Super Saiyan Horny

Puffy white clouds drifted across a sparkling blue sky illuminated by a bright yellow sun. Deer frolicked in the woods, small animals came out of their burrows, and birds called cheerfully to each other in flight. It was as if everything had come together to celebrate the wonders of Mother Nature.

What a perfect day to spar.

"Eat my fist, Kakarot!" Vegeta shouted. He swung around in the air, aiming the aforementioned item at Goku's head. The other Saiyan blocked it with a forearm and punched at Vegeta with his own fist. Vegeta ducked and uppercutted Goku in the gut. Goku double over in pain, allowing Vegeta to hit his exposed back and send him flying towards the ground. Goku managed to halt his descent and hovered a few feet above the ground, looking up at Vegeta with exhaustion. Blood ran from a few cuts on his face and his fighting gi was dusty and torn. Up in the air, Vegeta looked the same. They had been sparring for over an hour and were almost exhausted from the non-stop activity. The only difference was that Vegeta still had his crooked grin fixed on his face while he waited for Goku to make a move, trying to make it look like that only Goku needed the breather.

"Well?" Vegeta said after a few moments. "Are you going to come up after me or do I have to come down there?"

Goku smiled at him. "Why don't we meet halfway?"

Both Super Saiyans blurred and reappeared at the midpoint to their original positions, already sending flurries of kicks and punches at each other. Goku got a hit in on Vegeta's jaw; Vegeta returned the hit plus a growl of frustration. Finally, after another series of high-speed kicks and punches, Goku threw his weight into a punch, but Vegeta blurred away, throwing Goku off-balance. Goku looked back and forth, trying to figure out where Vegeta was now.

"Ha ha, here I am!" Vegeta crowed, reappearing above Goku. He had his hands clasped above his head, ready to bring them down on Goku's head. Before he could connect, though, Goku overreacted, shooting up to Super Saiyan 2 and slamming Vegeta in the head with a roundhouse kick. The impact threw Vegeta into the side of a cliff, which collapsed, burying the Saiyan prince under a ton of rock.

Dropping back to Super Saiyan 1, Goku descended a bit and cringed, waiting for Vegeta to erupt from the pile blazing with fury. When a minute passed and nothing happened, Goku began to worry. He touched down and walked over to the pile of rubble. The pile shuddered a bit, and the rocks on top fell off and tumbled to the bottom. Finally, one of Vegeta's gloved hands came out of the pile, followed by the rest of his body. Goku widened his eyes when he saw him. Not only did Vegeta have an array of new cuts and bruises—including a boot print in the side of his face where Goku's foot had connected with him—but blood was pouring down his face from a cut on his forehead, no doubt courtesy of the cliff.

"Hey, are you all right?" Goku asked, bending down to help Vegeta up. "I'm sorry. I kinda freaked out there and lost control of my power. I guess it's one of those drawbacks with being the most powerful fighter—" He noticed Vegeta was glaring venomously at him. "—in . . . in the universe." He chuckled nervously. "Uh, you know?"

"I'm gonna kill you!" Vegeta screamed, pouncing on Goku. They rolled around on the ground, switching positions as Vegeta tried to pin Goku down so he could pummel the hell out of him.

"Whoa, Vegeta, stop!" Goku shouted, getting spattered with blood from
Vegeta's head wound. "You're bleeding a lot; we should put pressure on it!" He quickly reached up, slapping his palm against Vegeta's forehead to staunch the blood flow. This, of course, was not exactly the right thing to do.

"OW!" Vegeta shouted, jerking away and landing unceremoniously on his rear end. He clutched his forehead, swearing so colorfully that Goku stared at him, amazed at the prince's impressive vocabulary before he ran over to him.

Goku crouched down next to the agonized Saiyan and tried to get a good look at his injury. "Vegeta? Vegeta? Are you—"

"Don't touch me!" Vegeta spat, smacking Goku away. "I swear, you have no common sense at all, you stupid stupid—"

"Hey, I have an idea!" Goku exclaimed, eyes lighting up with realization. "I have some senzu beans back at my house! We could go back and get them! How's that sound?"

