Refugee Author's note. This fic is a collaboration between Refugee and Darkintrigue. It's a prequel to 'A Knight of Spira', but it also works as a stand alone. It concentrates on a five-year period after Time Compression, centering on Rinoa and Squall, and their growth as individuals. There may be battles, yes, but it's mostly a human story. I hope you enjoy.

A note on the story structure. We want to try some different things, so we're using multiple views (first and third person). The story is told by a series of flashbacks. As a general rule, though there are exceptions; first person is the present, third person is the flashback.

Darkintrigue Author's note: I may have more to say in later chapters, but for now, my contribution to the author's note section is this: enjoy.

A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I'm eighteen. For Hyne's sake, no one should experience what we did in a single lifetime. Much less someone who isn't even done with puberty.

My gaze lingers out upon the countryside, the train chewing up the miles as it rode along in a blur. It seems a fitting counterpoint to my life thus far. My entire life, I had trained to be a deadly weapon, one that did its job well, apparently.

Ultimecia has been defeated, the world restored to order. I have fame, fortune, companions, everything except that which I truly want. Rinoa

I had emerged from the Second Sorceress War victorious. My companions had been of one mind on the journey. I struck the last blow against the Sorceress from the future. For the world, it meant everything. For me, it meant nothing.

Peace time is alien to me. I've been trained for war; I thrive in such an environment. There is no more war. The world's current state requires weapons of a different sort.

Make no mistake, there are battlefields in a time of peace, but they are abstract. Words, emotions, ideas are the weapons on this field of honor. I've never wielded them. I don't know how.

I shift my gaze from the window. I stir in my seat and notice several of the denizens of the train pointing at me and whisper amongst themselves. I know what they are saying. "That's Squall Leonhart, one of the people who killed the Sorceress." I want to tell them 'I'm not what you think. I'm a moron who can't even hold onto that which he loves most.'

I've resigned from Garden. I'm not going to learn what I need to know there. There are too many ghosts, too many things that will keep me the same old Squall forever.

Somehow, I have to find my way. The way to exist in a world of peace. I will start with Laguna. I don't dare call him father, not yet. Who knows what the future holds there? All I know is, it's tearing me apart. I have to try.

I sigh, and begin looking out the window once again. Rinoa, where did it all go wrong?

It had all started so well.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Squall played with his food absently, his spoon stirring the soup into swirling patterns as his companions chatted. Gathering in the cafeteria for lunch had become something of a habit in the month since Ultimecia's defeat. It was the only time he really had for them.

He didn't know how to be a Commander. He knew the physical aspects of the job. The leadership aspects he was somewhat comfortable with, although others looking to him for decisions that meant life or death was potentially terrifying. The desk aspect of his job was the most crippling factor.

So often, he felt he was just pushing pieces of paper from one end of the desk to another. Reviewing contracts alone was overwhelming. Squall was sure that Garden's legal consultants were busy contemplating increasing their retainer fee. They had spent many hours explaining to him what certain clauses meant.

Squall was far from stupid, and was a quick study, but there was so much to learn. His desk was flooded with requests to hire SeeD. Much of it was simple guard work, and Garden's fees would likely scare many of them off, but a surprising amount were still willing to pay.

It had taken him a few days, but he had organized a workable system for dispatching various SeeDs to their duties. However, it didn't happen quickly. Reviewing files and determining who was best for an assignment was not an instantaneous process.

He could have assigned just anyone, but SeeDs were individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses. Squall was just too conscientious to take the easy way out. Himself and the meager staff Cid had given him were simply overworked. There was no end in sight.

Personal computers had begun to flood the market after Esthar's emergence from isolation and Squall imagined they might make his job much easier. Despite the use of a mainframe, with numerous terminals for student use, the Headmaster deemed computers for office workers a needless expense.

He preferred the old fashioned way of paperwork. The Commander thought that Cid was too hidebound for his own good in many ways.

His hand continued to stir as he looked up to regard his friends. He should have sent them on missions like other SeeDs. He couldn't bear to have them leave just yet, but he knew it was inevitable. It had only been a month since Time Compression. He almost wished they were on their journey again, just so things could always stay the way it had been.

I'm not ready to be Commander.

"Yo, Squall!" Looking over in surprise, he met Irvine's grinning gaze. "Better stop that spoon, sunshine, or you'll suck us all in."

Squall glanced down at his soup. His stirring had caused the soup to spill over the edges, the soup forming a whirlpool, the bottom of the bowl visible through the vortex. He laid his spoon on the table, "Yeah."

Selphie nudged him in the ribs, "Cheer up," She added teasingly, "Commander Happycheeks."

Squall wielded his spoon again with murderous intent, but was interrupted by a sudden, amused clearing of the throat. Quistis regarded him, "I wouldn't worry, Squall. Odine wouldn't dare try anything. She'll be back any time now."

Rinoa had left a few days earlier to be checked up on by the eccentric genius of Esthar. She had apparently lost all Sorceress powers in the effects of Time Compression. She wanted to be sure. Squall felt it unlikely she retained any. He certainly did not feel the faint bond that had existed in his mind upon swearing the Knight's oath to her. He was far from experienced in such matters, though.

