Because I'm Zim, and I'm Awesome

Teyashi: Ah yes, after much contemplation and a few mishaps, I have returned to boggle your minds! Without further ado, the disclaimers!

Tak: Teyashi doesn't own Invader Zim, the Aston company, or Avenged Sevenfold. He's also an asshole for not even putting me in this story but still forcing me to do these damn disclaimers!

After school, Zim went home to begin preparing for his first 'Human-Date-Thing.' "Computer," Zim yelled, "bring up all known data on Earth courting rituals!" After a brief thirty seconds of quiet but none the less annoying clicking, the floating monitor dropped down displaying the titles of around 536,146 files concerning dating. "Egad! Computer, filer by files containing information of 'First Dates'!" Zim really hated always having to shout at his computer, but thanks to his initial voice scan all being shouted when he had replaced the old one, the machine wouldn't believe it was him if he didn't yell at the top of his lungs. Another few minute of those god-awful annoying clicks later and the screen showed a more reasonable 667 files. "Alright computer, download all corresponding files to PAK database!" A metallic tentacle descended from the ceiling and plugged into Zim's PAK and this was followed by five minutes of incoherent mumbling by Zim. Then, after going through a full-body shiver, Zim began a flurry of activity to prepare for the event.

Meanwhile, at the Membrane house, Gaz was rehearsing how to break the news to her dad that not only did she have a boyfriend he never met, but this boy was also coming to take her out on a date. It would have been easier had this not apparently been a case of intervention some member of the holy trinity, causing their father to be home in person for the first time in six months. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, where her Dr. Membrane was using an Atom Smasher, a Sub-Cyclonic Cathetometer, and a Neo-Metabolic Continuealizer in an attempt to make meatloaf. The resultant had not only gained cognizance, but was also being insistent on eating dinner with them rather than being eaten by them. Steeling her nerve, Gaz approached her father. "Hey Dad, my boyfriend Zim is taking me out on a date tonight. I'll be back later," she quickly stated, hoping that her dad would be his usual out-to-lunch self about her life. Suddenly, Doctor Membrane and even the meatloaf turned in Gaz's direction with a look of befuddlement.

"Hold on Gaz. Since when do you have a boyfriend?" Dr. Membrane asked.

"It happened kinda recently. So can I go or what?"

"Alright, but with two provisions," The Doctor stated, gesturing dramatically. "First, I must ask a question. Is Zim that child with the skin condition that your brother is always speaking of?"

"Yup."

"Alright. Secondly, I'm going to need to speak with him when he comes over. I won't let just anyone date my daughter."

"Are you going to do the 'Overprotective dad' Speech?"

"I have to. It is my duty as a father."

'As if you would know of fatherly duty,' Gaz thought as she left the kitchen. As soon as she entered the living room, Dib burst down the steps and ran toward her.

"Gaz!" he yelled as soon as he got into the room, "I know what Zim is up too!"

"And that would be?" Gaz asked, sarcastic and irritated.

"He's trying to use you as bait to lure me to destruction. He's going to kidnap you soon, forcing me into his base to my doom."

"Wrong Dib. What Zim is up to is taking me on a date tonight, and if you so much as think of interrupting it, I will cause you pain the likes of which you've never experienced. Got that," Gaz stated, glaring at Dib. Though she hated to admit it, she was actually looking forward to tonight, and not just for the effect it would have on Dib. Zim actually seemed to take an interest in her life, and was someone she didn't see as a waste of space. Dib simply shock his head.

"He's an alien Gaz. A xenophobic megalomaniac from beyond the stars and he's up to something sinister. I know it. If you keep seeing him like this you may get caught in the crossfire," he admonished.

"Dib, has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you're the xenophobe!? Perhaps if you would stop breathing down his neck for five seconds you'd realize something shocking. Zim hasn't done jack-shit for almost seven years! He was probably banished here for some reason and left to rot but his ego at the time forced him to treat it like a mission. It's over." Gaz then walked past her shocked brother and started up the stairs to get ready for her date. Just before she was out of hearing range, she swore her brother muttered, "Xenophile."

A couple of hours later, Zim had finished preparations on everything he would need for his date. He was driving down the street in a dark purple Aston Martin with the invader symbol on the hood in pink, (His computer insisted that this was a little more incognito than his original idea of a Lamborghini.) He soon pulled into Gaz's street and looked to the Membrane household. As much as he hated to admit it, he kind of like Gaz. She was one of the few humans who weren't gibbering idiots, and the only non-idiot who seemed not bent on his destruction. That thought was quickly swept aside as he parallel parked in front of Gaz's house. He took a deep breath and went to the door and knocked. With the widely differing and sometimes ridiculous information he'd gotten, he'd decided to wear jeans, a white shirt, and a denim jacket as well as tie his wig in a ponytail. To his surprise, Dr. Membrane opened the door and ushered Zim in. "Hello. You must be Gaz's date, Zim," he said as Zim walked in, "I remember speaking with you before."

"We did," Zim added, "around the time that absurdly giant weenie stand opened."

"Oh yes, now I remember. That aside, since you're going on a date with my daughter, we're going to have to have a quick discussion in the kitchen. Gaz should be down in a few minutes."

Upstairs, Gaz had been trying to mentally prepare herself for what lay before her. The question of her attire was simple; she would wear what she always did. The real problem lay in what she was to expect. She had never been on a date before, none the less on a date with an Irken invader. It was thanks to this that she was pacing back and forth in her room, going over the worst possible scenarios, most of which involved Dib's intervention. Even with all possible results, the scariest in her mind was the idea she might actually have a good time. She had never intended to enjoy her time with Zim, but the past forty-eight hours had proven her dead wrong. She then took a deep breath and walked out of her room. She was going to go on this date come Hell or high water. She had never given into fear nor sided with Dib's paranoia before, and she wasn't about to stop now. She walked down the steps just as Zima and Prof. Membrane exited the kitchen. Zim turned to her, smiling, and said "Ah, Gaz. You look lovely. Shall we head off?"

"Sure, let's go," Gaz replied in her habitual tone. This was the first time in a while she had seen him in anything other than his invader suit, and she had to admit, he didn't look half bad.

"Be home by midnight," Prof. Membrane told them, before descending back into his lab.

"Ok, let's get out of here before I have to spend another twenty minutes discussing how a particle accelerator is more effective if painted blue," Zim remarked as he opened the door, holding it open for Gaz.

"So, you think Dib's gonna try something stupid?" Gaz asked as she walked out to Zim's car. She gave a quick look over and turned back to Zim. "An Aston Martin, really?"

"Yes, really," Zim replied opening Gaz's door, before getting into the driver's side, "But you won't have to worry about Dib."

"And that's because…"

"Because I'm Zim, and I'm awesome." He then turned on 'Scream' by Avenged Sevenfold and drove off into the night, swiftly followed by a black motorcycle bearing the mark of the Swollen Eyeball Network.

Teyashi: While other may have forgotten the bewonderment that is Invader Zim, we remain ever lulzy. As an apology to Tak, she will be one of the stars of a story in the works, Seven Days Untill Doom, but that is for another time. For now… Come Mister Tally Man. Tally me, Taco!