"—stupid stupid stupid—"

Goku blinked in confusion. "Uh, Vegeta?"

"—stupid stupid—"

Goku shrugged, then put his hand on the other Saiyan's shoulder and teleported both of them back to his house.

* * *

"—stupid stupid idiot!" Vegeta finished when he and Goku appeared on Goku's front lawn.

"Come on, they should be right in the kitchen," Goku said, gesturing for Vegeta to get up. Vegeta growled and stood up, pulling his hand away from his face, half of which was now covered with blood. More blood continued to run down his face, dripping off his chin and landing in the grass. He followed Goku, but they had barely stepped foot in the house when Chi-Chi saw them.

"Oh Kami, my floor!" Chi-Chi shouted in shock. "Look at my floor! There's blood on my floor!" She instantly became furious. "How many times have I told you, Goku!? If you guys are going to beat each other to a bloody pulp, don't come in the house! Who's going to clean this up, huh!? Who!!? It shouldn't be me but it'll probably be anyway because it seems I'm the only one around here with enough brains to operate a mop—"

Goku backed away from his infuriated wife, confused by her behavior. "What? Blood?" He glanced back at Vegeta, who was all but standing in a puddle of blood. The prince growled angrily as more kept dripping on the floor.

"Oh! Whoops!" Goku quickly picked up Vegeta to spare the floor from any more. "I'll clean it—"

"What the hell are you doing, Kakarot!?" Vegeta shouted angrily. "Put me down!"

"Oops! Sorry!" Goku apologized, tossing Vegeta out into the yard.

"OW!" Vegeta shouted from outside. "Son of a—"

"Chi-Chi, I'll clean it up," Goku said quickly, "but we really need some senzu beans right now; Vegeta's really hurt."

Chi-Chi crossed her arms. "There isn't any left, Goku! You used them up already! Maybe if you kept better track of these things, you wouldn't have this problem now!"

Goku's face fell. "What? They're all gone? You mean we don't have anything?"

"Aspirin!" Chi-Chi shot back. "We have aspirin! That's it! And if you want it, you're going to have to get it yourself!" She stomped away to find a mop. "What did I do to deserve this!?" she complained out loud. "Hooligans! They're all hooligans! And Gohan and Goten are going to be hooligans! And their children! And their children's children . . ."

"Thank you," Goku called weakly after Chi-Chi. He ran to the bathroom and began looking through the medicine cabinet. He grabbed the first bottle that he found with the word "pain" on it, shook out a handful of pills, and ran outside with a glass of water.

"Here's some aspirin," Goku said, giving Vegeta the pills and the water. "There wasn't any senzu beans left."

Vegeta growled viciously but accepted the pills anyway, gulping them down and drinking the water. Goku ran back inside the house and came back out with a wet rag and a large adhesive pad. Despite Vegeta's angry protests, he cleaned off Vegeta's face and stuck the bandage over the cut on his forehead. It was then that Goku realized that the bandage had happy dancing flowers on it, but he decided it would probably be in both his and Vegeta's best interests if he did not tell him that bit of information.

"Do you feel better now?" Goku asked, smiling hopefully.

"Of course," Vegeta huffed, standing up and shaking his head a bit. "Now let's go."

Goku furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Go where?"

Vegeta scowled. "We didn't finish our sparring session. Let's go."

"Don't you still hurt, though?"

Vegeta crossed his arms and "hmpfed." "I'm a Saiyan. I can handle the pain. Besides, the aspirin should kick in soon enough."

Goku realized something and suddenly frowned, looking at Vegeta suspiciously. "You just want to spar to get back at me for kicking you, don't you?"

"No." Vegeta paused. "Well, partly." He growled and clenched his fists at his sides. "Listen, we are finishing that spar, no questions asked!"

Goku finally sighed in defeat. "Okay, but let's make it a light match. No Super Saiyan."

Vegeta smirked. "Fine. Now let's go, I want to kick your ass."

