More Than Just Icing Chapter 3: Chewing Gum is Really Gross, a charlie and the chocolate factory fanfic

Title: More Than Just Icing

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: For rude words, Willy's twisted way of thinking, and frowned-upon thoughts.

Author: Figs (co-written with Ahh-Chew)

Credits: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005 Version).

Summary: I sent out five golden tickets, in hopes of finding an heir that would care for my factory, the Oompa-Loompas, and continue my life's work. I found him, the minute he stepped through my door, but when he decided to stay with the family, I almost thought my heart had broken. I wanted him, and no one could say no to me forever.

Chapter 3: Chewing Gum is Really Gross.

The boat was approaching, the bright pink sugar glass seahorse shone beautifully against the backdrop of the meadow and the darkness of the chocolate river. Another one of his favorite pieces, modeled after a toy he had received from his mother before her end, but now is not the time to think on that. His mind quickly pushed that away as the boat came to a stop near the side of the bank, waiting for them patiently. He smiled slightly as the Oompa-Loompas giggled and chuckled amongst themselves.

"What's so funny?" The little blond asked through her chewing.

Wonka leaned forward to address her. "I think it's from all those doggone cocoa beans." In fact, that was a lie. He knew why they were all laughing, they knew how pleased he was, and happy that they had gotten rid of one of the contestants without a hitch in their planning. Again, not something the children needed to know, "Hey, by the way, did you guys know that the chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins?" He smiled and leaned back, patting his back for having a fact to teach them, "Gives one the feeling of being in love."

"You don't say." Mrs. Beauregarde replied, her eyes glued to him. Wonka swallowed nervously under the woman's scrutiny.

"All aboard." He ordered, turning his eyes away. Note to self, avoid the Beauregarde woman as much as possible. They boarded the boat in a gingerly fashion, probably frightened by the unsteady nature of the boat, but as long as the Oompa-Loompas didn't make any sudden and unexpected jerks with their ores (which they were known to do when Wonka alone tried to enter or exit the darned thing), they were safe. He waited until they were seated, and was silently pleased to see his boy and the elder take the back seat. He wobbled a bit and stepped to the back to take a seat beside Charlie.

"Onward." He ordered. The boat jerked momentarily and moved away from the shore. Wonka glanced down at Charlie occasionally, assessing the boy's reactions to the experiences., and then quickly averted his eyes to his other guests when the boy would glance his way. Like a game of cat and mouse! How adorable. Wonka resisted the urge to wince and inspect the boy further, he doesn't look starved half to death, he is starved. That will just not do! Wonka pulled the ladle from the side railing of the boat and dipped it into the river, filling it up with the warm chocolate liquid.

"Here," he passed it to Charlie, "try some of this, it'll do you good. You looked starved to death."

"It's great." The little boy replied after taking his sip and passing it to his elder. Wonka's ego swelled just a little bit more.

"That's because it's mixed by the waterfall." He figured now would be the best time to repeat himself, just to make sure Charlie knew what the rest of them had the chance to hear. "The waterfall is most important," he said, directing it to the crowd, "mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy." And just before he was able to mention the rarity of his waterfall, the young Salt interrupted him.

"You already said that." She answered, she didn't pull a face, nor did she sneer, but Wonka wasn't going to take her reprimand lightly. No one had done it years, and certainly a little girl wasn't going to do it without some retaliation on his part. He folded his finger back into his hand, his face straight and tight and he was very much aware of Charlie watching his every move. He couldn't very well lose his temper now with his child watching at full attention. He had to think of something quick, something to focus his frustration on and use that to distract himself.

"You're all quite short, aren't you?" He snipped.

"Well, yeah. We're children." The little blond snapped. He smirked.

"Well, that's no excuse. I was never as short as you." He caroled. He made sure to never direct his eyes to Charlie, his boy wasn't part of the problem nor had he earned any of Wonka's sarcasm.

