A touch of randomness…
(our answer to a DVD... this will ACTUALLY be our last post for this story...)
You know all that crap you get on a DVD? Like bloopers, deleted scenes etc?
We decided to do that for our fanfiction, as crazy as it sounds.
...
Deleted Scenes
(Alex is in the pub with Will…on her 5th or 6th drink)
"But Elizabeth is gone!" Turnip was whining.
"With Hazel!" said Alex, gulping at her drink. "You keep forgetting…about… HAZEL!
Will gawped at her. He looked terrified. Dealing with drunken women was not his speciality.
"I should go find that pirate…" he thought out loud. "Jack Sparrow… he may be able to help…"
"TURNIP!" Alex screamed at him. "TUUUUUUUURNIP! TUUUUURRRRRRRRRNIP! TURRRNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!"
"What? What is it?" asked Will looking worried.
"SHUT UP!"
Will looked offended.
Alex continued.
"I mean you only have a three track mind don't ya'?" she slurred. "Elizabeth. Hammers. Donkey. IS THAT WHAT GOES ROUN' AN' ROUN' YER HEAD? Take this man for example."
She turned to the rather ugly, drunk looking man sitting beside her.
"This man! This man here! He could be a' home, PARTYIN' with his girlfriend. Or boyfriend. I don't know if that kinda thing is acceptable in this day an' age." then noticing the look on Turnips face. "YES TURNIP. MEN CAN HAVE BOYFRIENDS! As a matter o' fact, you'd be the sort I would label as the type to have a boyfriend. You bein' a big flat PANSEY o' a boy! AnyWHO as I was sayin'. This… rather unattractive man could be a' home partyin' with 'is girlfriend SLASH boyfriend SLASH wife SLASH significant other, BUT HE'S SITTING HERE IN A PUB! AN' YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS?? AND ANOTHER THING – WOOOOAH!"
THUMP
Alex was on the floor. She got up slowly, looking disorientated and sat back down.
"Sorry…" she said drunkenly. "I fell of ma shtooool!"
She looked round. The booth was turnipless.
"Bloody eunuch…" she muttered, and then to the barman, "Another one. AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!!"
…
(Katy and Alex have just seen the Jonas Brothers in the line of pirates)
"Oh my word…" said Alex slowly. "Katy, I think I'm gonna faint! Katy?"
She looked down. Katy was on the ground.
"Oh, for the love of…"
Katy awoke to see Alex, Jack and Will looking down at her.
"Now I know the prospect of having to spend a long time on a ship with the whelp here isn't a happy one…" Jack was saying. "But it's nothing to faint about."
"Oh, I don't think it's Turnip here you have to worry about her fainting arout…" said Alex, glancing behind her.
"Um… is everything ok?" asked a voice from beyond the circle.
"Did Joe Jonas just speak?" Katy asked dreamily.
"Yes, he did…" said Alex. "Now stand up and be cool…"
Katy stood up a brushed herself down.
"Ready?" Alex asked her.
"Uh – huh…" said Katy distantly.
"I'll take that as a no then…" Alex sighed.
The pair took a deep breath and stepped forward.
…
(on the island)
"It's really cold," Katy pointed out "Is this like the desert where it's really cold at night?"
"Hmm…" Joe pondered. "Maybe we should lie huddled close together for warmth."
Katy's eyes visibly light up.
"Ok!" she said trying not to sound too excited. "Good idea!"
Before Hazel had a chance to say anything Katy had already bagged the best spot… directly in between Nick and Joe.
Hazel rolled her eyes and settled down next to Nick.
Until they fell asleep, the four of them openly discussed many topics of discussion. It felt like they'd known the Jonas Brothers their whole lives, like they were not just idols talking to fans, but friends talking to friends. Katy and Hazel, needless to say, loved it. Katy especially…
Somewhere on the ocean, in a dark and damp brig, Alex's eye began to twitch. And she had no idea why.
…
(after Katy has discovered Hazel using Jack as a pillow)
Katy walked away appalled. She stomped over to the ocean and sat down. The sun was just rising. She watched it as the orangey sun made the sky look pink. It was pretty she thought.
"Oh…sorry…" said a voice from behind her.
She turned and saw Nick standing there, looking uncomfortable.