Goku teleported himself and Vegeta back to the area they were fighting in before and dropped into a ready stance. Vegeta did the same, and they restarted their sparring session. They kept matching each other for a while, but after twenty minutes or so, Goku began to tire. Since they had already sparred for over an hour earlier, his exhaustion was understandable, but what didn't make sense was that Vegeta was not tiring at all. In fact, he seemed to be getting more energy. Goku found himself going on the defensive more often while Vegeta attacked him in a near frenzy. Finally, after being flung through a variety of rock formations, Goku decided it was time for a break.

"Vegeta!" Goku called as Vegeta streaked towards him with bloodlust in his eyes. "I think we should stop! I'm hungr—" He was cut short by Vegeta's boot slamming into his gut. He crashed into the ground, creating a small crater. Before he could get up, Vegeta pounced on him, pinning him down.

"Ahhh!" Goku cried, surprised by Vegeta's crazed visage suddenly inches away from his own. "Vegeta, what are you doing!?"

Vegeta said nothing but growled deep in his chest and grinned maddeningly at Goku. Narrowing his eyes, he licked his lips and lowered his head toward the other Saiyan's.

"V-Vegeta?" Goku stammered nervously, retracting his head as far back as possible. "W-what are you—" His eyes shot wide when Vegeta started sniffing his face and growling. "Uh, Vegeta?"

Vegeta shifted his weight, pinning down Goku's shoulders with his hands and moving to sniff Goku's hair. His growling became louder.

Goku started feeling really nervous. He had no clue what was wrong with Vegeta or how to handle the situation. What did Vegeta want anyway? The prince was pinning Goku down . . . sniffing him . . . straddling him—

"AHHH!" Goku shrieked when the realization hit him. He shoved Vegeta off and scooted away from him. Vegeta roared and leaped to his feet, lunging at Goku.

Goku yelped and dodged out of the way. "Wait, Vegeta, stop! Stop!" Vegeta lunged again and Goku dodged once more. "Stop!" Goku cried. "Halt! Um, down, boy! You're really really confused! I'm not Bulma!"

Vegeta roared again and flew straight at Goku. Goku caught his wrists and tried to hold him away, but Vegeta kept snapping at Goku's face like a wolf.

"Wahh! Vegeta!" Goku cried, barely avoiding having his nose bitten off. "Stop it! Sheez, are you this rough with Bulma!?" He quickly put his hand up and caught Vegeta's face when the prince lunged for his throat. "I think you should go home right now before you do something we're both going to regret!"

Vegeta just snarled and tried to bite the inside of Goku's wrist. Goku quickly put two fingers to his own forehead and tried to concentrate. A second later, both he and the bestial Saiyan prince appeared in the living room of Capsule Corp.

"Take a cold shower and a nap!" Goku advised before teleporting back to his house. Vegeta lunged at him, but the other Saiyan had already vanished. Growling, Vegeta started prowling around Capsule Corp.

* * *

Goku let out a sigh of relief as he walked towards his house. That had been both strange and embarrassing. At least he had remedied the situation, but it was still bizarre. He had known Vegeta so long, yet he had never seen him behave like that towards anyone, least of all Goku. Shrugging, Goku entered his house. Some lunch would be good right about now—

"GOKU!"

Goku yelped and jumped in surprise. "What, Chi-Chi?"

"Can't you figure out how to clean up after yourself!?" Chi-Chi complained, waving a pill bottle in his face. "This was just lying in the sink with its cap off, you didn't close the medicine cabinet—why did you pull these out anyway!? You're not supposed to take them anymore!"

"I didn't take anything!" Goku cried, holding his hands up to protect himself. "Vegeta needed aspirin so I gave him some!"

Chi-Chi froze in shock. "You gave Veget—Goku, this isn't aspirin!"

Goku dropped his hands. "What?"

Chi-Chi shoved the bottle in his face. "This is the prescription painkiller the dentist gave us after he fixed your teeth!"

Goku grimaced at the memory and protectively covered his mouth. "I didn't like that. He was going to give me a shot."

Chi-Chi sighed in exasperation. "For the last time, he wasn't going to—" She sighed. "Nevermind. Don't you remember what happened when you took these?"

Goku thought a moment, then chuckled. "Oh yeah. I liked that."