Mike Teavee, the sneaky devil, jumped into the fray. "You were once."

Wonka could feel his temper flare under his cool demeanor. "Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head." And just to drive the point home, he touched the tips of his fingers to the smooth brim of his top hat. He smiled devilishly, "Look at your short, little arms. You could never reach."

"Do you even remember what it was like being a kid?" Charlie chirped from beside him. Wonka smiled.

"Oh, boy, do I." And just like that, his mind was shot back to his childhood, to a time he hardly visited or even thought about in his previous years. His father's face flashed before his eyes (otherwise, why would they call it a flashback?) and the memory of that fateful Halloween night all those years ago. Wonka felt trapped in his memories, how can he do this to me? How can he make me face things that not even Bob can touch? What is this boy doing to me?

" – Wonka, Mr. Wonka!" He snapped back from his memories with an abrupt jolt shooting up his spine. Who – Charlie? His eyes refocused upon the world around him, the little boy's voice a sudden slap into reality. He glanced briefly at the child beside him, momentarily disoriented.

"We're headed for a tunnel," Charlie warned.

Wonka blinked and gaped for a second or so. "Oh, yeah. Uh, full speed ahead." The Oompa-Loompa drumming at the front of the boat (Tim, if Wonka remembered correctly, or more accurately, coherently) proceeded to speed up with his drumming and the other Oompa-Loompas dutifully rowed faster and turned skillfully to enter the darken tunnel with ease. As the dark shadow of the cave's mouth washed over them, the little Beauregarde (through her disgusting chewing) spoke up.

"How can they see where they're going?" She asked, staring at the Oompa-Loompas.

"They can't," Wonka answered softly, "there's no knowing where they're going. Switch on the lights!"

And without warning, (Wonka couldn't get enough of all the illusionary tricks his workers had used when they remodeled the factory) the boat took a sharp nose dive and shot down the fast-flowing chocolate river. The sweet smelling air rushed passed them as they split through it; Wonka frowned disapprovingly when he noticed the other children glancing at each other in worry and gripping their seats and rails closest to them in sheer fright. But not Charlie, Wonka dared a smile as his boy watched on in amazement and seemingly unaware of whatever danger that could befall him, not that I would let anything harm him. The end of the steep dive was jarring, but nonetheless fun for Wonka. The children's grips on their seats loosened as the neon blue light of his underground rooms glowed and filled their visions.

"People, keep an eye out." He warned, "We're passing some very important rooms here." The Oompa-Loompas obediently slowed their pace to allow the guests time to read off the names of the rooms that shone brightly from the right side. Wonka sighed, he would have loved to have shown these rooms off, but as it was, time was short and he was eager to get these children out of his hair and his new heir within his reach. No time, simply not enough. Not that they deserve to see most of this factory. They wouldn't appreciated it.

"What do you use hair cream for?" Mrs. Beauregarde asked and turned to gaze at him.

Well, duh. He answered her silly question, "To lock in moisture." He giggled lightly. She turned away, properly brushed off for her foolishness. Honestly, do these people know nothing? He watched as the other rooms passed, their doors firmly locked and firmly hiding away their treasures from overeager and curious eyes. Though he doubted any of these children would steal or take anything from his factory to his rivals, he wanted to chance very little of it.

"Whipped cream." Charlie suddenly stated. Wonka turned his head and glanced at the room that had caught the little boy's attention. He smiled brightly.

"Precisely," He praised with a laugh. Goodness, he's very good at his observations. None of the others would have caught that particular play on scenery.

"That doesn't make sense." The little Salt added from the front. Wonka resisted the strong urge to sneer, just as I suspected, no imagination whatsoever. How very sad. Wonka's multicolored gaze drew away from his boy and the room to the little girl up in front, he addressed her promptly and factually.