I'm far from experienced in anything besides swinging a gunblade around, he thought absently.

Zell took just enough time from devouring a hotdog to say and point, "Speak of the devil."

Squall looked up and light was a part of his world again. Rinoa had just entered the cafeteria and was wending her way towards them. She sat down next to him, and kissed his cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

The Commander couldn't help but blush a tiny bit. The simple act of touching another was quite new, and he still didn't know what to make of it. Squall decided he was growing to like the new sensations.

Rinoa grinned at all of them, "The tests were negative."

Selphie threw a fist in the air, "Grats Rinny!"

Quistis raised an eyebrow, "He decided that so soon?"

Rinoa waved a hand, "Oh, he wanted to try all sorts of things." Her face grew troubled for a moment, "He put me to sleep for one, and I decided I wasn't going to trust him any further."

Squall frowned, "Was it supervised?"

She nodded, "Laguna sent some soldiers, but it's not like they really know what he's doing with all that fancy equipment."

The Commander stated, "If he did anything funny, I'll kill him."

Rinoa nudged him gently, "Relax, Squall. You're not a Knight anymore." She looked at him innocently, "Just a sex toy."

The liquid Selphie had been drinking spewed out in a spray, as they all began laughing at a suddenly crimson Squall Leonhart.

Squall glanced at his watch. For once, he was grateful lunch hour ended. "I…um…have to get back to work."

They were still laughing as Squall left the lunch room. He let a half smile spread across his lips. Funny, he didn't mind the teasing all that much anymore. He entered his office to find Cid inside, organizing the paperwork to his own unknown set of specifications. Matron was standing off to one side of the desk.

The Headmaster smiled at him, "Ah, Squall. I've been waiting for you."

Squall saluted out of ingrained habit, "Sir."

Cid chuckled, "One day, I will break you of that habit, my boy." He moved one last bit of paper and regarded the Commander fondly. "Edea has brought it to my attention, that unlike the others, you have not as yet taken any time off after your little ordeal."

Squall stated curiously, "No, sir. There's no need, I assure you."

Edea interrupted him, "Hush, Squall. I will fill in for my husband while he fills in for you."

The Headmaster smiled, "Commander, I hereby order you to take a vacation. I needn't remind you that Rinoa Heartily is still a client of this Garden. You are to take her with you and show her the best time you are capable of."

Despite himself, Squall smiled, "Yes, sir."

Edea shooed him out the door, "Off with you, Squall. Enjoy yourself." She closed the door behind him and looked at her husband, "There is no mistake. He is still a Knight. He just doesn't know it."

Cid sighed and cleaned his glasses, "I know, dear. I recognize the signs as well."

"There will be trouble, eventually. They are too young for this." She crossed her arms and looked at him, "The question is, what we do?"

The Headmaster shrugged, "Nothing, dearest. We let nature take its course. Even if they break apart, the bond will draw them back together." He put his glasses back on. "Though as much as they both suppress the knowledge, it may take years. We must be patient."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Rinoa sat atop her bed, the photograph cradled loosely in her hand. In it, Squall looked moodily into the camera, a ridiculous hat perched atop his head like a pea atop a mountain. She smiled slightly, caressing its worn edges. It was a guilty pleasure, to look back on these memories, both those captured in film and those that she held only in her heart, and it was one in which her boyfriend would not be terribly happy to find her indulging in. She didn't care. So many of her happiest memories were tied to him, and nothing could change that.

That day, she remembered walking along the promenade with him, happy just to be in his company and free from their obligations.

"Come on, Squall!"

She had laughed, snapping a picture of him with a novelty hat on. He, however, had looked far from amused, despite their vacation at the 'Happiest place in the world.' In fact, she reflected with more than a little amusement, he'd looked downright murderous. Taking the hat from his head, she'd placed the offending item atop her own at a jaunty angle. "You'd think," she'd teased, "that you weren't happy to have some time alone with me."

He had sighed, that particular sigh that was so terribly Squall Leonhart, and had straightened her ludicrous hat. "You know it's not that. It's just ..." Squall had trailed off, nodding ever so slightly to the throngs of people pointing in their direction. It made him uncomfortable to be revered as a hero, regardless of his actions previously. All he wanted was to lead a relatively normal life. Each day, that dream was slipped further and further from his grasp.

"Ignore them," she'd insisted. "We're here for us, not them. They've had their share of you at press conferences and the like." Her voice dropped, and she had leaned in close, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're on my time now, Leonhart, and not a damn thing is going to get in the way of that, not least a gaggle of nosey parkers."

The long forgotten words seemed to echo around the room, and she let the photograph fall to the floor, looking up at the clock instead. His train would have left by now. He'd be sitting by the window, trying his hardest to ignore the stares that plagued him wherever he went.

"Rinoa?"

Her heart leapt at the sound of her name, and for a second, she thought he'd come back. The hope was dashed when James' head peered around the door. In that moment, her heart broke all over again, and it took a supreme effort to paste on a sunny smile. "I'm coming. I just needed to find something."