"Well, I think we should call Bulma and let her know so she isn't surprised by Vegeta's behavior."

Goku nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Vegeta was being real rough with me. I guess it was the pills."

Chi-Chi raised an eyebrow in confusion. "He was being rough with you?"

Goku chuckled nervously in embarrassment and put a hand behind his head. "Heh heh, uh yeah. He was growling and trying to bite me. I think he got confused."

Chi-Chi's jaw dropped. "Growling and biting? I think we better call Bulma right now." She picked up the phone and quickly dialed Bulma's work number.

Bulma picked up after two rings. "Capsule Corp Offices. Bulma Briefs speaking."

"Hi Bulma, this is Chi-Chi," Chi-Chi said, trying to sound conversational. "There's something I thought you should know. Remember when Goku had his teeth fixed?"

"Yes." Bulma remembered it too well. That whole situation had been a mess she would rather forget.

"Well, the dentist gave us some painkillers for afterwards. The only thing was that when Goku took them he—"

"—got really really happy," Goku interjected, smiling.

Chi-Chi glanced back at Goku. "Yes. Well, Vegeta got hurt when he was sparring with Goku today, so Goku gave him some of the pills thinking that they were actually aspirin. So that means that Vegeta—"

"—is really really happy now," Goku finished.

There was silence on the other end while Bulma tried to figure out what they were implying. Suddenly, she exploded, "You made Vegeta horny!!!?"

Chi-Chi yanked the phone away from her ear in pain.

"What's wrong with that?" Goku asked into the receiver.

Bulma let out a shout of frustration. "Goku, you don't understand! You can't chemically stimulate Vegeta like that! He doesn't just get horny, he gets uncontrollably horny! Super horny!"

"Super Saiyan horny?"

Chi-Chi smacked her husband. "Goku! That's disgusting!"

Goku looked confused. "Disgusting? But I thought you liked it when I'm Super Saiyan—"

Chi-Chi blushed beet-red. "Goku, just stop talking."

"I found out about Vegeta's reaction by accident," Bulma continued. "One night, I thought it would be interesting if Vegeta and I took aphrodisiacs, you know—" it was obvious by her tone that she was starting to blush, "—to see if it would be any different. Well, Vegeta practically lost his mind. He started behaving like some kind of animal. He wouldn't leave me alone and he started killing squirrels and stuff. He ate all our pet fish. It was a mess!"

"Hey, that's just like he was acting today!" Goku said. "He pinned me down and was smelling my face and growling at me." He thought a bit. "He must get really confused when he's horny. You might want to talk to him about that."

On the other end, Bulma sighed in exasperation. "He didn't want you that way, Goku! He sees you as a competing male! He wants to kill you!"

Goku cocked his head in confusion. "Doesn't he always?"

"More-so than usual! When he gets horny, he loses his inhibitions; he becomes incredibly aggressive! It's dangerous to leave him alone!" A rustling of papers and whatnot could be heard as Bulma started packing her work up. "I have to tell my secretary that I have to leave right now. Where's Vegeta?"

Chi-Chi looked back at Goku, who stared blankly at her. Goku shrugged, then suddenly brightened. "Oh yeah, I forgot! I took him back to Capsule Corp!"

"WHAT!!!??" Bulma screamed. Chi-Chi and Goku heard a clunk of the phone receiver hitting the ground and the sound of Bulma swearing angrily as she ran out of the office.

"Oops," Goku said. "I guess that was the wrong thing to do, huh?"

* * *

In Capsule Corp, Vegeta stood crouched over the fish tank, watching the water with sharp eyes. A glimmer of orange neared the surface and he struck, plunging his head underwater. When he lifted himself back up, a fish stuck halfway out of his mouth, its tail flapping wildly. Vegeta tossed his head back, swallowing the fish, then grinned and watched the water again. He had just caught another fish when Mrs. Briefs walked in the room.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed, lifting a hand to her face in surprise. "What are you doing, Vegeta? If you're hungry, you should've just told me; I can cook up something for you."

Vegeta regarded Mrs. Briefs a moment, then swallowed the fish and leaped over, landing right in front of her.