"For your information, little girl," he said primly, "whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that." He tried to keep the polite smile on his lips, but the moment the words left his mouth, the corners of his lips dropped into a slight frown. How does the world function with such unimaginative beings running it? He didn't have time to ponder his self-imposed question as the seahorse sugar boat drifted out of the narrow river and into the underground canyon and maze of chocolate currents.

The boat was slammed on the right side by the fast current of chocolate and it lurched into the air briefly before setting down again and taking off at a neck-breaking speed. The chocolate surged around them like an angry storm and drove the boat onwards through the pillars (and only due to his Oompa-Loompas incredible skill were they not crashing or meeting their untimely and ugly demise) and nearly upheaving them twice. Again they nose dived into deeper canyons under his factory, the adults by this point were mimicking their children and grasping desperately to their seats.

But not my Charlie, Wonka keened mentally, look at how much he's enjoying this! Indeed, to Wonka's eyes, the boy was leaning forward in his slick seat and watched with intent focus and the colorful lights and scenery flashed around him. After nose diving, the boat took an unexpected turn and swirled within the current. Wonka was having too much fun to care, the Oompa-Loompas knew how much he loved the unexpected and it seemed that his Charlie was enjoying it just as much as he was, which only doubled the elation Wonka was feeling.

It spun once more to right itself and launched down the correct path toward the prepared rooms. It surged down another dive and came to a peaceful float within a pool of calm-moving chocolate. His main rooms of work and invention. The Oompa-Loompas steered the boat toward the Inventing Room and Wonka nearly jumped out of his seat with excitement, "Stop the boat! I wanna show you guys somethin'."

Seems like he wasn't the only one excited to be in this particular room. After warning them to not touch anything, he shooed them off into their own mischief. And for one little girl, her lesson well deserved. Wonka followed behind and around them at his leisure, making sure that they did well to keep their hands to themselves. His poor Oompa-Loompas were nearly run over in the little Beauregarde's eagerness to get to his Gobstoppers. She turned and called him over, might as well indulge her curiosity, goodness be that her mother hasn't pruned that out yet.

"These are Everlasting Gobstoppers." He told his little crowd. "They're for children who are given very little allowance money." He smiled, the main idea behind this candy came from a few years ago in his travels, when he found himself without money on hand and out in the middle of a town where none of the locals knew a word of any of the languages he had learned. Not only did that experience bring about his need to learn more languages but also the creation of a candy that wouldn't run out on him in his time of need.

"You can suck on it all year and it'll never get any smaller." He laughed slightly, "Innit that neat?"

"So it's like gum." The little blond added. Wonka frowned in her direction.

"No," he answered her, "gum is for chewing and if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off. But they sure do taste terrific." He gazed at it proudly before he turned and walked away, pocketing the candy carefully. Wouldn't want it to land in Slugworth's hands. His little herd of people followed him silently, he glanced out from the corner of his eye and spotted his Oompa-Loompas, once again prepared and excited to perform once more. Just a moment more, fellas.

"And this is Hair Toffee," he said abruptly, "you suck down one of these little boogers and in exactly half an hour, a brand-new crop of hair will grown out all over the top of your little noggin'." The children gave him weird looks as he continued to explain the effects of the candy, but the one he found especially charming was his little Charlie's. Poor boy looked like he couldn't decided whether to laugh at the thought of hair going exponentially from one's body or be amusedly disgusted by the sight of it.

What a funny little twist of the nose. I didn't know a face could do that and still look pleasant. Huh, note to self, ask him how he does that. Unfortunately, Wonka found himself getting too carried away in his rant and unknowingly stretched out his hand to the young Teavee. Really, the children were so small, he couldn't help but treat them as Oompa-Loompas. Yet once again, the boy proved unimaginative and just glanced at the hand held out like it was a waste of material.

