okay, kill me. new story. again. but i love the plot of this one. sorry if the prologue is confusing and all over the place. it is meant to be. many things will be explained next chapter. just deal with this short prologue, mmkay? i promise you all a long first chapter if you review :D pretty please?

warnings; vile language, suggestive themes, sexual content. anything you can think of.
pairings; rikusora (others throughout story)
genre; angst / romance

—xx Dearly Departed xx—
the prologue

I tried so hard to not walk away
And when things don't go my way
I'll still carry on and on just the same
eI've always been strong
But can't make this happen
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in
The fear of becoming
I'm so tired of running
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breath you in
I want to breathe you in
I'm going in, so cover me
Your compass will, help me turn the page
The laughing stock, I'll never be
Because I won't let them take me

His arm carefully hooked around his boyfriend's petit shoulders. Fingers gracefully reached up and brushed brown bangs behind the boy's ear. A look of utter affection was plastered on the owner of the finger's face. Aquamarine eyes stared affectionately at the brunet who appeared to be blushing faintly. Said brunet male's shoulders visibly stiffened, as if embarrassed by the gentle touch. His tanned cheeks continued to grow in color as the silver haired male continued caressing the younger's cheek repeatedly. A steady rhythm. Any on-lookers would have considered the exchange of affection the beginning stages of a loving relationship. And, in actuality, it was.

"Want me to get you a soda or something?" Riku wondered as he brushed the pads of his thin fingers along the curve of Sora's cheek. "The concert is going to be long and it's best if I get it now before it starts. You know, so I can find my way back to our seats without being trampled."

"I'm fine," Sora reassured his boyfriend. He offered a radiant smile and shifted a bit in his stadium seat. After a moment of moving, he settled comfortably against the taller, his side pressed contentedly against Riku. He sighed in relaxation as his vibrant blue eyes temporarily fluttered shut. God. It was so peaceful.

"All right," Riku chuckled into his boyfriend's ear. His arms fell from Sora's shoulders and relocated around the boy's waist, holding him tight against him. Thanks heavens the armrests in these places were able to be moved. "This okay?" he wondered, his pale hands resting on each other on Sora's stomach.

"Yeah," Sora answered quietly, his head resting against the other's chest. "You're like a comfortable chair."

"Thanks," laughed the silveret as he tightened his hold around Sora. "Guess what?"

"Hm…what?" Sora wondered as his eyes opened once again. Blue hues flickered about the filling arena. People were slowly beginning to fill the tiers and floor. He had never been to an actual concert before so it was quite the adventure.

"Today will be a week," whispered Riku as he pressed a tender kiss to his boyfriend's head. His own green eyes closed. "I've never been this happy, ever," he admitted quietly into the spikes of brown hair that adorned Sora's head.

"Me either," the brunet replied truthfully. "We should have gotten together sooner."

"I know," said Riku as he smiled into Sora's hair, inhaling the beautiful scent. "I've wanted to hold you for so long, Sora," he made known as he brushed his lips for a second time upon Sora's head. "This feels so surreal."

"Heh," giggled the brunet as he nestled back into Riku's grasp. "Well, this is real."

"Which makes it even better," Sora pointed out as he relaxed a bit more. He could vaguely hear the beating of Riku's heart begin him. Thump. Thump. The action made him smile as he shyly placed his own hand upon the silveret's that rested upon his stomach.

Riku blinked down in surprise. A smile at once etched onto his face in response. Carefully, Riku took Sora's hand and interlaced their fingers. "Sora?" asked the silveret as he breathed evenly into the brunet's ear.

"Yeah?" asked Sora as he felt heat rise to his cheeks from their adjoined appendages. It felt so right. It felt so amazing. Years of crushing had finally come to a wonderful conclusion.

To be honest, Sora wasn't quite sure how they ended up together. Riku just randomly showed up at his house a week ago and asked to come in. The brunet welcomed him in and Riku graciously took the offer. They talked for awhile—about life, about past relationships, about high school, about their nearing college freshman year, about love, about politics, about anything that passed their minds. Somehow they got on the subject of why they had never decided to date one another. Both were openly gay and yet they had never even dared to ask one another on a date. Sora hadn't answered right away, too shy to admit that he truly did like his best friend in more ways than one. When Sora didn't supply Riku with an answer, the silveret had leaned over and kissed him. They kissed for ten minutes, at least, and then parted ways for the night, engaging in another five minute kiss. Truly, it was the best night of the brunet's life. The confession was simple and pure. There were no words to explain it that could justify the emotions that had leaked from it. Sora knew that it truly was love—a new love that was taking form after so many years.

"Wanna move in with me?" Riku finally questioned as he gave a tender squeeze to their intertwined hands.

Sora flushed a dark crimson. He had considered moving in with Riku many times before, but never when they were intimately close. A shiver slipped down Sora's spine as he laughed nervously. Moving in meant so many things. "Could you deal with me twenty-four seven?" asked the brunet with a soft laugh.

"I bet I could," Riku answered promptly. "I would love to be with you every single waking moment. I'm sorry if that sounds stalkerish."