Mrs. Briefs made another startled sound. "My, aren't you lively today? What would you like? Hamburgers?"

Vegeta growled a bit and leaned a bit towards Mrs. Briefs, sniffing her neck.

"Do you like my new perfume?" she asked, surprised. "I just got it yesterday. Cost me a bundle, but I love how it smells." Vegeta started sniffing her hair and she giggled. "Oh, you're so affectionate today! Did your training go well? I know, I'll make you dessert too. I know how much you love Devil's Food cake." She turned away and headed for the kitchen. "You train so hard anyway, you deserve it. Saving the world and all that . . . it must be so tough being a hero!"

Vegeta watched her leave, a curious expression on his face. Suddenly, he caught wind of another scent and went to investigate. He prowled around, trying to pinpoint its source. He entered Dr. and Mrs. Briefs bedroom and crept over to a carpet-covered cylinder in the corner. Crouching down, he looked through the opening in the front and saw a small black form curled up inside.

Dr. Briefs' cat.

Vegeta licked his lips.

* * *

Bulma drove home as fast as possible, her mind working a mile a minute. She quickly reviewed who was at Capsule Corp. right now. Trunks was not; he was out with Goten at the park. Dr. Briefs was, but since he was currently working on repairing a Capsule ship, he would be holed up in one of the large labs separate from the main building. Mrs. Briefs . . . who knows where she would be. Hopefully outside watering the flowers.

Bulma arrived at Capsule Corp. and hastily parked her air car. As she ran towards the nearest door, she dipped her hand inside her purse, checking to make sure that the hypodermic needle she had brought was within easy reach. Before she had left the office, she had grabbed the needle, filling it with the animal tranquilizer that Piccolo and the others had used before to knock out Goku when the curious Saiyan had drunk cappuccino and went on a wild caffeine-fueled rampage. At least she knew that this affected Saiyans the way it was intended. Saiyans seemed to have too many strange reactions to common chemicals; she would have to start documenting them so she could avoid anymore strange behavior. Of course, her current problem was not the fact that the painkillers had made Vegeta horny; the problem was how he behaved when he became horny. And that was why she brought the tranquilizer.

Bulma yanked the door open and entered the kitchen. Mrs. Briefs looked up from the stove where she was cooking.

"Oh, hi dear!" her mother chirped. "Why are you home so early?"

"Um, I have to get some important files, Mom," Bulma said. "Did you see Vegeta around?"

"Oh yeah, I bumped into him in the living room. He seems to be in such a good mood today. I'm making him hamburgers!"

Bulma thought quickly. "Hey Mom, why don't I finish them for you? The plants outside look pretty dry. I think they need to be watered."

"You're right," Mrs. Briefs agreed. "Okay, have fun. And don't forget to make him some Devil's Food cake."

"Yeah yeah, sure thing." Bulma rushed her mother out the door and locked it shut. Turning off the stove, she walked down the hall, listening for footsteps. The house was unnaturally quiet. She turned into the living room and looked around, but Vegeta was not there. The water on the floor caught her eye, though, and she saw the empty fish tank.

"Dammit, he ate the fish again!" Bulma huffed. "Those exotic tropicals are expensive!" Before she could complain anymore, she heard a high wailing sound approaching the living room. The next second, Dr. Briefs' cat bolted into the room, crying in distress as Vegeta chased it. Upon seeing Bulma, Vegeta skidded to a halt. Grabbing a dead bird he had killed earlier, he approached Bulma and offered it to her.

Sighing, Bulma reluctantly accepted the bird. "Thanks, Vegeta. It's just what I wanted."

Food offering accepted, Vegeta moved alongside Bulma, sniffing under her jaw and behind her ear.

"Yeah, you recognize me well, don't you?" Bulma said, a little exasperated. Vegeta growled and gave her a rough nudge with his face. "Listen," Bulma said, "I don't have time for mating right now. I have lots of work to do at the office." She sighed in frustration when he started licking the skin behind her ear. "You're not paying attention to a word I'm saying, are you?" Vegeta answered her question by nipping her none too gently.

"Ow!" Bulma exclaimed, smacking him. "What have I told you about biting!?"