"I'll just go…" he said, beginning to turn away.
"No, you don't have to," said Katy reassuringly.
He half-smiled and sat down next to her.
They sat in silence for a while, watching the sun.
"So…" he started. "Do you…often watch the sun rise?"
"No, not really…" Katy answered. "I just figured, you know, since we're on an island…and stuff…"
"Yeah, same…" he said, looking at her. She looked back…
"Not interrupting anything, am I?" said a loud voice.
Joe plonked himself down on Katy's other side.
"No," said Katy quickly. "We were just talking."
"So I see…" grinned Joe, looking at Nicks red face.
"So where'd Hazel go?"
"Where DIDN'T Hazel go?" muttered Katy under her breath.
And she told them everything.
…
(After Katy and Nick's kiss)
Alex, Joe and Kevin had just arrived in the cabins after watching this random outburst of… passionate emotion… between Katy and Nick.
Alex seated herself down on a hammock. Kevin and Joe sat down on some barrels of rum. There was silence.
"Your brother is smooching my best friend," said Alex distastefully.
"Your best friend is smooching my brother," answered Joe.
There was more silence.
"Well, this is awkward," mumbled Kevin
"Yes," said Alex, "Yes it is."
...
Special feature: Hazel's meeting with the writers…
Hazel: "Hey guys. You have to change the script. Now."
Ted: "Why?"
Hazel: "I have a problem with the certain use of adjectives in a certain description…"
Terry: "Emm, ok. Where?"
Hazel: "Where it says, 'Jack let go of Katy and lay down on their quaint little straw bed.'"
Ted: "And what would be wrong with that?"
Terry: "Yeah! We worked on that part for ages."
Hazel: (very serious) "Every single word there is incredibly suggestive. Their. Quaint. Little. Straw. BED! Do you see? DO YOU SEE? The word 'their' suggests they are sharing it. The word 'quaint' suggests it was nice and cosy. The word 'little' suggests they had to be very close in order to fit in it… I could go on. And then to make things worse he gestures to his legs. SERIOUSLY! KATY IS SUCH A PLAYER! She just goes from Nick straight to Jack! This doesn't fit with her character, it's misleading! The viewers will be confused! The movie will be A DISASTER! A COMPLETE DISASTER! Everybody will be bankrupt! Disney will sue because… because they like doing that! And my acting career will be ruined and I'll DIE!"
-awkward pause-
Terry: But it's only a description to help the prop-masters.
Ted: Nobody's actually going to say it. Don't worry.
Hazel: It's being taken out! NOW!!
And so the few words were altered. On everybody's script. The photocopying bill was extortionate.
This is exactly like a conversation Hazel had with Katy and Alex. She had issues with their somewhat suggestive writing. The 'quaint little straw bed' was eventually changed to 'the mass of straw that was laughably a bed'.
coughHazelwajustjealousashellofKatycough
...
Alternative Ending
Back in the cave Joe had somehow managed to back himself up on a ledge. This was very bad as the pirate he was fighting was managing to back closer and closer to the edge. Finally, he was at the point where he could back up no more. Suddenly, Alex came up behind the pirate and pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately, this was too late for Joe and he slipped off the edge.
Katy and Alex both screamed as they imagined Joe plummeting to his death. Thankfully, he managed to cling on to the edge just in time.
"Um," said Joe. "This in an 'SOS'!"
"Joe," Kevin yelled. "You need to 'Hold on' 'A
Little Bit Longer'!"
"I'm 'Burnin' Up'!" Joe yelled.
"Why would you be burning up?" Nick called, confused.
"'Look me in the Eyes' Joe!" said Alex to him. "Don't look down!"
"'LOVE BUG'!" Katy yelled.
This made everyone stop what they were doing (including Jack and Barbie) to stare at her. This was fortunate as it was just then that Joe decided he couldn't hold on anymore and slipped of the ledge… Right on top of Barbossa.
Barbossa was knocked off his feet, and hit his head off the hard stone ground. Joe had landed on Barbossa's chest and was sitting on it like a chair.
"I feel… squaaaaashed," growled Barbossa. He then closed his eyes…
…and died.
