." She beamed him a brilliant smile.
"Not yet," Derek growled. "Jeans."
"Khakis."
"Rolling Stones."
"Aerosmith."
"The Wii."
"Microsoft." This time it was Derek's turn to raise an eyebrow but Casey just shrugged.
"Love them or hate, I dare you to try to make it through your day without them."
"True. Seinfield."
"Friends."
"Sesame Street."
"Barney."
"Rap. In its true form."
"Disco."
"Disco?" Derek looked incredulous.
"Lapse in judgment," Casey replied meekly by way of apology.
"Dogs."
"Cats."
"Will Smith."
"George Clooney."
"Really?"
"Been working on him a long time." Casey wagged her eyebrows and snickered at the instant flash of jealousy in Derek's eyes that he quickly masked.
"Pepsi," Derek ground out.
"7up."
"Hugging."
"Kissing."
"French kissing." This time it was Derek's turn to wag his eyebrows which brought a sudden blush to Casey's cheeks as they both recalled a certain memory including the dawn of civilization, incarnations of experiments on what would become the French race, a lazy summer day, and the unlikely duo consisting of a newly created and thoroughly curious angel and an equally new and equally curious devil.
"3rd base and not the baseball term," Casey retaliated snippily, willing the blush to go away.
"My side gave them sex," Derek threw down.
"My side perfected it." They stared at each other long and hard and soon Casey was giving him a victorious smile. However it was quickly wiped off her lips when Derek suddenly pulled her forward and slammed his on top of hers. She hesitated at first, squarely on principle, but quickly gave in and soon found herself an equal participant in an activity they helped create.
When they finally pulled away, Derek was the one wearing a victorious smile.
"You know, you're going to have to learn to curb those impulses," she chastised as she straightened herself out. "Any day now Nora and George will announce their engagement and you, Derek Venturi, will be my brother."
Derek stood and threw down enough bills to cover their meal and a hefty tip.
"Casey," he said as he moved to pull her to her feet, "I will never be your brother."
"But you'll be close enough to one. It'll basically be the same thing," she teased as she looped an arm around his waist as his wrapped his around her shoulder and they headed for the diner exit.
"Casey, you should know better. Angels and devils will never be related. They are polar opposites. Fraternization between the two is severely looked down upon," he told her matter-of-factly once they were outside and ready to part for each of their respective homes.
"Oh really?" Casey asked as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Then what does the rest of your side think of your constant 'fraternizing' with the enemy?"
"Well, there's really nothing they can do about it," he answered simply. He removed his arm on her shoulder and unlatched hers from his waist so he could pirouette her around until they were face to face.
"Really? There's nothing they can do about it?" She eyed him curiously, wondering where he was going with this when suddenly he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Nope, because despite your evil, evil ways," he teased. "You're still my favorite little demon."
"Devil," she corrected then smiled up at him and quirked her lips. "Yeah, but you're still a stinky angel."
He laughed then noticed she had started biting her lower lip. "What is it?"
"Well," she began nervously. "About Edwin's soul?"
"Nope, not gonna happen, Devil Princess." He cut off her rebuttal with a quick kiss then quickly spun around to head home. "See ya later, Case."
"Wait! Der-ek! We haven't even finished discussing the list yet," she called to his retreating form. "Oooh, this isn't over. I AM going to win this time!"
With a final petulant stomp of her feet, she stormed off in the opposite direction muttering about finally winning over her angelic rival.
Derek had only two blocks left to go before reaching home and despite the aloof front he'd given to Casey, he was thinking seriously about the list. Only what Casey didn't know was that he had an extra name on his, one that mattered a lot more to him than all the others. The trick would be getting Casey to cooperate. He would win her over this time and it would make the victory all the sweeter.
He thought about her vow of winning and felt a bit bad that she would once again be losing. He was an angel after all and compassion was an unfortunate given. Even towards a demon. Oh well, he thought, once she sees how much better it is on my side she'll get over the loss. He smiled to himself as he approached his house. It was decided. It simply didn't do to have his beloved be a devil. The other angels were already talking. Had been for centuries and it was only a matter of time before the bigwigs called him on it. He began strategizing as he opened the door. It would be hard because Casey had a stubborn streak, one that had lasted now for several millennia. He would simply have to use the current assignment to convince her she didn't want to continue being "enemies" with him. Luckily, having known her as long as he had, he knew all the buttons to press.
Ignoring the wide-eyed shock on Edwin's and Marti's faces at the ridiculously silly smile plastered on his face, he bounded the stairs and headed for his room. Oh yes, he would win. Casey's soul would be redeemed and she would be his. As he settled onto his bed, marveling at the genius of his plan, Derek came to the conclusion that it was good to be an angel. After all, didn't good always triumph over evil?
Which meant that Derek always got what Derek wanted. And he wanted Casey.
He brought a hand to stroke his chin and found a chocolate crumb. He popped it into his mouth and smiled. Casey never stood a chance.
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So that's it, that's the story. How was it? It was kind of hastily put together and I'm not as happy with it as I should be so don't be suprised if I completely overhaul it later but I hope you still got some enjoyment out of Derek and Casey being a devil and an angel. Who was suprised that Casey was the devil? Anyone? LoL! Anyway, be on the look out for the newest chapter of "Dear Casey" which I'll be posting later tonight. And as always, reviews are greatly appreciated!