Vegeta just growled excitedly, grabbing Bulma and biting her repeatedly.

"Ow, Vegeta, dammit!" Bulma cursed. "I swear I'm going to have you neutered!" She gave his face a hard tap with the side of her own and he stopped, switching back to rough nudges.

"I'm not going to play along with you, understand?" Bulma said, frowning. "Until you can speak intelligibly again and nuzzle me like a normal person, I don't want any of this." She noticed that Vegeta had wrapped one of his arms across her chest, so she reached into her purse, extracting the needle and uncapping it. "I promise we'll do all kinds of stuff then."

The door suddenly flew open and Vegeta spun in surprise, knocking the hypodermic needle out of Bulma's hand and sending it under an end table.

"Hey guys, I'm here!" Goku shouted from the doorway.

"Goku!" Bulma shouted angrily. "What are you doing here!"

"I came to help!" Goku replied cheerfully. His usual friendly smile on his face, he approached Vegeta. "Aw, Vegeta, are you still all horny and confused? Why don't we go spar and burn off some of that energy until the medicine wears off?"

Vegeta growled dangerously and started stalking towards Goku.

"Goku, stop!" Bulma shouted angrily. "You're just provoking him!" She got in front of Vegeta and shoved her husband back. "I can handle this, Vegeta!" She growled to punctuate her sentence and turned to face Goku. "Get out of here! You're only making things worse! Vegeta's probably thinking that you want to steal me!"

Goku scratched his head in confusion. "Now why would he think that? He knows I'm married to Chi-Chi."

Bulma snapped. "I told you how he thinks when he's horny!" she shouted, marching up to him and hitting him on the chest. "How could you forget so quickly!?"

Before Goku could reply, Vegeta snarled and lunged at him. The two Saiyans tumbled to the floor and started rolling around and crashing into furniture. Goku yelped, trying to keep Vegeta at bay even as the prince tried to tear out his throat.

"Great!" Bulma said sarcastically. "Now what the hell do I—" She caught sight of the hypodermic needle where it had slid under the end table. There was still a chance . . .

"Goku!" Bulma shouted, kneeling down to grab the needle. "Pin Vegeta down! I have a plan!"

Goku did not understand what Bulma was up to but followed her order anyway. He pinned Vegeta down on his back, securing the prince's hands above his head with one hand and holding his head down with the other. Vegeta hissed, trying to knock Goku off of him. "Now what?" Goku asked.

Bulma hid the needle out of sight. "Uh, just keep doing that!" She moved behind Goku and grabbed one of Vegeta's ankles. Rolling up his pants' leg, she pulled the needle back out and stuck it into him.

Confused and slightly nervous, Goku looked over his shoulder. "Hey, Bulma, what are you—" He caught sight of the needle in her hand. "AAHHHH!! NEEDLE!!!" He leaped off Vegeta, accidentally knocking the hypodermic needle away, and ran screaming out the door.

"Goku, you stupid ass!" Bulma shouted after his retreating figure. She looked over at the hypodermic needle, which lay in several pieces next to the wall. "Damn." A pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. She turned her head and saw Vegeta grinning back at her. "Now what am I supposed to do with you?" she complained. Vegeta growled, rubbing his face against hers. Bulma studied his eyes for a moment and noticed his slower movements. So, some of the tranquilizer had gotten into him. She thought this over. It had been interesting last time when Vegeta had calmed down a bit . . .

No, he's way too horny right now! Bulma thought emphatically. I am not going to play Wild Animal Kingdom with him! Vegeta moved his arms around her shoulders and licked her neck, occasionally giving her gentle nips. Bulma watched him and after a few more indecisive moments, she finally sighed in defeat. "Do you promise to behave, jungle boy?" Vegeta rumbled low in his chest and tugged on her earlobe with his teeth. Bulma smiled a bit and ran her hand through his hair. "All right then, let's have some fun." Vegeta made a delighted sound and started to crawl onto her back.

"Not here, you idiot!" Bulma snapped, knocking him off. "Our bedroom!" She turned on her heel and walked off towards their bedroom. Picking himself up, Vegeta growled excitedly and followed her.