There was silence in the caves. Joe had a look of utter horror on his face. He looked to Alex, Katy, Kevin, Nick, Jack and Will.
"What have I done?" he whispered/screamed.
The camera panned out to overlook the cave scene where everyone was still looking at each other in shock.
The End.
(we were actually going to end it like this when we had extremely BAD writer's block…)
…
Bloopers
- About a million takes of the stunt team trying to get the lamp shade to land properly on Katy's head. Most of the time it bounces off her hair. (In the end we had to use CGI to do it properly…)
Take 1
Alex: (to Jack) You're desisable!
Johnny: Who?
Take 2
Alex: You're des… dep… desplicable!
Johnny: Enunciate!
Take 3
Alex: You're declip.. dabclic… oh, for goodness sake!
Johnny: It's pronounced despicable.
Alex: De…spicke sible?
Gore: Cut!
Alex: No, don't! I can say it! Decrips… able… was that it?
Johnny: No.
- Katy: (walking towards Nick, being romantic) What would have happened in the prison before if we… -trips and falls onto the deck-
(Nick bursts out laughing)
Katy: I just fell over my own freaking feet.
Joe: You are truly falling for Nick, Katy.
Alex: What a wonderful pun.
Joe: Thank you.
- Gore: Action!
(Katy grabs Nicks legs, he stumbles and falls on top of Katy)
(laughter)
Joe: There's one way of pulling Nick… eh eh?
Hazel: Your jokes are getting worse.
- Alex: (slurring) "It's SSSHHHHTUUUURNIP!" (falls on Will)
(Orlando fails to hold her upright)
Alex: (from the ground, still acting drunk) SHHHCUUM! LETTING A WOMAN DROP TO THE FLOOR WHILSSHHT SHE IS IN A DRUNKEN STATE!
Orlando: Sorry about that… (helps her up)
Alex: NAAAAY FAIR MAIDEN!
Gore: cut!
Alex: NAAY!
Orlando: …You can stop acting now.
Alex: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Orlando: All right then.
Alex: I was CRYIN' for ya! (whispers) Cryin'.
Gore: I said… CUT!
Alex: (blinks) Sorry, I was really into that scene…
- Hazel picks up lamp and hit's Katy with it
(Lamp smashes)
Katy: …Ow…
Hazel: Oh my word, Katy I'm sooo sorry! Are you ok?
Katy: …Ow…
- Joe: Why... did you do that?
Orlando: What?
Swings round with oar and Katy falls over
Orlando: Oh my goodness I think I actually hit her!
Alex: Katy? Shakes her KATY?
Katy: wakes up …Ow…
- Joe drops gun on Katy's foot
Joe: Oh sorry, Katy. Are you ok?
Katy: Clutching foot and leaning on Joe for support WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP HURTING ME??
- Katy and Alex have found a piano in a random room at the studio. For some reason, they are being filmed. Alex is playing "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers on piano. Katy is singing along while doing her "Joe Jonas Impression"
Katy (singing): I'm HYAT! breaths out quickly You're Cuold! Breaths out quickly
Joe (coming through the door) : What are you guys doing?
Katy: Oh crap! hides under piano
Alex: He he… BYE! Runs out of room
...
FINAL NOTE!!
Dear readers, it's been a good run. After at least twenty two incidents of fainting and hundreds of moments of pure hysteria, we have given you just about EVERYTHING we can for this movie. We have searched through every chapter and racked our brains. This is all we've got… there's nothing else we can add. Nada.
SO WE'RE DOING THE SECOND ONE!!
It's being posted as a separate story, and it should be up and running soon… and so we have included a teaser.
Love Alex, Katy and Hazel
Xxx
…
COMING SOON!
TO A FAN FICTION WEBSITE NEAR YOU!
FANGIRLNESS REWRITTEN 2
CRAZIER THAN BEFORE! MORE TOMFOOLERY! MORE JOBROS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A MARACA AT! EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF THEM….
YOU CAN ALSO EXPECT:
- MORE HUMOUR
- MORE DRAMA
- MORE UNEXPECTED TWISTS
- MORE NAME CALLING
- MORE PANSYISM
- MORE ROMANCE (OOH ER)
- MORE SWASHBUCKLING
- LESS FAINTING
COMING SOON… YEAH.