Wonka cleared his throat and pulled his hand back. "Unfortunately, the mixture isn't quite right yet 'cause an Oompa-Loompa tried some the other day, and, well, he –" Said Oompa-Loompa (poor Trigger) walked up along side them and stopped. Teavee's eyes nearly popped out from their sockets and the other children weren't too far off from the same reaction. Little Charlie had a bright smile on his face, but it was marred by the furrowing of his brows in worry. Really, the boy is too much. Already caring for the safety and well-being of my Oompa-Loompas.

"How are you today?" Wonka asked. Trigger held up both hands and gave him a thumbs-up. Wonka forced a crooked smile, "You look great." Trigger lowered his hands and continued on his way, the herd of guests quickly parted to allow the Oompa-Loompa his space. The were mindful not to step on his long dragging hair as they followed him toward the gum machine. Wonka smiled mischievously to himself, time now to show that Beauregarde girl what's what.

Giddy with anticipation, Wonka hurried over to the levers. "Watch this," he ordered, and promptly pulled down a lever. The alarms on the machine blared and steam shot from the vents as the whole thing shuttered and roared to life. Wonka laughed and with a childish sort of glee, ran to the other side of the machine just as the section that produced the slip of gum was jutting out. The crowd followed and waited, watching as inch by inch and small part by small part poked out and toward them. Finally, the single strip of gum was pushed out and it was quickly snatched up by the young Beauregarde. Bingo.

"You mean that's it?" The little Teavee snapped.

Wonka sighed mentally. "Do you even know what it is?"

"It's gum." Beauregarde answered.

"Yeah. It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe." He breathed a faint laugh. "Know why? Know why? Because this gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself." He laughed a little clearer now. Heavens, what's wrong with me today? These little monsters are making me so nervous I can't go a minute with speech without laughing. His guests glanced at the strip of gum with disbelief, and the senior Salt turned back to him, with the same uncomprehending face as before.

"Why would anyone want that?" Wonka wanted to punch the man, he really did. If you connected the reason I made the Gobstopper with the idea behind this stick of gum, you would know that I just don't make candy for those who can afford it, my good man. But Wonka held his tongue and instead, (for lack of anything else to say or think of saying) he reached for the cue cards tucked safely in the inner pocket of his coat. He nearly repeated himself with the greeting card and quickly removed that one to view the second one.

"It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonka's magic chewing gum and that is all you will ever –" Oops, end of the card, he flipped to the next one and forced himself not to stutter, "need at breakfast, lunch, and dinner." He patted himself on the back for remembering the cue cards this time around, won't Doris be proud! "This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie." One of Doris' favorite meals, since she hardly has a moment's time to sit and have a proper meal. If only I could get the mixture right.

"It sounds great." Charlie's elder said. Wonka smiled at the man and nodded in thanks.

"It sounds weird." The little Salt added. Wonka frowned, well, you sound weird, but before he could say anything, the inevitable had started.

"It sounds like my kind of gum." The little blond proceeded to remove her gum from her mouth and stuck it to the back of her neck. Wonka winced a little, but continued on with his show, his Oompa-Loompas were more than ready for this little girl's performance.

"I'd rather you didn't. There are still one or two things that are –"

"I'm the world-record holder in chewing gum, I'm not afraid of anything." And without further adieu, the girl pushed the strip of gum into her mouth. Wonka pulled a face, just because you chew gum better or longer than anyone else, does not particularly mean that you know what that sort of gum will do, you foolish girl. Still, he brought a polite smile to his face and watched her chew to her demise.

"How is it, honey?" Her mother asked. The little blond's face was contorted into an expression of astonishment and disbelief as she answered.

"It's amazing!" Little Beauregarde turned her gaze back to him and continued on to describe her three-course meal. The Oompa-Loompas were already warming up their voices, from what Wonka could hear over his shoulder and through the hissing of his machines. With each second that past, Wonka gave her chance after chance to save herself, but the girl unknowingly refused and continued to chew to her heart's content. Then there is little hope for her now, she'll just have to learn the hard way.

