***

No Longer Misunderstood

Feelings buried beneath her exterior totally clashed with the cheerful, colorful mood that the ballroom held. Throughout the evening, various shapes and colors of lights brightened and faded, creating whatever effect the next song would call for. The majority of the occupants that flooded the vast expanse of marble flooring seemed to enjoy it, although, for numerous reasons, the lights and music only served to give her a headache.

She could have fooled any given person. It made her heart ache – no one knew her well enough to discover that her true emotions cowered deep within her, unexposed to anyone for fear of shame. People may have thought they knew everything about her, especially the Trepies, but it was all so completely different in reality -- without the battles, teaching, or just having some random monster to take out her anger on. Being an instructor before, she was expected to hold herself up, never needing the support of anyone . . . She might as well live up to it, right?

For the moment, it all seemed logical. After all, wasn't it true that the only man she would ever–could ever–love had been taken beyond her reach? Never to return, she knew, because of the binds he had been set in; binds that probably even held his eyes . . . his beautiful, gray-blue eyes . . . captive and oblivious to any other. Now, he couldn't move, and maybe he didn't want to . . .

So, did this mean that the small amount of hope she had managed to keep was all for nothing? There was no denying, no matter how much she tried to prevent herself from believing it, that Squall belonged to Rinoa; his binds. She was well aware that there was no separating the couple . . .

. . . And she choked – not on the smooth liquid dancing with bubbles in her glass, nor anything she could make sense of. Perhaps it was an attempt to hold back the sobs she could foresee; the tears she shed all alone in her room at night as she had no one special to share the stars with. Moments she spent in mourning all because of him and the chance she never took . . . It was stupid, pathetic, and getting her nowhere.

But oh, if only . . . What if she had been the one to ask Squall to dance, instead of Rinoa? Why couldn't she have taken that small step forward, besides the raven-haired girl that had been just a stranger to him? Things would have turned out differently, then, right . . . ?

She shook her head, golden-blonde tresses on both sides of her pallid countenance swaying briefly, and suddenly felt the urge to crush the delicate, crystal champagne glass she held in her left hand for thinking in such a way. How could she wish their love away so selfishly? The pang of guilt helped to wake her up to the realization that she shouldn't dwell in the past, anyway. What happened could not be fixed.

. . . I have to let him go . . .

One question seemed to relentlessly bother her – shouldn't she be glad because Squall was happy? She wanted to be, but it was so difficult to feel cheerful when she saw him enveloped in Rinoa's arms . . . Never would her own arms embrace him, nor would her lips ever experience the sweet taste and sensation of his.

All because of what? What had she done to deserve the punishment of being near someone she had known for so long, yet having them stolen away in practically a single night? She wanted to be with him so badly, but her heart reminded her that it wouldn't be right.

. . . Nothing ever seems right . . .

She couldn't bear staying there any longer, watching the happy couples dance without a care in the world. Just by standing there, her heart had been shattered and broken in over one hundred different ways.

Leaving her barely touched champagne on a nearby table, she simply turned and made her way out, thankful that the lighting was dim at the time. Her steps were hardly audible as she stepped outside of the ballroom, gladly hearing the headache-inducing music fade away behind her.

The hallways of the Garden were deserted -- everyone was at the party. Her steps continued as she placed one leather, knee-high boot in front of the other, not caring where she ended up. It didn't matter.

After a while, she removed her azure eyes from the floor, her soft footsteps ceasing as she saw the Training Center in front of her. She wasn't sure why, but she started down the long corridor, reaching one of the gates.

Before long, the 'secret area' was visible -- it was the last place she and Squall had been alone together. Reaching the door, she pulled it open and stepped inside. The view was as spectacular as ever, and the stars were just as bright as she remembered that night that seemed so long ago . . .

***

So, what did you think? Short, I know, but I don't want to continue until I have some good opinions of it. Please review. It will be greatly appreciated. I'll put up a much longer chapter next time if I get lots of reviews. Thanks for reading!