She left the photograph where it had fallen, abandoned to the dust. Just as he'd left her.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Our breakup had not been pleasant, but then, how many people can say - hand on heart - that theirs was? Heroes of the world or not, Squall and I are just like everyone else when it comes to matters of the heart.

Or maybe he's a little more retarded than most in that respect.

We were both guilty of being childish, when it came to the end. Names had been flung about with careless abandon, accusations leveled where perhaps there was no cause. The usual. I hadn't had that with Seifer. One day he was there, and the next he wasn't. I suppose that's the way a summer romance goes. I can't remember being particularly upset about his forgetting to call. I do, however, remember every slight Squall Leonhart sent my way. The monosyllabic phone calls, his aversion to physical contact, the disinterest in anything not relating to gunblades and fighting – all the things I'd thought we'd left behind at the end of our journey. To put it plainly, he drove me insane.

It was stupid, really, to think that this was it, to think that I had found my perfect partner so early on in life. He was fun, I suppose, if I'm being generous. I don't feel particularly generous.

I miss him.

I miss his stupid hair, and his stupid scar. I miss his obsession with cleaning that gunblade until it shone. I miss his breath against my neck when he held me, even if it was where no one could see us. I miss his catch-all answer for everything; "Whatever."

Yeah, Squall. Whatever.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Entering the office, Squall spied Cid going over a file. The past week had been quite relaxing, even if he never showed it. Rinoa seemed to be slightly irritated by his lack of emotion to anything and everything.

Squall felt emotion, and deeply. He just had no idea how to express it. The raven haired girl left him a jumbled mess. He had gone from empty loner to sudden girlfriend all in the matter of a few weeks. The Commander had no clue what to do, or how to act. He only hoped Rinoa could come to understand that in time.

He saluted, "Sir, I'm ready to resume my duties."

Cid looked up, "Ah, Squall. Not quite yet. There was a request from President Loire. He has asked specifically for yourself on a mission. A boat has been placed at your disposal. You will rendezvous with him at the city of Winhill, and then receive a briefing."

Squall brushed aside a fit of irritation. Despite his help during Time Compression, Laguna was hardly on his short list of favorite people. The Commander still considered him somewhat of a moron. "Do you know what the mission entails, sir?"

Cid adjusted his glasses and regarded him sympathetically, "Yes, Squall. I do. However, it is not my place to say anything. All will be revealed in due course. May I suggest you ask Ms. Heartily to go with you?"

Squall shifted uncomfortably, "She's not a SeeD. Any reason why, sir?"

Cid looked at him mysteriously, "You may need the support. Please leave immediately, Commander. It is not our policy to keep clients waiting."

Squall saluted and turned on his heel. He walked through the halls of the Garden until he reached the library. Rinoa was usually here, and today was no different. He found her in a cubicle and looked over her shoulder. She was filling out a SeeD application. Squall raised an eyebrow, "You want to join SeeD?"

She turned her head over her shoulder, "Just an idea I'm playing with. I thought you'd be busy working."

He shrugged, "Cid's sending me on a mission. He suggested I ask that you come along."

Rinoa wrote another sentence, putting her pen down, apparently done with it for the moment. "Sure, I'll come. Where we going?"

"Winhill. Laguna's got some sort of assignment for us."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The trip to Winhill was quiet, though not through want of trying on Rinoa's part. Eventually, she'd given up trying to draw Squall into any type of conversation. He was deep in thought, his hand pressed resolutely to his brow. It was a tic she knew well, one that signified the mental execution of a thousand different tactical scenarios, all of which could be tied to any number of reasons why Laguna had requested this meet.

Of course, the one reason that wouldn't cross Squall's mind was that which Rinoa felt was the most likely. She and Irvine had seen their resemblance when the two of them had been placed side by side aboard the Ragnarok. Squall's hair, now it was growing out, only increased their similarity. She was amazed no one else had cottoned on to it, given their looks and their respective pasts. It wasn't a massive leap of faith to put two and two together with the end result of Laguna fathering Squall.

The question was, however, whether he had an inkling and chose to ignore it because of how … moronic he felt the President was, or whether he was truly clueless. She was willing to bet her lifetime savings, however, that it was the former. However many things Squall was, stupid wasn't one of them, by any stretch of the imagination.

She'd tried, tentatively, to broach the subject, bringing her own paternal figure into play as a comparison, noting what a good father Laguna would make, especially when contrasted to Caraway, and how lucky anyone would be to have him in their life. She'd been met with a blank look, and a raised eyebrow.

"He'd probably drop the idiot spawn on it's head," he had replied in a dull monotone, before retreating back into his thoughts of battle formations and offensive feints.

Rinoa decided not to point out the love Ellone held for the man, deciding that some things were better not pushed. If she was right, he'd need her there for support, the only possible reason Cid had suggested her company rather than that of anyone else. She could do that. She excelled at support. She only hoped that he wouldn't be too proud to seek it.