"Not at all. It's sweet," Sora reasoned, shaking his head. The brunet inhaled and then exhaled deeply. "I'd love to…"

"Good," Riku said and hugged Sora impossibly tighter. "I can't wait. We can move your things in this weekend before classes start. This will be the best Christmas ever…"

"Sounds good to me…" Sora breathed out happily. He sighed but then paused. "Hey…I changed my mind. Can you go get us a soda? I'm kinda thirsty."

"Sure," Riku laughed.

"Thank you!" cooed Sora as he beamed happily.

"No problem," Riku said as he reluctantly let go of Sora's hand. He untangled his arms from around his boyfriend and stood. Before he could exit the isle to head to the concession stand, Sora had looped his arms, fumbling all the while, around Riku's neck. The brunet leaned up and somehow managed to tug Riku's upper torso down in the process. Their lips met in a messy, shy, and emotional kiss. It lingered on both of their lips. Incoherent words were exchanged as the kiss caused Sora's toes to curl. Those beautiful, perfect lips against his own, pliable ones. His heart fluttered and he clung possessively to Riku, wanting nothing more than to be one soul with his Riku.

"I'll be back shortly," Riku stated softly against Sora's lips as he withdrew his. Their lips separated, emitting a wet popping noise. Both males blushed vehemently at the sound.

"All right, you better," Sora laughed as he brushed his hand along Riku's cheek before finally dropping it. "Remember, Pepsi! Not Coke!"

"I will!" Riku called back, exiting the isle and heading up the stairs, as he shot his boyfriend a wink over his shoulder.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Riku was fiddling with getting the straw into the soda when his cell-phone rang. Usually he ignored the thing when he was with Sora (regardless of whether or not they were dating) because really, no one was more important to him that the brunet. No one ever could be. However, when he noticed the number scrolled across the screen of the contraption he knew it was urgent. With a sigh, the silveret placed the soda on the ground and leaned back up against the wall. He answered curtly, wanting to get back to holding his boyfriend. Though, thoughts began to plunder his mind. Over and over they hit him, making him feel weak and sick to his stomach. He was doing a horrible thing. No, a terrible thing. It needed to be stopped. Wearily, Riku murmured his response into the phone and closed it. Even Riku knew that with that answered call he had sealed his and Sora's future. He knew what he had to do and just how to do it.

Wanting nothing more than to just die, Riku lingered near the entrance to the stadium. He could hear the band coming on and countless screams. One of them was probably Sora's, he concluded. The silveret lowered his gaze and stared dejectedly at the soda. He wouldn't have a better time than this to slip away. Riku's heart nearly broke. He had foolishly got into this relationship with Sora, knowing full well the consequences and what could—and did—happen.

"Fuck life," growled the teen as he kicked the soda over. A security guard barked at him but he stormed past, looking suddenly enraged, in contradiction to his tranquil state moments prior with Sora.

Riku shoved his phone into his pocket and walked past the countless vendors to the glass doors that provided an exit to the massive building. As the band played on, Riku's heart continued to break as the cool, New York City air greeted his face. The youth winced at the familiar scent that lingered in it. It was fear. His own fear.

He looked drearily up and down the crowded street outside the concert-hall. His stomach churned as he pushed his way into the crowd. It was around eight and the city was ghostly illuminated. He didn't care, though, he had a job to do. His heart continued to beat frantically, growing louder and faster with each step he took. Each step he took closer to the hardest decision of his life.

The memories pounded the youth's mind over and over. Countless times Riku had to pause in his walk and hold his head in a pathetic attempt to stop the migraine that was surfacing. The nippy breeze wiped by him, dislodging his silver hair. The strands blew into his face as he irritably swatted them away. Considering his task at hand, and the certain results, Riku wasn't in the mood for anything.

Sora was his light—his love. To do this to him felt like the cruelest thing imaginable. God, Sora was his best friend, for ten fucking years and he had no idea the pain and guilt Riku felt. Sora had no idea and he deserved to. But there was no going back now. Riku ignored the vibrating of his phone, knowing full well it was either him or Sora. Either way, he wasn't in the right state of heart to dare to answer it.

But the guilt got to Riku as he jostled through the people towards the quieter part of the city. The part where it was most residential and rundown. Once there, Riku dug into his jacket pocket and removed his phone. With fumbling, shaky hands, he dialed the number to Sora's apartment. The answering machine picked up and it took everything Riku had not to break down in tears. He never cried but he wanted to right now.

The cold wind bit at him as he pulled out a lighter. His body shook greatly as he lit the flame, waiting for the beep to begin his message.

"H-hey, babe," Riku began, his voice trembling. "I didn't know you changed your message…" Click. The fire burned and grew in size as he held it weakly in his clutches. No one was on this street except him. No witnesses. "I…Sora, I'm sorry for leaving you tonight. B-but, babe, by the time you get this message," he held back a sob, trying to sound strong, "I'll be dead already. I love you so much, Sora. Y-you can have my apartment. H-have a good Christmas…"

He tossed the lighter onto the building along with his jacket and phone, watching it become a blaze of fire. He disappeared into the night, his heart aching and his mind numb. They'd do the rest, he told himself. They'll do the rest.

He made the hardest decision of his life—he chose to let Sora go.

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