"What's happening to her nose?" The little brunette suddenly asked. All eyes turned to the blond and with matching wide eyes and furrowed brows, watched as Violet Beauregarde's nose turned a deep blue. Wonka expertly pulled on a worried expression, but honestly knew it was too late to do anything more than stand back and allow Fate to have her merry way.

"It's turning blue." Senior Salt said, his wrinkled face pulled weirdly in his utter confusion. The older Beauregarde turned her daughter toward her.

"Your whole nose has gone purple." She stated. Wonka almost allowed a slip of a smile to color his lips as he watched his little boy lean in for a closer look. How wonderful! So curious, that will serve him very well.

"What do you mean?" Beauregarde lifted her slender hand up to her nose, feeling for any distortion, but even from his place away from the group, Wonka could clearly see the blue spread over her nose and onto her forehead and cheeks like an ugly blush. Her mother exclaimed in worry and turned her accusing eyes to him.

"What's happening?" She nearly shrieked.

"Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it... right, because it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert." Wonka answered, watching in morbid fascination as the blue spread over the girl's pale face. Still a bad reaction, just like the other Oompa-Loompas. Goodness, what could be going so wrong? "It's the blueberry pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry." Without a thought, Wonka ducked under and beside his machine. The others of the group turned to the young Beauregarde, but soon found themselves backing away with the same eagerness that Wonka displayed.

The Oompa-Loompas stood nearby and watched as the young Beauregarde blew up like the fruit of the pie. Disgusting, but that's what she gets. Wonka moved from around his machine to be next to the crowd and appeared next to the blond's mother, startling her. "I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry," he smiled vaguely, "it's just weird."

"But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter, how is she supposed to compete?" Her mother replied. Before Wonka could reply (seems this little girl is a bit faster than me when it comes to words), the young Salt piped up with a bright expression.

"You could put her in a county fair." Of course, that didn't go over too well. Before Beauregarde could strangle the little girl, his Oompa-Loompas marched in, ready and styling. The rest of his inventing room matched their music wonderfully (cheeky little devils) and the Oompa-Loompas danced in perfect rhythm to the noise produced. Wonka nearly laughed aloud as they jumped and performed their aerial stunts on the bloated Beauregarde. Wonka allowed himself to jig to their beat, playfully swing his hands in the air as they finished. Bravo! Wonka was scared stiff as the older Beauregarde stormed up beside him with a glare that could have been from Satan himself.

He turned to the nearest Oompa-Loompa and stuttered out his orders. "I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat and take her along to the Juicing Room at once, 'kay?"

"The Juicing Room?" Mrs. Beauregarde asked with worry. "What are they gonna do to her there?"

Wonka smiled happily, "They're gonna squeeze her, like a little pimple." He stuttered a laugh at Mrs. Beauregarde's disgusted look. "Gotta squeeze all of that juice outta her immediately." Mrs. Beauregarde, perhaps in a rare moment of true motherly concern, pushed past Wonka and hurried toward her daughter. Wonka watched and nearly smiled gleefully, two down and two more to go. Hardly anything stands between Charlie and me. Wonka turned and led them away toward the hall.

"Let's boogie."

Note: Well, that was... interesting. Haha, I had fun with this one, especially since it seemed like Willy couldn't keep himself from laughing at everything. It's hard to contain that childish nature of his. Hope you guys enjoy this. 100 hits, wow, I was surprised. I'm glad some of you actually take the time to get through it all. Kudos to you.

Please review.

A/N: Alright - it's been a long ass time since I've posted for this story. It's not abandoned! I've (shamefully) lost my DvD of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and am doing my best to find someone to loan it to me (unfortunately, no one in my circle of friends is weird like me, enough to have it). I need the script and am trying hard not to resort to illegal ways, haha.

Please be patient just a bit more, I miss this story as much as you all. Thank you for reviewing and checking up, the Hits have just been jumping ridiculously so.

Cheers, Figs.